Is the ego part of me or is it separate?

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We talk about the ego a lot. People are sometimes a little confused about what the ego actually is. Is it a real entity? Is it like the Christian devil? Is it something outside of us or inside of us? These are all very good questions. We will start by saying that the ego is neither inside you nor outside you because, in truth, it does not exist. Neither do you, not the part you think of as an individual and separate from others. The ego has existence only in the sense that the world has existence, and your physical body exists. It is part of the dream. We could say that the birth of the ego was that single crazy, mad thought that came into the mind of the Son of God that said “Maybe we could create something separate from God”. For an instant that idea flashed through and the mind of the Son of God entertained it. The thought was absolutely insane, impossible. Nothing can exist outside of God. Part of the Son’s mind found the idea to be fun and wanted to run with it. A second part of the mind of the Son recognized the insanity and dismissed the thought immediately. Since the idea was not possible, it could only manifest as a dream. What instigated the idea for that dream? We call that insane voice the ego. Still, there was yet a third part of the mind of the Son of God that found itself in the middle. It realized that the idea was crazy and couldn’t happen, but felt a need to rescue the first part of the mind. This validated the dream for both of these parts of the Son. Meanwhile, the second part simply held that the dream didn’t exist. This part warned the third part not to go after something that wasn’t real. You, the reader, are this third part of the mind of the Son. You came in to rescue, when there is nothing that needs rescuing. So it appeared that there was a split in the Son of God, in the Oneness, but nothing really happened.

You came attacking an enemy that doesn’t exist. You came to protect God who needs no protection. You came to take God’s place. This enemy is what we call the ego. The ego is the voice that tells you there is some meaning to this dream. It is the part of you that believes you can be separate from God. The ego is the voice of insanity. It only has the reality you have given it. If you were to ignore that voice and listen only to those who never entertained the illusion – which we call the voice of Spirit – it would disappear because it is not real. In truth, neither the ego nor Spirit is real. They exist only in the dream. In truth there is only Oneness. It doesn’t matter whether you consider the ego or Spirit to be a part of you or outside of you. None of the players here are real. What part of your dream last night was you and what part was separate from you? That seems like a crazy question. It was just a dream. Today it doesn’t exist. What difference does it make if that was part of you or not? It wasn’t real. Welcome to your life, to your dream. It is no more real. We could say that it is all part of you, because you are creating the dream, but that doesn’t make it any more real. No part of what you consider to be your separate self has any true existence.

Meanwhile, as you are experiencing yourself being in this dream, in this world – which I like to call hell, for lack of a better term – there seems to be both an ego and Spirit along for the ride. The important question is not whether an imaginary ego is inside or outside of an imaginary you, but whether you are listening to its imaginary voice or the imaginary voice of Spirit. Even though neither exists, ego keeps you in hell and Spirit guides you home, that is, toward the place of peace, love, and joy. This is a choice that I call a no-brainer. You may think that it is not that easy. Yes, that is the voice of the ego. The ego says that you are stuck with the world. It is real. The best you can do is to make it better. Is that voice within you or coming from the outside? If you are crazy, is that craziness from within you or from the outside? If the answer to a question you are asking yourself seems impossible to determine, you may be asking the wrong question. The right question is easy to answer. For example would you choose love or fear? Do you choose peace and joy or pain and suffering? If you tell me that you want love and peace, but choose to listen to a voice that can only lead you to more pain and suffering – isn’t that crazy? We call that dissociation. The important question is not this “how many angels can dance on the head of a pin” query about where the ego is located, but whether the decider part of you, the part that is your mind, is going to listen to that ego – or not. As a human you have this illusion that you are separated from God and from each other, but that is not true. The truth of you is One. How can you be two places at once when you are not anywhere at all? There is no inside and outside. This question is an ego question. The truth of you is not even separate from the ego. The ego simply does not exist. The only question is “Are you going to listen to this insane voice?”

You all will wake up. You all will come home. It is a matter of time and time is also not real. It is only the way in which you measure your pain. It is certain that you will go home, because you never left. You are there now, if there was such a designation as “there”. This is only a dream from which you will awaken. Spirit and the ego are there with you in your dream. One softly invites you to awaken; the other encourages you to dream better. Where you are, even in the dream, is in the now. If your now encompasses listening to the ego, now feels like forever, is painful, and is hell. How painful does it have to be before you choose Spirit? Is it hot enough for you yet? Should we turn the heat up a little more? This is not a question of good or bad – Spirit good, ego bad. Ego is not the enemy. The world is not evil. It is just a question of truth. Spirit speaks truth, knows only truth. Ego lies, know only untruth. Your mind recognizes truth and will eventually choose it, resulting in the disappearance of the lie.

Let’s look at the elephant in the room. Your fear of God is so enormous concerning your alleged separation from Him, the ensuing guilt, and your hiding from his imagined retribution. Not only does this feel bigger than you can handle but also as something you can’t deal with by yourself. It amounts to a gigantic feeling of stuckness, magnified by the fact that you have a difficult time even facing the fullness of your guilt. Ego, like a good politician, promises all kinds of ways to avoid the wrath of God. Its promises are equally empty, providing at best a temporary reprieve from your guilt, pain, and suffering. Spirit makes no promises. Spirit only asks you to listen and to trust. Spirit holds your hand while you face your fear, rather than distracting you from it. Spirit faces your fear with you, whispering the truth of your innocence in your ear as you stand together. Spirit doesn’t ask you to confront more of your fear than you are able to handle. Will it be scary? Yes. Will you get through it? Yes. Eventually, all of it disappears: the ego, Spirit, fear, a separate you, and the world. Only your Divine Self is left. The truth of you remains as it has always been: One with God, One with the Son, in Eternal Love. The trip begins as you commit to listening to Spirit rather than the ego. Bon voyage!

Good Now

Sanhia

How long will the Coronavirus last?

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Interestingly, in the past five years there were two messages that drew the greatest attention. First was the perspective on the election of Donald Trump and in a close runner up position (and the polls are still open) was the previous message on the Coronavirus.  It seems that what draws our attention is the biggest fear, which is not in the least surprising. Fear is mother’s milk for the awakening process. I now hear the question voiced as to how long the Coronavirus will continue to be appearing to run the show on the planet. Is it ever going to fully go away? Will it fade away only to return? Is it just the first in a wave of epidemics still to come? Is this to become a permanent part of life on earth now, like airport security and terrorism? I love these questions. First of all, it is not my job to make predictions about the future. I only predict certainties such as that you, the reader, will wake up. When that will happen is a prediction and that is none of my business. My only job is to tell what there is for you to hear in this moment about the truth of yourself and the events going on around you. The choices that you make with that information are your business and not mine. I know that you are coming home, the timing is not important – unless you are experiencing severe pain or fear. Then it may be time to take a bigger step. Thank you, Coronavirus.

We have recently talked about the psychological subjects of projection and dissociation. Projection, again, is where you pretend that what is actually going on with you is being expressed by another. Dissociation is where you have spiritual intention but conveniently live your life as if it weren’t there. You have awareness of the truth, but continue to make the old, comfortable choices that fly in the face of what you want to achieve. Everyone does both of these things; it is human nature. Fortunately, you are not human, but Divine, and are thus fully capable of overcoming both of these habits. There is an aphorism which states that there are no atheists in a foxhole. A foxhole is a trench a soldier digs to hide in and shoot out from at the enemy. We don’t wish to argue for the veracity of that statement, but rather to notice its suggestion that when the bullets are flying and death feels near, people tend to look at the subject of God and prayer in a different light, often making profound changes in their lives. So let’s replace foxhole with pandemic. The greatest gift that is coming now is that this virus is forcing each and every one of you to face your fears. Ultimately behind all fear is the fear of God, but that is not necessarily the one you are directly confronting. More likely you may be facing the fear of death, but it also might be felt as fears about financial support, scarcity of food, bad health, or separation from loved ones and on. The greatest gift that you can ever receive is the one that triggers the most fear. Maybe you don’t want to hear that. The part of you that dissociates wants to believe that this world is real and that it can be made livable if not heavenly. You want to believe that what happens here really does matter. The Coronavirus and the election of four years ago are here to remind you that things here don’t matter. If they did, it would all be too hopeless. So, maybe if the scariest thing happens and all of your buttons are pushed, you will wake up and realize that none of this matters, except as stimuli for awakening.

If you are asking the question, “How long is this virus going to last?” you are asking the wrong question. What then is the question? Perhaps the question is, “Why do I fear it lasting?” This is the gift. This is why Corona went viral! Come on, laugh with me here. What most scares you? You can choose to disassociate and listen to the ego. You can try to fight and hide and resist the fear or to pray that God/Spirit will come in and rescue you. Or, you can look at your fear with Spirit, asking for help in staring right at it. Ask Spirit to help you welcome the fear in. Look at all the extra time you are being given to do this. Thank you, thank you Coronavirus for all this time. You just never stop giving gifts. All the things that you thought had to happen every day turn out to not be essential, whether it is your work, entertainment, sports, or whatever else has been disrupted. Yet here you are – alive and still breathing – dealing with your fear. And the illusion of the world goes on. And you go on. Eventually the world will no longer go on, but you will always go on. Even that is a little misleading because going on suggests the passage of time, so it is more accurate to say that you always are. You will always be. Your fear will disappear, but it will persist as long as you resist. It will not leave by pretending it is not there. Face your fear. Go right into the heart of it. Do the five-step process. Embrace your fear. It will dissolve. There is nothing there; there is only love. You won’t know that until you are courageous, until you stand up to it and look it right in the eye. The Coronavirus is here to encourage you to do just that.

Though you share many of the Corona gifts with others, some are special for just some of you. Perhaps you have been working too hard at your job. You have been too busy, too stressed. You haven’t allowed yourself to have the space to be alone, to be silent, and to listen to your heart. There has been no peace and little time to be at home. Now you have this gift. Perhaps this space is terrifying. If so, face it. This is an enormous gift for you. On the other side of the fear are countless treasures. Nobody will go back to business as usual if and when the virus winds down. All has changed. Those of you who have reveled in this free extra time will not relinquish it easily. You may choose to hold on to the more relaxed and free pace, to the peace. Some of you have found value in places where you did not hold it before. All of you have experienced some changes in your values. You may have found that you can live without and even thrive without things you thought were necessary. Spirit is here to remind you that there isn’t anything you can’t live without. You are dependent on nothing. I encourage you to take some moments today to think about the gifts the Coronavirus has brought to you, and to feel and express gratitude for those things. Take some time also to acknowledge the fears that remain. Give thanks for being made aware of those fears – they have nothing to do with the virus, you have simply projected your own fears there – and face them. What an invaluable gift the Coronavirus will have been if you wake up on the other side fearless; if you wake up trusting Spirit and willing to listen and follow. What a gift if it helps you give up your addiction to the ego.

Countries have had varied responses to the pandemic. You may have found yourself upset with the way that your country has responded. Perhaps you have judgment with the hoarders, whether it is of toilet paper or other products, or with those who are trying to cash in on the virus. I encourage you to let go of that victim thinking. See the perfection of what Spirit is bringing. These actions you judge are expressions of fear. Your judgment makes them real. Have compassion. On one hand trust Spirit to provide you with what you need when you need it. More importantly, remember those whom you judge are your mirrors, your projections. You have taken the last bit for yourself in the past, even if it was just the last piece of pie. You have done something that went against your heart to make money. That is you. Do you want to keep yourself in hell? Ask Spirit to help you forgive yourself, to realize your innocence, and to feel the absolute love in which God holds you. The love is real; the toilet paper is not. Which do you want more? Is it really more important to win a tug of war over toilet paper than to release your guilt, pain, and separation? Wake up. Forgive. Bring everything to Spirit. Give thanks to the virus for encouraging all of this movement.

Some of you are feeling bored with being home, feeling confined and restless like a prisoner. Remember that there are no accidents and there is no such thing as punishment. You can look at this experience from the perspective of Spirit. What does Spirit want to communicate to you? Deep down inside, what do you want to be doing? Now you have the space to find this and to act upon it. What is it that you have denied yourself that wants to emerge? For some this awareness is clouded over by the guilt over not being productive as the ego dictates that you should be. But now you have this gift of time and space. Nothing is expected of you. You are free. You don’t have to prove your worth. You don’t have to earn your way. Be a child again. Before you can unwrap this gift of time you may first need to face this fear, this guilt over being “inactive”.  This is also a wonderful place to use the five-step process. Let your fear and guilt dissolve so that you can hear Spirit’s loving, guiding voice. Imagine the joy in feeling free of the burden of guilt, of feeling your true innocence, of the ecstasy of following your inner voice. That is where you are headed. The Coronavirus is giving you this glorious opportunity to choose Spirit, love, joy, and freedom over the ego, fear, guilt, and imprisonment. The ego is not evil; it is not something to fight. It is simply something to not give energy to because it does not lead you to love, joy, and freedom. There is no better time to fully commit to this choice in each moment of your quarantine. Stay home forever in the heart of God.

Good Now

Sanhia

How can I be a better parent?

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In the last message we talked about the relationship you had with your parents, about taking responsibility for all that happened and forgiving them and yourself. If you have not taken these steps, you will likely find yourself repeating your childhood with your own children. For those of you who do not have children, this projection will take place with others for whom you act as an authority figure, though the impact is usually stronger and more focused with your own children.

Many people have very idealistic thoughts about their children and how they will raise them. You tell yourself you are not going to be like your mother or your father; you will bring them up in a different way. You may consider the best techniques to use with your offspring so that they don’t have to go through what you had to endure. The truth is that if you haven’t healed with your parents, you will find yourself becoming your parents as you are in the midst of bringing up your children. They will constantly frustrate you. It hardly seems fair – first your parents controlled and hindered you, and now your children are doing the same thing. What kind of world is this? The illusion, again, is that you have the responsibility as a parent to turn out the perfect child, when in actuality it doesn’t matter what you do as a parent. It truly doesn’t. This does not mean that I am encouraging you to beat or sexually abuse your children, but it doesn’t make a difference for them. It does make a difference for you. Whatever you send out to another is what you believe that you deserve, and will therefore receive. However, the truth of them is not harmed. If that is what they seem to receive from you, it is their creation. They will deal with it however they deal with it, as you did with your parents.

Your children came in with their egos fully formed and are creating what they need to have in their classroom to help them wake up to their Divinity. They chose you as their parent. Your basic job is to see that they survive childhood – to see that they are fed, clothed, housed, physically protected, and adequately educated. It is not your job to make sure they excel as students or have perfect behavior, whatever that might be. If they survive childhood, you have done a wonderful job. Even if they don’t, you have done the best you could. If you manage not to project your fears upon them, that is just gravy. Again, your children are the creators of their experience, not you. You are just a tool. If you want to do more than the basics and provide some of that gravy, the best way of doing that is to heal with your parents. Remember, if you still hold yourself as being a victim to your parents, you will create being a victim to your children. You will perceive your children as victims, too. You will worry about them, about what the world is doing to them. You will judge them for their weaknesses and fear for their future. In short, you will treat them as you treat yourself.

What you teach your children does not come from your words, but from your example. If you are coming from unconditional love, they will receive that no matter what your words or actions might be. They always have the choice to reject or misinterpret you, but loving them anyway gives them more space to choose love themselves. If through your living example your children are shown that you are never a victim to anything, you could not do more as a parent. Of course, this includes not being a victim to being a parent. If your children get the message of the parental role being one of martyrdom – that you have had to make so many sacrifices in order to be a good parent – you have put an enormous guilt load on your their shoulders. That’s okay; it was a lesson they apparently needed to deal with, but it leaves you feeling a failure, feeling defeated.

But this message is not about your children, it is about you. Where you have judgment about your children and want to change them – that is the place you are not accepting yourself. Thank your children for being your teachers. Herein lies the crux of this message. There is no true hierarchy among you and your children. You, they, and everyone else are just human. You are all Divinity pretending not to be Divine, trying to wake up. Just because your child is in a smaller, more physically vulnerable body – as you were once upon a time – does not mean they are not your peer. Yes, it is your role to help them survive to adulthood, not because you are more evolved, but simply because you are physically mature. So thank your children for being your teachers, and learn from them. Seek the place where you have no judgment.

One of the biggest confusions that a parent can act on is to demand some kind of love from their children. When you demand love from anybody else, silently or overtly, it comes from a place of not loving yourself. You have denied yourself God’s love, even though it is always there. You have separated yourself from it, pretending it is not there. You seek human love to replace Divine love, but that can never work. When you don’t believe that God loves you unconditionally, you create the world from that mindset. You are unlovable. It is not possible for anyone to fill that void, least of all your children. How can they love you when they are dependent on you? It is hard to truly love your boss or the policeman who just pulled you over?

Another thing that happens in the relationship between children and parents is brought about by your desire to create heaven on earth. The dream is that you will create this heavenly family where you can finally find love and feel needed.  In addition you will release these wonderful, perfect children into the world who will make such a difference, or at least have the level of success that you never reached. You are a wonderful parent and they are wonderful children. If you now have adult children or – god forbid – teenagers (just kidding), you know what has happened to that dream. How much fear do you have for your child or your adult child? What concerns do you have about their choices? Where do you see them as helpless victims of other people or the world? When you worry about your children, you aren’t seeing their Divinity. You are not seeing the perfection of the lessons they are drawing into their classroom as they attempt to awaken from the dream. This has nothing to do with your children. They are simply your projection of your inner fears and separation from God. Own all of that. It does not matter what you or your children accomplish on the earth plane. Heal yourself. Set your children free to find their own Divinity. Again, the best support you can provide them with is your own self-healing.

Your role as parent ends when your children leave home. It was probably over long before that, but now it is impossible to ignore. You succeeded. They survived childhood. If you ignored your own needs in order to be a parent, you can stop that now. Take care of yourself. This is much easier to do if you have also given up the role of being a child to your parents. If you haven’t, if they still run your life through the power you give them in your mind, it is never too late to reverse that. Free yourself from your parents as you set your children free. Your primary relationship is now with Spirit. Your children and your parents are all peers, siblings, as you heal the rift with your true parent, with God. Your job is to see all your family members through the eyes of Jesus, to see them as perfect, innocent, unconditionally loved Children of God. This is the true relationship between parent and child.

When the relationship with your parents is not healed and there is frustration with your children, you will probably experience your marriage as less than ideal, also. All these relationships are being created by the same unhealed mind. You might make the decision to stay together for the children, fearing that they would be badly damaged by a divorce. It is not my job to tell you whether you should stay or leave; you must trust your own guidance to make that call. However, if you blame your partner for the problems in the marriage and leave, you will likely go out and create the same problems in another relationship. Don’t confuse cause and effect. Your mind is the creator of all your experiences, so that is what needs changing. However, if you put on a front for the children and stay together for their sake, it will be another example of telling them one thing and then doing another. They will know, at least on an unconscious level. This will not give them support in navigating relationships on their own as adults. Yes, this will be their creation, but don’t fool yourself into believing that you help your children by living a lie. Be honest with your children that you are having difficulties in the marriage and that they have nothing to do with them. Tell them that you are doing your best to sort things out. In that awareness, you still may realize that you and your partner’s goals are so different that a change to a relationship with greater alignment is desired. If you are unable to solve the marital problems, let your children know, without putting them in the center of the situation, and separate. If you find that you are not able to create an amicable split with your partner, you are not a victim. Whatever you do, try not to ever put the children in the center of your marriage/divorce. Don’t try to get them on your side or set them against your partner. This is not appropriate. It can never serve the child. A child is not ready to be your adult friend. Your relationship with your spouse is about you, don’t project it anywhere else. Take responsibility.

As you can see, this subject of parents and children is enormous. Humans learn through relationships more than anywhere else because of the nature of projection and the fear and difficulty connected with looking at the self honestly.  No relationship is more fraught with confusing entanglements than that of parent and child. Therefore, no relationship provides more fertile soil for spiritual growth. Fortunately, as with all relationships, you don’t need their presence or their cooperation to heal. What is your creation can be totally balanced by you alone, of course with the support of Spirit. Don’t be shy about asking for that help. You are a Divine child and a Divine parent.

Good Now

Sanhia

What do you mean when you call the world an illusion?

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We have talked many times about the illusion, but there has never been a single message fully describing what is meant by this term. Now the time has come. I am going to start with the ending and then go back and fill in the spaces. This is the ending: Everything, without exception, that you experience in this physical world is an illusion. Everything. None of it is real. No exceptions.

Now we will take a giant step backward. In the illusion, you can do that. In reality, there is no place to take a step and no time in which it can be accomplished. What is reality? Let me tell this as a story. In the first part of the story there is God. God is unconditional love, unlimited creativity, unlimited power, and unlimited joy. There is no duality, only the is-ness of these qualities. These descriptors are human terms and unable to do justice to what Jesus called “the Kingdom of God”. The only thing that is absolutely true and real is this kingdom. In the second part of the story, God chose to create beings or entities in the image of Himself. Remember, as always, that the language is limited. There are no serviceable gender free terms, but be clear that divinity, that God, does not have gender. There is no duality in divinity. As a default, we will refer to God as “Him”. To continue, these entities were created in the image of God, beings of unconditional love, creativity and so on, and, of course, gender free. These could be called the Children of God.

In the third part of the story, a group or a portion of the Children of God, who A Course in Miracles calls the Son of God, in their infinite creativity, decided it would be fun to construct something that would be secret and separate from God. To begin with, this was an impossible task. There can be nothing separate from God. I will now use the term “We”, because you and I are a part of this group. We are One with God and God cannot be separate from Himself. We allowed ourselves the thought that we could create separately from God and then went into that creation. We then experienced the illusion of separation. This experience was not real because we could not actually create something separate from God. We could say that this creation was like a dream. We went into this collective dream. God could not see this dream any more than a mother can see her child’s dream. In the dream we felt separate from God and had our first experience with fear. We were afraid that we could never find our way back to God and that He would be angry with us for creating behind His back. These fears were false. It is not possible for God to be angry or judgmental. However, in this nightmare we had created, all of this seemed possible. The ego is what we call that part of us that feared God and believed in the illusion.

In this way we created the physical universe. It is a part of this dream, of this illusion. We have been hiding here in the physical from God. The truth of us is still One with God. This is just a bad dream. As soon as God recognized what we had done, he created the solution. He imagined the means by which the part of our Divine selves stuck in the nightmare could reconnect with the Oneness. Because there is no time in Divinity, the solution was instantaneous. The problem was immediately solved. You could say that it was over before it began. Boom, boom. However in the illusion there is time. There is duality. So, it seems that we have been trapped in this dream for thousands upon thousands of years, for lifetime after seemingly endless lifetime. Trapped. The idea we have of hell is right here. This earth is it, but it is not real. The idea of heaven is our true home, the Kingdom of God, the place of unconditional love and unlimited joy. The challenge for us through these eons of time in the illusion has been to simply wake up to our Divinity, realizing that we are and always have been the Children of God. I have called this waking up our Ascension. These physical bodies are not who we are.

This entire physical world, every aspect of it, is an illusion. We created it, not God. This is our nightmare. As long as we hold onto it and defend its reality, it will seem real. The ego’s job is to convince us in whatever ways possible that the illusion is real and that we have no choice but to stay here. The solution that God created is called Spirit, or Holy Spirit. Spirit is the intermediary between God and the illusion. God doesn’t directly experience our dream because it isn’t real. If He were able to observe it, it would make it real. That’s the last road we would want to go down. Then our illusion would be true and we might really be stuck here. Fortunately, this isn’t the case, and God cannot get directly involved with things that don’t exist. Spirit, however, is the link between God and our ego illusion. We can listen to the voice of Spirit and be led home, or we can listen to the voice of the ego and continue spinning through lifetimes of pain, fear, and suffering. Sounds like a slam dunk choice here. However, the ego is whispering in your other ear telling you not to trust Spirit, asking you how these things that you can feel can be less real than some ideas that probably aren’t even true. Ego tells you that your divine nature is the illusion and that God is out to get you. You will have to pay for what you have done. You are guilty, guilty, guilty. Why would you want to go home to a God who is just going to punish you? Instead, you play all kinds of games trying to win God’s favor and His forgiveness. You project blame onto others, hoping God, and yourself, will be fooled and will go after them instead. All of this is impossible because there is no judgment or favor to be won. How can God love you more than unconditionally? It can’t be done. The only thing standing between you and realizing your Divinity is you. It is your choice to listen to the ego and to believe its claims that this illusion that keeps you trapped here is real.

Your job is to remind yourself every day that everything except your divinity is illusion. NOTHING that you see in this world is real. No exceptions. Scream it from the rooftops. The bodies are not real. The objects are not real. The stories are not real. The weather is not real. Your problems are not real. Money is not real; well, you probably knew that. None of it is real. The only thing that is real is your Divinity and unconditional love. Whenever you make something else more important than your Divinity, you stay trapped in the cycle of pain, suffering, and illusion. That’s all there is to it. It is very simple. When you feel trapped, give it to Spirit. Spirit is the link between the illusion and Divinity, so that you can ask for support and guidance as you deal with your fears and difficulties in the illusion. Spirit is, always has been, and always will be involved in every moment of your life. Spirit directs your story, presenting you with exactly what you need in this moment to find your way back home. Meanwhile, the ego is telling you to fear the gift of Spirit, so you push away in terror what Spirit brings to you. Maybe Spirit brings a death into your life. When you resist what Spirit brings, you are saying that you want to stay here in illusion rather than go home. Spirit is bringing death into your life to show that death is not real. It is bringing a material loss into your life to show you that things don’t matter. Spirit brings failure into your life to show you that your earthly goals are not important.

The question again is a very simple one. Do you want to listen to the ego, which will have goals for you in the physical, or do you want to listen to Spirit, realize your Divinity, and go home? The more successful you are in reaching goals in the illusion, the more attached you will be to staying there. This is why Jesus said that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. You can’t take it with you, not one part is real. It is all part of your dream. That is what I mean by illusion. I am not using a metaphor. I am trying to express as clearly, directly, and honestly as I can. There is nothing in this physical world that is real. You are to give up all attachment to everything physical and to trust that Spirit is always there bringing you exactly what you need to find your way home. Trust everything that comes into your life. Give up the fight and the struggle. If that is hard, give it to Spirit. If it is still hard, do the five-step process in addition. That is also a gift from Spirit to you.

Everything that happens in your life is guidance and a gift from Spirit to lead you home. Nothing here can ever be lost because nothing here is real. It is all illusion. Spirit will play with your attachments until you come into that full realization. The illusion and duality dissolve as you listen to and trust only Spirit, letting the ego go. Then you have no need for the illusion. You have no reason to create heaven on earth because your true heaven is right before you and infinitely more fantastic than anything you could dream up here. Welcome home.

Good Now

Sanhia

Why is it so hard for me to forgive?

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It may seem that forgiveness is a common topic in these messages. That is true. It is true because there is probably no single concept that is of greater importance than that of forgiveness. If you wish to realize your ascension, it is absolutely central that you learn to forgive fully and completely. Without forgiveness, it is difficult to experience unconditional love. To try to love without forgiving first, is putting the cart before the horse. Forgiveness is what drives your realization of your ascension. The most efficient use of your energies is to figure out how to truly forgive. That’s where we are going today.

One of the reasons that forgiveness is difficult for you is that you may understand it to be something that is bestowed upon another because they have done something that requires forgiving. Whatever act that they have committed, you recognize it as a crime. You decide that it needs to be forgiven because otherwise you are stuck in this ego cycle. If you are a “good” person you will learn how to forgive them. What actually happens is that in this process you ever so subtly (or perhaps not so subtly) suggest that you are better than the offender. You will be the bigger person and forgive them for being such an idiot. I exaggerate to provide a little humor, but this is precisely how the attempt at forgiveness often takes place. You are still holding on to the judgment when you try to forgive in this manner. If you look deeply within, you will find that the forgiveness has never really taken place. Your belief is that the person has done wrong and needs forgiveness. No matter how much forgiving you do, that person still has done wrong. This misunderstanding is why forgiveness is so difficult.

The first step in true forgiveness is to acknowledge that nothing wrong has been done. To repeat, nothing wrong has been done. The judgment that a wrong has been committed needs to be released. The truth is that the other person didn’t do anything. If they had done something real, something that could truly hurt another, the victim would be hurt forever and ever, for eternity. Nobody has the power to do such a thing. The truth of all human souls is that they are Divine children of God and exist forever. Nothing Divine can be hurt. Only something that is not real can be damaged. Whatever it is that you are judging in this other person did not really happen. To repeat, it did not happen. Nothing real can be hurt. When you judge someone for the action you perceive them doing, it is no different than judging them for their previous night’s dream. There you can recognize that nothing really happened. It is the same in your “waking” world. The action that you have judged didn’t really happen, nobody was really injured. Nothing real, nothing Divine, can be hurt. You will wake up from this physical illusion too, some day. So, this is your job. You don’t forgive another for what they have done because you are a good person, above them and better – so that you are able to forgive. Rather, you realize that there is absolutely nothing to forgive.

Let’s look at it from another perspective. We talked several messages ago about how you define yourself. How many of you define yourself, in part, by what other people say to you or about you? Nothing that can change is real. Nobody can hurt anyone else. How could spoken words have any effect upon you? You are Divine. How can the illusion affect reality? It is time to turn this around. Nobody does anything to you. No one. There is nothing to forgive because no one does anything to you. This illusion is all your creation. You have created other people in your physical life. In this illusion of being human, you “hire” others to say and do things to you. Imagine that you have written a script. You hand it your friend and ask them to read it to you. It says horrible things about you. They ask if you are serious about having them read it out loud. You tell them to go ahead. They tell you how horrible you are. Then you get upset. You feel bad about yourself and are not happy with them. Pretty silly, huh? That’s exactly how it happens.

You are getting a two for one today. First, you are realizing that there is never really anything to forgive in anyone else. The second is to realize that whatever anybody does to you has come from your instruction. It is the only way it can be. They are telling you the judgment you have about yourself. They are telling you what you have not forgiven yourself for, the illusion that you believe to be true. As long as you pretend that it is them and not you that is the source of this information, you are stuck in a pattern of having to be superior to them for the harm they have done. As you accept that you are the source of everything that is not Divine, you realize that you have made up this whole fairy tale, this whole story. The forgiveness called for is of self. If you think that you have been wrong to think or act as you have, does this mean you now have to be better than yourself and forgive? How can you do that? You might believe that you can be better than another, but how can you be a better person than yourself? That gets pretty tricky. Now is the time to realize that this is all absolutely crazy, that there is nothing to forgive.

You have been projecting your beliefs upon God. You have created an unforgiving God. Now it gets even trickier. If God is really the one judging you, and you want to forgive, you have to be better than God. Then you can forgive yourself, which God obviously can’t do. This is the insanity of the ego. When you look at it in black and white (as you are doing now), it’s a pretty funny story. It’s really humorous. Close your eyes and feel the enormous freedom that comes from absolute forgiveness. This is not the forgiveness of your sins, but the forgiveness that says there is no sin. There never has been sin. You have always been loved unconditionally. There is nothing you ever could have done or ever could do to change that. Nobody is defining you as in need of forgiveness but you. You do not have to grovel before God begging forgiveness. Only you are holding the judgmental picture of yourself. Let it go. No amount of pleading will ever buy you forgiveness. No amount of atonement, no penance, will ever be enough. You cannot perform community service for God. You cannot make up for what never was and never will be. Such actions can only keep you in the cycle of judgment and fear. Forgiveness is only made easy when you know there is no need for it. Anyone can do it. No special skill is needed. You don’t have to be better than anybody else. There is nothing to do. Be like God.

Good Now

Sanhia

 

How can I see the divinity in other people?

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We had a message several years ago about seeing the divinity in others. Some people have said that this is quite a challenge for them. They see someone acting in a certain way which makes it difficult for them to perceive that person as divine. It is such a challenge for them to practice forgiveness, they say. They understand the value of all of this but find it so hard to put into practice. What can make it easier, they wonder?  I will do my best to support you here, but I agree with you. This is not an easy process. True forgiveness and unconditional love are not simple states to attain. If they were, you would have realized your ascension long ago. This is where the pedal meets the metal. This is where the tires meet the road. This is the real work of ascension. It is easy to be in theory about what truth is, but it is the practice that makes reality real. Every day you create for yourself situations to do this work. What a blessing that is. There is never a rest. Every day. You can hide from the world, but your mind will still flash these “old stories” in front of you, and in addition, perhaps, project futures ones with endings not to your liking. The challenges that are before you can be called “seeing the divinity in another” or “practicing forgiveness”, which are actually “seeing the divinity in you” and “practicing forgiving yourself”. In a given moment the outer or the inner focus might prove easier to move through.

Think of those areas that are the most difficult for you to accept. You all have your own hot spots, but I will dangle a few in front of you. Some are general while others feel more personal. The general might include someone using their power in a way that seems to hurt many people. So you blame and are angry at politicians, businessmen, or criminals. On a personal level it may be an individual who seems to have insulted you, who doesn’t return your love as you wish them to, or who judges you – which makes it hard to see them as divine. We want to remind you that all of this is you. Nothing else you perceive to be out there is separate from you. It is all your creation. When someone is acting in a way that you don’t approve of, that is you acting. It is you that you don’t approve of. If you pretend that isn’t the case and you assume that there really are others capable of hurting you without your permission, then you are truly stuck in an endless cycle of pain, negative emotion, and helplessness. This will continue lifetime after lifetime until you agree to take responsibility. You are the creator of your earthly experience. You are manufacturing these events in an attempt to externalize all the judgments you hold about yourself. You do this in a futile attempt to hide your failings from God. You hope that God will punish them instead of you.  All of this is, as we have told you, a misunderstanding. God does not and could not judge you. You are innocent and have nothing to be judged for or to hide. However, as long as you perceive another person’s actions as real and believe that there are victims, you aren’t able to let go and forgive.

The first thing that we would suggest to you is to remember that the forgiveness you are asked to perform is always a forgiveness of self. Seeing the divinity in another is always seeing your own divinity. You cannot see the divinity in another if you are not seeing it in you. On the other hand, if you judge another and cannot see them as divine, then you cannot hold yourself as divine. It doesn’t matter where you start, whether you focus on the forgiveness and divinity of yourself or the other person. It is all one. It is all your creation. So, now use your creation. You may have chosen another to be the scapegoat, but instead you can see them as your mirror. The reflection they provide can allow you to see the self-judgment you have been avoiding. Now that you can see clearly, you can forgive yourself and replace the judgment with love. You can feel gratitude for what your mirror has shown you. You can thank them (silently) and feel love for them for providing such service. The easiest way to forgive another and to see the divinity in them is to love them. As you observe them or think of them, send them love. Keep sending them love. If your ego mind wants to throw anything else in there that is less than divine, you let that go and return to love. Love them not because they have earned it; love cannot be earned through actions. There is no logic in this love. If your mind demands a reason, the reason is that they are divine. Wherever there is divinity there is only love.

Much of this process is private. If the other individual is at a physical distance, your process has to be private. However, if the other person is right in front of you the situation is much different. Does this mean that you smile and lovingly accept whatever the other is doing? Not necessarily. A Course in Miracles speaks of something called “level confusion”. This recognizes that while you are in a body you are always acting in part from the ego. The choices you are making to forgive, to see divinity, and to act from love – to choose Spirit over ego – can only be made from the ego mind. If you fully accepted your divinity, there would be no choice to be made. This choosing of Spirit, of love, has to be made over and over. When you are confronted with a challenging situation with another, it can only be because you projected your “old story” upon them. This is difficult to deal with in that moment. It will be hard to speak to them without projecting. Deep inside you may believe that you deserve to be punished. I am not suggesting that you stand there and receive your punishment. That is not the teaching. Listen to Spirit as best as you can and do what comes to you to do in that moment. It might be to say no to whatever is coming at you. Later, when you work with the residual energy of what happened, is the time to see how everything was your creation. You do this not by blaming yourself instead of the other, but in acknowledgment that it could be no other way, that everything happens to help you see your divinity – as well as the other person’s divinity. No matter what happened or how you or they reacted, as you look back on the situation focus on loving them and yourself. When we talk of this loving, we mean without qualification. The love is never earned; it is an automatic deserved response to everyone in every situation. Nothing can disqualify them or you from this love. If something seems to be unlovable, that is your own self-judgment – take responsibility and replace it with love. In the end, forgiveness is the realization that there is nothing to forgive.

There is a stereotype of a parent who loves their child so much that, even as an adult, nothing their child could do could cause that parent to drop their loving defense. No matter what the world’s judgments may be, they stand fully behind their child. The child may lie, steal, murder, or rape, but the parent says, “Oh if you knew the heart of my child, you would love and forgive them, too.” This is what you are aiming for. Those of you who have children likely make exceptions for them you wouldn’t make for others. Make everyone your child. See them all as innocent babies. That is what you are surrounded by – millions of innocent babies. That’s all that you are – an innocent baby.

If you want to see others as divine, the first thing is to do everything you can to think of them with love. Let go of any judgments you notice yourself holding, and see them lovingly. If you are in their presence, act however you act. Away from the moment, let go of all of that. Hold that person and yourself to the highest love you can find. This is what opens the divinity in them to you. Now, full forgiveness becomes possible, knowing that in truth there is nothing to forgive, there is only divinity – knowing that none of this has anything to do with them, that it is all about you. The answer to today’s question is unconditional love, feeling it for others and for yourself. Your ego mind always tells you that you should have handled things differently. Of course, you are in a body. You act from the ego. But, that is not the truth of you. You are divine. What would it be like to feel God’s unconditional love all of the time? Feel that now. Give that to yourself. Give that to everyone else. That’s all we of you now. It is a very simple thing, just open up to that love. It is the only reality. God loves you.

God Blesses You

Sanhia

What spiritual practices should I be doing? (Part 2)

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In the previous message we began discussing the question of what spiritual practices you should do, focusing primarily on those that touch on the physical and mental planes. It is highly recommended that you go back and read that message if you have not already done so, or as a review before continuing today. Now we will talk about the emotional plane. One suggestion that is often proposed as a spiritual goal is to suppress any feelings other than those of unconditional love. The attempt to do this encourages some to choose celibacy and/or to live in a meditative retreat. This seems to make it easier to hold only the highest feelings, only love. If that is your goal, you may suppress or avoid every other kind of feeling, so you will carry anger, fear, judgment, jealousy, and other negative emotions around with you unconsciously. You won’t want to see them and there may be no triggers present, no mirrors to reveal them to you. Other sources will encourage just the opposite. They will say that the best spiritual practice is to vomit all of your feelings on whoever is around you, to not hold anything back. This idea holds your raw emotions as something pure. Both of these approaches consider your fear and negative feelings to be real.  The monkish approach is “out of sight out of mind” while the purging approach assumes that when you express the emotions, they are gone. Neither ends up working very well. In the former case, the emotions will eventually surface; in the latter they will surface over and over again. Expression does not release the fear because you still believe it is real.

There is nothing wrong with fear; it is simply an illusion. If you hide from it, you make it real for yourself. If you push it out on another, you also make it real. The only way to deal with an illusion is to go into the heart of it to see what is there. Face your fear. If you stay with your fear, you will eventually realize it is only illusion. It will disappear. It will transform. Only love will remain. This is why we recommend that you do the five-step process. Love is not something you find by running away from fear or by casting it off of yourself, it is what you realize when you go to the bottom of whatever is before you. It is absolute truth. It is all there is. Love is what is left when all illusion is gone. There are no words to describe it. Love is not a state you can try to attain. All you can do is face all your fears until only love remains. When you are in the illusion of fear, consciously or unconsciously, the fullness of love cannot be experienced. Do the process or simply ask Spirit to support you in facing your fears. There is nothing wrong about holding on to your fear, but it is no fun and leaves you feeling separate from God. The five-step process will not guarantee your ascension. It is not a spiritual practice. It is a tool, but it is not intended as a crutch. Facing your fears simply makes the period of time easier to bear, while you are in a body waiting to realize your divinity. We are also not suggesting that you drop any or all of your spiritual practices. If you enjoy them, if you are guided to do them – do so. Try not to feel needy about them; let go of any attachment to your practice.

Last, but not least, is the spiritual plane.  Here we have meditation and prayer. Many teachings suggest that if you meditate often enough and long enough, you will realize your divinity. The Buddha did it, didn’t he? If you are not being successful, you must not be doing it good enough or hard enough. Good luck with that. Of course there are wonderful benefits from meditation. You can have improved health, more calmness, more energy, more focus. Most of this, however, relates to making the illusion better. The true heart of meditation is in giving everything to Spirit. To meditate with a goal of improving your experience in a body will keep you anchored in the physical. The focus is on giving to Spirit rather than to the ego. Giving importance to this practice is an act of the ego. Give up any pride connected to the length and depth of your practice. Do it from your heart; release the need for a schedule, for an enforced discipline.

The bottom line is that whatever plane your spiritual practice is connected to, if it has as a goal to improve your life, you are trying to create heaven on earth. Thus you will always be at cross purposes, because you created earth to hide from heaven, to hide from God. As you are deciding how to focus your time and energy, how to realize your spiritual goals, a constant question to hold is whether or not the practice is designed to enhance your physical existence. If that is the goal – be honest with yourself , there is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy yourself – this is not the same as choosing to realize you ascension. Ascension is letting go of the physical. This does not come through reaching physical goals. It also does not come about through the denial of the physical. Fasting, celibacy, and physical discomfort make you more aware of your body, not less. This is why the Buddha spoke of the middle way. Both lack and excess leave a focus on the material. As you become aware of a particular importance you are giving to any spiritual practice, remind yourself that it doesn’t matter. What you choose to do or not to do really makes no difference. As you realize that it doesn’t matter, it becomes much easier to give it to Spirit. If you think it matters, the ego is attached to doing it right. If there is no “right” choice, then why not trust Spirit to choose for you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You can trust that your ego choice will leave you rooted in your body, feeling separate from God.

You may doubt your ability to hear Spirit. Be willing to do nothing until you hear something. What if you fear you may not hear Spirit correctly? Trust and follow what you hear. Then keep listening. Following Spirit is not a one-time thing. It becomes the only constant in your spiritual life. The more you trust, the better you will hear. What evolves is a great simplicity. The ego’s attempt to control all planes and make all the right choices is exhausting. You never get it figured out. There is always a new idea, a new direction, a new discipline. You will always be second guessing yourself. Giving it to Spirit makes it so easy. You simply accept that you don’t know and trust whatever comes. If you have fear, face it. If you have confusion, give it to Spirit until you become mindless, only following the guidance of Spirit. Nothing else matters. Spirit might suggest that you follow some spiritual practice for a time. That is guidance for you now, not for anyone else or for always. Spirit is always in the now. All guidance is, at best, half-truths, designed to lead you out of your ego mind. Let it. Let it be simple. Let it be God.

God Blesses You,

Sanhia

When should I share my spiritual perspective with others?

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A question that comes up for many people on their spiritual path is how much of their experience and knowledge is it appropriate to share with others. On the one hand, you may be looking for support from others because your new beliefs are not reinforced by the mass consciousness. You may be seeking the assistance of cohorts to be able to be strong enough to hold on to your contrarian beliefs. On the other hand, you might feel that you have received some benefit from the ideas you are holding and wish to share them with friends because you love them and wish for them to avoid suffering.

As you are realizing the truth about your divine nature, about the world being an illusion, about there being no such thing as wrong and right, about death not being real, and about your fear of God – as you are realizing that you wish to listen to Spirit instead of the ego, you will experience quite a struggle.  The mass consciousness not only does not agree with you, but thinks you are both crazy and dangerous to think such things. If you share these ideas randomly with people you are likely to attract strong negative responses. We want to look at this, not because there is a right or wrong way to act, but because we wish to support you in being efficient in letting go of fear and in living in love and peace, experiencing the least amount of pain possible. When people attack you for your beliefs, you feel pain, perhaps anger and/or fear. Our suggestion is this: There is a saying, “discretion is the better part of valor”. In other words, when in doubt don’t say anything. It may be better to hold it within and to work it out yourself than to share it with others, unless you have strong guidance to speak.

If you do decide to share with another, ask yourself what your motive is. For the present, let us assume that your reason for communicating is your desire to receive support. We’ll deal later with the issue of helping others. You have a desire to not feel alone in your process, to have comrades, fellow travelers, with whom you can honestly share your fears and the trials and tribulations of your spiritual path. Ask yourself why you wish to share with this specific individual who is before you. If the answer is that you want approval, you may be in for a rough time. This is connected to the expectations of conditional love. You may want to be loved for what you have to express. If you don’t get that response you may feel vulnerable and then judgmental toward them. Of course you can learn through all of this, but it is more efficient to notice your need for approval and work through that on your own. Again, use discretion. One way to create more safety is by joining groups aligned with your spiritual understandings. You can also wade into the subject slowly and carefully, so that you sense the openness of the other. No matter what you choose, you can’t do it wrong. You will learn from every choice and life will always offer you more opportunities. When you turn your guidance over to Spirit, the way becomes smoother.

Let’s go to the second point. As you are working on your spiritual path and gaining understanding, it is natural to want to help, guide, and inspire others. This opens up another can of worms. You have an understanding on a mental level that all of this in the physical world is an illusion, it is not real, and that it is your creation. Because you have that mental understanding does not mean that you know it to be true. If you did, you would likely leave your body now. You would have no further use for it. You would realize your ascension. For now, all of these are ideas, rather than knowingness. You don’t fully believe it. How do you get in touch with the part of you that does not believe? Notice where people around you don’t seem to be acting in their own self-interest. They might act like victims with sickness, relationships, or finances. You look at them and wonder why they would choose that. Before you decide to communicate that question, I want to remind you that you are seeing your mirror. It is to yourself that you wish to direct that question. Your job is to forgive yourself, as well as the other person, for not choosing divinity. If you were seeing the other person in truth, you would only see their divinity, as God only sees your divinity. Whatever else you think you are seeing is only your belief and fear that you are not divine. Be grateful for this gift that the other person has brought you, give silent thanks, and do the work on yourself.

To simplify things, we’ll say there are two different groups of people out there that you might be projecting these attacks upon. The first group is absolutely unaware of what they are doing, of their divinity, of the fact that they are hiding from God in this imaginary world. They do not want to hear anything you might have to offer about this subject, and will likely grow irritated and angry with any attempts by you to educate them. Again, your job is to do the work on yourself. The second group is composed of those people who do have some spiritual understanding. They may be working with A Course in Miracles, or these messages, or some other form of teaching where they realize that they are not their bodies and this physical world is a mirage. Like you, they are students and they have fear and doubt. They want to believe, and it is a struggle. Do you choose to help those people when you observe them acting as victims? The answer again is, when in doubt – – no. Discretion is still the better part of valor. First of all, the person does have awareness that their action or situation goes against the teaching. Is it your job to rub their face in that? Do you wish to add to their guilt? What happens when you point out what they are doing is that you may be projecting your own judgment, anger, and fear upon them. You are attacking them, and really, yourself. So be honest. Cut out the middleman. Let them alone and clean your own house. It is never about them. It is always about you. You are the creator of your life experiences. Again, give them silent thanks. Take responsibility. Forgive yourself and them; do the five-step process.

Does that mean to never try to support somebody else? There are two times when verbalizing spiritual advice might be appropriate. The first is when another person comes to you and asks support for what they are dealing with. Even then, it serves both of you to be very careful. Are you sharing in blame or anger or judgment? The truest way to support another is to give it to Spirit, asking what It would have you say. Listen and get out of the way. As you are talking, remain humble, remembering that this is your lesson as well. Spirit is talking to both of you, but first to you. When you are preparing to take off on an airline, you are given profound spiritual advice. The flight attendant informs you that in the unlikely case of a loss in cabin pressure, yellow oxygen masks will drop from above you. Those who have children or other dependent people with them are instructed to take care of their own mask first, before attempting to assist another. What a wonderful metaphor that is. You can’t help anybody without first helping yourself. Whatever message is coming, it is for you first. Try it on and work with it.

If someone asks for help, take your time. Tell them you want to go inside first. Speak when you are ready and share with humility. It can be helpful to give the person at least three acknowledgements or appreciations before offering any advice. AND, it is always better to say nothing than to come from an energy of fear. If you are going through life and confronting each fear as you meet it, you are more likely to be prepared in each moment to support those who come asking for help, and others are more likely to be coming – drawn by your energy. You are living with your oxygen mask on, constantly drawing the breath of Spirit. If the other does not ask for help, love them and accept them exactly as they are. Silently thank them for whatever mirror gifts they are presenting and be compassionate. What help you offer in these cases is your energy and your love. If you hold another in judgment, they will feel that, rather than love. It is always appropriate to share appreciations. Give every situation to Spirit. You might be guided to say something. Take care of yourself first. Love yourself without conditions. Forgive yourself. That is what God does for you.

God Blesses You,

Sanhia

What is the difference between a special and a holy relationship?

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One of the goals of most people, including those on a consciously chosen spiritual path, is to find that special relationship, that special person, that soul mate that completes you. My job today is to throw cold water on that dream. This topic, like many we discuss, could be covered in book length form, but we will narrow the focus to making a few observations.

Let’s start at a basic level. A pattern that tends to happen in relationships is that you are attracted to another person for certain qualities that they seem to have. Perhaps it is a physical attraction; you like the way they look. It might be their smile or there is an incredible sexual energy between the two of you. Maybe you are drawn to them intellectually; you like the way they think and you enjoy talking together. It may be common interests that draw you together – you share a love for music or the outdoors. Perhaps the connecting bond is of a more spiritual nature. In all likelihood, it is some combination of these different possibilities. What commonly happens is that the thing that initially attracted you eventually becomes an issue that you have difficulty dealing with. What you once loved now gets under your skin. Perhaps you then decide to leave and try another relationship. You go through the same cycle again and again. Or at some point you might decide to settle with the relationship you are in, rationalizing that overall, the pluses overrule the minuses. Maybe you have a lot of time invested in the relationship, and/or children, and/or shared property or a business. But these days, people are more likely to leave, choosing a relationship that fits them better.

Why does this pattern occur? Why don’t we just fall in live and live together happily ever after? Let’s focus on two reasons. First, as we mentioned, you are drawn to this other person because of certain qualities they possess. You want them to continue to be that way, to please you as they initially did. This is what we call conditional love – as opposed to loving them simply for whom they are, allowing their sense of identity and person-hood to evolve and change. Instead you love them for whom you perceive them to be, and if they perform in any other way you are upset and feel betrayed. Then you may begin to look around. The truth is that they never were who you thought they were. You projected upon the other person what you wanted to see. Conditional love is the first major roadblock to creating a successful relationship. The other person is not acting as you wish them to; this is not acceptable.

The second challenge is a little more subtle. You are looking for someone to make you whole. There may be thoughts such as “I can’t live without you”, or “You are my better half”, or “We complete each other”. You are thereby expressing the judgment that in order to be truly happy, you require someone else’s loving approval. We call that codependency. You depend on somebody else to be satisfied. You have a need for the other, which brings on an anger directed at them for that dependency. It is a place where you can’t win. Part of you wants to push the other away and the other part can’t live without them and wants to hold on. It sounds pretty hopeless and sad. How can one ever have a successful relationship?

The relationships we have been talking about are special relationships. You hold the other as being more special than all other people. It’s the flip side of you not being enough. You make them more than enough, so they must eventually let you down. You are not seeing yourself as divine. You cannot experience your divinity and, at the same time, have a need for a special relationship. Special relationships are built upon your fear of and separation from God. They stem from the belief that you have to be special in order for God to forgive you. Since God never judged you, no amount of specialness will do the trick. There is no need to earn forgiveness. God loves you unconditionally. However, the ego believes that if you can find somebody special who also believes that you are special, maybe God can find you special, too. If that specialness ceases to exist, what is God going to do to you?

The resolution of this quagmire is in seeking a holy relationship rather than a special one. A holy relationship is grounded in unconditional love. You have no expectations for the other person; you hold no judgments. No matter what your partner does, you love and accept them. This thought brings terror to the hearts of most people. It brings on fears of being a helpless victim. I want to remind you that your partner is your mirror. Whatever you judge in them, you judge in yourself. You can use your desire to control or change them to instead forgive and love yourself for whatever it is you perceive in them. Acknowledge that this is you. The ego wants to pretend it is not. The ego wants to point the finger so that you can stay special in God’s eye. The ego wants the other to be the one punished. Take responsibility. Acknowledge that this is you and forgive yourself and your partner.

Accept that your record in choosing partners has been less than stellar. Give the job of attracting your next partner to Spirit. Your holy partner will have one function and one function only. That is to be aligned with you in realizing personal divinity. It is possible for you to have a holy relationship where your partner does not share that intention, but it puts all the weight on your shoulder because your partner is expecting a special relationship. For you to act in the “right” way for them all of the time will be a major challenge for you. They will not be happy to find you choosing God over them.

I will tell you quite honestly that if your intention is to be absolutely true to yourself and to love yourself unconditionally in order to realize your divinity, you have a real challenge to accomplish that within any relationship. There are few models out there in how to behave in a holy relationship. The mass consciousness only shows you special relationships as the ideal. In fact, you may find this work easier to do when you are not in a relationship. It is said that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I will modify that to say that when the person on the ascension path is ready, the partner will appear. Many of you have this thinking reversed. You seek the partner first, who will magically bring you to heaven, rather than first becoming what you wish to attract. When you get to the point where you realize you don’t need a partner to support your spiritual growth, you may attract one. Neediness will only attract a special relationship.

All that has been said up to this point is here to support you in being able to make the choice for a holy relationship. Once you have made that choice, you are really on your own. As mentioned, there are no models out there for how to proceed. You don’t know how to behave in a holy relationship. The only thing certain is that the ego will struggle to salvage something special out of it. All that you can do is to notice moment by moment where you have attachment to anything about your partner or the relationship and give it to Spirit. The holy relationship is fully guided by Spirit, as the special relationship is guided by the ego. To give yourself a fighting chance in your holy relationship, it is helpful if your partner and you have this as a shared, expressed intention and agreement between you. In this way you travel through the darkness together. You did not create this illusion and physical body to be experienced alone. You created other people so that you could project your guilt and fear on them. By yourself you could live in the illusion that none of that exists, but when you are in the presence of others, your judgments are inescapable. This allows you to see them and to take ownership of them. Your partner is always going to fulfill this function for you above all others.

When you intentionally take on the holy relationship, you learn to take 100% responsibility for everything that happens. If you allow yourself to be a victim to or in blame of your partner about anything, you are in illusion and denial. This is the challenge. It is also a great gift and a great opportunity. When two people choose to have a holy relationship, the ascension process is accelerated for each of them. It supports both in looking at the truth and in doing the required work. The irony and ecstasy of it all is that when you release the expectations of conditional love, you open up the possibility of enjoying full and complete happiness in the relationship. There is no limit to the upside of a holy relationship. The downside is no different than that of a special relationship. But, you have the momentum with you that comes from having chosen a holy relationship. Spirit is always there to support you. The perfect thing is always happening in your holy relationship to support your realization of your divinity. The only commitment that you can truly make in a holy relationship is to see divinity in your partner and in yourself in every moment, and to forgive and let go of anything that does not live up to that. That is God’s relationship with you always, except that there is no work involved for God. He always sees you as perfect.

God Blesses You,

Sanhia

Can you tell more about being in the now?

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There is a lot of talk in spiritual circles about the “now”, such as “living in the now” or “be here now”. I hear confusion expressed about just what it really means to “be here now”. Where else could you possibly be? I am going to follow a few different threads in talking about time. It is always a confusing thing to discuss because the truth is that there is no time. So, we are talking about something that doesn’t exist, using words that can never express the truth. We have quite a dance to perform today, but then it usually is so with these messages. The truth of you, who always exists, does not fit into any concept of time you might hold. Always is a constant; there is no beginning or end. You think of things in time as having beginnings and endings, such as birth and death. You think of time in a continuum. If you consider reincarnation, you probably see your lifetimes unfolding in a sequenced order where you learn lessons and grow from incarnation to incarnation. From the human perspective of time, that seems to make sense. From the divine perspective without time, there is no order.

When we talk about the “now”, we are speaking of the eternal is-ness, that which is for all time, which is outside of time. When you begin to think of the ordering of events, with one thing coming before or after another, you are dealing with illusions and not divine truth. This is a very difficult concept to grasp, let alone to accept, when you are in a body. It always appears that “now” is this moment, but there is a past and a future. There are things that came before and events that will follow. If your intention is to experience your divinity, it is necessary to realize that this exists outside of time. The closest you can get to that understanding while you are in a body and your ego mind is running the show, is to try to be in the present moment, to attempt to remain in the “now” that you are experiencing – even though you remember a yesterday and anticipate a tomorrow. Simply hold the intention to let go of the focus on the past and the future. As fully and completely as possible you focus on this present moment. That is what “be here now” signifies.

Let’s shift gears and talk about the immediate benefits that are there for you on your spiritual path as you focus on the “now”. Time is one of the ego’s greatest tools in convincing you of your separation from God. When you look at the past it is almost always with a focus on victimhood and fear. This usually takes one of two forms. In the first, you look at the past and see how you were the victim, whether of your parents, a lover, an accident, abuse, and on and on. You focus on this mistreatment to which you were a victim, to justify the bad place where you are now. You recreate in the present the pain and suffering you experienced in what seems to be the past. On a practical level…stop doing that to yourself. What possible benefit can be brought to your “now” by recreating old pain? Actually, there can be a benefit. If you take this old pain you are recreating and transform it using the five-step process, your past has now been of service. The intention is to simply be here now.  If the past intrudes on your present, transform the energy so that you can be here now.

There is a second manner in which the ego uses the past. The ego will pull a pleasant memory from the past and say, “Look how wonderful that experience was. You can never get it back again.” These pictures could be of your childhood, falling in love the first time, or the optimism of young adulthood. Those were the days my friend. Now, you can never relive them. The ego uses scarcity and fear to convince you that life will never be that good again, that the past is irretrievably lost. So, it’s damned if you do and damned if you don’t with the past. Joyful memories of the past leave you with sadness and grief for what has been lost, while painful memories leave you totally helpless. Above all, these memories take you out of the “now”, and the “now” is where divinity lives.

The ego also plays two kinds of games with the future. One is the fear based vision of what might happen to you. You will get older and your body will break down, your relationship will end, you won’t have enough money, you won’t ever realize your dreams, you will get sick or injured, you will die, a loved one will die, and on and on. The ego has no end of fears of possible futures to flash before your eyes. Even if one or more of these scenarios were to play out in the future, it is not happening now. Why would you wish to replace the ecstasy of the infinite “now” with fear of future possible events? Whatever the past or future may or may not be, they are not here now. What is here now? Let that be your focus. The other game that the ego plays with the future is to dangle dreams in front of you. You will find your perfect partner, your financial problems will be solved forever, you will be healed, and on and on. Behind these dreams is a shadow warning you that you are just fooling yourself and the future will only bring more frustration.

So we come back to the “now”, and its truth is love. Fear belongs to time, to the past and the future. It is not part of the “now”. In the “now” there is only love. If you are experiencing fear you are either in the past or the future. Just knowing that can be a motivation to let go. Your ego warns that if you don’t remember the past it will repeat itself, but it is actually the memories themselves that bring about the repetition. The ego warns that if you don’t prepare for the future, you will only be a helpless victim of what will happen. And so, you make your present a hostage to your fear of the future.

It always begins with intention. You choose to be in the “now”. You choose to let go of the past and the future. When either of those illusions tries to invade your “now”, give it to Spirit. Spirit will handle your future. Spirit will bring you the highest thing to support the realization of your divinity. When the past comes creeping in, give that to Spirit also. If you are unable to let go of either the past or the future, it may be time to do the five-step process. Go into the fear and transform the energy now, into love, into the infinite “now”. Guidance is always there for you. Be comfortable in your ignorance. Trust Spirit. Support is always there for you. There is nothing real but love. It is in the infinite “now” that you realize your ascension. It is not in your future, and it certainly is not in your past. It is not about doing a lot of work and spiritual practices to earn your right to heaven. It is about being absolutely present and timeless. You don’t have to decide which door to choose. The “now” dissolves all doors. Nothing can take you where you want to go because you are already there. There is here. Be here now.

God Blesses You,

Sanhia