How do violence and guilt relate to sexuality?

In the last message we spoke of spirituality and sexuality. There are two issues dealing with this subject that we would like to go into today. The first has to do with the coincidence of sexuality and violence. The second concerns undesired pregnancies. There is a connection between the two issues, but we will begin by looking at them separately. Deep within many of you there is a belief that sexual energy is not divine. To partake in sexuality is therefore to separate yourself from God, and, therefore, comes punishment somewhere down the line.

Violence is not an expression of sexuality. Sexuality is an energy that comes from the sharing of love. We wish to disconnect violence and sex in your brain-mind. Rape is violence; it is not sexual. It comes out of fear, not love. Love never requires another to do something that isn’t freely chosen. Fear can draw one to violate the freedom of another, or at least to attempt to, whether that violation is verbal, physical, or spiritual. Verbal and physical abuse are well understood. Spiritual abuse includes curses and spells, as well as the use of spiritual powers to encourage another to behave in a sexual way with you. As we have mentioned before, the development of spiritual powers is not always connected with love and spiritual maturity.

Let us again draw a line in the sand and say that when we are talking about rape or sexual violence we are not talking about sexuality. However, for many of you, particularly those who have chosen to incarnate in a feminine body, there is an emotional difficulty in separating these two – particularly if you have created the experience of apparent victimhood to sexual assault. Then you might find it difficult to have a sexual experience based in love, because the fear energy is still strongly held in your body. We want to remind you that when we talk about creating situations, it is never a statement of blame. If you are holding guilt or blame for the situation that happened, it is not our intention to support that. We wish to remind you of the absolute truth that you are the divine power in your life and that nothing could possibly happen without your permission. This does not mean that your intention or permission was consciously granted to the sexual violence that you have experienced or that you have fear of. You may wish to use the five-step process to feel this fear of sexual violence in your body, go into it and embrace this terror until it transforms to love; then visualize a new reality for yourself. This allows you to let go of victimhood and take your true power.

For some of you, your identification with victimhood is so much a part of who you believe yourself to be that you are unaware of having it. Here are some signs to look for. Do you feel something holding you back from sexual activity, aside from lack of interest in a particular possible partner? Do you find yourself having strong emotional reactions when watching films or television shows (or in reading novels or following true life stories) portraying sexual violence? Do you find yourself getting angry at the perpetrator or in judgment of the victim? “How could they let that happen?” ” How could they be so stupid?” If you do, your belief in your victimhood is active. If you have not created an ongoing fulfilling sexual relationship in your life, the fear energy is probably present, and likely not just from this incarnation but from many lifetimes. This is a major reason why lasting, loving relationships are not created. For others, the guilt creates a chain of violent partners.

Now let’s look at the male side of the equation. Here it is more likely that you have guilt about sexuality because you believe it is wrong. That begs the question for you, ”What woman would want to do that?” So, you either deny yourself sex or feel you have to trick or force the woman into the sexual experience. Tricking might mean making promises that you don’t intend to honor. Force, of course, means rape – which could mean emotional or mental force, as well as physical. All of this emerges out of the belief that you don’t deserve to have physical intimacy, so the only way to have it is through force. “What woman would want to have sex with you?” None, so you need to use some form of coercion. “And what kind of woman is going to have sex with you?” Only an evil woman, separated from God and spirituality would do that nasty thing with you. Now your use of force is somewhat justified. But what are your prospects for a lasting, supportive, loving committed relationship? “How can you commit to a relationship with a woman that you don’t respect?” If you do make love, you will be punished. Perhaps, she will control you and ruin your life in return for sex. Or, you can use the five-step process. For the woman, there may be the belief that there must be a relationship in order to have financial security. Sex can be seen as a price that has to be paid in order to have that support. Quite a story isn’t it! The good news is that you are both free. You don’t have to act out this story anymore. You can just let it go.

Before we leave for today, let’s talk about the subject of unwanted pregnancy, which affects both of you – although the woman has a larger role. For the man, the fear is likely to be that the pregnancy is going to rope you into the relationship and you may have to make a commitment. Even if there is already a child or two, the noose is being tightened and the responsibilities and restrictions are increasing. Unwanted pregnancy is the consequence you knew was coming from having sex. The extreme in the mass consciousness tells you that the only excuse for sex is reproduction and that you must live with your sinful choices and have the baby. Even if those religious structures don’t exist for you, it is likely that you believe that you have no control over pregnancy, short of abstinence. Most forms of artificial birth control carry with them some danger from side effects. Guilt is there with or without religion. The purest form of birth control is to love yourself unconditionally and to process all of your sexual guilt through the five-step process. Choose conception consciously. This is a big step. In the meantime, take prudent precautions until you are clear that you have released the fear and judgment from your body. Affirmations alone will not do that. Don’t come back to me and say, “Sanhia, you told me I wouldn’t get pregnant unless I wanted to”.  If you do create an undesired pregnancy, there is no right or wrong choice. You will learn and grow from either. The potential child is an immortal soul (and old buddy) who has agreed to play this role for you. Either way, that soul will continue.

The five-step process is a very powerful and effective tool. But, that does not mean that it is necessarily easy for an individual to succeed at it the first time she tries. Some of you have more innate skill in doing the process by yourself. For many, it may be helpful for somebody to guide you, somebody in whom you have confidence. You may also use the recording found on the website. It all comes down to you and to your intention. The tools are there to use. If you prefer the support of another, create that. Find a partner and support each other. There is always a way. It is the strength of your intention that makes the difference. We love you. We wish you to have a wonderful experience in physicality and to free yourself from all the fears of sexuality so that you may enjoy it ecstatically.

God Blesses You,

Sanhia