How do I deal with the losses in my life? | Sanhia on Losing Everything and Finding the Now

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(Taken live from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group.)

Good Now!

Participant One: (Laughing) Oh boy! It’s been kind of an interesting time. I’ve had a lot of endings this past five years. Every single time I think I’m going to get a break from another ending, I get another ending. I’ve been in a tsunami of endings. The big thing is I’m sitting here wondering what it’s going to be like just to be fully alone. I’ve gone through the alone thing with Sanhia before, but this alone is sort of different. I love being alone (laughing) with myself. I’ve found myself really struggling being alone without an anchor in the natural world, and without an anchor with my furry kids in my life. I’m down to one, having had enormous years, ten or twelve years, of doggy love and cat love. Just moving around and giving up everything that possibly meant anything to me over the past five years; just letting it go and moving forward. But I’m in a place where everything is standing still now. I don’t even know how to be in that space any more. That’s kind of my right now, very, very raw. I’m down to one cat that I’ve loved. I don’t know how well he is either; I’ve got a vet appointment in two months. I needed a break; I just lost one of my kids – one of my furry kids. I’ve gone through a lot this year – lost four furry babies, one dog and three cats. I can be alone with me. I’m just not sure how to be alone without that furry love. That’s my new thing, (laughing) sitting in the unknown without love for my kids. (laughing/crying) Anyway, that’s me.

Participant Two: I can bring you some cats.

Participant One: I know. I just felt that so much. I thank you. It’s just that having that love for so long, it’s like when you’ve had a furry kid in your life, whether it’s a dog or a cat, for so long, there’s something about that when you lose them you lose a part of you because they’ve literally been there with you for a decade plus. So, thank you for the new; I’m just trying to figure out how to be without the old. It’s a big loss, (laughing/crying) a loss, yeah. 

Sanhia: Perhaps you will enjoy or not enjoy the message that is going to come out February first. 

Participant One: I love all of your messages.

Sanhia: It speaks to the story because what has died is not your animal, but your story. 

Participant One: Yeah (crying) I know.

Sanhia: The story is always painful. Freedom is being without the story, just being in this present moment. This is the gift that your furry friends have left you. 

Participant One: Lonely

Sanhia: It’s lonely if you are comparing it to something else, which is called the story. If you are simply with what is here right now, loneliness is not possible. Loneliness is a comparison in the mind to something else. What is in the present is always absolutely fantastic. All that it requires is that you be with it instead of in the mind and the story somewhere else, wishing you had your story instead of what is. That’s always painful because you can’t; you can’t have that. 

Participant One: Over the past five years I’ve released the stories, at least I thought I did, of all the things I’ve loved. To be with the kids, my furry kids … and as I lost them one by one, sometimes two at a time, it’s been hard to stay out of the past. It’s just been such a lot of memories and ghosts all around me all of the time. It’s really been a hard struggle to stay happy in the present with that emptiness, which I know is not empty but it feels it. It’s a new me. I haven’t been without a kid, a furry kid, since I was a teenager. I know it is supposed to be this way and I get it, but I miss their love so much. It’s just the only thing that kept me grounded during this time that I’ve gone through losing so many things I loved so much. So anyway … 

Sanhia: Now you have graduated and you no longer need that. There is an enormous difference between allowing those feelings to be there – of grief and sadness – but letting go of the descriptions and just feeling the emotions that are there and letting them be there as long as they are there, and connecting those feelings with your mind thoughts.

Participant One: Lots of tears

Sanhia: You’re not trying to chase them away, not trying to change them, not trying to fill your life with something so you don’t feel that, but simply letting it be there and feeling it fully. 

Participant One: I managed the loss of my partner of thirty years. I didn’t lose him; we separated, divorced. But I lost the land that I loved so much where I felt home for the first time. And all the furry kids came from there. They were a part of the past that made that story that made me feel connected to something I love so deeply. I don’t have people in my life. I’m alone. I’m okay with that; it doesn’t bug me. I just don’t know how to be alone without that connection to the love that an animal gives, whether it’s out in nature and I’m observing or whether … whatever. So, it’s just letting go of that story and being with it. I have one furry kid left. I love him so much. There’s nothing that matters more than him right now. I don’t matter. Nothing matters and I don’t know where to be with that. It feels as though I’m ending my life. Truly it does. (crying) It feels like my life has just stopped and it’s done, and I know that’s not the case but it just feels that way. And it’s like you suggested, just being with it, what it is, feeling it. I appreciate that because I get up and I work and I come back and I feel completely zombied.

Sanhia. And you know what’s going to happen with your last surviving cat.

Participant One: Yeah. I’m going to sit alone at my house. I don’t know what that’s going to be like. It’s going to be really awful (crying).

Sanhia: Notice that your mind has a horrible picture for what is to come. Is that a future you desire? Of course not, so let these thoughts go and come back to now. You also mentioned losing a part of yourself. Where is this part? Who is seeing it being lost? Can you lose the part of yourself that is aware of what is happening now? Notice that when you are telling your story you are creating something you don’t desire, and, more importantly, you are avoiding fully feeling what is present.  Be brave enough to stay with the feelings while letting go of the story. What motivated you several years ago to come and meet here and to talk with us?

Participant One: My move. Leaving everything.

Sanhia: What were you hoping would happen from that?

Participant One: That I would find peace in the mayhem. 

Sanhia: How did that work out for you?

Participant One: It has worked out really well. If there is one place where I feel this crazy life all makes sense … it’s here.

Sanhia: There is only one thing that we talk about here, even though we may go off on different benders here and there about this and that. We talk about being aware of the truth of who you are, being aware of your divinity, being aware that you are an awakened individual not paying attention to your awakeness – but looking in other directions and at other things – and encouraging you to be aware of what is. There is nothing that is more powerful in the healing process than healing that separation between the truth of who you are and your story – than losing, than letting go. Whether you choose to let go or you create it so that it looks like the universe made you let go, it’s all the same. When it is time to let go it is the letting go that happens, and no amount of trying to hold on will give you anything but blisters on your fingers and your palms. There is no holding on. What’s gone is gone. When you think you have something, you don’t have it; you have your story about it. So, you have your twelve years of having this animal with you, but where is that?  Is it here now? Or is it the story in your mind that keeps you away from being here now? Well, it’s very hard to let go of the story when you still have the main character from the story in your life. 

Participant One: The ghosts (laughing) I call them.

Sanhia: You had that cat as a kitten. Do you still have the kitten?  Are you grieving for that kitten bouncing around, playing with things, and rolling around on the floor? No, you still have the cat so you hold on to that, but the truth is every part of your story dies in every moment. To whatever degree you try to hold on to it, it’s pain and suffering. So, these losses are enormous gifts from the universe to say, “You can actually let go right now if you want. You can be here present. You can be with what is.” Every ego mind has an absolute terror of looking and seeing what is. Everyone has a terror of that. Ego believes you are your story; without your story you are nothing. Truth is … with your story you are nothing. Without your story you’re eternity; you’re everything; you’re God; you’re divine. As they say: “selling yourself for a penny on the dollar.” Holding on to a story that’s worth a penny, instead of the infinite riches of now, of the truth of yourself, of your divine nature.

Participant One: Just on that note about how you’re explaining all of that which makes so much sense, it feels right the way that you’re discussing it and I see it. It’s the after-the-fact, and I kept thinking about it so much this time around … why does it hurt so much…. every time? I’ve gone through so many losses. It should be a lot easier. It’s the wrapping up of this period of time that no longer exists because it’s past. I’m sure many of us have been down this road where the heart is just wounded from letting go of things you love. We’re very aware that the present moment is absolute, only existing. Every moment is every moment and the ghosts are just stories and it’s so human of us to want to be connected to something that we love so much.

Sanhia: You are not connected to the story. If you want to be connected, you do it every time you step outside your door into the beauty of the winter, into the trees, into the birds, the deer, whatever animals you see about, even the people, even the cars. That you are absolutely connected to everything that surrounds you at every moment, unless you are in your mind saying, “I wish this weren’t here and instead I had this cat with me.” So, you would rather have the cat that you can’t have than this universe of riches that is right here, right now. Ever changing – not the same universe – constantly moving and changing. You would get bored if it were the same all of the time. Yes, there is grief, so feel it and let it move and then notice what is around you. When you ask yourself why it still hurts or why it hasn’t become easier, you are in your mind and separate from the real world in front of you. Your story always separates you from what is and causes pain and suffering. Notice that and come back to the now.

Participant One: I do settle back into that place where I get what the “what is in front of me” is, whether I am making a cup of tea or whether I’m walking out into a snow storm – that’s my present moment. I feel the joy, like shovelling snow gives me so much joy it is ridiculous. I love being out there in the middle of the night shovelling snow, watching it blow around, being out there, warm. I love all of these things. (laughing) That’s my journey; it’s to find the joy within this human experience. It’s always alone that I enjoy myself and my time. So, stepping out in the world and interacting with people, I’m happy and I share happiness. But that deep love, that deep something…. I’m just in a kind of nothingness, and I think that’s what I’m supposed to be. That nothingness is really what does exist. It just feels really empty of love. It’s more about a void of anything that really matters anymore. That’s the weirdest place to be. Feels dead — and yet you’re not dead – but you feel dead. All of that sensual love that I felt for the furry kids, there’s a bond whether you’re at nature, whether you’re having a great human experience of family – whatever it is. You feel full. It’s just been really strange having the fullness, but the emptiness, all at the same time.


Sanhia: You have hit the nail right on the head. Everything and nothing exist simultaneously. You are one with everything – with every object, every experience, every thought, every feeling, and every person. At the same time, none of it exists; it is all illusion. The place where everything and nothing intersect is in the now. The mind is absolutely incapable of understanding this. That is why you let the mind and the thoughts go; you give up trying to understand and just welcome whatever gifts God or the universe present to you. There is no story here. There is just life. Mind wants to find a story. This only leads to pain, confusion, and suffering. There is no story. There just is what is – and that isn’t even real! These are all just words and are not the truth. They are just pointers. Take your question about how can there be fullness and the void at the same time and keep looking within yourself for the answer.

Participant One: We also talked about – once upon a time – the service to others spectrum. That can also be a depletion of our own self love. Where we are always wanting to help others, as opposed to filling ourselves first so that we are full for everything out there. I think my energy, lack of energy, for the human experience comes from…. I just find it exhausting. I truly do. The other space I don’t feel depleted from. Even when I’m going through natural world or furry family trauma, it’s a different feeling of grief. The human experience is just a big journey; I know it’s the one we’re supposed to be on so it’s okay (laughing). It’s all part of everything. It’s just interesting going back to ourselves, always. Loving ourselves says a lot about what we can do in the world when we are that full. 

Sanhia: Usually when we talk about projection, we are talking about judging others for the things you don’t want to see in yourself, but loving another is also projection. All the love that you direct toward your cats is a projection of loving yourself, realizing that you couldn’t love them without loving yourself. Because you have the belief that you are not worthy of love, you project that love onto your animals. Notice that and look at the part of you that is self judging. Keep looking until you find the truth of your loveliness, of your divinity. The cats are there to remind you to do that. What a gift! In the same way that whatever causes you to not be around people, what judgments are there … that “Oh, thank you for showing that there is the place where I don’t love myself; there is the place where I judge myself.”  You may avoid people some, but we all know that you can’t do it all of the time, even if it’s just the clerk in the grocery store or the person who is throwing all of the fatty, sugary foods in their basket and you are thinking, “Oh, how can you eat all of that junk?” (laughing) So constantly you have this gift of the moment of seeing where you are not loving yourself. The mind wants to say, “No, this is about them. This is about my cat not being here.”  No, it’s never; it’s all projection. Whether it is love or judgment, it’s all projection. 

There is an enormous difference between service that just emerges spontaneously and passionately and service that comes out of guilt, of need for approval, of being worthy, of being good and so on. The latter comes from the mind; it just bounds out. The animals don’t ask for much. People ask for enormous amounts. Is the avoiding people out of, “I don’t want to feel all of that guilt and that pull on me because I would want to take care of them the way I would take care of my furries”, as opposed to allowing it simply to bubble up spontaneously where it does. Look at this projection where you feel compelled to help others. Take it home and look into it. Is it truly in your heart to serve, or is this an attempt to hide from feelings of guilt, unworthiness, or un-lovableness? Look at the truth of these self judgments. The people in your life are providing this wonderful gift to you. Offer silent thanks and receive what is being presented. It is always about you and never about them. You want to open these gifts. It is not your job to fill yourself anymore than it is your job to serve others. Life is filling you at every moment. Let it.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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A conversation over “What Is the meaning of life?” Part 2 | Sanhia on Projection

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(Taken from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group. It is recommended that you also read the messages from January and February if you haven’t already done so)


Good Now!

Participant 3: Is a relationship possible if both partners forget all the past?

We call that a divine relationship.

Participant 3: Hey who are you? (laughing) Hi, all of the time. It’s like a new person. 

But they are. You are not the same as you were yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that. Every day, every moment you are a new person. So is your partner. The more tightly that you hold on to your story and the one you have assigned to your partner, the less able you are to notice the present you or the present him. You have already decided what you like and don’t like about that person. Instead of living with the person who is present with you, you are now having a relationship with a projection from your mind. The partner is just being there. You don’t know who they are. Look and see what presents itself in this moment. He doesn’t do anything to you. Doing just happens. Your mind wants to give meaning to everything. You can notice when you are doing that.

Participant 3: But it’s good sometimes. If the person throws cold water on me and I want warm water, then I need to remove myself from them. It’s good to know that it is cold water again and not to expect something else from this person. 

Who is giving them the label of cold-water thrower?

Participant 3: Yes, it’s cold for me. 

That means that wherever you go you will likely get cold water. It may look warm at first, but sooner or later it will feel like cold water. It is you, not the partner, who is giving meaning here. Let’s say that you are absolutely in the now, no past and no future. How can water be cold? (laughter) Something is experienced as unpleasant because the thought is there that this is not what you want to be here. Just for fun, let’s say that you are undifferentiated God and you have the inspiration to find out what water feels like. You have never experienced the physical so you manifest a body and water and jump into it. Would you say that the water is warm or cold? You would have nothing to compare it to. It is just the sensation of water in this now. You can only evaluate temperature if you have a story from another time. Since everyone has their own story no two people will absolutely agree about the comfort of the same water.

Participant 3: I’m confused. If I’m choosing someone to be with, and he’s treating me with cold water, and I keep letting it be, then I’m not being good to myself. 

Are you absolutely certain that you have been doing this choosing? Did you choose to meet this person whom you had never met before? 

Participant 3: It just happened. If he asks me out again after the cold water I can say yes or no. If I’m good with cold water, I can say yes.

But your saying of yes or no is based on your story. Did you choose your story? How far back does this cold water run in your story? Has it happened more than once?

Participant 3: I see how I feel when someone is caring and when they are not caring. It’s a mix of many stories.

It’s just your story. It has nothing to do with him. If you let yourself believe that it is about them, you will meet the same story over and over because it is your story. Your relationship is just the intersection of your stories. 

Participant 3: So, what do I do?

Notice when you are in a story. Saying that he is throwing cold water on you is a story. 

Participant 3: That’s his story.

No, it’s your story. He is just doing what he’s doing. Your story is about projection. You see him doing what you are doing to yourself. The question is why you are throwing cold water on yourself. 

Participant 3: But I’m still not going out with him again.

So, you will let the next one throw cold water and the next. This will go on until you recognize who is throwing the water.

Participant 3: Okay, I see your point. (laughter)

All that you can do is to notice your projection and let go of believing your story about it. The story is that you are a victim of jerks who throw cold water. Now you are the heroine, virtuous but long suffering. You can stand up for yourself, but the scenario merely repeats. The mind takes these things so seriously. But they are not true. None of the story is true. 

Participant 3: Is it about loving yourself? About wanting to be loved?

That’s a story too. Loving or not loving yourself is a story. It might be closer to truth to simply say you are love, or love is. There is nothing but love. It is all one. The mind thinks that perfection is somewhere else, that it’s not here. It’s always looking for someone or some place else and can’t see what is here. Love is here now. You do not fit my mind’s picture of who I want you to be, so there is not love here. Instead of seeing what is not here you can look and see what is actually here. Yes, the thoughts and the judgments and the guilt are here in your mind, but what can actually be pointed at? Do these thoughts actually appear anywhere? Can they be noticed by any of your senses? 

Participant 2: I think that the reason we sometimes feel we aren’t loved and that everything around is not love is because we are judging?

Yes, but mainly judging self. It may look like it is somebody else, but that is just projection. That feels safer. It’s not you, it’s that idiot over there. “Fry him God. I’m a good girl. Let him burn in hell. I’m trying to be as you want me to be.”

Participant 2: If we are saying that the only way is to see and accept what is, what if it doesn’t feel right? What if you don’t like what is?

You notice that there is not-liking-it present. That is not an emotion; that’s a belief or a thought. The emotion is felt in the body. When you push someone away because you notice you feel bad in their presence, you are saying that it is not okay to feel that way. Self judgment takes place for having that feeling. If you totally accepted all your feelings, you would welcome anybody to come in and push any button they could, so that you could feel every one of your feelings. 

Participant 3: I get so confused sometimes. Choosing someone who is a criminal so that he can push my buttons?

We’re just joking a little bit here. You don’t choose who you will be with. Relationships just happen, sometimes, perhaps, with a criminal (laughter). 

Participant 2: But you can choose to stay with them, or leave.

Maybe. (more laughter) Are you sure about that. It’s absolutely an illusion that you are choosing anything. It is just what is.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t walk away from something. When you walk away because it isn’t good, you bring mind and judgment in. The only thing you can be certain about with your mind is that it lies almost all of the time. It evaluates and separates itself from what is. It constantly judges. How do you know that something isn’t good for you? The body may just move away from something instinctively, but that does not come with a mind judgment. It just does that. The mind “chooses” as it does because it is programmed to do that, programmed by the past, not seeing what is present. The mind’s desire is to hide the truth from you; the truth is that you have a story, and that story causes you to have pain and suffering. It also justifies the existence of the ego mind. Better to be a victim than not to exist at all is it’s reasoning. Your story dictates your “choosing”. There is no freedom of choice in that. There is just an endless loop of suffering until you stop believing in your story. As long as you hold on to your story you find yourself back in the same situations. 

Participant 2: What is the way to let go of the story?

Notice that you are telling yourself a story. Notice that you believe your mind is right. Notice that projection is taking place. Notice that you feel a victim. Notice, notice, notice. But don’t take seriously what is noticed. Don’t listen to the voice that says that you must make the right choice to get away from your story. The only way to get away from the story is to realize it isn’t true. It doesn’t matter if you stay or walk away, if you still believe in your story. You’ll meet it somewhere down the road. 

Participant 3: But how to notice the difference. It’s also a judgment to say that this time you did it right. 

Exactly, but perhaps you notice that judgment is present. All that is here is that there is walking away taking place. It is not right or wrong; it simply is what is. If you physically walk away but mentally keep thinking of that person and analysing what he did, you haven’t walked away. You brought him with you while keeping the body at a safe distance. True walking away would not be walking “away” but would be walking into the next experience. Walking away because you have a feeling to do so may not be the same thing as walking away for a reason – for the judgment that there is something you don’t like about the other person. One is reacting to the now; the other is reacting to a story. If you walk away and are still thinking about him, you probably have a story. Notice that there is a story and then be willing to look deeply into it. That means that it is not about him; it’s about you and your story. 

Participant 3: What is my projection when I am perceiving cold water from him? 

How are you throwing cold water upon yourself? It may take a while to see it. It helps to be literal with what you see the other doing, in this case the “throwing of cold water”. 

Participant 3: Do you mean in this very moment?

There is only this very moment. In every moment, whether you are alone, with a male, or with anybody else – you are throwing cold water on yourself. You are the one doing that. Get rid of the middleman, whom you have no control over anyway. It is necessary to let go of the projection before you can really see how you are doing this to yourself. Don’t shoot the messenger. You are the one who has sent the message. If you were willing to look directly at this you would have no need for him to do it. It is scary for you to look at this, but absolutely necessary in order to end the cycle.

Participant 3: That’s why I don’t see it. So, how do I find the key?

The key is to really get that it is you and not him. When you are certain it is in you, I guarantee that you will dig until you find it. The wonderful news is that it is not him. How can you do anything about him?  At least with yourself you have the possibility of going past your resistance to finding why you believe you deserve to be treated the way you are treating yourself. From there you can see if there is any true justification for your self-judgment. Hopefully, you will find that it is based on untruths. If not, keep digging. Self punishment comes about because of self guilt. The truth behind it all is that you are innocent and Divine. Keep digging until you realize that. Without a story there can be no separation, no guilt, no victimhood, and no suffering. If that isn’t worth letting go of projection, I don’t know what could be. It’s not likely to be a quick fix, though stranger things have happened. Likely it will demand persistence. Ego mind will not usually retire gracefully. It will continue to whisper in your ear that it is him and you need to do something about that. 

Participant 2: So, in this case where she says that he did not take care of her and wouldn’t feed her, should that be taken literally?

Excellent point. How do you not feed yourself or otherwise take care of yourself? How do you not give yourself what your heart desires in the moment?

Participant 3: Being polite for example, and not leaving sooner.

When mind and judgment aren’t involved, then leaving is easy. It is better called going to rather than leaving from. You just do it. You have no idea if you are coming back. How could you? You are just going now. Life is just an endless chain of relating to what is here in the present. Some people will occur back in your life often; some never again. Most will fall somewhere in the middle. Even in the closest relationships you come and go; you don’t spend twenty-four hours together each day. 

If in your mind the strongest thought is that the purpose in life is for you to awaken to the truth of yourself, then everything else – relationships, work, money, success, achievement – will be filtered through how it relates to your state of awakening. Nothing else will have a value of its own; none of it can become your purpose in life. If awakening does become your purpose in life, a roadblock remains. You want to wake up because you believe you aren’t. However, you are awake but just not aware of it. So, your purpose is to get someplace that doesn’t exist and that is not possible. It’s here right now. So even awakening cannot be the purpose in life. Knowing your Divinity cannot be the purpose. You already are that. It is not the sun’s purpose to be the sun. It is the sun. You already are that. Look until the you that is looking is one with the observed. No separation. A fish doesn’t notice it is swimming in water. It is one with the water. If there is any purpose, there is separation. All you can do is notice that is present, thinking you should be something different than you are right now. 

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Am I responsible for what happens in my life? | Sanhia on the Illusion of Control

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Good Now!

Participant: Am I responsible for what happens in my life?

This is one of the areas of greatest confusion for the spiritual seeker. The belief that is present, that has been learned and programmed, that is probably embedded in the DNA, that has been there through lifetimes and through civilizations is that your choices and actions make the difference in your life. The teaching is that you are responsible. You are to decide what you want in life – what you want to do, how you want to be – and then you put that into action. Let’s just be open for a moment to that actually being possible, that is that you decide what you want and then manifest it in the world. If that were the case, would you create unhappiness, conflict, or pain? Would there be war or poverty? The answer to those questions is quite obvious. People don’t plan and wish for such things. They likely have other things in mind when choosing futures and making plans.

So, if you are responsible, if your thoughts and desires create what happens, how can such conflicting results be explained? I can see two ways that attempts might be made to justify these results. One is to decide that you must not be very talented at creating what you want, that somehow you allow disparate thoughts or actions to creep in that are not aligned with what you really want. Secondly, perhaps, you simply don’t have that power; you have simply been programmed to believe that you do or at least that you should possess such abilities. If we look at failure to realize your goals as a weakness on your part, it begs the question of whether that failure is your intention. Is it your plan to fail? Or do you simply notice that the lack of success happens and blame yourself or, perhaps, others? Logically, it makes more sense to assume that you do not have the power to control your world. The mind might argue that sometimes you make a plan and things happen nearly as you wanted them to. Does that happen every time? Ask yourself honestly if it even happens most of the time. If your response to this question is in the affirmative, then keep working your magic. For the rest of you there must be something else going on here.

Participant: Some spiritual teachings say that you can listen to one of two voices, the voice of ego or the voice of Spirit. Am I responsible for that choice? 

This opens us up to many questions. One of those is that if you listen to and act from the voice you have identified as Spirit, or God or love – will things work out as you hope they will?

Participant: Not necessarily. And I wonder if this is really what God wants. Can it really be the will of God if it feels so uncomfortable to me?

You have stated a second question. How do you know what the voice of God is saying? How can you be sure it is not that wily ego voice?

Participant: It’s not possible to be sure. 

Once again you are in a position where you are the one seemingly making this choice and you therefore feel responsible for the outcome. Did you listen to the right voice, and, even if you did, are you still responsible for the result? Or can you now blame God if you guessed right, but things didn’t work out as you hoped they would? 

Participant: I have no clue what God’s will or plan is. That doesn’t seem possible. Maybe when things come to some sort of crisis we surrender and realize we just aren’t able to choose what should be.

One thing that often happens when you choose and take responsibility for that choice is that if things work out the way you hoped they would, you pat yourself on the back and think you have done a good job. If things don’t work out in what you consider to be a satisfactory way, you then blame yourself. You decide you didn’t do a good enough job. Or you blame others or God for this failure. And, as we suggested earlier, this lack of positive results is much more likely to be the result you experience. So you spend most of your time with a sense of failure and guilt, or in a place of victimhood and anger. What if what happens is not determined by your choice and action, that you are not responsible for it? If that is the case, there is no reason for self-congratulations or for blame. You are not responsible.

Participant: That can be a relief!

It can be a tremendous relief. Now let’s look at the mechanics of what goes on. When you have convinced yourself or have been programmed to believe that you are responsible for your decisions, that they determine what happens, your mind focuses totally on these choices. It leaves out the ten thousand other variables that are a part of what is. Let’s give an example. Say that you make the choice to attend a spiritual group. Your intention for doing this was to awaken to the truth of yourself. You believe that you had the power to make that choice. But let’s look more deeply at this choice, to really investigate it. How did you become aware of the opportunity to attend this event? Maybe you heard about it from a friend or saw a poster or heard about it online. Did you have the intention to find out about this meeting? Was that planned? No, it just happened. You are not responsible for creating this opportunity. When that choice did become available to you, what made you say yes? Perhaps you had previous experiences that made you open to this one. Did you choose those opportunities coming to you? And what came before them, and before them? Likely there was a time in the past where you would not have chosen to say yes to this spiritual event. You are constantly being reprogrammed by life experiences. Most other people have not been programmed to be drawn toward such an event. Some of you, whether you call it your DNA, past lives, or whatever, came into this life with a predisposition toward the spiritual. Are you responsible for that? For others it may have been the farthest thing from your mind, but life pushed you in that direction. In either case, where is the choice? Maybe your parents were an influence toward exploring Divinity. Do you remember choosing your parents?

Participant: No

Maybe you had a parent who was so abusive that in trying to heal yourself from all the pain you feel from that childhood you were guided in a spiritual direction. Did you choose that spiritual direction? No, you were choosing to heal and that is what appeared. You didn’t choose the abusive childhood experience and it seemingly led to a spiritual direction. Where is the choice? Where is the responsibility? This just appeared to happen. Returning to your attendance at the spiritual group, are you responsible for that, even after becoming aware of it? What if a friend had called yesterday and you decided instead to meet with them? Maybe you wake up sick. Maybe you oversleep. Maybe your car doesn’t start or you run out of gas or get into a minor accident on the way. Look at all of the things that needed to happen in this universe to get you to this workshop today. 

Participant: Most of the time we think we are the center of what’s happening and things happen from our choosing. Now you are suggesting that there is something else making the decision.

We could identify what believes it is in control and is responsible as the ego mind. But it isn’t in control. All these other factors exist along with the ego mind. As a pointer we could say that everything in the universe is interconnected. The ego thinks that it did something and therefore a result occurred, but there were ten thousand things happening at the same time. All contributed to what happened. There is never a single cause, nor a single effect, but a ripple, a constant movement, an interconnectedness of everything. We could call that the Oneness. We could call it Divinity. We could call it Not-Twoness. We could call it God. There are many names. You can have the thought that there is a meaning behind all of this, that the multiplicity of happenings is conspiring to bring about certain results. Perhaps there is a “method to the madness”, but how could you ever know? 

Participant: That’s a problem. You can never know?

But, is there a need to know? If you don’t have the ability to affect and change what happens, what good would it do to have understanding?

Participant: It is a relief. 

If it is simply what is happening, let it happen. What else is there to do?

Participant: So are you saying that it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do? Why even bother to do anything then?

Good question! I’m sorry if I misled you. I didn’t say that it doesn’t matter. What was said was that you don’t have control. You don’t determine the outcome. But you are one of the ten thousand things that are happening. It’s not that your action doesn’t matter: it’s just never the sole determinant. And whatever you do also likely comes out of your pre-programming rather than out of an uncluttered, informed choice in the moment. You make a programmed choice, notice what happens, and that goes into your programming. You are constantly being reprogrammed and so your choices may change over time. Still, your action or thought is but one factor in determining what happens. There is no rightness or wrongness about these choices. It is not your choice. You have no responsibility. Can a computer make an error? It may malfunction, but it can only act in accordance with its programming.

Participant: When you say this I wonder what the reason is for me being here. Is there something special I should learn? Why am I here?

You reach out for understanding because the ego mind demands a basis for separating right from wrong. It believes that it is responsible. When you ask this question, you are jumping over the fact that you are. You exist. You are aware of what happens around you. You are not the creator of what is. You are the experiencer of it. You may think that you are choosing and responsible. You may observe yourself believing that you are in control. As you become aware that you are not in control, that your choices are probably not freely chosen, but are programmed, you may notice that you choose what feels best to you. Perhaps at this point we could suggest the word preference, rather than choice. If there is any meaning to be found, it will be discovered in the observing, in the awareness of what is unfolding. The meaning of life, if there is any, is not connected with your ability to make decisions and to take responsibility. It can only be determined by paying attention to what is already happening. What an adventure such an investigation can be. You are a part of the whole, not the center. What happens when you stop feeling responsible?

Participant: Maybe there is some humbleness that emerges, along with some trust that what is happening is as it should be. If I have resistance to what is, I can have something to look at. Why am I not accepting?

A trap here can be that the mind decides it has to be aligned with what is happening. This brings you back to responsibility.  Now you are responsible for not being responsible.

Participant: It’s really hard to take this in. What does it mean to not be responsible? It seems like there is some choice there that comes from me. 

Yes. But how did it get into you? Is it your conscious creation? Where did this idea come from that you are absolutely responsible for what you call you?

Participant: That’s more like programming or the mass consciousness has spoken to me.

Let’s say, for example, that you are born with natural athleticism, while another is born with little coordination or physical strength. Was it your choice to be a good athlete? Did they choose the opposite? Did you choose your level of intelligence? Did you choose to have more or less compassion, anger, depression, or happiness than another? I challenge you to look at all of these things and find something that you actually chose. Yet these and a multitude of other qualities, both long term and short term, help determine the choices that you make today. 

Participant: The word that comes up in my head now is preplanning. Have I done a preplanning for all of these things?

Let’s just assume that there was some pre-plan. Do you remember being involved with that preplanning? Do you remember sitting down with Spirit or whomever and saying that you want this body and that nose, that you want to be controlling or fearful, that you will have a spiritual curiosity? Do you remember choosing your parents, your children, or all of the people who would play major parts in your life? Do you remember planning successes and tragedies? Is there any memory of any of that? 

Participant: When you say it like that the answer would have to be a no.

Then how can you be responsible for any of it? If you have no conscious memory, it may or may not have happened. All that you know is that what is here now is here now. You can be aware of that but have no responsibility for its existence. You cannot change that it is here now. 

Participant: But mostly we don’t go there with all of these questions. We just glide on the ice and think that we need to take control.

And you also think that other people are responsible. You think someone hurt your feelings. You give them a false sense of responsibility. You project that they have the power to control the world through inflicting pain on you. Perhaps they had that conscious intention and got lucky, but most likely they were trying to create something totally different and were oblivious to your feelings. As long as you hold onto personal responsibility, you are going to suffer. You will usually fail to achieve your goals, but even with seeming successes your ego will go crazy, inflating its sense of accomplishment. That, of course, leads you to your next fall. Your awakening process cannot really begin until you accept the possibility that you aren’t running the show, that neither you or others have any real power. No amount of hard work or self-discipline will ever allow you to take control. 

Participant: So I have to stop listening to the mass consciousness. 

However, if you are claiming that the mass consciousness is wrong and you are choosing differently … (laughter). It’s about not believing in choice, period – without making that a choice. Most spiritual paths encourage you to choose differently. The expressions offered here are not tenets of truth; they are simply pointers. Awareness may lead to less suffering, but choices are only likely to increase it. Awareness that choice leads to suffering might lead to an end of suffering, but that cannot come about from choice. Choice is an adding on while awakening is a letting go, a letting go of everything but what is, everything that you have no control over. The less responsibility you take, the less suffering you will have. So when you stop choosing will painful things stop happening? Absolutely not! Painful things might still happen. However, you will simply notice the presence of pain. There is no blame or projection, because things just happen. You are not responsible. You don’t have that power. There are no worries about what you have to do to prevent a repetition. The future is of no importance. Since you are not the cause, the past doesn’t matter either. All that remains is this now. You can experience the pain while it is present. It will soon be replaced by or morph into something else. The suffering only comes from your false sense of responsibility.

Participant: But I want to be enlightened.

That will happen when it happens. You are not responsible for making it happen, so holding on to being the cause can only get in your way. Your preference to realize awakening has been expressed. Your work is done. The universe responds with “duly noted”. Let go. If enlightenment is a knowing of the Oneness with all and choosing comes from the separated self, how can an expression of separation lead to Oneness? Continuing to exercise your independent will means a continuation of suffering. Enjoy your sleep. 

Participant: But there is something. I can choose a spiritual path. So, I need to step out of how it is in the world. There is a confusion there. I have to do something. 

Who is this “I” who needs to do something? This is the one who believes it is separate from the whole. All it can create is more of a sense of separation. It has things backward. There is nothing that it has to do, only things to stop doing. Stop trying to be in charge. Let the world be as it is. Is there really any other choice? It is only denial and insanity that would think the world can be other than it is right now. So, see what is there. Stop blaming and resisting. No guilt and no blame. You are not responsible for the good or the bad. Neither is God. Things are as they are and can be no other way. This is the Oneness and it is perfection. There is nothing for you to do other than have awareness and eventually gratitude. Anything else is an expression of not being aligned with the Oneness, of being separate, of being asleep. 

Participant: I am aware that there is a belief that that isn’t good, that I don’t want that to happen. This keeps me from truly seeing the now.

Belief is no different from choice. Does your belief change anything? Let’s say you believe that everyone should act kindly toward everyone else. Does that change how others act? Your beliefs have no power. If there is Oneness, it exists whether or not you believe in it. If you believe that unkind acts will be punished by karma, do you witness that to be your day to day experience? When your beliefs do not prove themselves to be correct, there will be suffering. Let them go. There is the belief in right and wrong. How is that working for you?

Participant: It’s not working at all. It is like stones in my shoes. It causes pain with every step I take.

Again, these are not beliefs that I am sharing with you. They are merely pointers. They are suggestions for things to look at, to try on. I suggest that if you look long enough and hard enough at the idea of your having personal responsibility, you will recognize the untruth of it. It is all a smokescreen.

Participant: I can see how letting go of that would be an enormous relief. What can I say to my fears of what might happen if I don’t exercise choice?

Will that lead to meaninglessness, hopelessness and despondency? Will that lead to a world where worse and worse things will happen because nobody is stepping up to take responsibility? All that I can say is that if you have reached a dead end with your attempt to be in control, what do you have to lose? If you still believe that you can make a difference, go and give it your best shot. You cannot make a mistake. There is no right and wrong. Maybe another day will come when you want to have this conversation again. 

Participant: The world isn’t like what you are saying. It is screaming out just the opposite.

That is so. We never have to worry about turning people away at the door (laughter). Here is one last game you can play. Look at a few things that you consider to be among the best things that have happened in your life, the most important and valuable events. Which ones did you plan and choose? 

Participant: (Laughing) I didn’t plan any of them.

Which of the events that you consider to be the worst did you plan and choose?

Participant: None of them.

So you had no part in choosing any of the most profound things to happen in your life. If you look more deeply at those events that seemed the worst at the time, how many have since shown an upside and in fact may now be considered as fortunate jewels that came your way? Perhaps the Universe has always done the superior job in creation, not really the superior job, but the only job. Take your hand off the wheel. It is not and has never been directly connected to the driveshaft. You can do much worse than accepting the hand you are dealt and playing it to the hilt. 

Good Now!

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What Is Freedom? (Part 2) | Sanhia on Finding Inner Spiritual Freedom

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                                                            (click for audio on YouTube)

Good Now!

Participant: You have described how to find the outer freedom, can you say more about how to find the inner spiritual freedom?

It would be nice if I could give you a blueprint for how to do this, but it is going to be different for each one of you. I can offer some general pointers. The first one is that if there are things that you feel you should do, that they are the right things to do, that you need to do, that it’s not safe to not do … Stop it! Don’t do it! 

Participant: What do you mean that I shouldn’t do?

That in your mind you believe you should be doing. That everyone says that it’s the right thing to do. You’ll be a financial or emotional disaster if you don’t do this. You’ll lose everything if you don’t act as you are supposed to. The first thing is to stop doing that. I’m not so naive as to believe that a person is going to be able to stop on a dime doing everything they feel they should be doing, but nonetheless you make that commitment. Then you begin cutting and cutting. 

Participant: Tell me more about this commitment.

There are two steps. First you don’t do things you are not guided by your heart to do. If you have spent your life ignoring your heart while doing what society expects from you, this may present an enormous challenge. You have no practice in it. It may be difficult to even hear your heart. All you hear are these voices of fear. The first step is to have the willingness to hear your Divine personal will, to begin to turn this ship around, to begin to be guided by that voice. If you can’t hear your inner voice, create space for it. You create space by letting go of things you know it isn’t; the things you truly don’t wish to do. This doesn’t mean you need to quit your job today. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything. But, if the job doesn’t bring you joy you will probably leave it sooner or later. The creating and filling of that space is the second step. Maybe you start in a small way. Here’s an example: the grass is growing and could be cut. The neighbors’ lawns are all better trimmed. In addition, theirs are free of the dandelions and weeds that spread across yours. The mind says that you should go out and mow it, perhaps also finding a way to eliminate those pesky dandelions and weeds. Does the heart wish to cut the grass today? If it doesn’t, don’t do it today. Facing the judgment of others, not to speak of your own, will put you through great emotional upheaval. 

Participant: So don’t follow the fear or act from it. 

Be aware each day where action is triggered by fear. As you stop trying to be a “good girl” or a “good boy” space will open up in your life, the space that was filled with acting from guilt and a sense of duty. Don’t fill this space with more obligations. This is a space to play in. Enjoy it. Slowly find things you have been wanting to do but have denied yourself. This is not a space for judging what is practical, good, or right. The only filter is whether you feel like doing it. Is there at least a modicum of passion present?

You have been taught to believe that you are little, that you are a sinner, that others need to show you the way, that you lack the wisdom to choose for yourself. Is any of that true? That is a prison. You hold the key. You commit to not accepting all of that anymore. You open the door and let yourself move toward the love and the light and the joy that you wish to know and experience. 

Participant: It sounds like when you are grown up you can have this discernment: is this what I want to do, is this my freedom? How is it for a child? Is there freedom for them also? 

You notice how everyone is different. Some children acquiesce when confronted with the discipline adults ask from them, saying “Yes ma’am” and “Yes sir” and trying to be “good”. Some rebel and refuse to cooperate; they won’t play the game. Why do some claim freedom while others don’t? We could look at many reasons for that, but the audience receiving this message now are not children, so we could say that it doesn’t matter. On the other hand, it could be said that much of the audience is still acting like children, still trying to do the right thing or perhaps living in rebellion. Those who rebel may not be any freer than those who cooperate. Rather than being free to do as they wish, they may be controlled by a need to oppose, to fight, and to do the opposite of what is desired by others, rather than listening to their heart. It could also be suggested for those of you who are no longer children, but occasionally or more often find yourself in their presence – that you could try two things. First, do your best to allow the children to follow their hearts as opposed to trying to imbed in them your thoughts of who they should be and what they should do. You will not have much success there if you are not allowing such freedom for yourself. Children will be more influenced by your actions than your words. So, let yourself out of jail.  Second, you can consider the possibility that perhaps the children are the teachers and you are the student. They likely are in greater contact with their passions and act more frequently on them. The socialization project of mass consciousness has not yet been completed. Let yourself play with them. 

Participant: Why is it good to choose freedom? Where will it take me?

If you can think back to being a child and playing, just playing … there was no reason for your playing. There was no goal involved. You were simply acting out the joy you wished to express at that moment. That is all that was there. There was no meaning, no reason for your play. There was no sense of something you had to accomplish, something you came here to do. There was not likely such a mental awareness as this, but you were simply God expressing through a human body whatever was desired to be expressed. You were absolutely free to play with that in any way that you were moved to do. 

Participant: As a grown-up does it lead me to freedom to follow my inner divine voice? 

It does not lead to freedom; it is freedom. You are free to do that. Nothing can stop you from that except you. When you act from a motivation of joy rather than fear, you are expressing freedom. It is not leading you to freedom. You have always had that freedom. But you haven’t necessarily chosen to exercise it. The mind often draws a line limiting your freedom. You can do this, but not that. That is going too far. Really? Says who? It is only a belief that draws these lines, that builds the walls of this prison. These beliefs are not imposed from the outside. They are chosen and re-chosen in the present by you. If you allow yourself to follow your inner voice you will find it to be in constant movement and change. The joy that guides you in the present doesn’t lead anywhere. Where does the weather go? Does the weather have purpose? It constantly changes and expresses. So do you. You learn from everything you express in the present, from everything you do. Your computer is constantly being reprogrammed.  You may decide not to try that one again, or you may have a “Wow!” and want to go that way again. Of course it will never be the same way again. Everything changes. You may be inspired to tweak it in a certain way. 

Participant: As you started to say that for a child there are rules all around them about what to do and how to behave. Do I have to balance that in some way to get my freedom?

What usually happens is that as an adult you take over the role of the enforcer that was in your life as a child. 

Participant: And you call that freedom?

No, that’s not freedom at all. You could call that “being socialized”. You no longer need an adult telling you what to do because the policeman is in your head now. 

Participant: Oh, yeah, so how do I get to the freedom?

By saying no.

Participant: No?

No to the should. No to what there is no passion for. No to the guilt. 

Participant: So it’s no to this and no to that. Where is the freedom?

It may start out that way. The freedom is wherever you notice it. Maybe today you notice you wish to take a walk in the park. Perhaps now you wish to lie in a hammock and read a book. 

Participant: You make it sound like there is an inner voice of freedom. All that you need to do is to listen and follow that inner voice. Is it so?

Yes, but we could replace freedom with joy, curiosity, excitement, or passion. But you would not use terms like duty, responsibility, what is “right” or “the right thing to do”, or what “should be done”.

Participant: Why is freedom something that is not promoted by society? Why doesn’t society want me to be free? 

This is learned behavior. It is how people’s computer minds are programmed. Society cannot teach you to be free because it was not taught how to be free. 

Participant: Will society break down if most of the people take their freedom?

That is the fear that is held. Not only should you do as you are told because the authority and the rewards and punishments go way back, all the way to god, but you are also letting society down when you don’t follow these dictates. Such freedom leads to anarchy and lawlessness and who knows what. This comes from a society that has created constant war, poverty, separation and aloneness, and a multitude of unhappy, unfulfilled people. Listening to outer authority has demonstrably failed. Can your inner guidance do worse? Is it not worth taking the chance; could things really be more disastrous? It is the reaching of such a point of thinking that things cannot get any worse that leads some to consider other possibilities.

Participant: You are talking about freedom and God. How do they connect with each other?

We could say that if God has a horse in this race, the horse is God expressing that you were made like God, so why not be like God? No limits. Divine. Free to create whatever you want. Do it!  

Participant: Where can I find this Divine freedom? Where is it speaking?

It’s speaking wherever you have insight or passion, wherever you are drawn to something. 

Participant: So if I follow my passions, it slowly deepens my freedom?

Or your awareness of your freedom deepens. The freedom is always there. There is knowing that. No one can control you. Even if they take your physical life, that is nothing. That is not who you are. You simply are. You are God having experiences through a body. If you want to come back using another body, you will do that. 

Participant: I want to have freedom.

You have it. 

Participant: How can I be sure?

By exercising it. You will not know it by listening to me. Act on it. That is the only way to find out. The fear is all that stands in your way. Even when you choose what you truly desire, the fear will probably not go away immediately. It will likely intensify. It is waiting for what it believes will be the eventual punishment. The old tapes will continue to roll, warning you that you won’t get away with this, that you just can’t do what you want to do. The fear will be there, so you face it. Let it be there. Let it express. Feel it in your body. Don’t deny it or try to chase it away. Welcome it as long as it wishes to hang out with you, but don’t let it run the show. Don’t let it guide your actions. It is simply time for the fear to wash through the body like a summer storm, to do its cleansing and to pass on allowing the sun to shine again. 

Participant: So freedom is connected with being brave enough to face my fear.

Yes

Participant: So that is the balance … with the freedom and the fear. Would you say? 

Yes, but you need to let it rage as long and as loud as it wishes. You fear that your fear will kill you, but it won’t. Try it out and let me know how it works for you. Face the fear. Let it roar. Take no actions to abate it. Do nothing that mind tells you will protect you. Sooner or later the fear will run its course. Everything changes. Nothing goes on forever. Put off action until the calm has returned and then choose from your passion. 

Participant: So the freedom is realized when you have the guts to not follow what the fear would have you do, but to just face the fear until it’s gone and then choose from your passion.

I couldn’t have expressed it better, but the proof of the pudding is in the eating. So, to conclude today’s conversation, we will make reference to the all-American game of Monopoly. You land on “Chance” and draw a card. It reads “Get out of jail free”. This card is my gift to you now, and this particular card has the magic to be reusable. Anytime guilt, shoulds, victimhood, or fear come to you, play this card.

Participant: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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Is This My Will or God’s Will? | How to Differentiate Personal and Divine Will

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(click for audio on YouTube)

(transcript from a recent session)

Good Now!

Participant: I have two questions that are essential for me. One is about my knee and the difficulties of walking, as well as some other annoying health problems. There is a lot of fear and guilt around this.  How can I deal with this discomfort? Is there a lesson for me to learn? The second question concerns the noticing that I easily feel unloved, abandoned, or betrayed. It’s like I’m not sure I’m worthy of love and want to get affirmation from others. This feels out of balance and it is painful. I am trying to accept the will of God and let go of my personal will, but how do I know for sure which is which or understand the reason for God’s will being as it is?

So, there is some confusion in the mind about personal will and the Will of God. 

Participant: Yes. there certainly is.

We could put it in this way. We could say that the personal will is focusing the energy on things that are not truly desired.

Participant: It’s like I don’t know my own best.

For example, do you wish to have difficulty with your knee?

Participant: No

So, the situation with the knee is a focus on something you don’t want. That is an expression of personal will. The same with the other physical characteristics you have mentioned.

Participant: When you say it like that, I can get it at once.

The focus on the Divine would go something like this, “My body is perfect; everything is happening as it should.” Then, you let it happen. The personal will comes in and expresses concern with what is. It thinks it should feel differently in your knee. It worries that you should do something: training more or in different ways, applying salves, or taking supplements. None of these possible actions are motivated by love. They are not based in passion, but rather in fear. This is always the case with the personal will. For some, training is a passion. Be honest with yourself. Is that true for you here?

 Participant: There is a confusion in me. I don’t feel a passion to train in that way, though some of it I do enjoy.

Then let there be a clarity that you are doing things out of the joy of doing them, not to heal yourself. Do you passionately want to not be whole, to require healing? No, those thoughts come from the personal will. 

Participant: I can feel that. At the same time there is an enormous abyss there. 

Come back to the question of what you truly want without any reservations, without any guilt or shoulds. Do you desire to need healing or do you wish to know you are whole? What is it that you truly want? That is the Divine Will.

Participant: I spend a lot of time investigating the pain of my stories. If that is the will of God, I just want to accept it. I can stop trying to understand; I just need to know this is the will of God. I want to come to that point. But how to do this daily? Sometimes the physical sensations are so strong, and then my ego kicks in. It feels like a healing war.

Let’s go back to ground zero. Your expression suggests that you hold the Will of God to sometimes include “lessons” that will be good for you to learn. Let’s look at things from a different perspective. There is only one will. It is yours, the Divine You. You create everything in your experience through this mental activity. You have always done that. Many of these thoughts are based on beliefs that are not self-serving, such as not being deserving of love or being a victim to things from the outside that bring injury or sickness to the body. When you believe these things, because you are all powerful, such happenings are drawn to you. So, the first order of business is to stop holding thoughts that you are not passionate about manifesting. However, thoughts you have previously held are still doing their work. In reaction to their realization you are likely to experience what are called negative emotions. You cannot go backward and un-think those thoughts, but you can accept the feelings and sensations that they trigger and let them be there. This is not the “Will of God” acting on you, it is your “personal will” reaping what it has sown. It is not real; it is not forever. Let it be present – you have no choice as it is here. Eventually as you stop holding self-destructive thoughts, your experience will change. In order to have the power to choose your passion, you must also have the power to choose your poison. When you have had enough of that, you will let go of your addiction to pain. Again, there is only the Will of God. It is a question of what you are choosing. Any place you hold victimhood, you will continue to feel its effects. What is present is fully your creation, coming from the beliefs you hold. Don’t fight that, just decide to choose differently from this day forward. You will likely backslide, but stay with it. That’s what you do every day. Thoughts of being unlovable or needing to control the world to be safe do not come from love and passion. Love yourself with every thought. Worry does not come from passion. The Divine Will does not want to be healed, it wants to be certain of its wholeness. Would you rather see yourself as whole or broken? What does Divinity choose?

Participant: I need help. There is a part of me that doesn’t have that trust. I feel what you are saying, but how am I to fully step out there?

The power here is in how you choose to use the mind. You can use the mind to support the ego or you can use the mind to support Divinity. 

Participant: I want to support the Will of God but at the same time there is an area where I am not aware of what my mind is doing. 

Then, be aware. What is stopping you from being aware? 

Participant: It’s an enormous habit; it’s like being hypnotized. 

It is really very simple. If you are not feeling the Oneness, the Love of God, the Peace – you know the mind is holding on to something that is not true, creating a separation from the truth of your Divinity. It cannot be any other way. 

Participant: When you say that I can see that there is a belief in the body. When the knee does not feel as I think it should, then I think there is something wrong. That is where I am stuck. I really need help with this.

You can always begin by taking a deep breath and letting everything flow through you. Whatever is going on with the body that is not desired, that feels painful or fearful, is the creation of the ego mind. Know that behind all of this is a belief the ego mind is holding on to. Notice what your belief is and ask yourself in your heart of hearts if this is what you want your reality to be. 

Participant: So are you saying I just need to let it go? 

Let it go and know there is nothing to understand, nothing to figure out. The only question is what in your Divine Will do you truly want here. Let me give an example of how this might work. Let’s say that a person says that their will is to be taken care of financially. So, they decide to train to be a teacher, get a job, and work hard to maintain the position, and create the financial security they desire. This person is not being honest to their true will. It might not be in their heart to do that training, certainly not every day nor all aspects of it. They probably don’t truly wish to work as many hours nor as hard as they are asked to. There are likely some requirements of the job they dread facing. With all of those sacrifices, the job probably doesn’t pay enough – there are unmet desires. The security lasts only as long as they are able to keep the job. Changes in the market, or in personal health could put the job in jeopardy. If they are fully honest with themselves, they will go directly for what the Will of God is rather than thinking that the ego has to create and sacrifice in order to get there. Going directly there is focusing on the thought that they are always taken care of. That, rather than the teaching job, is what they truly want. Any thought that they are not always taken care of, that a certain action on their part may be necessary to ensure their security is holding a belief that they do not wish to be true. This creates a world of pain and suffering. There is no way to experience total support without sacrifice as long as limiting ego beliefs are harkened to. This is following personal will instead of Divine Will.

Let’s say that the training was to become a psychotherapist. Let’s say that the desire to investigate this field is the Divine moving in you. You want to explore the depths of psychology both for yourself as well as for sharing with and providing service to others. You are not doing this to provide financial security, but because the Love within you wants to create in this way. This is following the Will of God. In this quest you may find the training to demand things you are not willing to give. Stay with your Divine Will. You may have to create a whole new system of psychotherapy; you may not fit into the existing job structures. No problem. Stay with your inner guidance. Follow your passion. You have asked to be taken care of and you will be. That is of secondary concern. What is primary is the direction you are guided to take. Stay true to that. That is the Will of God. God does not settle for less. 

Participant: I feel taken care of economically; it is with love that I feel unworthy. 

We took this off in another direction so that we could play with it, so that it went away from the personal, but let’s bring it back there. As long as you allow your mind to play limiting games – not focusing on what you truly want, which is to feel and know that you are always loved – but asking yourself what you have to do to be loved. Maybe if your hair is just right, or if you looked younger, or if you are of service to others you will feel loved. 

Participant: I can see the craziness in it with your help.

Maybe the thought comes that if you can control the thoughts, actions, and energy of those around you so they will do as you wish them to, you will feel loved. You can always tell when it is the ego mind going; there is something in the middle. Instead of going directly for what you want, you create intermediary steps of things you believe you have to do to create what you want. None of these things are what you truly want. You have no true passion for doing them. Not only are these actions not what you truly wish for, they stand in the way of your realization of that Divine Will.

Participant: This morning I was paying attention to the energy in my knee and the pain didn’t scare me away, I didn’t experience it as pain. Then I began to question how I could know that I am right. Can I just feel the energy without taking corrective measures? The authorities tell me it is all about training. I am totally confused.

Don’t give your power, which is your Divine Right, away to anyone – including to Sanhia. You have a physical therapist whom you like and, you believe, is doing the best that she can, but does she listen to her Divine voice? Does she know that God always takes care of her, that everything is taken care of, that she has no need for a job in order to be supported, that she could wake each morning and ask herself what her Divine Will wishes to do with this day – what wants to express in this moment, what wants to happen? Would she be driving around from home to home as she does? Perhaps, but five days a week? This is not about her not trying to do the best that she can. It is about you giving your power away, and at that to one who has likely not claimed her own power. The advice comes from a belief that you are responsible for taking care of yourself. 

Participant: And that you have to fight the body.

So you can think, “Thank you for sharing”, and then follow your own Divine Guidance about what you are inspired to do. Maybe some of her suggestions sound like fun. Do it out of the joy of doing it, not because you are broken and need to be fixed. 

Participant: I see that I have fear around following the Will of God. I make God a part of the feeling that I have to do the training. It is like a war.

Have you made God your projection? You have a choice to make. You can listen to this ego voice that fears God and fears the Will of God, and tells you that you have to take responsibility, that you are broken and need healing, and spend eternity, like Sisyphus, pushing that rock up the hill, only to have it roll back down and having to start over and over again until you get so tired of it all that you decide to just kill off this body…

Participant: Let it kill itself?

No, you do the deed. You say you don’t want to do this anymore, that you are tired of it all. It’s too much; it’s too overwhelming. You don’t want to play this game anymore. Even at this point there are two choices. You can give it to God. What have you got to lose? You are going to die anyway. Or, your body dies because it is still too fearful to surrender to the Will of God. “Stop the world, I want to get off”.

Participant: No, I am not there. I don’t make the decision that I want to die now.

Most people make that decision unconsciously. Nor did you consciously make the decision to have a chronic problem with your knee. This makes it no less your creation. If there is a belief in victimhood, crazy things will happen.

Participant: Is God’s Will also my creation?

This, of course, is the second choice. There is no separation here. God’s Will and your will are one. The former comes from your love and passion while the latter comes from your fear and belief in separation. It is all your creation. The personal will does not represent what you want, however. We could say that your Divine Will back in your twenties was to know that you are loved unconditionally. Your ego mind did not believe that you deserved love. It whispered in your ear that you would be loved if you were a great mime/acrobat. Thus your passion for expressing through this art form became confused with a limiting belief. You could have manifested a successful career that left you still feeling unloved. Perhaps the passion to feel loved was stronger and losing the career made it more likely that you would come to love yourself. It is not important to understand just how things are working, only to realize that your thoughts are all powerful, so having an awareness of them can only support you in realizing your Divine Nature. Again, if you want to know you are loved unconditionally, go straight for that. Forget the diversions. If you have to do anything to earn the love, it is not unconditional; if you are judging yourself (or your mirrors), the love is conditional. Be aware. Go for the love. Totally. Conditional love is always saying, “Prove it to me”. Am I lovable even with this knee? The Divine desire is knowing that you are whole, not that you need and desire healing. The right use of the mind is to only focus on God’s Will, noticing when you are holding on to the separate will, and asking self what the hell you are doing? Why choose to create what isn’t truly desired? Everything is coming into your experience to lead you to what you truly want. That is a reason for not resisting what comes. You have asked for it, so take a good look at what you have asked for and notice how it doesn’t match your true desire. Let go of that type of thinking, that kind of request. Go only for the gold. 

Participant: Thank you.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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Can you talk more about the personal self not existing? Part 1 | Sanhia on Waking Up from the Story of You

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(recorded from a live session)

The ego mind has its own definition of perfection, and it only, occasionally, accidentally bumps up against the perfection that is. Part of that picture of perfection often is that the ego mind fully understands what is going on. But the ego mind never understands what is going on. It can’t because it is insane. It feels that it is real and it thinks that you are separate from the One. And it feels it has a mind of its own that should be listened to. Einstein once said, “The mind that created the problem is incapable of creating the solution”. You can rest easily with not understanding. Understanding is the function of the ego mind. Knowing is the function of Spirit. So, when you know, it is beyond understanding. There is no explaining why you know or what you know; you just know. There is certainty. That is why when you follow the will of God there is no choice. You just know. If you think there is choice, then you are in the ego mind trying to figure it out. And, as I like to say, good luck with that, because it doesn’t matter what you choose. We’ll talk more about these experiences of noticing, being what you think of as you, but noticing. What kind of experiences? And so you find that the world doesn’t disappear if you wait and don’t make a decision. What is important? If there is fear in the now, then that is what’s in the now. That is the gift. But it is not something to be overcome. 

Participant: Coming up distrust. Sometimes it is painful and I can feel it is so hard not to project it. I can see when I project. It is like abandoning myself. Even though I see all of this it’s really hard to let it go. There is some ego voice that is so angry, or very loud. So it’s really a roller coaster. And there is another thing that is very important, that’s about my karmic eight. What an enormous ego power it has. How my impulse is really driven by this controlling bitch. That is also an important insight. 

The place that we want to come back to is this place where there is no you. If there is no you, then there are no stories. Then there is no karmic eight. That’s a story. You can deal with all of the stories. You have found in another discipline that you could deal with your feelings and deal with your feelings, and the bucket is bottomless. You never reach the end of it. There is always another feeling. There is always something else. If there is fear it works better to accept it than to resist it. But, who is having this fear? As long as you believe there is a you who has fear, you will have fear. But there is no you having this fear. That is the illusion. Go. You look and notice that there is something noticing the story; whatever it might be, that is not the story. It’s simply noticing the story. No different than if you are watching a film on the television. You are noticing that story but you are not the story. So the question continually is, “Who is noticing this?”, and, “Where is this noticer?”  If you keep looking at that and looking at that, if you think you have found the noticer, “Who is noticing the noticer you have found?”  There is a step back and a step back, but there is no forwards and backwards so we are just saying that in a metaphorical sense that there is a step back until there is simply noticing. No noticer, simply noticing. 

Participant: What does that mean? The difference?

When you are watching a film, say on the television, you are noticing. First of all, you are noticing it is all projected on the screen. It’s not real; it’s not happening in your living room. You are simply noticing a projection on the screen. Where there is a character on the screen, you are noticing the character but you are not saying that’s me. But in the screen that you call your life, you are pretending that the character that you call “you” on the screen is real. But it’s not. It’s an actor that you are watching. You can practice when you’re watching the television screen and notice where you project yourself into any of the characters – either through thinking, “Oh, they are a good character”, or “Oh, they are a bad character”, or “Oh, they shouldn’t do that”, or “What are they thinking?”, and so on. Notice that there is projection going on. It’s not real. You turn it off and everything is gone. Nothing is there. Or you can turn it back on and watch the same episode over and over and over. Does it change? It’s just a projection on a screen. So you can practice with that and notice where you are giving reality to what is on the screen. 

Participant: Now when I have experienced so much physical pain it feels so real because you can’t get away from it, or you can take a painkiller but then everything is gone. 

Now you are projecting on your screen. Is there pain present in the now? 

Participant: That is a memory I am talking about. 

But that is what I am talking about. A memory is not the now. It’s not real. It’s not happening. 

Participant: I couldn’t handle that in that way when it was there. And that’s why I bring it up – to get some guidance around it. 

In the now there may be an experience and your mind might label that experience pain. When it labels pain and names it, then it moves out of the now and allows all of the stories of pain that the mind is holding on to, to be experienced in the now. Not simply what is in the now, but the whole idea of pain and everything around it. For example, a thought comes in, “Aw (breathes deeply), what if the pain keeps getting worse and worse?” “What if it gets to a point where I absolutely can’t stand it?” “What if it never stops?” “What is the meaning of this? Is this a punishment for me?” “What have I done?!” “What’s the lesson I’m supposed to learn? What’s the message? Spirit tell me what’s the message! Why am I having this pain?” The mind goes into all of this craziness that has nothing to do with the now. It’s going off in all of these directions instead of simply noticing the sensation, which is not pain. Pain is a word. You don’t experience a word. So you experience something in the body. So you go into it and you just experience nothing but that; let the mind go. Doesn’t matter what it’s about, where it came from, why it’s there, how long – it’s just what is here right now. And so you say, “Thank you Spirit; this is what is here right now”. And you experience it. And if the mind goes a little bit nuts and it’s more than you can tolerate, then take a painkiller. (laughter). There is no right or wrong about it. And then the next time the sensation comes, it’s a new experience. It’s a new now. But you are with the feeling, not with the thought of the feeling, not with the label of the feeling, but just the feeling. I want you to notice the resistance you have to simply letting it be there. 

Participant: Yeah. I see that. 

And so, for example, you project that.

Participant: Yeah, I have noticed that. And it’s one thing to notice it, but it’s not so easy to stop it. 

Yes, but noticing comes first. If you don’t notice it, it goes on forever. And the second thing you do – you can’t stop these thoughts from coming up but you say, “Ooh, but I’m not going to act on that now. Just going to notice that it’s there.”  

Participant: Then I get a little bit shamed about, “I’m so bad I can’t deal with this”, and so there is judgment on myself and…

It’s all the same thing. Judgment is not of the now. Judgment is comparison to what the mind thinks should be there. And the mind’s crazy. 

Participant: There is this fear of letting it go because then there is this abyss. That is so scary. (laughs) Scares the shit out of me. 

So where is this abyss? 

Participant: Yeah. (laughs) Where is the fear? From where does it come? If I accept it then it just takes over. So that is why there is some fighting against it. 

It already has taken over. (laughter) You’ve been letting it take over, empowering it all of your life. They say that the horse is already out of the barn. The thought of the mind always is dual. There is good and there is bad. Only the good is of God; the bad is not. And of course where you fit in, the you you think of as you, you’re on the bad side. 

Participant: I am? (laughs) 

Always. Trying to be good. “God look at how good I’m being. I’m so good.” But you believe that you’re bad. So what? Punishment? Sickness? “Guilt, fear, all these punishments that come to me because I’m bad.” “But I’m trying to be good. Tell me what I should learn here, God.”  (laughter) And all we’re saying is there’s no good or bad here. Whatever God brings is from God. There are no good gifts from God and bad gifts from God. It’s all Divine. The mind says, “Where is the love?” The truth says, “It’s all love. That’s all there is.” The mind says, “How can I feel loved?” The truth says, “You are love.” But the mind that sees a you as real, separate from God, then sees you as not love, because God is love and you are separate from god, therefore you are not love. 

Participant: Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. 

Loved if you do and loved if you don’t. 

Participant: (laughing) I think I’ll choose that. Is it possible to choose that? Who is choosing?

You’re choosing damned if you do and damned if you don’t, because as long as it’s you choosing, you are choosing separate from God. So no matter what you choose, you are choosing separation. But the truth is…not real. You’re not separate. And the pain is just on the screen. It’s not real. The part of you that believes there is a separate you also believes that pain is probably a good thing; because if you suffer enough, God will take you home. And if you stop suffering you are lost in hell forever. 

Participant: It’s a lot of confusion.

It’s only the mind that creates confusion. There is no confusion, It’s very, very simple. Whatever is here is from God and is Love. If you want to resist and fight it, that’s when it gets confusing. You simply silence what is. How crazy would it be to try to change what is; it already is.

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How do I deal with challenging people in my life? | Sanhia on The Power of Projection

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There is only one challenging person in your life. That, of course, is you. As long as you consider yourself to be a victim of the actions or behaviors of others, your life on planet Earth will be experienced as less than pleasant. Fortunately, victimhood is not the case. We have spoken before about the term projection. There are worse things that you could do than to print up a dozen cards with the word projection on them and post them throughout your home, car, and workplace…on every mirror, by the toilet…as a constant reminder that all you see in the world is your projection, no exceptions. The ego mind goes absolutely ballistic over this and will try incessantly to create exceptions. There are no exceptions. Cause and effect. You are the cause and the world is the effect. Never the reverse.

So, as they like to say in new age circles, there are no challenges or problems, there are only opportunities. These challenges with other people, which are your own creation, are opportunities for you to free yourself from judgment and separation. Or…you can go on pretending that it’s all about other people…and suffer. It’s your call. We don’t have a horse in this race. As a review, this is how projection works. Your ego mind, which thinks it knows everything or at least can figure everything out, knows nothing and can’t figure out anything. It believes you are this body, but you’re not. It thinks you are separate from God and Divinity, but you’re not. If we present this in the form of a story, keeping in mind that no story is true, it might go something like this. The ego believes that it chose to separate from God. This is the tiny confusion from which all of your “problems” stem. The ego is in error because it is not possible to separate from God. Anyway, on with the story. Ego mind creates this body and this universe as a way and a place to hide from God. Realizing it has made a bad choice, wanting to go back home, desiring God’s forgiveness, but feeling that this attempt to kill God is both unforgivable and deserving of severe punishment – ego is in a tough spot. Let’s list some other things that ego mind doesn’t understand. First, you never left home. There is no separation. The body and the Universe are what is not real. God does not and cannot judge. God is pure Love. God does not and cannot punish. Meanwhile in its imagined sinfulness, ego comes up with a plan. Put the blame on somebody else. Maybe God will notice that it is the other and not you who is guilty and deserving of judgment and punishment. “Burn them God! It’s their fault and not mine. I’m Innocent!”, you think. This is projection. Every time you judge another for anything, small or large, it is your guilt that you are projecting. It is all about you and not about them. In addition, you try to be a “good” person so that God will see that you are worthy to be brought back home. The only problem is that you cannot earn something that you already have and the only one accusing you of sin is you. No number of good acts or projections will cleanse you of your self-imposed guilt. You cannot buy your way into heaven. You never left. It is only this guilt that holds you in your earthly hell. So, forgive yourself. End of story.

Well, not quite. You go on through life projecting. Other people are wrong. Other countries are wrong. Other religions are wrong. You are right and you are good, but there is something inside you that doesn’t buy the whole story, that suspects that it is you who are truly guilty. Deep down is this fear, this dread of the inevitability of the coming retribution. Unconsciously you draw loss, pain, failure, illness, and emotional turmoil into your life, always trying to pay this unpayable debt. This is where the healing can begin. Let go of the projection upon God. Let go at the same time of the projection that you have toward yourself. You are innocent. Nothing happened. You did not leave God. God is not upset. It is all much ado about nothing. You cannot hurt God and God cannot hurt you. There is only Love here.

Now let’s return to the opportunity that you called a challenge. You have heard these words from me, perhaps read similar words in A Course in Miracles or heard them from some other teacher, but the bottom line is that you don’t feel them. You feel yourself to be victim to another’s energy. You’re sick and tired of everything but don’t know what to do with it all. This projection works in a very specific way. You don’t project everything on everyone. You project wonderful things onto some people, seeing them as loving and good. When you find yourself with a specific judgment toward another, that is what you believe about yourself but don’t want to face. You fear being punished, so you go into denial and project. Ego mind jumps in and yells, “I’m not like that!”. In truth you are not, but you believe that you are. Until you own this. Until you accept that the judgment is about self and has nothing to do with the other, nothing will change. You will live in projection and victimhood.

Your job, then, is to take ownership of the projections, to accept that the judgment is aimed toward the self. For example, if your projection is that another is not honest with you, ask how you are not honest with yourself. What untruths about self are you believing to be true? Anything short of recognizing your absolute innocence, your Divinity, is part of the lie. You are absolutely loved by God, but are you telling yourself that you are unlovable? You are always provided for, but are you telling yourself that you are undeserving and needy? Forgiveness is not a matter of recognizing where you have been bad and then asking to be forgiven. It is the realization that you have not and could not err, so there is nothing to forgive. There is only the Love of God.

Let’s look at a specific example so you might gain a clearer picture of how this whole process has worked and could work for you. A popular one for those of you who have children is being a victim to them. “They never clean. They don’t do their homework. They are not responsible. They don’t listen to me. They don’t follow my rules. They don’t respect me as the adult.” We could go on and on and you could each add to the list from your own experiences. Let’s just focus on one part of the litany, “My daughter never cleans up after herself. I am left with the choice of being in a constant fight or surrendering to grudgingly being my daughter’s maid.” The choice you make doesn’t matter. What effects you feel come from what you carry around inside yourself. There is a judgment of her irresponsibility causing you to make one of two equally undesirable choices. There is a good possibility that if you listen inside there is a parent saying a similar thing about you. You were taught to be a good person, to clean up after yourself. Did that result in you feeling like a good person? Probably not. Did you learn to feel guilt when you didn’t clean up? Probably. Did you resent being told what to do? Most likely. Now as an adult you act out of guilt and resentment when you must clean up. Instead of facing this inner anger and judgment, along comes this young whippersnapper on whom you can project all of this. The child may not be carrying the guilt or having a thought about what they should do unless you have been successful in drumming it into her. Maybe she is stronger than you and your parents’ games don’t work with her. Instead of passing your guilt on to her you could realize that each moment of each day you are carrying thoughts about what you should be doing to be a good person. What should you do? What does God want you to do? When you were small your parents represented God for you. They taught you right and wrong, good and bad – providing punishments and rewards. That was your first church.

You have the opportunity to notice that you have been forcing yourself to do what you don’t want to do. Ego mind screams out, “Yeah! But if I don’t do it the house will be a total mess!” Maybe. So what? Ego mind says there is probably a special circle in hell for bad housekeepers. Is that really true? Does God only take back home those with clean houses? What is actually going on here? What is really true? Recalling that God is unconditional love and acceptance, there are no rewards or punishments, no heaven or hell. You never left; it is only the ego mind that believes that what goes on here is of any consequence. So back to now. Do you clean or not clean? Perhaps you wait until you feel like doing it. Perhaps your standards of cleanliness go through a transition. Perhaps you start listening more to what the inner guidance and the body tell you instead of marching to the orders of the guilt driven ego mind. Without a sense of compulsion there may be a joy in the act of cleaning. Perhaps in the now there is exhaustion, so go relax. Above all, thank your daughter for putting you in touch with your guilt and denial. Always thank your mirrors…at least silently.

The root of all the fear, guilt, and blame is in the belief in separation. The truth is that there is Oneness. You are One with the Divine and with each other. What another is doing is what you are doing. It is all connected. In the perfection of what is happening right now in each moment, everything is unfolding exactly as it should. The script, as we said in the last message, has already been written. If you accept what is without resistance, it opens you up to the truth of your Divinity, to your Oneness with the Creator and the creation. Can you begin to see the enormous value of seeing the actions of another as your projection? You are being handed the keys to the kingdom. All is within you, never outside of you. What a perfect gift your child, or whomever appears to be a challenge, is offering you with their every action. All of this requires no volition on anybody’s part. Nobody needs to have any understanding of the part they are playing. They cannot help but to serve you. You only have choice on whether you wish to be served or bothered.

It doesn’t matter if the challenge in your life appears to be somebody who is irresponsible with money, has an addiction, is trying to control you, is abusive, ignores you, doesn’t accept you for who you are, or – we could go on and on and on. It doesn’t matter if this person plays a central part in your life or you only meet them once. You have the choice to be a victim (seemingly forever) or to grasp the opportunity to let go of your imagined separation and see the gift that is being offered. As long as you hold this as being about the other there is no way out. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But you are blessed and loved. This is your creation and you are doing a perfect job. Accept it and live in this now. You deserve to experience the Love and Peace that is the truth of You.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Is everything preplanned? | Sanhia on the Illusion of Choice and Free Will

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This conversation comes from a recent session.

Participant: Is everything preplanned?

I knew you were going to ask that. (laughs) Just kidding…a little. Both the short answer and the long answer is…yes. One of the favorite games of the ego mind is convincing you that you have choice. Not only does it convince you that you have the power of choice, but also that your choices will affect what will happen in the illusion. Therefore, you have a great responsibility to choose well, because what you choose is what you are going to get. We will start out by asking Our favorite question, “How has that worked for you so far?” Certainly, if you have received whatever you have chosen, we would not be having this conversation. What need would you have for a disembodied voice if you had all the money, fame, success, relationships, sex, adventures, and good health you could ever want? Obviously, you have received many things you never in your worst nightmares would have asked for. I assume for all of you to varying degrees getting what you think you want has not been the normal result for you. What that leaves is the possibility that you didn’t do a good enough job, allowing in too many doubts or thoughts that you could not have what you wanted. In this scenario if you had been pure in your thoughts everything would have worked out perfectly. A corollary to this is that you don’t deserve what you want.

Participant: Is the only choice to follow the Will of God?

Wow! You are way ahead of me. Perhaps we should switch places. We will come around to that point, but let’s fill in a few blanks first. The bottom line here is that if you have the ability to choose and your choice will make a positive difference, then why don’t your choices always work out? Of course, most of you will think of examples where you did choose something and it more or less happened as you desired it to. The question then is, “Having received what you asked for, did that leave you feeling full and complete?” The honest answer to that probably is that though it might have felt good for a period of time, eventually there was something else that you wanted. Perhaps there was not even a short-term satisfaction before realizing that you did not find the feeling you were hoping to have. So, the choosing continues on and on without ever delivering the heaven that has been sought. More likely there is a failure even to gain what is desired.

Let’s jump over to the other side and assume that it makes absolutely no difference what you choose or don’t choose. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Sometimes your wishes are aligned with that result and sometimes they aren’t. When what happens is aligned, you believe that you did it. You don’t want it to rain because you have a picnic planned and the skies remain clear. Do you now believe that you have power over the weather? If it had rained, who would you have pointed the finger at in blame? Yourself? God? Global warming? Alignment does not prove cause and effect. What if the whole script is already written out and there is nothing you can do to change that story?

Participant: But sometimes I find myself at a fork in the road and my whole life will change based on whether I bend to the left or to the right. Doesn’t that show that choice does make a difference?

Good question. It certainly shows that there is an illusion of the power of choice. It could be said that the choice you make was already written.

Participant: But Sanhia it feels like I could have chosen in the opposite way.

Then why didn’t you? You chose the only way you could choose. Let’s look at how the ego mind actually operates. It is no different than a computer. It is programmed and acts and reacts from that programming. In your programming you have been taught to believe and to act in accordance with all that you have experienced in what appears to be your life story. All of that conditioning leads to the choice you make in this moment. In another moment you might choose quite differently because included in your program now are the results from your previous choice. Your choice in the moment might also be affected by the emotions you are experiencing right at that time. Did you choose to be angry, impatient, pessimistic, or optimistic when it was time to make your choice?  Things constantly change; things that you have little or no control over. Perhaps the choice you are making is totally influenced by your parents’ teachings. Do you remember choosing those parents? Did you choose the teachers you had growing up? Did you choose your religion or lack of one? Did you choose a friend who suddenly appears in your story?  Did you pick your race, gender, or the area where you lived in your formative years? The answers are obvious. Of course not. Yet, all of these experiences formed who you feel yourself to be and out of them you are programmed to make choices. All these events were planned. Nothing was random. Nothing was chosen by you. Yet you act as if you have a power to control the world, to determine your future. That, too, has been programmed into you. As long as you attempt to guide things you will be frustrated. The “best” outcome is that you have moments of feeling successful, periods of peace and happiness. Those moments will end. More likely you will experience a sense of failure and look at your future with foreboding.

Imagine for a moment that you have no choice, that everything is unfolding as it is meant to. You are off the hook. You have no responsibility. You can neither puff up your chest and take credit for what has happened nor blame yourself and feel guilt. You did neither of those things. The place that we call the awakened state is simply one where there is absolute acceptance for what is. Nothing can be changed. It is simply happening. It would be futile to resist what already is because it cannot be changed. It already is! Close your eyes and pretend it isn’t there, but it is still there. You can want to change it, but the genie is already out of the bottle. Here is what the ego mind does when it hears this news. It goes into absolute terror and denial. It asks how can you ever be happy in life if you can’t create what you want? Are you expected to bite the bullet and accept whatever shit comes your way? This, according to the ego mind, is the worst of all hells.

Here’s what happens when you give up fighting what is and simply experience it and live with it. You begin to experience the fullness of life. Ego mind is screaming that what is here isn’t right, it isn’t good, it isn’t what you should have. I am telling you that what is happening is perfect, is exactly what should be happening, is just what you need. Spirit, the Divine, is presenting your perfect now. It is eons beyond what you could have chosen for yourself (and remember your track record). Everything is given in Love.

Participant: So again, the only choice I really have is to choose the Will of God. Maybe this will make me more content with life?

As you said, “the only choice I really have is to choose the Will of God”, but that is still a choice. That may be your intention, but who is expressing that intention? Like all choice, it can only come from the ego mind. Like all your other plans, it may or may not happen. Armed with that intention you drive off down the road only to find you have a flat tire. Is your mind just fine with all of that or do you find yourself in resistance to what is? These reactions are immediate and programmed. The habit that has been nurtured for so long is to resist the Will of God and then to choose what you think would be better. Maybe at some point the awareness that you are resisting what is occurs to you and you stop fighting. Each experience rewires your data base.  Another day you might find yourself just fine with a flat tire as it happens. Perhaps the gap between noticing the resistance and accepting what is will continually narrow.

In the meantime I will simply remind you that not accepting God’s gifts always leaves you feeling separate from your own Divinity. My voice is now a part of your programming as are your attempts and failures to heed it. Be certain that your opportunities to let go of your personal will shall be unlimited. In the meantime, are you in guilt and blame when your choice for God’s Will fails to materialize? Are you then choosing to give up guilt and blame? Who is choosing that? And so it goes. (laughter) This doesn’t mean that things are hopeless and you are helpless. The perfect thing is always happening right now. What you think of as you just isn’t in control. If choosing is present, if guilt and blame are there, you notice that. If you have thought of changing how you respond…you notice that. You are not going to be able to change either of those things. They have already happened, but the noticing, the experience, and the awareness are now part of your programming. Perhaps then over time you find it easier and easier to accept God’s Will. More quickly you are able to let go of “Why is this happening” and “Poor me”. You might find yourself letting go of guilt and blame more speedily. You do this not because of setting such goals, but through the experience that none of that stuff works. It can feel hard to surrender and trust the Will of God instead of pursuing what you want to happen.

Participant: How can it be easier?

Your personal will chooses only out of a sense of separation from God, not from alignment. Personal will accepts almost nothing as it is, instead it thinks about would feel better and visualizes a future with all its desires met, a fantasy of peace, love, and joy. Again, we return to our favorite question, “So, how has that worked out for you so far?” There are three primary reasons why it hasn’t worked out. The first is that you don’t have a clue. What you think will bring you happiness will never do so, will never bring you that sense of peace and Oneness. The second reason is that you are looking in the wrong place. The world cannot give you what you want, because it is simply the projection of your lack. What you seek is within you. It lies with your thoughts and beliefs. If you want love, then be love. Finally, as is the whole point of this message, it is already decided. There is nothing you can do to change anything.

For a moment let’s leap back over to the other side, to the part of you that is able to accept what is without any need or attempt to change it. We could call this the awakened self, although the sense of self has disappeared. There is an observation of that self taking place, but there is no ownership of it. The idea of choice is not present here. This jump cannot be chosen, though you may make efforts toward it by letting go of personal will and asking to hear and follow God’s Will. To believe that you have choice and are separate from Divinity is the sleeping self, living in a dream while believing it is real. This sleeping self believes it must use its personal will, its choice, to protect itself from the universe or from God. The awakened you is One with everything, experiencing rather than choosing and resisting.

Participant: You have been talking about being in the now and accepting what is, that what is here now is exactly what is needed for me. 

Yes. In this perfection of the now, if you are truly there, there is no question of choice. Choice only exists in the horizontal when the mind is referring to the ideas of past and present. In the present there is no choice to make; there is just what is here. Rather than choice there is simply action or reaction, and that also just happens. Any thought of needing to make a choice indicates you are no longer in the now and have drifted off back into sleep. Notice that. That becomes part of your experience. The now is relentless and you have infinite opportunities to be present or not. Again, you cannot choose to be present, but you can notice when you are not. Hmmm. Interesting. Notice where there is judgment, blame, or guilt. Hmmm. Interesting.

Yes, this preplanned world is absolutely perfect. Everything that is present exists to stimulate that leap of faith, that awakening. If your ego mind is running the show right now, that is what is perfect. Notice that and accept it. Or don’t notice or don’t accept. It doesn’t matter. It is still perfect. When it is time to notice or to accept, you will do that. Nothing you do in following the lies of the ego mind makes any real difference. What is true is true, and what is true is of Love and of God. The rest is a dream, or if you prefer, a nightmare. There is no such thing as failure or success, but there is a perfection in holding on to the belief in them until you don’t. Spirit’s GPS is guiding you and loving you in every moment, even when you feel the most alone and abandoned.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Can you explain more about personal will and God’s Will?

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The following was taken from a recent group session.

Participant: I have a question about the Will of God. Is it our awakened will? Why would such a will need to exist? Does it lead to something good in the end? What is this God?

Sanhia: The real questions are, “Why is what is happening?” Is there purpose or meaning in it? Is there any connection or Oneness in it or is it just random? If you resist or fight whatever is happening, you will experience pain and suffering, and it will still be here. You may decide to stop resisting because you can’t do anything about it. This level of acceptance might be to say that you won’t try to change things, but you’re still pissed about it. Your will is that it be different. The only way to find out if what I am saying has any substance to it is to try it. So, we can replace the expression “the Will of God” with “what is”. Instead of “personal will” we can use, “I don’t want what is” or “how I want to change what is”. Be aware where personal will exists and experiment with not empowering it, not following it. See what happens when you welcome or practice expressing gratitude for what is. What have you got to lose when you have realized you are powerless to change what is. Goal setting and positive thinking just don’t work. It’s not about understanding. That need to know will just lead you down the same rabbit hole. Your only job is to recognize when your personal will is active. Notice that you cannot simply decide to not have a personal will anymore, because it is expressing in your present. That would be a resistance to what is. Notice but don’t follow. It may seem that you can’t decide anything. That can be a healthy realization.

So, for you it seems that your right now is that your husband feels stressed around his work. Your personal will wants to do something about it. Why fight what is? So, you notice and then see what comes into the new now. Is it true that your husband should not be experiencing what is happening? Is it true that you should do something about it? Are you certain you have a better idea about what should be? If you are not sure, why do you choose to fight? What if you could rise high above all that is, see through all illusions of time and space, see that your husband is experiencing exactly the perfect thing to support his awakening?  Here you are resisting what God is bringing. Are you doing this for yourself also? All you need to know is that this is what is.

Participant: Does this mean that I should never take any action? What if God wants me to respond here in a certain way?

Sanhia: If that is what is wanted in the situation you won’t be able to stop yourself from doing it. Choice is not involved. When you spontaneously react, all you can do is notice what happened. When you act from your inner guidance there is no question of whether you did the right thing or not. There is no expectation of any specific result or reaction from your husband. If a similar situation were to occur tomorrow, you might find yourself guided to act in a totally different way. It is never about right or wrong. This gives you enormous freedom to just be in the present, responding to what is.

Participant: It seems that it just becomes witnessing, witnessing, witnessing. Do I have any importance?

Sanhia. Let’s just play around here. We will use words because that is all we have. God created you in Its own image. For fun. God desired to have someone to play with. But if they only do what God wants them to do, then they are not in Its image because God does as It wishes in every moment. How does God create a game where It can play with the creations without controlling them, having the potential for meeting as the equals they are? The only difference between you and God is that God is the creator while you are the created. You did not create yourself, but otherwise were created in God’s image. Your relationship with Jesus, for example, is as an absolute equal, both created by God. So, we are playing this game and when you realize that We are One in Divinity, how could We have different Wills? It isn’t that the human bows down to the Will of God, it is that there is absolutely no difference between them. When you believe there is a difference and that God is up there and you are down here, there is fear. You feel a need to choose independently of God out of fear. Fear generates more fear. But you are not separate. God is just here and trying to play. You are the aspect of God that seems to have a body and senses and can play in the physical illusion.

Participant: Is blame part of the game?

Sanhia: Blame is only apart of the game in terms of fear and resistance to the game. In the now there is no blame; there is just the reacting to the moment, the playing of the game. Everything and its opposite are true at the same time. This drives the mind crazy until it drops out of the competition and plays with what is instead of what isn’t. I have been telling you that you have no free will, but without free will, you could not choose the Will of God over your personal will. Without free will, you cannot surrender your free will. Had you been created without free will, you would just do what God wanted.

Participant: That might be better.

Sanhia: But what fun would that be for God? How can you truly have fun with others if you believe there is a level difference? In that case one of you feels responsible for the other. It’s ball-and-chain time again. Your belief is that you must have your personal will to be free, but that is actually the ball-and-chain. A rebel has no freedom because he is limited to acting in opposition. If you really look at what is, rather than what you think it should be, you will have the realization that no improvement could be made. Just hearing that is meaningless. It is something you must investigate for yourself. When you ask the question, “What is God?” You are God, but not the part of God that created you. It is all One. Personal will is based on the untruth that you are separate from God. There is no trust in the separation. It believes that if you don’t take care of you, nobody will. The insane thought is that you can do things better than God can. Part of that confusion comes from your belief that what you see in the world is God’s creation rather than your projection.

Participant: Is our personal will really our will or is it our rebellion?

Sanhia: You have freedom only if you take it. Most people do not exercise that freedom. They listen to the dictates of their minds, which were trained by the mass consciousness, and then carry out the will of other humans rather than listening within to their own Divine Will and following that. In this way they keep themselves in bondage going to jobs they don’t love, sacrificing the now for illusory futures, remaining in unsatisfying relationships, watching their dreams and their bodies slowly deteriorate.  Out of a world of infinite choice where they can follow their passions and truly live for the moment, they keep themselves chained to unsatisfactory pasts and unknown futures. Personal will becomes an exercise in how they can best keep themselves safe. But they can’t. There is no certainty other than death and taxes. You are created in the image of God. You can play creatively in the universe with God. You can be “buds”, hang out.

Participant: But you are saying that I cannot change what God has done, that I only have the power to accept what is.

Sanhia: That thinking comes from the belief of being separate from God. When you surrender to God’s Will you are surrendering to your own true will. Your personal will is a lie. It’s not the truth. It is not what you truly want.

Participant: One could say that this personal will is connected to my separation story, that I am guilty, and God is out to get me.

Sanhia: If you were God and were creating a world it would be one where people never had to worry about food or shelter or any of those types of things. Each time you set goals to handle such matters you are expressing the belief that they are not already being taken care of. You are refusing to accept God’s gifts and feeling you must take that role upon yourself. Rather than trusting and living in the now, you are trying to control and live in a future that doesn’t exist. You are using your Divine power to be powerless. Therefore, I am saying that your personal will never serves your true interests.

Participant: So, I have been using my personal will to try to create something that is already here right now.

Sanhia: Yes, and most likely in a superior form from what your personal will had in mind.

Participant: Thank you! That is enough!

Sanhia: If the mind goes “How?”, the response is to open your eyes and look around. It’s here right now. It has always been here right now. You are always provided for. There have been no times when you starved to death, when you could not breathe, when you had no awareness, when you weren’t in the now – even if your thoughts were elsewhere. Do you remember the times that were the most glorious, the times when you truly felt alive? All times are like that when you let go of the mind thoughts about how things should be and face what is. How it is is exactly what you want it to be. Nothing has to change. Now you can play with God. Accepting what is does not mean rolling over and playing dead. It does not mean inactivity. It means that you listen to the Divine Guidance within you and react to what is. You are fully engaged in this dance with God. This awareness and co-creation will not burst into being and stay forever. It will come in bits and pieces. Two steps forward, one step back. This is perfect. No faster than you can assimilate. There may be old fears and beliefs still to become aware of and let go of, more personal will to become aware of and released. The Will of God is always there, always carrying you, always deeply desired.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Can you explain to us about co-dependency?

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This question surfaced in a group several months ago, but now the time has come to respond to it. We will begin by talking about what is referred to as the special relationship in A Course in Miracles. The special relationship is a co-dependent relationship. Since most human relationships are special, they are in most cases co-dependent. If your mind wants to limit the term co-dependency to extreme or diagnosable relationships, it is aiming a bit high. But first, let Us step back and define the special relationship. It has been some time since we have mentioned this, and likely before many of you began reading the messages. In the special relationship one person wants the other to act in a specific way, to play a certain role. For example, you meet someone and they make you feel special; they make you feel loveable. Whatever it is that they do that makes you feel good or special, you want them to continue. This is co-dependency. You have a need for them to keep on doing those things that make you feel so wonderful. Normally in the special relationship this neediness goes both ways, but let’s just stay with you for now. There is a flip side to the co-dependent relationship. This is where the words or actions of someone you spend a bit of time with seem to cause you upset, pain, or negative emotions. You blame them for your negative reactions. You point the finger; You think you are going through what you are feeling because of them. This is a co-dependent relationship. Special relationships usually have a mix of both the positive and the negative triggers. As we have talked about recently, these liaisons involve projection. We have focused more on the negative aspect there, where you don’t wish to see yourself as having a certain quality so you can then convince yourself that it is the other and not you who is that way. This is co-dependency.

The projecting goes both ways, though. If you are unable to see yourself as loveable, you let another do that for you. The biggest problem here is that, as with all projections, deep inside you believe it isn’t true. You don’t love yourself or believe that you are deserving of love. Sooner or later your denial surfaces and you prove your partner to be wrong. You will not be able to continue performing for them and they will not be able to always act as you wish them to. It feels so good to have someone tell you that you are loveable, but you don’t really trust that. You begin to resent having to perform for them. You become upset if they change in any way or show you anything but unconditional acceptance. The honeymoon is over. The flame of your relationship was based on the other causing you to feel in a certain way, but now that has blown out. The things that used to turn you on begin to turn you off. This is the normal trajectory of the co-dependent relationship. If you doggedly hold on to the need for them to complete you, the battle will rage on and on. The negative aspects of projection may grow to exceed the positive ones. At this point you may decide to pull the plug. Since the problem is with the other, you have obviously picked wrongly. You seek another relationship. Until you give up co-dependency, reclaim your projections, and take responsibility for everything in your life as your creation, the new relationship will go through the same cycle. In despair somewhere along the way, you may decide to stay with the relationship you have, withdrawing from your partner and settling for feeling separate and unloved, deciding on some level that is all you are worth. Even then, there is still the possibility that you can stop looking to your partner for the love you want. The only solution, whether choosing fight or flight, is to come to the point of recognition that this isn’t working and it is time to try something else.

Sometimes in this special relationship you feel that you must take responsibility for the other. This often happens for parents, but it can just as well be a part of a committed relationship. Now you are doubly trapped because the bond is not only unfulfilling, but you have too much guilt to be able to leave. The other person needs you, or so you believe.

So, what is there beyond co-dependency? The relationship that is not marked by specialness can be called a holy relationship. In this association you have no desire for the other to be or do anything different from what they are now expressing. You accept them as they are. You love them without conditions. It is not possible to express unconditional love for another unless you are already doing that for yourself. When you are fully accepting yourself, you notice where you have guilt, where you are judging, where you are unkind to yourself, where you are experiencing strong emotions, and you commit to loving, accepting, and forgiving all of that. You take full responsibility for what you are thinking and feeling about yourself. You own your projections mirrored in those who trigger you. You do not allow these projections to go unchallenged. Remind yourself that this is you. This is what you are not wanting to face in yourself. Notice what you are holding to be true about yourself from both your own thoughts and from your projections and ask if those thoughts are really true. Work with all of that. Own it all. Take responsibility and sort through it. Look nowhere but within for the love you seek. Where you find this challenging, give it to Spirit, give it to God.

Let go of those thoughts. Don’t hold on to them or follow them. Don’t act from them. Notice them and move on. If the thoughts return, be willing to stare them in the face. Look deeply to see if there is indeed truth there. I know they are not true, but you must stay with them until you too know it. You are the Divine Child of God, made in the image of your Creator, an entity of love. That’s all you can be. Anything else you are holding on to is not the truth. It stems from the belief that you have separated from God. That is not possible. That is an illusion. That is the illusion. The holy relationship is your relationship with the Divine; it is only about unconditional love. The only function of the special relationship is to show you where you are co-dependent and not giving everything to God. It is an opportunity to recognize where you hold untruths about yourself so that you can realize your Oneness with God. Your relationships with others don’t exist in order for you to get something from them, but as places for you to give love. You have no need to be completed. You are whole. It is never about changing another or yourself. It is all about accepting the Divinity which is the truth of all.

I want to remind you that co-dependency is not limited to the perceived negative aspects, to the places where you judge or feel yourself to be victim to another. It is just as significant with the things you perceive coming from others that you consider to be positive. When you know that you are love, created in the image of God, how can you have any need to hear that from another. The latter expression can only feel good to you, feel special, if you have doubts as to its veracity. Whether the reinforcement from others feels to be negative or positive, it is just a pointer to where you are holding yourself separate from God. Give silent thanks for the reminder, take it to heart, and go to work.

Over time you will find yourself unable to hold on to the praise of others. You will perhaps begin to doubt their sincerity. You decide they are just being nice or that they have ulterior motives, they want something from you. They’re buttering you up, “kissing your ass”. The bottom line is that you cannot receive from them something you don’t know to be true. If you know its truth, the praise is redundant. Otherwise, it may feel good for a moment but, like with any drug, the effect begins to wear off and you desire another hit. You start to do things to win other’s approval. Perhaps you do things to prove they are wrong in their praise. The bottom line is that you cannot receive from them something you don’t know to be true.

If you know you are love, you will have nothing but love for others, no matter what they might say or do. As you are practicing loving yourself unconditionally, letting go of all guilt, judgment, self-hatred – think about loving others unconditionally. Have the intention to give love to everyone you meet, rather than looking for what you can get. See their Divinity. Look through their pretence at being human and unlovable. Observe the truth of them. Know they are doing the best they can and offer whatever you can to lighten their load. Have a holy relationship with everybody. Above all, have that with yourself, particularly when you are aware of its absence. Be kind, loving, and gentle to yourself and ask for Spirit to come help you release your personal will and surrender to the Will of God, Who only loves you.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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