What can I do about my anger? | Sanhia on Why You Can’t Fix Your Anger (And Don’t Need To)   

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                                     (click for audio on YouTube)

             (Taken live from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group)

Good Now!

If you find yourself living in the present moment without a story, just with life as it is now – which is how it has always been, except that you’re looking at your story – if you let go of the story and you’re just with now, there couldn’t possibly be a story of “Why did I wait so long?” There is no time; there is just now. “Why is it like this?” Because that’s how it is. There is no why about it. “Why didn’t I wake up to this sooner?” You simply didn’t. That’s how it was. It is as it is. You would never step back and say, “Give me that old life.” Once that opening happens there is no turning back; there is just more opening and more opening. What could give more excitement to life than knowing there is always going to be more opening? Five years ago, you could not have visualized how you feel now, and you cannot visualize how you will feel five years from now. But perhaps that’s okay and you realize of course you can’t know because there is just now, and there isn’t anything particular to do because life is doing the doing. You’re just along for the ride. That part of the mind that thinks it’s in control and has to do things is absolutely crazy. It has no control. That’s probably a good idea because if it did have control, it would have no idea what to do with it. If you had known twenty years ago what you know now, then, obviously, life would have been different over that time. Twenty years ago, you didn’t know what was possible so you couldn’t even choose it. That’s where all of you are right now. No idea of what is possible. So instead of letting life, this enormous organic whole, do what it’s going to do no matter what you do, you choose to go into your story and let it guide and direct you, creating an enormous job of figuring out what to do that is not only unnecessary and unneeded, but is also doomed to fail. So, then you end up exhausted and hopeless and helpless. And meanwhile, all around you is heaven. 

Participant 1: But it seems, you know, when it’s good it’s good but when you have those experiences which you don’t like and you don’t prefer – it makes… AAAARG…you get angry, frustrated. It’s so difficult in those moments to say, “Oh yeah. Thank you life. Everything’s perfect. I love it”. 

The mind has a picture of what perfection should look like. And if it doesn’t look like that, there is resistance and judgment and the thought that this is not right, this is not how it should be. But it is how it is. There is nothing you can do to change that. So, you are fighting a fight that you can’t win because it already is what it is. In your non-acceptance and in your fighting it, you separate from God. You separate from the oneness, from the wholeness. Take a deep breath and ask what it is. If it’s not what you think it should be, what is it? What is here now? One of the benefits of getting older is you have had more experiences of how your resistance and your trying to choose and set goals has not worked for you. When you are younger you may be more likely to be optimistic and say, “Oh, I can do anything”. 

Participant 1: So, I guess the answer is: “There is a situation that I don’t like. I see it. I notice that there is something that my mind says should be different. I should act differently. So, what do I do? I breathe in; I breathe out. I say, ‘Okay to what I see here”. And then it might take me to that, ‘Oh, I see the situation’…and then I feel angry…or hopeless”.

First of all, the situation you are resisting is no longer happening now. It has happened. So, what’s going on is that you are in a story, but you are acting with all of the programming from throughout your life to this kind of story. It no longer has anything to do with what is here right now. Maybe it’s a beautiful sunny day but all you see are clouds. You’re not present, even if it’s a recent story. So, what’s here right now? Someone seems to be upsetting you; are they in the room right now? What is here now? Is there a person here or people? Why is your attention not with what is here now, with the people who are present, instead of in your mind with a story of people who aren’t even existing in your now? Notice what is here. React to it. 

Participant 1: Let’s talk about the repeating situation, not like a once in a lifetime situation. What if the situation is not here, but I have this feeling about it, so I have to bring myself back?

Then you have a feeling, and that’s here. But your mind wants to say that you are having this feeling because of this, this, and this. Not true. You are just having a feeling. The mind is saying that you don’t want to have this feeling, that it’s uncomfortable and you just want to get rid of it. How can you change it so that you feel better? This is not accepting the now. This is wanting to resist and to change it. Let that feeling be there. Nothing to heal here. If it is raining outside, do you need to heal the rain? The sun will return sooner or later, but not because you’ve healed the rain. There is nothing to heal here. There is a feeling. Let it be there. Feel it. Let go of control. Don’t try to heal it. Don’t try to justify it or find the cause.

Participant 1: Then it means that when the feeling changes, another feeling rises up, and another story in my mind, and another feeling, so it’s like perpetual modulation. So, what is here now, then? 

Let the feelings be there and try not to pay much attention to the stories. 

Participant 1: How come they are never true? 

Because the mind is a politician. (laughter) It is, by definition, incapable of telling the truth. It always has an ulterior motive. Basically, the mind’s motives are to do this to feel safe, to be loved, and to release guilt, but it tries to find other reasons because it doesn’t want you to look directly at those motives. So, it tends to project. You have this problem because…well men, you know how they are, or you have this problem because of your boss…well you know how they are, or you have this problem because of your parent…well you all had parents. The mind never really wants to look at what’s there. If it was willing to look at this all being about you feeling unloved, you could begin to look at the truth of that. 

Participant 2: What about emotions? Where do they belong? Is that part of ego mind going crazy? How can we find out what’s what here?

I don’t want you to take this as a literal truth, but the emotions are primarily a natural healing, balancing energy. The mind makes insane choices, self-destructive choices. There is an emotional reaction to that. It’s a balancing energy, like a storm balances the energy in the air and the earth. Likely, as the mind becomes less active, there will be less emotional reaction also. But while it’s there, let it rip. It’s not to understand; it’s just to be. One of the things that you expressed concern about is that if there aren’t goals and such, then all this excitement that comes about reaching the goal would be missing. That kind of a high is a bipolar energy.  Everybody is bipolar. When there is a high up, then there is a high down – or a low down. Stop trying to be somewhere else. Stop having goals. 

Participant 1: And it’s also stop trying to be different than you are.

Participant 2: What am I?

That’s again one of the ego games, one of the lies. “I’m trying to decide who I am”. Then you choose a picture of somebody who you think is more developed or advanced than you are. That has nothing to do with being yourself, because there is no other you. 

Participant 2: But are you saying that the way to come to that point is to see the recordings we have and let go of them?

Let me give you an example. How many of you have a thought that if you were a really, really developed spiritual, good, loving person – you would never get angry? Anger is wrong.

Participant 1: Okay, maybe not never but not that harsh…a little bit more balanced.

Not how you are, but how your mind is telling you, through whatever programming it has had, how you should be. You should never be worried. Never be depressed. How many “should” or “shouldn’ts” are in there in this picture of how the evolved, advanced you would be? Then you try to train yourself out of these traits.

Participant 1: Yes, I feel exactly this way, what you are saying.

There was.an American man who became a spiritual leader. He had a guru in India, and he said to this teacher, “One thing I admire about you is that you are so patient and calm. Nothing seems to upset you.” His teacher responded, “Yes but I was that way long before. That’s just my nature. My teacher would express enormous anger. He would say that he wasn’t angry but that sometimes anger was present. So, it is present. There is an expression. It is gone. That’s it.” If you have the thought, “I don’t want to be an angry person”, then there is a story and you remember that and you feel guilty and judge yourself.

Participant 1: I’m that kind of person who gets angry a lot and I don’t like it. I really don’t. It seems to my last breath I’m going to try to change myself here. I cannot accept that it is normal, that it is okay to be this way. I don’t think I can just say, “Yeah, I am how I am”. 

Relax with it. Give up the ownership of it – “I am an angry person.” Let go of the definition of yourself as an angry person. Sometimes anger is present. Is it always present?

Participant 1: Not always present, but it is sometimes, quite often, and it’s not just anger, anger. Its fucking anger.

Simply notice, “Ho. Anger is present.” If you don’t notice it being there until the anger is no longer present, you can then say, “Anger was present”. Did you choose it?

Participant 1: No

You have no control over it whatsoever. That’s what makes you so angry. (laughter) 

Participant 1: Yes, at times I would like to choose.

Obviously it is not your fault because if it was, you wouldn’t choose it. So, what you are doing is rubbing your own face in it, instead of just expressing your anger whenever it is there. You are judging yourself for being a horrible person for having it. So, you have two things going on: the anger and the judgment about the anger. Notice what happens when you see the judgment going on and say no, that you don’t want to do that. And maybe for a while not only is anger present, but also judgment is present. 

Participant 1: Yeah, those two come together, always.

And guilt is present, too. Simply noticing what is. You didn’t choose it. So, what’s here now? Let’s look at what is here now.

Participant 1: That judgment, the guilt, and then probably we can see something nice. 

When you are not judging yourself and you are not feeling guilty, then you can see what is nice. The story, whether it is “I am angry”, “I’m judging”, or “I’m guilty” – dig deep in there and what’s underneath is probably the same old things; “I’m not lovable” and “I’m not safe”. When you know that you are lovable and safe, what is left to be judged? You have a unique personality which will not change once you let go of your story. You still will have your you. Maybe someone is taking an action in the world that is hurtful to someone else. Maybe the anger just expresses to that. Maybe that person needed to hear that anger, to notice what they were choosing and how they were acting. But the anger just expresses. You don’t have to know why. You don’t have to have a justification. Some people might respond by walking over and hugging the other; some would respond by yelling. There is no rightness or wrongness about either action. But when you think you should or shouldn’t be in a certain way, that’s when you are not you. You are a picture of who you think you should be. And you will never be that person. You will always fail to be someone else, but you can absolutely succeed at being you. 

Participant 2: So, what is oneness?

Oneness is everyone being their unique self, together.  It all fits. Perfectly. 

Participant 1: But then I have this thought of why should I have to be the angry person in the room? That’s not fair. 

Because you have the judgment about your anger.

Participant 1: And it’s a good one.

You probably, as you are observing anger in others, have noticed that if they are expressing anger in a way that you deem as inappropriate, maybe undeserved, maybe bullying – you feel anger about their anger. But if you see somebody expressing anger and you think to yourself that the receiver of the anger deserved it, then you are like this about the anger: “YEAH!!” Is that true?

Participant 1: I guess so. It’s not that I’m against anger period. 

Unless it is yours.

Participant 1: Yes. (laughs) I don’t like anger in myself. 

It pisses you off…

Participant 1: Oh yeah. I cannot choose either. Sometimes I feel hopeless and sometimes I feel furious even more. I would like to go deeper into that question about finding ourselves. When I’m in a deep meditation, I have realizations, so I would like to ask if those realizations are from ego mind or do they come from our true self? What is it?

Notice how it feels to you. Does it stir you up or does it calm you down? This thing of learning to hear your inner guidance, my best advice is to follow what comes rather than trying to judge or analyze. Let go of thoughts of is this the truth for now and forever. It’s your guidance in this moment. Act on it and let it go. See what is there now. 

Participant 2: What do you mean by letting go?

Letting go of the belief that this is just the truth, because looking for the truth is just like looking for meaning. You’ll never know if you have it or not, but if you ever have it, you’ll never be able to explain it. So, you can say this is an approximation that’s your guidance for right now. A week later is it still the guidance? Hmmm, listen…feel it out. You acted on that guidance and you experienced what was in the world as you acted in that way. Your mind thinks that there is a story going on here and you are progressing, you are growing. But what’s really happening is simply that you are being reprogrammed every day by everything that happens. In some ways you hardly recognize yourself from the self you felt to be ten years ago. Maybe some of the root parts of your story aren’t still there as much as they once were. So, you get guidance in the now to do something, you do it, and then you let that story go and be in the present and see what’s there now. If you hold the guidance as being how things should be from now on, it’s no different than defining yourself as an angry person. 

Participant 2: Do you say that there is not a truth to look for? Most of us on a spiritual path are looking for the truth, so you say there is no truth? 

There is a corollary feeling with this guidance. If you feel a passion, follow it. Trust that passion.

Participant 1: Yes, I feel that passion.

Ultimately it might be said that being awakened might be about living in passion in every moment, and not forcing yourself to do something because you think you should. 

Participant 1: I just do it. The action comes with feeling. 

Then it is not about result; it’s about the doing. If it is about result, there will always be some selling out of the truth of it to get to the result. The results do not matter. A hundred years from now you will be dead, nobody will remember that you were around, and nothing you did will mean anything to anyone. The only thing that really makes a difference to anyone is this moment. This moment has nothing to do with where it might lead to. It has to do with this moment. That is all that this channeling amounts to. There is no place to get to. There is just the expressing of what wants to be expressed in this moment, and no idea what will come next. There is no concern about how it will be received, whether it is accepted, rejected, judged, or kicked around the room. That’s none of your business. You are free to do anything you want with everything that comes into this moment. That means you never have to respond in any certain way. Never.


Good Now

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 How do I deal with the losses in my life? | Sanhia on Losing Everything and Finding the Now

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(click for audio on YouTube)

(Taken live from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group.)

Good Now!

Participant One: (Laughing) Oh boy! It’s been kind of an interesting time. I’ve had a lot of endings this past five years. Every single time I think I’m going to get a break from another ending, I get another ending. I’ve been in a tsunami of endings. The big thing is I’m sitting here wondering what it’s going to be like just to be fully alone. I’ve gone through the alone thing with Sanhia before, but this alone is sort of different. I love being alone (laughing) with myself. I’ve found myself really struggling being alone without an anchor in the natural world, and without an anchor with my furry kids in my life. I’m down to one, having had enormous years, ten or twelve years, of doggy love and cat love. Just moving around and giving up everything that possibly meant anything to me over the past five years; just letting it go and moving forward. But I’m in a place where everything is standing still now. I don’t even know how to be in that space any more. That’s kind of my right now, very, very raw. I’m down to one cat that I’ve loved. I don’t know how well he is either; I’ve got a vet appointment in two months. I needed a break; I just lost one of my kids – one of my furry kids. I’ve gone through a lot this year – lost four furry babies, one dog and three cats. I can be alone with me. I’m just not sure how to be alone without that furry love. That’s my new thing, (laughing) sitting in the unknown without love for my kids. (laughing/crying) Anyway, that’s me.

Participant Two: I can bring you some cats.

Participant One: I know. I just felt that so much. I thank you. It’s just that having that love for so long, it’s like when you’ve had a furry kid in your life, whether it’s a dog or a cat, for so long, there’s something about that when you lose them you lose a part of you because they’ve literally been there with you for a decade plus. So, thank you for the new; I’m just trying to figure out how to be without the old. It’s a big loss, (laughing/crying) a loss, yeah. 

Sanhia: Perhaps you will enjoy or not enjoy the message that is going to come out February first. 

Participant One: I love all of your messages.

Sanhia: It speaks to the story because what has died is not your animal, but your story. 

Participant One: Yeah (crying) I know.

Sanhia: The story is always painful. Freedom is being without the story, just being in this present moment. This is the gift that your furry friends have left you. 

Participant One: Lonely

Sanhia: It’s lonely if you are comparing it to something else, which is called the story. If you are simply with what is here right now, loneliness is not possible. Loneliness is a comparison in the mind to something else. What is in the present is always absolutely fantastic. All that it requires is that you be with it instead of in the mind and the story somewhere else, wishing you had your story instead of what is. That’s always painful because you can’t; you can’t have that. 

Participant One: Over the past five years I’ve released the stories, at least I thought I did, of all the things I’ve loved. To be with the kids, my furry kids … and as I lost them one by one, sometimes two at a time, it’s been hard to stay out of the past. It’s just been such a lot of memories and ghosts all around me all of the time. It’s really been a hard struggle to stay happy in the present with that emptiness, which I know is not empty but it feels it. It’s a new me. I haven’t been without a kid, a furry kid, since I was a teenager. I know it is supposed to be this way and I get it, but I miss their love so much. It’s just the only thing that kept me grounded during this time that I’ve gone through losing so many things I loved so much. So anyway … 

Sanhia: Now you have graduated and you no longer need that. There is an enormous difference between allowing those feelings to be there – of grief and sadness – but letting go of the descriptions and just feeling the emotions that are there and letting them be there as long as they are there, and connecting those feelings with your mind thoughts.

Participant One: Lots of tears

Sanhia: You’re not trying to chase them away, not trying to change them, not trying to fill your life with something so you don’t feel that, but simply letting it be there and feeling it fully. 

Participant One: I managed the loss of my partner of thirty years. I didn’t lose him; we separated, divorced. But I lost the land that I loved so much where I felt home for the first time. And all the furry kids came from there. They were a part of the past that made that story that made me feel connected to something I love so deeply. I don’t have people in my life. I’m alone. I’m okay with that; it doesn’t bug me. I just don’t know how to be alone without that connection to the love that an animal gives, whether it’s out in nature and I’m observing or whether … whatever. So, it’s just letting go of that story and being with it. I have one furry kid left. I love him so much. There’s nothing that matters more than him right now. I don’t matter. Nothing matters and I don’t know where to be with that. It feels as though I’m ending my life. Truly it does. (crying) It feels like my life has just stopped and it’s done, and I know that’s not the case but it just feels that way. And it’s like you suggested, just being with it, what it is, feeling it. I appreciate that because I get up and I work and I come back and I feel completely zombied.

Sanhia. And you know what’s going to happen with your last surviving cat.

Participant One: Yeah. I’m going to sit alone at my house. I don’t know what that’s going to be like. It’s going to be really awful (crying).

Sanhia: Notice that your mind has a horrible picture for what is to come. Is that a future you desire? Of course not, so let these thoughts go and come back to now. You also mentioned losing a part of yourself. Where is this part? Who is seeing it being lost? Can you lose the part of yourself that is aware of what is happening now? Notice that when you are telling your story you are creating something you don’t desire, and, more importantly, you are avoiding fully feeling what is present.  Be brave enough to stay with the feelings while letting go of the story. What motivated you several years ago to come and meet here and to talk with us?

Participant One: My move. Leaving everything.

Sanhia: What were you hoping would happen from that?

Participant One: That I would find peace in the mayhem. 

Sanhia: How did that work out for you?

Participant One: It has worked out really well. If there is one place where I feel this crazy life all makes sense … it’s here.

Sanhia: There is only one thing that we talk about here, even though we may go off on different benders here and there about this and that. We talk about being aware of the truth of who you are, being aware of your divinity, being aware that you are an awakened individual not paying attention to your awakeness – but looking in other directions and at other things – and encouraging you to be aware of what is. There is nothing that is more powerful in the healing process than healing that separation between the truth of who you are and your story – than losing, than letting go. Whether you choose to let go or you create it so that it looks like the universe made you let go, it’s all the same. When it is time to let go it is the letting go that happens, and no amount of trying to hold on will give you anything but blisters on your fingers and your palms. There is no holding on. What’s gone is gone. When you think you have something, you don’t have it; you have your story about it. So, you have your twelve years of having this animal with you, but where is that?  Is it here now? Or is it the story in your mind that keeps you away from being here now? Well, it’s very hard to let go of the story when you still have the main character from the story in your life. 

Participant One: The ghosts (laughing) I call them.

Sanhia: You had that cat as a kitten. Do you still have the kitten?  Are you grieving for that kitten bouncing around, playing with things, and rolling around on the floor? No, you still have the cat so you hold on to that, but the truth is every part of your story dies in every moment. To whatever degree you try to hold on to it, it’s pain and suffering. So, these losses are enormous gifts from the universe to say, “You can actually let go right now if you want. You can be here present. You can be with what is.” Every ego mind has an absolute terror of looking and seeing what is. Everyone has a terror of that. Ego believes you are your story; without your story you are nothing. Truth is … with your story you are nothing. Without your story you’re eternity; you’re everything; you’re God; you’re divine. As they say: “selling yourself for a penny on the dollar.” Holding on to a story that’s worth a penny, instead of the infinite riches of now, of the truth of yourself, of your divine nature.

Participant One: Just on that note about how you’re explaining all of that which makes so much sense, it feels right the way that you’re discussing it and I see it. It’s the after-the-fact, and I kept thinking about it so much this time around … why does it hurt so much…. every time? I’ve gone through so many losses. It should be a lot easier. It’s the wrapping up of this period of time that no longer exists because it’s past. I’m sure many of us have been down this road where the heart is just wounded from letting go of things you love. We’re very aware that the present moment is absolute, only existing. Every moment is every moment and the ghosts are just stories and it’s so human of us to want to be connected to something that we love so much.

Sanhia: You are not connected to the story. If you want to be connected, you do it every time you step outside your door into the beauty of the winter, into the trees, into the birds, the deer, whatever animals you see about, even the people, even the cars. That you are absolutely connected to everything that surrounds you at every moment, unless you are in your mind saying, “I wish this weren’t here and instead I had this cat with me.” So, you would rather have the cat that you can’t have than this universe of riches that is right here, right now. Ever changing – not the same universe – constantly moving and changing. You would get bored if it were the same all of the time. Yes, there is grief, so feel it and let it move and then notice what is around you. When you ask yourself why it still hurts or why it hasn’t become easier, you are in your mind and separate from the real world in front of you. Your story always separates you from what is and causes pain and suffering. Notice that and come back to the now.

Participant One: I do settle back into that place where I get what the “what is in front of me” is, whether I am making a cup of tea or whether I’m walking out into a snow storm – that’s my present moment. I feel the joy, like shovelling snow gives me so much joy it is ridiculous. I love being out there in the middle of the night shovelling snow, watching it blow around, being out there, warm. I love all of these things. (laughing) That’s my journey; it’s to find the joy within this human experience. It’s always alone that I enjoy myself and my time. So, stepping out in the world and interacting with people, I’m happy and I share happiness. But that deep love, that deep something…. I’m just in a kind of nothingness, and I think that’s what I’m supposed to be. That nothingness is really what does exist. It just feels really empty of love. It’s more about a void of anything that really matters anymore. That’s the weirdest place to be. Feels dead — and yet you’re not dead – but you feel dead. All of that sensual love that I felt for the furry kids, there’s a bond whether you’re at nature, whether you’re having a great human experience of family – whatever it is. You feel full. It’s just been really strange having the fullness, but the emptiness, all at the same time.


Sanhia: You have hit the nail right on the head. Everything and nothing exist simultaneously. You are one with everything – with every object, every experience, every thought, every feeling, and every person. At the same time, none of it exists; it is all illusion. The place where everything and nothing intersect is in the now. The mind is absolutely incapable of understanding this. That is why you let the mind and the thoughts go; you give up trying to understand and just welcome whatever gifts God or the universe present to you. There is no story here. There is just life. Mind wants to find a story. This only leads to pain, confusion, and suffering. There is no story. There just is what is – and that isn’t even real! These are all just words and are not the truth. They are just pointers. Take your question about how can there be fullness and the void at the same time and keep looking within yourself for the answer.

Participant One: We also talked about – once upon a time – the service to others spectrum. That can also be a depletion of our own self love. Where we are always wanting to help others, as opposed to filling ourselves first so that we are full for everything out there. I think my energy, lack of energy, for the human experience comes from…. I just find it exhausting. I truly do. The other space I don’t feel depleted from. Even when I’m going through natural world or furry family trauma, it’s a different feeling of grief. The human experience is just a big journey; I know it’s the one we’re supposed to be on so it’s okay (laughing). It’s all part of everything. It’s just interesting going back to ourselves, always. Loving ourselves says a lot about what we can do in the world when we are that full. 

Sanhia: Usually when we talk about projection, we are talking about judging others for the things you don’t want to see in yourself, but loving another is also projection. All the love that you direct toward your cats is a projection of loving yourself, realizing that you couldn’t love them without loving yourself. Because you have the belief that you are not worthy of love, you project that love onto your animals. Notice that and look at the part of you that is self judging. Keep looking until you find the truth of your loveliness, of your divinity. The cats are there to remind you to do that. What a gift! In the same way that whatever causes you to not be around people, what judgments are there … that “Oh, thank you for showing that there is the place where I don’t love myself; there is the place where I judge myself.”  You may avoid people some, but we all know that you can’t do it all of the time, even if it’s just the clerk in the grocery store or the person who is throwing all of the fatty, sugary foods in their basket and you are thinking, “Oh, how can you eat all of that junk?” (laughing) So constantly you have this gift of the moment of seeing where you are not loving yourself. The mind wants to say, “No, this is about them. This is about my cat not being here.”  No, it’s never; it’s all projection. Whether it is love or judgment, it’s all projection. 

There is an enormous difference between service that just emerges spontaneously and passionately and service that comes out of guilt, of need for approval, of being worthy, of being good and so on. The latter comes from the mind; it just bounds out. The animals don’t ask for much. People ask for enormous amounts. Is the avoiding people out of, “I don’t want to feel all of that guilt and that pull on me because I would want to take care of them the way I would take care of my furries”, as opposed to allowing it simply to bubble up spontaneously where it does. Look at this projection where you feel compelled to help others. Take it home and look into it. Is it truly in your heart to serve, or is this an attempt to hide from feelings of guilt, unworthiness, or un-lovableness? Look at the truth of these self judgments. The people in your life are providing this wonderful gift to you. Offer silent thanks and receive what is being presented. It is always about you and never about them. You want to open these gifts. It is not your job to fill yourself anymore than it is your job to serve others. Life is filling you at every moment. Let it.

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Sanhia/Spirit

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A conversation over “What Is the meaning of life?” Part 2 | Sanhia on Projection

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(Taken from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group. It is recommended that you also read the messages from January and February if you haven’t already done so)


Good Now!

Participant 3: Is a relationship possible if both partners forget all the past?

We call that a divine relationship.

Participant 3: Hey who are you? (laughing) Hi, all of the time. It’s like a new person. 

But they are. You are not the same as you were yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that. Every day, every moment you are a new person. So is your partner. The more tightly that you hold on to your story and the one you have assigned to your partner, the less able you are to notice the present you or the present him. You have already decided what you like and don’t like about that person. Instead of living with the person who is present with you, you are now having a relationship with a projection from your mind. The partner is just being there. You don’t know who they are. Look and see what presents itself in this moment. He doesn’t do anything to you. Doing just happens. Your mind wants to give meaning to everything. You can notice when you are doing that.

Participant 3: But it’s good sometimes. If the person throws cold water on me and I want warm water, then I need to remove myself from them. It’s good to know that it is cold water again and not to expect something else from this person. 

Who is giving them the label of cold-water thrower?

Participant 3: Yes, it’s cold for me. 

That means that wherever you go you will likely get cold water. It may look warm at first, but sooner or later it will feel like cold water. It is you, not the partner, who is giving meaning here. Let’s say that you are absolutely in the now, no past and no future. How can water be cold? (laughter) Something is experienced as unpleasant because the thought is there that this is not what you want to be here. Just for fun, let’s say that you are undifferentiated God and you have the inspiration to find out what water feels like. You have never experienced the physical so you manifest a body and water and jump into it. Would you say that the water is warm or cold? You would have nothing to compare it to. It is just the sensation of water in this now. You can only evaluate temperature if you have a story from another time. Since everyone has their own story no two people will absolutely agree about the comfort of the same water.

Participant 3: I’m confused. If I’m choosing someone to be with, and he’s treating me with cold water, and I keep letting it be, then I’m not being good to myself. 

Are you absolutely certain that you have been doing this choosing? Did you choose to meet this person whom you had never met before? 

Participant 3: It just happened. If he asks me out again after the cold water I can say yes or no. If I’m good with cold water, I can say yes.

But your saying of yes or no is based on your story. Did you choose your story? How far back does this cold water run in your story? Has it happened more than once?

Participant 3: I see how I feel when someone is caring and when they are not caring. It’s a mix of many stories.

It’s just your story. It has nothing to do with him. If you let yourself believe that it is about them, you will meet the same story over and over because it is your story. Your relationship is just the intersection of your stories. 

Participant 3: So, what do I do?

Notice when you are in a story. Saying that he is throwing cold water on you is a story. 

Participant 3: That’s his story.

No, it’s your story. He is just doing what he’s doing. Your story is about projection. You see him doing what you are doing to yourself. The question is why you are throwing cold water on yourself. 

Participant 3: But I’m still not going out with him again.

So, you will let the next one throw cold water and the next. This will go on until you recognize who is throwing the water.

Participant 3: Okay, I see your point. (laughter)

All that you can do is to notice your projection and let go of believing your story about it. The story is that you are a victim of jerks who throw cold water. Now you are the heroine, virtuous but long suffering. You can stand up for yourself, but the scenario merely repeats. The mind takes these things so seriously. But they are not true. None of the story is true. 

Participant 3: Is it about loving yourself? About wanting to be loved?

That’s a story too. Loving or not loving yourself is a story. It might be closer to truth to simply say you are love, or love is. There is nothing but love. It is all one. The mind thinks that perfection is somewhere else, that it’s not here. It’s always looking for someone or some place else and can’t see what is here. Love is here now. You do not fit my mind’s picture of who I want you to be, so there is not love here. Instead of seeing what is not here you can look and see what is actually here. Yes, the thoughts and the judgments and the guilt are here in your mind, but what can actually be pointed at? Do these thoughts actually appear anywhere? Can they be noticed by any of your senses? 

Participant 2: I think that the reason we sometimes feel we aren’t loved and that everything around is not love is because we are judging?

Yes, but mainly judging self. It may look like it is somebody else, but that is just projection. That feels safer. It’s not you, it’s that idiot over there. “Fry him God. I’m a good girl. Let him burn in hell. I’m trying to be as you want me to be.”

Participant 2: If we are saying that the only way is to see and accept what is, what if it doesn’t feel right? What if you don’t like what is?

You notice that there is not-liking-it present. That is not an emotion; that’s a belief or a thought. The emotion is felt in the body. When you push someone away because you notice you feel bad in their presence, you are saying that it is not okay to feel that way. Self judgment takes place for having that feeling. If you totally accepted all your feelings, you would welcome anybody to come in and push any button they could, so that you could feel every one of your feelings. 

Participant 3: I get so confused sometimes. Choosing someone who is a criminal so that he can push my buttons?

We’re just joking a little bit here. You don’t choose who you will be with. Relationships just happen, sometimes, perhaps, with a criminal (laughter). 

Participant 2: But you can choose to stay with them, or leave.

Maybe. (more laughter) Are you sure about that. It’s absolutely an illusion that you are choosing anything. It is just what is.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t walk away from something. When you walk away because it isn’t good, you bring mind and judgment in. The only thing you can be certain about with your mind is that it lies almost all of the time. It evaluates and separates itself from what is. It constantly judges. How do you know that something isn’t good for you? The body may just move away from something instinctively, but that does not come with a mind judgment. It just does that. The mind “chooses” as it does because it is programmed to do that, programmed by the past, not seeing what is present. The mind’s desire is to hide the truth from you; the truth is that you have a story, and that story causes you to have pain and suffering. It also justifies the existence of the ego mind. Better to be a victim than not to exist at all is it’s reasoning. Your story dictates your “choosing”. There is no freedom of choice in that. There is just an endless loop of suffering until you stop believing in your story. As long as you hold on to your story you find yourself back in the same situations. 

Participant 2: What is the way to let go of the story?

Notice that you are telling yourself a story. Notice that you believe your mind is right. Notice that projection is taking place. Notice that you feel a victim. Notice, notice, notice. But don’t take seriously what is noticed. Don’t listen to the voice that says that you must make the right choice to get away from your story. The only way to get away from the story is to realize it isn’t true. It doesn’t matter if you stay or walk away, if you still believe in your story. You’ll meet it somewhere down the road. 

Participant 3: But how to notice the difference. It’s also a judgment to say that this time you did it right. 

Exactly, but perhaps you notice that judgment is present. All that is here is that there is walking away taking place. It is not right or wrong; it simply is what is. If you physically walk away but mentally keep thinking of that person and analysing what he did, you haven’t walked away. You brought him with you while keeping the body at a safe distance. True walking away would not be walking “away” but would be walking into the next experience. Walking away because you have a feeling to do so may not be the same thing as walking away for a reason – for the judgment that there is something you don’t like about the other person. One is reacting to the now; the other is reacting to a story. If you walk away and are still thinking about him, you probably have a story. Notice that there is a story and then be willing to look deeply into it. That means that it is not about him; it’s about you and your story. 

Participant 3: What is my projection when I am perceiving cold water from him? 

How are you throwing cold water upon yourself? It may take a while to see it. It helps to be literal with what you see the other doing, in this case the “throwing of cold water”. 

Participant 3: Do you mean in this very moment?

There is only this very moment. In every moment, whether you are alone, with a male, or with anybody else – you are throwing cold water on yourself. You are the one doing that. Get rid of the middleman, whom you have no control over anyway. It is necessary to let go of the projection before you can really see how you are doing this to yourself. Don’t shoot the messenger. You are the one who has sent the message. If you were willing to look directly at this you would have no need for him to do it. It is scary for you to look at this, but absolutely necessary in order to end the cycle.

Participant 3: That’s why I don’t see it. So, how do I find the key?

The key is to really get that it is you and not him. When you are certain it is in you, I guarantee that you will dig until you find it. The wonderful news is that it is not him. How can you do anything about him?  At least with yourself you have the possibility of going past your resistance to finding why you believe you deserve to be treated the way you are treating yourself. From there you can see if there is any true justification for your self-judgment. Hopefully, you will find that it is based on untruths. If not, keep digging. Self punishment comes about because of self guilt. The truth behind it all is that you are innocent and Divine. Keep digging until you realize that. Without a story there can be no separation, no guilt, no victimhood, and no suffering. If that isn’t worth letting go of projection, I don’t know what could be. It’s not likely to be a quick fix, though stranger things have happened. Likely it will demand persistence. Ego mind will not usually retire gracefully. It will continue to whisper in your ear that it is him and you need to do something about that. 

Participant 2: So, in this case where she says that he did not take care of her and wouldn’t feed her, should that be taken literally?

Excellent point. How do you not feed yourself or otherwise take care of yourself? How do you not give yourself what your heart desires in the moment?

Participant 3: Being polite for example, and not leaving sooner.

When mind and judgment aren’t involved, then leaving is easy. It is better called going to rather than leaving from. You just do it. You have no idea if you are coming back. How could you? You are just going now. Life is just an endless chain of relating to what is here in the present. Some people will occur back in your life often; some never again. Most will fall somewhere in the middle. Even in the closest relationships you come and go; you don’t spend twenty-four hours together each day. 

If in your mind the strongest thought is that the purpose in life is for you to awaken to the truth of yourself, then everything else – relationships, work, money, success, achievement – will be filtered through how it relates to your state of awakening. Nothing else will have a value of its own; none of it can become your purpose in life. If awakening does become your purpose in life, a roadblock remains. You want to wake up because you believe you aren’t. However, you are awake but just not aware of it. So, your purpose is to get someplace that doesn’t exist and that is not possible. It’s here right now. So even awakening cannot be the purpose in life. Knowing your Divinity cannot be the purpose. You already are that. It is not the sun’s purpose to be the sun. It is the sun. You already are that. Look until the you that is looking is one with the observed. No separation. A fish doesn’t notice it is swimming in water. It is one with the water. If there is any purpose, there is separation. All you can do is notice that is present, thinking you should be something different than you are right now. 

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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A conversation over “What Is the meaning of life?” Part 1 | Sanhia on the Death of Your Story

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(Taken from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group. It is recommended that you read the previous message if you haven’t already done so)


Good Now!

Participant 1: If there is no meaning to life, why are we here?

That’s what we’re trying to figure out.


Participant 2: For me I was also thinking that if there is no point to life it doesn’t feel like there is anything to want or to do. There are no interests, no nothing. It feels so empty and pointless. 

Is the meaning to have a point and to be full?

Participant 2: Maybe then it feels more joyful or…

What would bring joy or make you feel full?

Participant 2: I don’t even know. At the moment it feels like nothing and it pisses me off because I don’t like that feeling. 

So, you wish you weren’t feeling pissed off?

Participant 2. Yeah! Of course! 

So, the meaning of life is to not feel pissed off? Is that it?

Participant 2: It’s not the meaning, but it would be nice.

Then what do you do to not feel pissed off? Or do you just wait for that to come?

Participant 2: I really don’t know but I have to find something because I really don’t like it as it is. 

Let’s say that you came up with an idea and you said, “Okay, here’s my plan”. You carry out the plan and find that you are no longer pissed off. Will that feeling last forever?

Participant 2: No, of course not.

So the meaning of life is that you are forever trying to get somewhere else, but even if you succeed, it doesn’t last so again you are trying to get somewhere. 

Participant 2: Gosh, that sounds bad. Sounds like Sisyphus. Is there any meaning then?

Think of anything that all people would always want to have out of life…. (silence) Let’s say that you get that thing that gives life meaning and then you die. Do you still have that thing?

Participant 3: No

You don’t have the perfect partner. You don’t have the millions in the bank. Maybe we should say that the meaning of life is death, because that is the only thing that everyone shares.

Participant 1: Isn’t it to find out who you really are?

Oh! Who are you?

Participant 1: I have heard that I am divine 

He was probably just trying to get in your pants.

Participant 1: (laughing) Are you my mother? (laughing) And that I am not separated. that I am a part of the whole, oneness.

Let me interrupt you for a second. Let’s assume that all of that is true. Then, why do you have this life?

Participant 2: To remember and find that you are all of those things that were mentioned. Because sometimes it doesn’t feel like this at all. 

So, you have to have a life to find out that you are one with God? So, is that the meaning of life?

Participant 2: It sounds like it.

But you already are one with God. What changes by finding out?

Participant 2: Another feeling inside because just knowing it mentally isn’t enough. Sometimes my mind just goes “Bullshit”. Maybe truly believing it in my bones would be different. 

So, if you are one with God, you are thinking of self as “you” and are then by definition separate from God. How can you have a separate identity in Oneness? 

Participant 1: That is the dream we are dreaming. Most of us think that is the truth. 

So, let’s come back to this thought that maybe the meaning in life is to come to a place of knowing that you are One with everything and connected to it. Then, of course, there would be no separate you left to be looking for meaning. That might suggest that your life itself has no meaning; it’s just letting go of your separate identity, of your story, of the search.  As long as you are looking for meaning, you are looking outside of yourself. You are not looking within nor at what is in front of you now, but into the future. You are looking for what might be rather than what is. Everything you want is not here now, but now is all that there is. The rest is only taking place in the mind, in your thoughts, and has no reality. If you find yourself in the place where all that is real is what is present in the moment, you are now in what could be called cat mind. Animals do not fear death. They have instinctive self-preservation reactions. You could have let go of all fear of death, but would still leap out of the path of a speeding car. That’s simply what the body does. It’s no different than bodies eating or breathing. They just do that. It’s life living life. 

If you think, “My purpose in life is to wake up” – as soon as you have that thought you are saying that there is no awakeness now because if there is awakeness now how can awakening be the purpose? The assumption then is “I am not awake to the truth of myself”. Then you bring in a story that goes back to your childhood. “Because of what my parents did, I am still healing. I am a helpless, and perhaps hopeless, victim. My story includes what I was subjected to in school and at church, as well as what my friends, my superiors, and the whole damn mass consciousness has told me.” Some of your story includes successes and spiritual insights, but they are all still a part of your story. The story may include a future where your spiritual growth is enough for you to finally awaken. All of that is part of your story. It is what you focus on and hold on to instead of seeing what is here right now. There can be no awakening alongside an active story. There is just now; there is just life happening…not to you, but all around you. Your story is just a diversion, a game going on in the mind that leaves you asleep and suffering. You think the story is going somewhere. If there is no purpose, there is nowhere to go, there is no destination. There is no Hollywood ending. There is just this. There is no meaning. There is just this fantastic beingness that you are always immersed in, but you usually avert your attention from it by creating a purpose, a goal. Notice that in the story you have created up until now there has been no “ending” that has been fully satisfactory. There is always another goal. The job is never over. It is never enough so, you are back to Sisyphus. If there is no purpose you have permission to stop trying. But that empty feeling, that hopelessness, is just the death throes of the ego, the me that wants to be something special instead of just being. 

There was a fun movie some years ago called “50 First Dates” about a woman who awakes each morning with no memory. She has no story. She doesn’t remember the man she had loved the day before, so he has to convince her each day anew of his love. However, the movie wants to pull on your feelings of “poor her” rather than “lucky her”. She starts each day fresh with no story, responding simply to what appears in the moment. Again, I toss out to you the question, “What is the meaning of life?” 

Participant 3: It’s experiencing and feeling; being authentic with it. 

What does being authentic mean? 

Participant 3: Doing my best. Not running away from uncomfortable feelings because they are there now. Instead, I observe if this experience is a part of all.

Who determines what is your best? What is it being compared to?

Participant 3: To running away or not running away.

How do you know if you are running away or not?

Participant 3: If I am feeling my body consciously, I am doing my best. If I forget myself, I am away, so the experience is that I am in my head creating stories. 

What is the mind doing when it says you are being authentic or you are running away?

Participant 3: Evaluating? I don’t know.

When you evaluate, are you just looking at what is?

Participant 3: Just was (laughs).

You say you are running away. 

Participant 3: If I notice that I was in my head and I catch myself, then I am aware of it.

A bear is running toward you and you turn and run the other way. Are you running away?

Participant 3: No. no, that’s another story (laughs). I mean running away from my feeling which is uncomfortable. 

You could not label it “running away” unless you were in your mind rather than your feelings. “Running away” is a judgment. It is an evaluation which means that rather than being in the present you are bringing in your mind which is influenced by forty years of programming to determine whether your action is good or bad. That evaluation is not the same as it might have been twenty years ago as there has been much reprogramming during that space. But the action is still mind directed.

 Participant 3: Twenty years ago, I didn’t know that feeling my fears was a thing.

Yes, but forty years ago you did and you just expressed them. Then you learned that it wasn’t a good thing to express them. but now saying that it is a good thing to express them is just the flip side of the same coin. It is still a judgment, an evaluation by the mind. In terms of authentic, it is not authentic. Feelings are just there. 

Participant 3: But if I don’t notice them being there half of the day, I have missed all those feelings, for example.

You can’t evaluate missing feelings from this morning because you are not there. You are just in now. Now the mind is thinking about this morning and comparing and judging, saying could have, should have, would have. There is judgment of self, but what is is. In the now, there is a feeling that doesn’t want to be faced. Nothing good or bad, simply what is. As soon as you bring a morality into it, then you are saying something like, “The purpose in life is to express all of your feelings.”

Participant 3: Not express, just notice them. Feel them. 

How could you know if you are feeling all of your feelings?

Participant 3: Because of some bodily signs. Getting intense, for example, when I give it attention. Then the body reacts with energetic flow or something.

So that might be around one feeling. Perhaps while noticing that one, you are not aware of five others. 

Participant 3: Oh ya.

Oh boy! It’s a never-ending job to notice all of the feelings, especially if you don’t get to use your mind to evaluate how you are doing. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Participant 3: It’s another Sisyphus. I’m just registering the feelings; how many I have (laughing). 

There is an enormous difference between noticing what is, which includes noticing you are having a thought and acting on it. You can be aware the thoughts are there, without following them. Come back to now. The thoughts are always related to the past, never to the present. You may be having the thought that you are responsible for handling this, that you have to be sure that you are in touch with your feelings. What a thankless task you give yourself if you pay attention to those thoughts and let them guide you. Again, is the meaning of life to feel all your feelings? How much simpler to just notice that a feeling or thought is here and let it be. There seems to be anger here. There seems to be depression here. There seems to be excitement here. There is a tightness in the heart area here. There are thoughts of hopelessness here. There is nothing that has to be done about any of it. There is just noticing. You are not in control. The you that wants to be in control is the ego mind. The ego mind wants to find the purpose in life and then work to get there. It wants to set goals and strive toward them until they are achieved. In reality there is no purpose and there are no goals. There is just now. If you are not here all you can do is fail. The older you get, the more hopeless you become with your accumulated failures. 

Participant 1: So, stay young forever

Participant 3: Stay young, that is a purpose for life! (laughter)

Then we are aiming for not over two years old. (laughter) 

Participant 2: My twelve-year-old keeps bugging me with this question, “What is the purpose in life?” 

Asking questions that can’t be answered. 

Participant 2: That is exhausting. 

There is a very simple answer for your questioning mind. Life is. Being is. You see a butterfly flitting around your yard. Is there any purpose there? 

Participant 2: Beauty is the purpose.

The butterfly wants to be beautiful? 

Participant 3: It just is.

It just is. The mind will go overtime thinking about the butterfly’s purpose being to get nectar and help fertilize the flowers and to be a cog in this whole system. If that is the purpose, why does it need to dance around in the air? That is just what the butterfly does. It has no goals, no successes or failures. That’s why you do things. Because you do them. Perhaps you notice a desire and act upon it. Why? Where did the desire come from? Why did you respond to it? Life just happens. Another time you notice the desire and don’t act. There is no reason here. You act as you act. Life simply is. Life happens. If there is no meaning, it doesn’t matter what you do. That cop that sits in your mind watching everything you do, being ready to write you a ticket for acting wrongly, no longer has a purpose. You can’t do anything wrong. You are free. 

Participant 1: That’s kind of scary, to be absolutely free.

Scary to the cop. 

Participant 1: As I think of there being no purpose, I feel how empty it would be. It seems there are a lot of things I want to try to get or to get to. Those thoughts seem to give meaning to life. In dropping that there are a lot of different shades of terror. I guess I just have to look at all of that and let the feelings do what they want. In doing that I have been surprised that the terror is so deep. Do we need to accept that there is no meaning? If it is so, then I want to try to face it, not try to create something else.

You don’t need to do that, but it is very easy to face. Wherever you are, whenever you are, you simply look around you. You open your eyes. Look at everything in your immediate environment; use all of your senses. Be aware of what is going on in the body. None of it has any meaning. The mind may come in and make up stories, but they are just thoughts; they don’t exist in the world. There may be a chair sitting in the room. The mind may go into a story about how you got it, but that isn’t happening now. Now, there is just the chair in the room. If you are absolutely with what is here now, there is no meaning anywhere. There is just isness. Meaning comes only from the analytical mind. It is not inherent in anything. The mind’s job is to keep you separate from what is by naming, classifying, or reasoning. 

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

(This conversation will be concluded in the next message)

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What Is the meaning of life? | Sanhia on Letting Go of the Search and Resting in Being

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Good Now!

This question brings to mind a cartoon of a sage with long flowing white hair and beard and wearing a simple robe sitting cross-legged on the top of a mountain. In the next panel a seeker has scaled the mountain and prostrates himself before the sage. The caption reads, “Oh Master! What is the meaning of life?” Perhaps in the final panel the sage kicks the seeker and he goes tumbling down. But this is a question that consumes the thoughts of many people, particularly those who consider themselves to be on a spiritual path who want to understand, “What is the meaning of life?”, “Why am I here?”, “Why is the world here?”, “Why are these events happening?”.

There is none.

There is no meaning to life. You are searching for something that does not exist. When the searcher is looking for anything, the belief is that whatever is being sought is separate from “me”. This belief in separation creates an addiction, a constant searching for something outside of the self. The attempt to understand is comparable to figuring out what gives life to an animal by killing and dissecting it. What is the meaning of life? Life is. It simply is. Life is in the animal or it is not.

This searching for meaning is all about having a story. There must be some story that lets everything make sense. That’s what made this happen and that happen, and it all eventually leads to this. We are greatly amused by writer Kurt Vonnegut’s story about how and why humanity evolved on earth. According to this tale there was a space vehicle weaving its way through the universe from the planet Tralfamadore. It broke down with the closest inhabitable planet being the earth. Some Tralfamadorians took a shuttle out from the mother ship in search of a repair part. Not only was there no part available, but the most intelligent form of life was an advanced ape. Those apes were bred and trained, eventually evolving to become homo sapiens. The Tralfamadorians continued to evolve these primitive people until after many thousands of years the race was able to industrialize and finally create the repair part for the visitors, who immediately took the part back to the mother ship, fixed it, and returned home. What is the purpose of life on earth? To allow the Tralfamadorians to return home. This makes as much sense as any of the stories that you have heard or otherwise come up with.

In the last message we talked about awakeness. Awakeness looks for no meaning. It simply lives. It is part of being. When you search for a meaning to your life, you come up with a story. For many of you it’s a sad story, though it may have its bright moments. You didn’t ask to be born. Then you were stuck with those parents who affected you in ways you are still healing from. You got sent to school for years, also with multiple side effects. And let us not forget the church indoctrination. The story goes on and on and on.  Likely some event came along that caused you to wonder if there was another way to look at life, so you began following a spiritual path, seemingly growing from one experience or teacher after another. Eventually enough things may happen down the road that you become enlightened, awakened, ascended. That’s a story. Maybe the story includes an evolution covering many lifetimes pointed towards this wonderful future happening.

But there is no story. It’s just in the mind. First of all, out of the millions of events that have happened around you in this lifetime, the mind has filtered out a relatively small number of them out of which to sculpt your story. Anything that doesn’t fit with the saga is discarded; it’s out the window. Only those happenings that reinforce your tale are held on to. As you encounter the present moment you look for how it supports your story. Events are made to fit a pattern, kind of like the “Procrustean bed” (from Greek mythology, where the bandit Procrustes would tie travelers to a bed, stretching the short and cutting the tall to make them fit). Sometimes so many things fly in the face of your story that you realize you need to modify it. But you still have a story, even if it is a new one. 

When you must have a meaning to life, even if it is a frustrated, hopeless lack of meaning that you feel stuck with, the times can prove to be quite challenging. Perhaps you can’t figure out what the purpose of something is or you wonder why God would let an event happen. As long as there is a looking at life with any kind of expectation of what should be there, there is not a full experience of life. Instead, there is a resistance, a desire to change, to mould, to form what is being experienced to match the story your mind has created.

As there is no meaning to life, there is no personal story. You do not have a story. The tale your mind has woven is not true; it is not real. It is a fabrication of your mind. You think you are controlled by what you think of as your past, by your story. But there is no past. It is just a figment of the imagination. Where is it? Can you go there? Can you find it? No, you just make up stories about it, like the politician who promises to return the country to the greatness it once experienced. Where are those wonderful years? There is no such time. There is just now. As long as you are looking somewhere else, you don’t see the present, you don’t truly experience life.

So, the beingness of life, rather than the meaningness of life, is here, but it is unobserved because the mind is focused elsewhere – either into the illusory past or an imagined future, or projecting on to the present what it believes should be there, rather than what is. A story requires a continuum of past and future. If they don’t exist, how can there be a story? This brings terror to the ego mind: no story means no ego, no me. I die without a story, without a sense of uniqueness and separation from the One. Understandably, that is terrifying. But to dedicate your life to the creation of your story, to finding meaning, to understanding can only lead to a sense of failure and frustration because it is a search for something that does not exist. You are looking for the holy grail out there somewhere. The only place to look is within. If, in looking within, you find a story, dig deeper. Keep looking. Are you absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt certain in the truth of your story? Is any aspect of it suspect, perhaps not fully true? Keep looking. Are you certain? Are there events that don’t fit the pattern? Is projection involved? Are there non-conforming experiences that you are overlooking. Did things just happen rather than happen to you? Then return to the now and see what is here. Where is there a story in the rustling of leaves or the chirping of birds?  Where is there a story in seeing the clouds in the sky or in feeling and smelling the drops of rain falling from them? If the mind says that there is a sequence of seasons and there are reasons for movements in the weather, ask yourself how many seasons you see right now and where you should look to see the cause of the rain falling on your head. There is no story in the weather; there just is what is.

Stories bring comparisons such as, “This is the hottest summer ever”, leading to ideas like, “Maybe global warming is going to kill us all”. In the now there is no hottest or coldest, there is only the current temperature. Again, there is no story. The mind wants to make stories rather than to see what is actually present. One of the more popular forms of that is conspiracy stories. Somebody or somebodies are out to get you and other innocent victims. “There was no moon landing.” Look around you. Is there a moon landing either happening or not happening in your presence. Even in your memory has such a thing either occurred or not occurred in your sight? In fact, one of the craziest notions of the mind is the existence of something that is not present. The possibilities for what isn’t are infinite and the feelings and the body go through enormous gyrations in response to these fantasies. All for naught, all for something that does not exist, something that is not in your present. Can you do anything about the ten thousand things that are not here now? It’s questionable whether you have the power to do much of anything about what you do see here now, but the idea of affecting the imagined is pure idiocy. And you wonder why you are not at peace, why you don’t feel safe, why you wish things to be different than they are? 

I encourage you to take a deep breath and let your eyes close. Imagine that you realize there is no meaning to life. There is nothing to understand, nothing to figure out. You are now off the hook. You have no responsibility to figure out or manage anything. Sense the freedom in that. Feel the relaxation that accompanies the dropping of those burdens. If there is no meaning there is nothing you should be doing. Life just is. There is no reason for it. Nothing is asked of or demanded from you. Nothing happens to you. Things are just happening. They just are; life just is. You have spent your life trying to make meaning where there is none. Are you laughing yet? Pretty funny, isn’t it?

Are your eyes still closed? On top of this imagine that your story doesn’t exist; there is no meaning there either. There is no pattern to trace, no steps of growth. You are not coming from one place trying to get somewhere else. There is no story here. There is just here, just what is. There is not even really a now because all is in constant movement. If you try to nail down or hold on to any moment you are now trying to be somewhere else instead of with what is. It is more like floating down a stream. There is just what is, what you can sense. There is no place to try to get to and no ability to get there if there were such a place. Keep breathing. Are the shoulders feeling lighter and lighter? Nothing needs doing. Nothing to prove or justify. There is just beingness, the sounds you hear about you, the things you can see if you open your eyes, the smells. You may be asking if you can do anything then?  Is everything simply as it is and you can have no effect upon it? Does nothing matter? Well, I encourage you to try to do nothing. Of course you will do something. You have always done so. The animals and plants all do what they do. But this doing is not with a goal in mind; it is not to achieve anything. So, you will do what you do, not out of right and wrong or shouldness, not out of a story, not out of earning love or respect, not out of achieving something or reaching a goal. You will do it because in being, doing simply happens.  As a young child you were doing, doing, doing – but you had no purpose, no goals. It might be described as playing, playing, playing. This doing is not to try to get somewhere or to change things, it is simply your dialogue with life, your interaction. 

I would suggest to you that if you want to cease your search for meaning, stop building, expanding, and living in your story – and simply encounter your beingness in each moment, allowing whatever it might be to exist without trying to change it, interacting with and experiencing it – you will find that this whole question of the meaning of life will gradually dissolve or disintegrate and will cease re-entering the mind. So will it be with your personal story. In the meantime, notice that you wonder why and have these questions. Notice…and then return your focus to what is now, to your senses and feelings. Notice that in what is you no meaning and no story can be found.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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How can I tell if I’ve awakened? | Sanhia on the Myth of “Becoming” Enlightened

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Good Now!

Most of you who open these messages have the desire to awaken, or perhaps you might say to become enlightened or to ascend, to become aware of your divinity, to let go of identification with the “I”, “me”, body, ego-self separate from the One. If you did not have that intention you would have likely unsubscribed by now (there is still time!), or at least would not be reading this message. As with all questions there are no easy answers and perhaps no answers at all, but we’ll do our best.

We could say that there are two schools of awakening theory. The first could be called the absolutists. They identify the awakening process as an on/off switch. You are either awake or you aren’t. There is no waffling back and forth, no being partially awake. Upon awakening the person that the seeker has identified as “me” is no longer there. There is nobody there trying to accomplish anything or to get anywhere. There is nobody resisting or trying to change what is. There has been no change in the personality; there is simply no longer the presence of a separate self. There is no longer any ownership of self or anything else. The absolutists state there is nothing that the seeker can do to awaken. The attempt to awaken can only be an action of the ego mind, of the separate-self trying to be something else than what it believes it is. Awakening already is – right here, right now – so you can’t make it happen. Awakening is realized by the grace of God. It is beyond personal control because there is no person there to control it. 

The second school of awakening might be called the gradualists. They acknowledge that the sudden switch turning on may happen, but not necessarily for everyone. Perhaps there is a moment of insight, of awareness that there is no you. The mind then might jump in and claim that “I am awake”, but who is “I”?  The person who claims to be awake doesn’t exist and we are thrown back into ego slumber. At best there was a moment of awakeness and then a backsliding. There may be a bit of back and forth. Some experience that there is mostly no self, but occasionally the little me pops back up, though not for long.  Even with a steadier state of awakeness there is a learning curve of how to use that tool. Now that there is awareness that there is nothing that must be done, no purpose, no plan – that there is simply isness – what is to be done in that space? The gradualists say that you learn how to be with that isness. Maybe you become a spiritual teacher, maybe not. Maybe you share your process with others and maybe you aren’t guided in that way. The gradualist school might also suggest that the experience of life, in general, becomes more pleasurable. As there is a movement toward awakening and a letting go of untruths that the mind has believed in – as one finds self being increasingly present, neither weighed down by the past nor anticipating the future – life likely becomes more peaceful, more pleasant. There may be fewer and less intense negative emotions, and daily activities likely may prove to be joyful experiences. So the gradualist might suggest that as your focus remains on the awakening process, the experience of life involves less suffering. 

Both schools would agree that if you have a picture of the awakened, enlightened self as one who is above everything, always peaceful, free of all negative emotions, perhaps just sitting cross-legged for endless hours in bliss, then you are likely part of the horde of seekers who find themselves frustrated by their inability to awaken. That is not the awakened state, for most people at any rate. The awakened you is like the asleep you, just not being a separated individual. No two awakened states will be the same. Sorry, there are no models out there. What you seek is within. The personalities and the preferences are not likely to change much. There will simply be no ownership or attachment to them. There is no way you can know what that will look like nor what that awakening might feel like. 

Let’s return to the initial question. How do you know you’ve awakened? If you are asking the question you are not likely fully realizing your awakeness now. The awakened self would have nobody there to ask such a question. That you doesn’t exist. There is the you that exists, but not the one who is the thinker, or feeler, or doer, but rather the one who is aware. There is no you who is a chooser. You are awake right now. Every one of you. You always have been; you always will be. There is no time, no past or future. There is just the now and in this moment you are awake. You are aware of what’s going on. That is awakeness. Your mind might be denying this awakeness and believing that you have to do something to arrive at such a point, but that doesn’t eradicate your awakeness. It simply means that you are unconscious of your Divine state. In what ways is this unconsciousness expressed? It is through thinking and believing that you are not alright as you are, that you need to be better. Something needs to be done; neither you nor the world are as they should be. The process of realizing your awakeness is always one of subtraction, not of addition. There is nothing you have to become, because you already are that. It’s just a matter of letting go, the subtraction. You let go of beliefs, particularly ones about what enlightenment should look like and of how you need to be different than you are. If you think you need to be more disciplined, you let that go. When you think you shouldn’t be feeling what you are feeling, you don’t hold on to it. You can’t let go of the feeling; that can’t be stopped. It is like the weather. If you don’t want the rain, you let go of that resistance. You can’t stop the rain, so let it pour. You can’t stop your anger, so let it roar. Just leave your mind out of it. There is no cause, no justification, and no reason for the anger. It simply is. Keep noticing where there is no acceptance, where there is resistance and the desire for change. Perhaps you wish to let go but the thoughts are like flypaper and keep sticking. Then you can notice that the inability to let go seems to be happening.  Apparently you don’t have the power to change, because if you could you surely would. You can just notice that inability to let go is happening, and let that be okay. Or that the inability to let go of holding on is happening and that is what is. And so on down the endless hall of mirrors. Let it be okay. Let go of changing it.

The process of noticing your awakeness is a process of simplification. If everything is fine as it is, then there are no problems. There is nothing to fix. You are off the hook. There is no responsibility. On the other hand, as long as things are seen that you think need to be changed or fixed, inside or outside of you, with other people or with yourself, it is not possible to experience your awakened self. No you exists to make those adjustments. It is like clouds separating you from the sun. Nothing is hard except the doomed attempts you make to change what is. Then it becomes impossible. There is no solution. There is no resolution. Over time some of the following characteristics may begin to appear, at least according to the gradualists. The past just disappears and isn’t really there at all. There is no focus on the future. Increasingly the focus is only on what is here now. Often the mind moves into the background and the senses are the focus of attention. When emotions rear up they may not last for long. Is there judgment about those emotions? Yes, sometimes, but it doesn’t usually last for long. There may not be lightning bolt awareness of awakening, but things are okay as they are. Awakening, actually, is not much of a focus anymore, though it might be fun to read about. 

Let’s deal with one last point. The absolutists say there is nothing to do. You will awaken when you awaken. You can’t choose when. You can’t try to make things any different than they are. If you are drawn to this voice, go for it, absolutely. Or, more correctly, don’t go for it.  You might enjoy reading books by Tony Parsons or Wayne Liquorman. For those of you who are drawn more to the gradualist school, you are probably thinking that there must be some things you can do to make a difference. We’ve already discussed this to some degree. You might enjoy reading books by Adyashanti or Fred Davis. Keep noticing where there is resistance and attempts to change things and let that go. Remember to subtract things rather than adding to them. Less trying to change, less judgment, less projection. There can be more allowing, more letting things be as they are, more acceptance of emotions. Let it be okay when you catch yourself holding insane thoughts or thinking you should be doing a better job at screening your thoughts. Notice without holding on or pushing away. Have more awareness of what is actually present. More senses, less mind. Do this when you notice your mind going on a bender. Use your other senses to notice what is really here. The focus of the mind is usually on what isn’t here. What is here is probably fine, or else you will notice a call to immediate action. Keep bringing yourself back here. Look around. Listen. Smell. Feel both with the body and with the emotions. As you are fully present, aware of what is here, you are awake. When the focus is on what is not here, you are asleep. You can always hedge your bet. If taking actions is, as the absolutists suggest, of no value, if you have no ability to affect what will happen, you have nothing to lose by acting. It can neither harm nor help. On the other hand, as the gradualists suggest, you might just be inching your way home. At the very least, your enjoyment of life may be greater. Remember always that you are awake.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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Am I responsible for what happens in my life? | Sanhia on the Illusion of Control

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Good Now!

Participant: Am I responsible for what happens in my life?

This is one of the areas of greatest confusion for the spiritual seeker. The belief that is present, that has been learned and programmed, that is probably embedded in the DNA, that has been there through lifetimes and through civilizations is that your choices and actions make the difference in your life. The teaching is that you are responsible. You are to decide what you want in life – what you want to do, how you want to be – and then you put that into action. Let’s just be open for a moment to that actually being possible, that is that you decide what you want and then manifest it in the world. If that were the case, would you create unhappiness, conflict, or pain? Would there be war or poverty? The answer to those questions is quite obvious. People don’t plan and wish for such things. They likely have other things in mind when choosing futures and making plans.

So, if you are responsible, if your thoughts and desires create what happens, how can such conflicting results be explained? I can see two ways that attempts might be made to justify these results. One is to decide that you must not be very talented at creating what you want, that somehow you allow disparate thoughts or actions to creep in that are not aligned with what you really want. Secondly, perhaps, you simply don’t have that power; you have simply been programmed to believe that you do or at least that you should possess such abilities. If we look at failure to realize your goals as a weakness on your part, it begs the question of whether that failure is your intention. Is it your plan to fail? Or do you simply notice that the lack of success happens and blame yourself or, perhaps, others? Logically, it makes more sense to assume that you do not have the power to control your world. The mind might argue that sometimes you make a plan and things happen nearly as you wanted them to. Does that happen every time? Ask yourself honestly if it even happens most of the time. If your response to this question is in the affirmative, then keep working your magic. For the rest of you there must be something else going on here.

Participant: Some spiritual teachings say that you can listen to one of two voices, the voice of ego or the voice of Spirit. Am I responsible for that choice? 

This opens us up to many questions. One of those is that if you listen to and act from the voice you have identified as Spirit, or God or love – will things work out as you hope they will?

Participant: Not necessarily. And I wonder if this is really what God wants. Can it really be the will of God if it feels so uncomfortable to me?

You have stated a second question. How do you know what the voice of God is saying? How can you be sure it is not that wily ego voice?

Participant: It’s not possible to be sure. 

Once again you are in a position where you are the one seemingly making this choice and you therefore feel responsible for the outcome. Did you listen to the right voice, and, even if you did, are you still responsible for the result? Or can you now blame God if you guessed right, but things didn’t work out as you hoped they would? 

Participant: I have no clue what God’s will or plan is. That doesn’t seem possible. Maybe when things come to some sort of crisis we surrender and realize we just aren’t able to choose what should be.

One thing that often happens when you choose and take responsibility for that choice is that if things work out the way you hoped they would, you pat yourself on the back and think you have done a good job. If things don’t work out in what you consider to be a satisfactory way, you then blame yourself. You decide you didn’t do a good enough job. Or you blame others or God for this failure. And, as we suggested earlier, this lack of positive results is much more likely to be the result you experience. So you spend most of your time with a sense of failure and guilt, or in a place of victimhood and anger. What if what happens is not determined by your choice and action, that you are not responsible for it? If that is the case, there is no reason for self-congratulations or for blame. You are not responsible.

Participant: That can be a relief!

It can be a tremendous relief. Now let’s look at the mechanics of what goes on. When you have convinced yourself or have been programmed to believe that you are responsible for your decisions, that they determine what happens, your mind focuses totally on these choices. It leaves out the ten thousand other variables that are a part of what is. Let’s give an example. Say that you make the choice to attend a spiritual group. Your intention for doing this was to awaken to the truth of yourself. You believe that you had the power to make that choice. But let’s look more deeply at this choice, to really investigate it. How did you become aware of the opportunity to attend this event? Maybe you heard about it from a friend or saw a poster or heard about it online. Did you have the intention to find out about this meeting? Was that planned? No, it just happened. You are not responsible for creating this opportunity. When that choice did become available to you, what made you say yes? Perhaps you had previous experiences that made you open to this one. Did you choose those opportunities coming to you? And what came before them, and before them? Likely there was a time in the past where you would not have chosen to say yes to this spiritual event. You are constantly being reprogrammed by life experiences. Most other people have not been programmed to be drawn toward such an event. Some of you, whether you call it your DNA, past lives, or whatever, came into this life with a predisposition toward the spiritual. Are you responsible for that? For others it may have been the farthest thing from your mind, but life pushed you in that direction. In either case, where is the choice? Maybe your parents were an influence toward exploring Divinity. Do you remember choosing your parents?

Participant: No

Maybe you had a parent who was so abusive that in trying to heal yourself from all the pain you feel from that childhood you were guided in a spiritual direction. Did you choose that spiritual direction? No, you were choosing to heal and that is what appeared. You didn’t choose the abusive childhood experience and it seemingly led to a spiritual direction. Where is the choice? Where is the responsibility? This just appeared to happen. Returning to your attendance at the spiritual group, are you responsible for that, even after becoming aware of it? What if a friend had called yesterday and you decided instead to meet with them? Maybe you wake up sick. Maybe you oversleep. Maybe your car doesn’t start or you run out of gas or get into a minor accident on the way. Look at all of the things that needed to happen in this universe to get you to this workshop today. 

Participant: Most of the time we think we are the center of what’s happening and things happen from our choosing. Now you are suggesting that there is something else making the decision.

We could identify what believes it is in control and is responsible as the ego mind. But it isn’t in control. All these other factors exist along with the ego mind. As a pointer we could say that everything in the universe is interconnected. The ego thinks that it did something and therefore a result occurred, but there were ten thousand things happening at the same time. All contributed to what happened. There is never a single cause, nor a single effect, but a ripple, a constant movement, an interconnectedness of everything. We could call that the Oneness. We could call it Divinity. We could call it Not-Twoness. We could call it God. There are many names. You can have the thought that there is a meaning behind all of this, that the multiplicity of happenings is conspiring to bring about certain results. Perhaps there is a “method to the madness”, but how could you ever know? 

Participant: That’s a problem. You can never know?

But, is there a need to know? If you don’t have the ability to affect and change what happens, what good would it do to have understanding?

Participant: It is a relief. 

If it is simply what is happening, let it happen. What else is there to do?

Participant: So are you saying that it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do? Why even bother to do anything then?

Good question! I’m sorry if I misled you. I didn’t say that it doesn’t matter. What was said was that you don’t have control. You don’t determine the outcome. But you are one of the ten thousand things that are happening. It’s not that your action doesn’t matter: it’s just never the sole determinant. And whatever you do also likely comes out of your pre-programming rather than out of an uncluttered, informed choice in the moment. You make a programmed choice, notice what happens, and that goes into your programming. You are constantly being reprogrammed and so your choices may change over time. Still, your action or thought is but one factor in determining what happens. There is no rightness or wrongness about these choices. It is not your choice. You have no responsibility. Can a computer make an error? It may malfunction, but it can only act in accordance with its programming.

Participant: When you say this I wonder what the reason is for me being here. Is there something special I should learn? Why am I here?

You reach out for understanding because the ego mind demands a basis for separating right from wrong. It believes that it is responsible. When you ask this question, you are jumping over the fact that you are. You exist. You are aware of what happens around you. You are not the creator of what is. You are the experiencer of it. You may think that you are choosing and responsible. You may observe yourself believing that you are in control. As you become aware that you are not in control, that your choices are probably not freely chosen, but are programmed, you may notice that you choose what feels best to you. Perhaps at this point we could suggest the word preference, rather than choice. If there is any meaning to be found, it will be discovered in the observing, in the awareness of what is unfolding. The meaning of life, if there is any, is not connected with your ability to make decisions and to take responsibility. It can only be determined by paying attention to what is already happening. What an adventure such an investigation can be. You are a part of the whole, not the center. What happens when you stop feeling responsible?

Participant: Maybe there is some humbleness that emerges, along with some trust that what is happening is as it should be. If I have resistance to what is, I can have something to look at. Why am I not accepting?

A trap here can be that the mind decides it has to be aligned with what is happening. This brings you back to responsibility.  Now you are responsible for not being responsible.

Participant: It’s really hard to take this in. What does it mean to not be responsible? It seems like there is some choice there that comes from me. 

Yes. But how did it get into you? Is it your conscious creation? Where did this idea come from that you are absolutely responsible for what you call you?

Participant: That’s more like programming or the mass consciousness has spoken to me.

Let’s say, for example, that you are born with natural athleticism, while another is born with little coordination or physical strength. Was it your choice to be a good athlete? Did they choose the opposite? Did you choose your level of intelligence? Did you choose to have more or less compassion, anger, depression, or happiness than another? I challenge you to look at all of these things and find something that you actually chose. Yet these and a multitude of other qualities, both long term and short term, help determine the choices that you make today. 

Participant: The word that comes up in my head now is preplanning. Have I done a preplanning for all of these things?

Let’s just assume that there was some pre-plan. Do you remember being involved with that preplanning? Do you remember sitting down with Spirit or whomever and saying that you want this body and that nose, that you want to be controlling or fearful, that you will have a spiritual curiosity? Do you remember choosing your parents, your children, or all of the people who would play major parts in your life? Do you remember planning successes and tragedies? Is there any memory of any of that? 

Participant: When you say it like that the answer would have to be a no.

Then how can you be responsible for any of it? If you have no conscious memory, it may or may not have happened. All that you know is that what is here now is here now. You can be aware of that but have no responsibility for its existence. You cannot change that it is here now. 

Participant: But mostly we don’t go there with all of these questions. We just glide on the ice and think that we need to take control.

And you also think that other people are responsible. You think someone hurt your feelings. You give them a false sense of responsibility. You project that they have the power to control the world through inflicting pain on you. Perhaps they had that conscious intention and got lucky, but most likely they were trying to create something totally different and were oblivious to your feelings. As long as you hold onto personal responsibility, you are going to suffer. You will usually fail to achieve your goals, but even with seeming successes your ego will go crazy, inflating its sense of accomplishment. That, of course, leads you to your next fall. Your awakening process cannot really begin until you accept the possibility that you aren’t running the show, that neither you or others have any real power. No amount of hard work or self-discipline will ever allow you to take control. 

Participant: So I have to stop listening to the mass consciousness. 

However, if you are claiming that the mass consciousness is wrong and you are choosing differently … (laughter). It’s about not believing in choice, period – without making that a choice. Most spiritual paths encourage you to choose differently. The expressions offered here are not tenets of truth; they are simply pointers. Awareness may lead to less suffering, but choices are only likely to increase it. Awareness that choice leads to suffering might lead to an end of suffering, but that cannot come about from choice. Choice is an adding on while awakening is a letting go, a letting go of everything but what is, everything that you have no control over. The less responsibility you take, the less suffering you will have. So when you stop choosing will painful things stop happening? Absolutely not! Painful things might still happen. However, you will simply notice the presence of pain. There is no blame or projection, because things just happen. You are not responsible. You don’t have that power. There are no worries about what you have to do to prevent a repetition. The future is of no importance. Since you are not the cause, the past doesn’t matter either. All that remains is this now. You can experience the pain while it is present. It will soon be replaced by or morph into something else. The suffering only comes from your false sense of responsibility.

Participant: But I want to be enlightened.

That will happen when it happens. You are not responsible for making it happen, so holding on to being the cause can only get in your way. Your preference to realize awakening has been expressed. Your work is done. The universe responds with “duly noted”. Let go. If enlightenment is a knowing of the Oneness with all and choosing comes from the separated self, how can an expression of separation lead to Oneness? Continuing to exercise your independent will means a continuation of suffering. Enjoy your sleep. 

Participant: But there is something. I can choose a spiritual path. So, I need to step out of how it is in the world. There is a confusion there. I have to do something. 

Who is this “I” who needs to do something? This is the one who believes it is separate from the whole. All it can create is more of a sense of separation. It has things backward. There is nothing that it has to do, only things to stop doing. Stop trying to be in charge. Let the world be as it is. Is there really any other choice? It is only denial and insanity that would think the world can be other than it is right now. So, see what is there. Stop blaming and resisting. No guilt and no blame. You are not responsible for the good or the bad. Neither is God. Things are as they are and can be no other way. This is the Oneness and it is perfection. There is nothing for you to do other than have awareness and eventually gratitude. Anything else is an expression of not being aligned with the Oneness, of being separate, of being asleep. 

Participant: I am aware that there is a belief that that isn’t good, that I don’t want that to happen. This keeps me from truly seeing the now.

Belief is no different from choice. Does your belief change anything? Let’s say you believe that everyone should act kindly toward everyone else. Does that change how others act? Your beliefs have no power. If there is Oneness, it exists whether or not you believe in it. If you believe that unkind acts will be punished by karma, do you witness that to be your day to day experience? When your beliefs do not prove themselves to be correct, there will be suffering. Let them go. There is the belief in right and wrong. How is that working for you?

Participant: It’s not working at all. It is like stones in my shoes. It causes pain with every step I take.

Again, these are not beliefs that I am sharing with you. They are merely pointers. They are suggestions for things to look at, to try on. I suggest that if you look long enough and hard enough at the idea of your having personal responsibility, you will recognize the untruth of it. It is all a smokescreen.

Participant: I can see how letting go of that would be an enormous relief. What can I say to my fears of what might happen if I don’t exercise choice?

Will that lead to meaninglessness, hopelessness and despondency? Will that lead to a world where worse and worse things will happen because nobody is stepping up to take responsibility? All that I can say is that if you have reached a dead end with your attempt to be in control, what do you have to lose? If you still believe that you can make a difference, go and give it your best shot. You cannot make a mistake. There is no right and wrong. Maybe another day will come when you want to have this conversation again. 

Participant: The world isn’t like what you are saying. It is screaming out just the opposite.

That is so. We never have to worry about turning people away at the door (laughter). Here is one last game you can play. Look at a few things that you consider to be among the best things that have happened in your life, the most important and valuable events. Which ones did you plan and choose? 

Participant: (Laughing) I didn’t plan any of them.

Which of the events that you consider to be the worst did you plan and choose?

Participant: None of them.

So you had no part in choosing any of the most profound things to happen in your life. If you look more deeply at those events that seemed the worst at the time, how many have since shown an upside and in fact may now be considered as fortunate jewels that came your way? Perhaps the Universe has always done the superior job in creation, not really the superior job, but the only job. Take your hand off the wheel. It is not and has never been directly connected to the driveshaft. You can do much worse than accepting the hand you are dealt and playing it to the hilt. 

Good Now!

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What Is Freedom? (Part 2) | Sanhia on Finding Inner Spiritual Freedom

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                                                            (click for audio on YouTube)

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Participant: You have described how to find the outer freedom, can you say more about how to find the inner spiritual freedom?

It would be nice if I could give you a blueprint for how to do this, but it is going to be different for each one of you. I can offer some general pointers. The first one is that if there are things that you feel you should do, that they are the right things to do, that you need to do, that it’s not safe to not do … Stop it! Don’t do it! 

Participant: What do you mean that I shouldn’t do?

That in your mind you believe you should be doing. That everyone says that it’s the right thing to do. You’ll be a financial or emotional disaster if you don’t do this. You’ll lose everything if you don’t act as you are supposed to. The first thing is to stop doing that. I’m not so naive as to believe that a person is going to be able to stop on a dime doing everything they feel they should be doing, but nonetheless you make that commitment. Then you begin cutting and cutting. 

Participant: Tell me more about this commitment.

There are two steps. First you don’t do things you are not guided by your heart to do. If you have spent your life ignoring your heart while doing what society expects from you, this may present an enormous challenge. You have no practice in it. It may be difficult to even hear your heart. All you hear are these voices of fear. The first step is to have the willingness to hear your Divine personal will, to begin to turn this ship around, to begin to be guided by that voice. If you can’t hear your inner voice, create space for it. You create space by letting go of things you know it isn’t; the things you truly don’t wish to do. This doesn’t mean you need to quit your job today. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything. But, if the job doesn’t bring you joy you will probably leave it sooner or later. The creating and filling of that space is the second step. Maybe you start in a small way. Here’s an example: the grass is growing and could be cut. The neighbors’ lawns are all better trimmed. In addition, theirs are free of the dandelions and weeds that spread across yours. The mind says that you should go out and mow it, perhaps also finding a way to eliminate those pesky dandelions and weeds. Does the heart wish to cut the grass today? If it doesn’t, don’t do it today. Facing the judgment of others, not to speak of your own, will put you through great emotional upheaval. 

Participant: So don’t follow the fear or act from it. 

Be aware each day where action is triggered by fear. As you stop trying to be a “good girl” or a “good boy” space will open up in your life, the space that was filled with acting from guilt and a sense of duty. Don’t fill this space with more obligations. This is a space to play in. Enjoy it. Slowly find things you have been wanting to do but have denied yourself. This is not a space for judging what is practical, good, or right. The only filter is whether you feel like doing it. Is there at least a modicum of passion present?

You have been taught to believe that you are little, that you are a sinner, that others need to show you the way, that you lack the wisdom to choose for yourself. Is any of that true? That is a prison. You hold the key. You commit to not accepting all of that anymore. You open the door and let yourself move toward the love and the light and the joy that you wish to know and experience. 

Participant: It sounds like when you are grown up you can have this discernment: is this what I want to do, is this my freedom? How is it for a child? Is there freedom for them also? 

You notice how everyone is different. Some children acquiesce when confronted with the discipline adults ask from them, saying “Yes ma’am” and “Yes sir” and trying to be “good”. Some rebel and refuse to cooperate; they won’t play the game. Why do some claim freedom while others don’t? We could look at many reasons for that, but the audience receiving this message now are not children, so we could say that it doesn’t matter. On the other hand, it could be said that much of the audience is still acting like children, still trying to do the right thing or perhaps living in rebellion. Those who rebel may not be any freer than those who cooperate. Rather than being free to do as they wish, they may be controlled by a need to oppose, to fight, and to do the opposite of what is desired by others, rather than listening to their heart. It could also be suggested for those of you who are no longer children, but occasionally or more often find yourself in their presence – that you could try two things. First, do your best to allow the children to follow their hearts as opposed to trying to imbed in them your thoughts of who they should be and what they should do. You will not have much success there if you are not allowing such freedom for yourself. Children will be more influenced by your actions than your words. So, let yourself out of jail.  Second, you can consider the possibility that perhaps the children are the teachers and you are the student. They likely are in greater contact with their passions and act more frequently on them. The socialization project of mass consciousness has not yet been completed. Let yourself play with them. 

Participant: Why is it good to choose freedom? Where will it take me?

If you can think back to being a child and playing, just playing … there was no reason for your playing. There was no goal involved. You were simply acting out the joy you wished to express at that moment. That is all that was there. There was no meaning, no reason for your play. There was no sense of something you had to accomplish, something you came here to do. There was not likely such a mental awareness as this, but you were simply God expressing through a human body whatever was desired to be expressed. You were absolutely free to play with that in any way that you were moved to do. 

Participant: As a grown-up does it lead me to freedom to follow my inner divine voice? 

It does not lead to freedom; it is freedom. You are free to do that. Nothing can stop you from that except you. When you act from a motivation of joy rather than fear, you are expressing freedom. It is not leading you to freedom. You have always had that freedom. But you haven’t necessarily chosen to exercise it. The mind often draws a line limiting your freedom. You can do this, but not that. That is going too far. Really? Says who? It is only a belief that draws these lines, that builds the walls of this prison. These beliefs are not imposed from the outside. They are chosen and re-chosen in the present by you. If you allow yourself to follow your inner voice you will find it to be in constant movement and change. The joy that guides you in the present doesn’t lead anywhere. Where does the weather go? Does the weather have purpose? It constantly changes and expresses. So do you. You learn from everything you express in the present, from everything you do. Your computer is constantly being reprogrammed.  You may decide not to try that one again, or you may have a “Wow!” and want to go that way again. Of course it will never be the same way again. Everything changes. You may be inspired to tweak it in a certain way. 

Participant: As you started to say that for a child there are rules all around them about what to do and how to behave. Do I have to balance that in some way to get my freedom?

What usually happens is that as an adult you take over the role of the enforcer that was in your life as a child. 

Participant: And you call that freedom?

No, that’s not freedom at all. You could call that “being socialized”. You no longer need an adult telling you what to do because the policeman is in your head now. 

Participant: Oh, yeah, so how do I get to the freedom?

By saying no.

Participant: No?

No to the should. No to what there is no passion for. No to the guilt. 

Participant: So it’s no to this and no to that. Where is the freedom?

It may start out that way. The freedom is wherever you notice it. Maybe today you notice you wish to take a walk in the park. Perhaps now you wish to lie in a hammock and read a book. 

Participant: You make it sound like there is an inner voice of freedom. All that you need to do is to listen and follow that inner voice. Is it so?

Yes, but we could replace freedom with joy, curiosity, excitement, or passion. But you would not use terms like duty, responsibility, what is “right” or “the right thing to do”, or what “should be done”.

Participant: Why is freedom something that is not promoted by society? Why doesn’t society want me to be free? 

This is learned behavior. It is how people’s computer minds are programmed. Society cannot teach you to be free because it was not taught how to be free. 

Participant: Will society break down if most of the people take their freedom?

That is the fear that is held. Not only should you do as you are told because the authority and the rewards and punishments go way back, all the way to god, but you are also letting society down when you don’t follow these dictates. Such freedom leads to anarchy and lawlessness and who knows what. This comes from a society that has created constant war, poverty, separation and aloneness, and a multitude of unhappy, unfulfilled people. Listening to outer authority has demonstrably failed. Can your inner guidance do worse? Is it not worth taking the chance; could things really be more disastrous? It is the reaching of such a point of thinking that things cannot get any worse that leads some to consider other possibilities.

Participant: You are talking about freedom and God. How do they connect with each other?

We could say that if God has a horse in this race, the horse is God expressing that you were made like God, so why not be like God? No limits. Divine. Free to create whatever you want. Do it!  

Participant: Where can I find this Divine freedom? Where is it speaking?

It’s speaking wherever you have insight or passion, wherever you are drawn to something. 

Participant: So if I follow my passions, it slowly deepens my freedom?

Or your awareness of your freedom deepens. The freedom is always there. There is knowing that. No one can control you. Even if they take your physical life, that is nothing. That is not who you are. You simply are. You are God having experiences through a body. If you want to come back using another body, you will do that. 

Participant: I want to have freedom.

You have it. 

Participant: How can I be sure?

By exercising it. You will not know it by listening to me. Act on it. That is the only way to find out. The fear is all that stands in your way. Even when you choose what you truly desire, the fear will probably not go away immediately. It will likely intensify. It is waiting for what it believes will be the eventual punishment. The old tapes will continue to roll, warning you that you won’t get away with this, that you just can’t do what you want to do. The fear will be there, so you face it. Let it be there. Let it express. Feel it in your body. Don’t deny it or try to chase it away. Welcome it as long as it wishes to hang out with you, but don’t let it run the show. Don’t let it guide your actions. It is simply time for the fear to wash through the body like a summer storm, to do its cleansing and to pass on allowing the sun to shine again. 

Participant: So freedom is connected with being brave enough to face my fear.

Yes

Participant: So that is the balance … with the freedom and the fear. Would you say? 

Yes, but you need to let it rage as long and as loud as it wishes. You fear that your fear will kill you, but it won’t. Try it out and let me know how it works for you. Face the fear. Let it roar. Take no actions to abate it. Do nothing that mind tells you will protect you. Sooner or later the fear will run its course. Everything changes. Nothing goes on forever. Put off action until the calm has returned and then choose from your passion. 

Participant: So the freedom is realized when you have the guts to not follow what the fear would have you do, but to just face the fear until it’s gone and then choose from your passion.

I couldn’t have expressed it better, but the proof of the pudding is in the eating. So, to conclude today’s conversation, we will make reference to the all-American game of Monopoly. You land on “Chance” and draw a card. It reads “Get out of jail free”. This card is my gift to you now, and this particular card has the magic to be reusable. Anytime guilt, shoulds, victimhood, or fear come to you, play this card.

Participant: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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What is freedom? | Sanhia on escaping the prison of the mind

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Good Now!

I am going to begin this talk on freedom by speaking of the United States. Many of you, of course, are not from that country, so as you are hearing the comments, please relate them to your own land or to your adopted country and see how it fits. It is fun to begin with the United States because it claims to be the land of the free. Let’s look closer and see what freedom means in this case. How are children raised to be free? Most young children are taught to obey their parents. You are to do what you are told to do. At a certain age the government forces the child to go to school. The parents are not free to say no to this order. Is there freedom of choice for child or parent? At school you are forced to follow rules, to be quiet and still, to do the work you are given. Not only are you not physically free, but mentally you must do the work you are told to do. There is no freedom to choose your subject matter, the way you will learn it, or even to choose to do or not to do what you are assigned. There are rewards for performing the desired behaviors and punishments for deviation or resistance. Much the same is true at home with the parents, though this might have much more to do with rules, expectations, and behavior, along with performing any assigned tasks. So, freedom in this country seems to mean that you are rewarded for doing what others want, and you are punished for doing only as you desire. It might seem that only adults have freedom, but let’s keep digging. So, where is this freedom? The communication to children seems to be that they cannot be trusted with freedom, that adults need to teach you how you should be and what you should do.  This “education” goes on for twelve years both at school and at home until you either fully learn how to surrender your autonomy to those who “know” or you suffer endless punishment and are labeled a failure.

Now, as a young adult you have learned to perform in the “right” way, or you find yourself in an endless and probably losing battle with authority. Are you free to do whatever you want each day? No. You are now programmed to do what you “should” do. If you don’t perform as your mind now tells you that you should, there may be horrible consequences. You won’t be able to support yourself. You will not be acting in a responsible way. You will not be doing something useful with your life. You may lose your house, your car, your loved ones. You will have no future. You will die homeless, and friendless, a total failure. People won’t love you; they won’t even want to be around you. You have to follow societal expectations or you will be ostracized. This is what happens in the land of freedom. Young children who want to do nothing but play and explore the world about them are trained to be automatons. The concern now is to have health insurance, which requires you to hold down a job, and society tells you through advertising and less subtle nudges that you are what you own. You are defined by your car, clothes, home, electronic gadgets, physical appearance, and that of any partner you might have. You may choose to stay in a marriage because you think you will be judged as a bad person if you divorce, particularly if children are involved — and you might face losing your health insurance. This is freedom. You may have a mortgage, student debt, and your credit cards are loaded. Or maybe you struggle along with little as you spend frugally, avoiding costs for things that might be enjoyable. You trudge ahead, doing what others, what experts, what authorities tell you to do. 

Perhaps you are fortunate enough to be raised in a religion. Then the church tells you what is right and wrong, as well as what will happen to you if you are good and what will happen if you do wrong. There are all of these rules for you to live by. Even if you were not raised in a religion, you were still infused with a moral sense, still taught what is right and what was wrong. Perhaps you were raised with scientific beliefs. What you are taught is that science is what smart people have studied and proven and that it describes how the world truly works. Science tells you that you have to protect yourself from disease through taking vaccinations and other shots, as well as eating certain medicines if the prevention fails to work. It tells you what you should eat and how you should treat the environment, as well as suggesting that science cannot prove the existence of any God and that anything it has not proved cannot be trusted to be right. Again we have rules, rules, rules for how to live your life. Where is the freedom? A funny thing about “science” is that a true scientist accepts nothing he is taught as absolute truth. Everything is questioned. All investigations are entered with an open mind and a curiosity to find what results experiments will produce. The desire is to go beyond what is “known” to new frontiers. They understand that science proves nothing; it only provides theories. Theories have a shelf life and are eventually replaced with new “understandings”. Science is never certain and never finished. It is a work in progress. Scientists disagree. It cannot be accurately stated that science proves anything. Yet people live their lives directed by the “beliefs” of science. They have been raised to give their power away to science, to religion, to parents, to authorities, to employers, to relatives, to friends, to the mass consciousness. Where is the freedom? In the land of the free, people are raised, educated, and encouraged to trust everyone but themselves, to let others determine how their life should be led.  For the most part living is done unconsciously. It is just how things are done. Those who don’t conform to this protocol are highly suspect. Who do they think they are? 

In truth, every person has freedom. Nobody is being forced to give their power away. However, very few claim and exercise that freedom. In the United States a person is free to choose whatever work they desire. They are not limited by any patterns or beliefs. They can think what they like. They can act as they wish with the restrictions of not harming others or breaking existing laws. In fact, though, they are free to break those laws and suffer the consequences if that is the desire. In their minds and in their hearts they are absolutely free…. if they wish to claim that freedom. Again, very few do. People choose careers because of family and societal pressures, with a hope for financial freedom, for dreams of power and control, or out of hopelessness. A person is free to claim each day for their personal joy and exploration, but they choose to go to work. Only for a small minority is the freedom and joy experienced there. Even where there is immediate payoff it is usually accompanied by some sort of compromise, a surrendering of current freedom for imagined future freedom. It ultimately makes little difference if you are living in “the land of the free” or in a totalitarian society. In either one you can follow your inner guidance, can choose to follow your inner joy and Divinity or you can surrender to the pressure of the mass consciousness. Four walls do not a prison make. The warden is your inner capitulation to the voices of the world. Nobody can touch your inner sanctums but you. Others can scare you. Then you must face your fear or give your power away to it, surrendering your freedom. The result is that from that time forward you live in fear. Truth be told, you already were living in fear, the outside threat just made it more obvious. The fearful mind believes that it has no choice. 

What is this freedom? We would suggest as a pointer here that freedom is doing that which you truly, truly wish to do. How many of you truly, truly wish to get up and go to work five days a week and then stay at the job for eight hours? That can be a prison. Do you choose freely each day to do that work? Or are there qualifications such as that you kind of like your job – it’s better than some you could have, or that the pay allows you to have other freedoms. Are you filled with joy in anticipation of going to the job? Is there no place you would rather be? We could say that freedom is taking steps in each moment toward what you feel passion for. The teaching that comes from the mass consciousness is that you just can’t do what you want to do. You have to be practical. You have to protect and take care of yourself. That is your responsibility before you can pursue joy. Maybe you can do that on the weekend or in the evenings. But even then if you have a family and a house there are errands and cleaning and shopping and numerous other things to do. Who are you kidding? Unless you are a rare exception, this is what you have been taught by parents, by schools, by society, by churches, by science, and so on. Where is this freedom? Where is this joy and passion? As long as you believe these limits on your freedom are the truth, they will be. You cannot surrender your freedom to choose, but you have the freedom to choose what you don’t want. You are free to choose your prison. Nobody forces you to do that. You have the freedom to believe that you have no choice. As long as you make that choice, life will prove you to be right, because you do create your world through your thoughts. You will suffer and experience a variety of negative emotions. There will be a roller coaster of ups and downs. There will be no escape from this cycle. There will be no true feeling of freedom or of lasting joy. It’s a life sentence and then you die. Where is the freedom?

The freedom lies in your choice. Are you choosing to believe you have no freedom? Or are you choosing to know that as a Child of God, you are made in the Creator’s image with infinite imagination, joy, and ability to create from that passion? Knowing that you are here to follow whatever expressions come to you while experiencing the physical realm, while using this physical body. The only freedom comes in making this choice, in listening to where your inner guidance takes you rather than bowing before the mass consciousness. Will making that choice guarantee a problem free life from here on out? Probably not. It’s like anything else you’ve never done before. You don’t likely do it so well to begin with. The old beliefs may die slowly. You may think at the start that if you just achieved a certain something you will have joy. The belief may be that joy comes through acquisitions, relationships, and successes. I could save you time by telling you that it won’t work that way, but you probably have to learn that for yourself, so knock yourself out. I am not the expert here; your inner drive is. When you choose from your heart, your learning curve rises dramatically. You will learn what it is that is truly desired. Meanwhile, there are no mistakes, no wrong turns. Keep your GPS headed toward the peace, joy, and love that you truly are. Where your freedom takes you will be constantly changing and evolving. Always it is about the process and the present, not about any goal or target. Freedom can be very scary for people. You have no idea where it will take you and what you will let go of as you follow your heart. At least in prison you don’t have to worry. You are told what to do all of the time. Surprises are minimized. Even though it may not make you happy, at least you fit in. Everybody else is doing it. There seems to be safety in numbers. With this freedom thing, nobody else can tell you what to choose or which way to go. You have to find that out for yourself. Nobody can tell you where you are headed. Most will criticize your direction. You will find that your path is unlike anyone else’s. It is unique. Others cannot guide you because they don’t have a clue where you are going. They don’t even know what their own true path is. Only you know what to do, where to go.

Freedom is giving yourself permission to do just that. It is listening to that quiet voice within you rather than the loud voices that you are surrounded by. It doesn’t matter how you have grown up, with what kind of parents, what schools, what religious thoughts, or what society. Like everyone you were persuaded by all of these forces to think and act in certain ways. Freedom is turning you back on all of that and living out your passions. Just say no. Like Sinatra, say, “I’ll do it my way.” You follow your own guidance. You march to your own drummer. This is freedom.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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Is This My Will or God’s Will? | How to Differentiate Personal and Divine Will

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(transcript from a recent session)

Good Now!

Participant: I have two questions that are essential for me. One is about my knee and the difficulties of walking, as well as some other annoying health problems. There is a lot of fear and guilt around this.  How can I deal with this discomfort? Is there a lesson for me to learn? The second question concerns the noticing that I easily feel unloved, abandoned, or betrayed. It’s like I’m not sure I’m worthy of love and want to get affirmation from others. This feels out of balance and it is painful. I am trying to accept the will of God and let go of my personal will, but how do I know for sure which is which or understand the reason for God’s will being as it is?

So, there is some confusion in the mind about personal will and the Will of God. 

Participant: Yes. there certainly is.

We could put it in this way. We could say that the personal will is focusing the energy on things that are not truly desired.

Participant: It’s like I don’t know my own best.

For example, do you wish to have difficulty with your knee?

Participant: No

So, the situation with the knee is a focus on something you don’t want. That is an expression of personal will. The same with the other physical characteristics you have mentioned.

Participant: When you say it like that, I can get it at once.

The focus on the Divine would go something like this, “My body is perfect; everything is happening as it should.” Then, you let it happen. The personal will comes in and expresses concern with what is. It thinks it should feel differently in your knee. It worries that you should do something: training more or in different ways, applying salves, or taking supplements. None of these possible actions are motivated by love. They are not based in passion, but rather in fear. This is always the case with the personal will. For some, training is a passion. Be honest with yourself. Is that true for you here?

 Participant: There is a confusion in me. I don’t feel a passion to train in that way, though some of it I do enjoy.

Then let there be a clarity that you are doing things out of the joy of doing them, not to heal yourself. Do you passionately want to not be whole, to require healing? No, those thoughts come from the personal will. 

Participant: I can feel that. At the same time there is an enormous abyss there. 

Come back to the question of what you truly want without any reservations, without any guilt or shoulds. Do you desire to need healing or do you wish to know you are whole? What is it that you truly want? That is the Divine Will.

Participant: I spend a lot of time investigating the pain of my stories. If that is the will of God, I just want to accept it. I can stop trying to understand; I just need to know this is the will of God. I want to come to that point. But how to do this daily? Sometimes the physical sensations are so strong, and then my ego kicks in. It feels like a healing war.

Let’s go back to ground zero. Your expression suggests that you hold the Will of God to sometimes include “lessons” that will be good for you to learn. Let’s look at things from a different perspective. There is only one will. It is yours, the Divine You. You create everything in your experience through this mental activity. You have always done that. Many of these thoughts are based on beliefs that are not self-serving, such as not being deserving of love or being a victim to things from the outside that bring injury or sickness to the body. When you believe these things, because you are all powerful, such happenings are drawn to you. So, the first order of business is to stop holding thoughts that you are not passionate about manifesting. However, thoughts you have previously held are still doing their work. In reaction to their realization you are likely to experience what are called negative emotions. You cannot go backward and un-think those thoughts, but you can accept the feelings and sensations that they trigger and let them be there. This is not the “Will of God” acting on you, it is your “personal will” reaping what it has sown. It is not real; it is not forever. Let it be present – you have no choice as it is here. Eventually as you stop holding self-destructive thoughts, your experience will change. In order to have the power to choose your passion, you must also have the power to choose your poison. When you have had enough of that, you will let go of your addiction to pain. Again, there is only the Will of God. It is a question of what you are choosing. Any place you hold victimhood, you will continue to feel its effects. What is present is fully your creation, coming from the beliefs you hold. Don’t fight that, just decide to choose differently from this day forward. You will likely backslide, but stay with it. That’s what you do every day. Thoughts of being unlovable or needing to control the world to be safe do not come from love and passion. Love yourself with every thought. Worry does not come from passion. The Divine Will does not want to be healed, it wants to be certain of its wholeness. Would you rather see yourself as whole or broken? What does Divinity choose?

Participant: I need help. There is a part of me that doesn’t have that trust. I feel what you are saying, but how am I to fully step out there?

The power here is in how you choose to use the mind. You can use the mind to support the ego or you can use the mind to support Divinity. 

Participant: I want to support the Will of God but at the same time there is an area where I am not aware of what my mind is doing. 

Then, be aware. What is stopping you from being aware? 

Participant: It’s an enormous habit; it’s like being hypnotized. 

It is really very simple. If you are not feeling the Oneness, the Love of God, the Peace – you know the mind is holding on to something that is not true, creating a separation from the truth of your Divinity. It cannot be any other way. 

Participant: When you say that I can see that there is a belief in the body. When the knee does not feel as I think it should, then I think there is something wrong. That is where I am stuck. I really need help with this.

You can always begin by taking a deep breath and letting everything flow through you. Whatever is going on with the body that is not desired, that feels painful or fearful, is the creation of the ego mind. Know that behind all of this is a belief the ego mind is holding on to. Notice what your belief is and ask yourself in your heart of hearts if this is what you want your reality to be. 

Participant: So are you saying I just need to let it go? 

Let it go and know there is nothing to understand, nothing to figure out. The only question is what in your Divine Will do you truly want here. Let me give an example of how this might work. Let’s say that a person says that their will is to be taken care of financially. So, they decide to train to be a teacher, get a job, and work hard to maintain the position, and create the financial security they desire. This person is not being honest to their true will. It might not be in their heart to do that training, certainly not every day nor all aspects of it. They probably don’t truly wish to work as many hours nor as hard as they are asked to. There are likely some requirements of the job they dread facing. With all of those sacrifices, the job probably doesn’t pay enough – there are unmet desires. The security lasts only as long as they are able to keep the job. Changes in the market, or in personal health could put the job in jeopardy. If they are fully honest with themselves, they will go directly for what the Will of God is rather than thinking that the ego has to create and sacrifice in order to get there. Going directly there is focusing on the thought that they are always taken care of. That, rather than the teaching job, is what they truly want. Any thought that they are not always taken care of, that a certain action on their part may be necessary to ensure their security is holding a belief that they do not wish to be true. This creates a world of pain and suffering. There is no way to experience total support without sacrifice as long as limiting ego beliefs are harkened to. This is following personal will instead of Divine Will.

Let’s say that the training was to become a psychotherapist. Let’s say that the desire to investigate this field is the Divine moving in you. You want to explore the depths of psychology both for yourself as well as for sharing with and providing service to others. You are not doing this to provide financial security, but because the Love within you wants to create in this way. This is following the Will of God. In this quest you may find the training to demand things you are not willing to give. Stay with your Divine Will. You may have to create a whole new system of psychotherapy; you may not fit into the existing job structures. No problem. Stay with your inner guidance. Follow your passion. You have asked to be taken care of and you will be. That is of secondary concern. What is primary is the direction you are guided to take. Stay true to that. That is the Will of God. God does not settle for less. 

Participant: I feel taken care of economically; it is with love that I feel unworthy. 

We took this off in another direction so that we could play with it, so that it went away from the personal, but let’s bring it back there. As long as you allow your mind to play limiting games – not focusing on what you truly want, which is to feel and know that you are always loved – but asking yourself what you have to do to be loved. Maybe if your hair is just right, or if you looked younger, or if you are of service to others you will feel loved. 

Participant: I can see the craziness in it with your help.

Maybe the thought comes that if you can control the thoughts, actions, and energy of those around you so they will do as you wish them to, you will feel loved. You can always tell when it is the ego mind going; there is something in the middle. Instead of going directly for what you want, you create intermediary steps of things you believe you have to do to create what you want. None of these things are what you truly want. You have no true passion for doing them. Not only are these actions not what you truly wish for, they stand in the way of your realization of that Divine Will.

Participant: This morning I was paying attention to the energy in my knee and the pain didn’t scare me away, I didn’t experience it as pain. Then I began to question how I could know that I am right. Can I just feel the energy without taking corrective measures? The authorities tell me it is all about training. I am totally confused.

Don’t give your power, which is your Divine Right, away to anyone – including to Sanhia. You have a physical therapist whom you like and, you believe, is doing the best that she can, but does she listen to her Divine voice? Does she know that God always takes care of her, that everything is taken care of, that she has no need for a job in order to be supported, that she could wake each morning and ask herself what her Divine Will wishes to do with this day – what wants to express in this moment, what wants to happen? Would she be driving around from home to home as she does? Perhaps, but five days a week? This is not about her not trying to do the best that she can. It is about you giving your power away, and at that to one who has likely not claimed her own power. The advice comes from a belief that you are responsible for taking care of yourself. 

Participant: And that you have to fight the body.

So you can think, “Thank you for sharing”, and then follow your own Divine Guidance about what you are inspired to do. Maybe some of her suggestions sound like fun. Do it out of the joy of doing it, not because you are broken and need to be fixed. 

Participant: I see that I have fear around following the Will of God. I make God a part of the feeling that I have to do the training. It is like a war.

Have you made God your projection? You have a choice to make. You can listen to this ego voice that fears God and fears the Will of God, and tells you that you have to take responsibility, that you are broken and need healing, and spend eternity, like Sisyphus, pushing that rock up the hill, only to have it roll back down and having to start over and over again until you get so tired of it all that you decide to just kill off this body…

Participant: Let it kill itself?

No, you do the deed. You say you don’t want to do this anymore, that you are tired of it all. It’s too much; it’s too overwhelming. You don’t want to play this game anymore. Even at this point there are two choices. You can give it to God. What have you got to lose? You are going to die anyway. Or, your body dies because it is still too fearful to surrender to the Will of God. “Stop the world, I want to get off”.

Participant: No, I am not there. I don’t make the decision that I want to die now.

Most people make that decision unconsciously. Nor did you consciously make the decision to have a chronic problem with your knee. This makes it no less your creation. If there is a belief in victimhood, crazy things will happen.

Participant: Is God’s Will also my creation?

This, of course, is the second choice. There is no separation here. God’s Will and your will are one. The former comes from your love and passion while the latter comes from your fear and belief in separation. It is all your creation. The personal will does not represent what you want, however. We could say that your Divine Will back in your twenties was to know that you are loved unconditionally. Your ego mind did not believe that you deserved love. It whispered in your ear that you would be loved if you were a great mime/acrobat. Thus your passion for expressing through this art form became confused with a limiting belief. You could have manifested a successful career that left you still feeling unloved. Perhaps the passion to feel loved was stronger and losing the career made it more likely that you would come to love yourself. It is not important to understand just how things are working, only to realize that your thoughts are all powerful, so having an awareness of them can only support you in realizing your Divine Nature. Again, if you want to know you are loved unconditionally, go straight for that. Forget the diversions. If you have to do anything to earn the love, it is not unconditional; if you are judging yourself (or your mirrors), the love is conditional. Be aware. Go for the love. Totally. Conditional love is always saying, “Prove it to me”. Am I lovable even with this knee? The Divine desire is knowing that you are whole, not that you need and desire healing. The right use of the mind is to only focus on God’s Will, noticing when you are holding on to the separate will, and asking self what the hell you are doing? Why choose to create what isn’t truly desired? Everything is coming into your experience to lead you to what you truly want. That is a reason for not resisting what comes. You have asked for it, so take a good look at what you have asked for and notice how it doesn’t match your true desire. Let go of that type of thinking, that kind of request. Go only for the gold. 

Participant: Thank you.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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