How can I deal with my aging judgmental mother? | Sanhia on the Power of Projection

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(Taken from a Zoom group)

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Good Now

Participant: I would like to go deeper into my childhood. Since my early years I remember my mother as a heavy drinker. I have a conflict with her but she wants to come live with me. I do not want that. She requires elderly care. I spend so much time arguing with and taking care of her. I have chosen to avoid most people these days. None of the people around me get what is happening with me. I have gone in a totally different direction than I previously had and from that in which others are going. 

What is your current direction? 

Participant: A self-knowing direction.

Knowing the truth about yourself? 

Participant: Yes, my friends and relatives don’t want to go in the same direction. They don’t understand what’s happening with me. But I choose this for myself. I don’t want to share anything with my mother because she doesn’t understand. I have moved to Ireland. She is going to have an operation and wants to stay with me afterwards, but I don’t want to see her or help her anymore. I have not yet communicated this to her because I don’t want to talk with her at all. She is selfish and only thinks of herself. I hate all the lies she says. She speaks one way when I am with her helping, but then says bad things about me behind my back to my sisters and other relatives. 

Your commitment is to finding the truth about yourself. There is no greater tool you can use for that than understanding how projection works. This does not require the involvement of anyone else. You simply become aware of when you have judgment of another. You acknowledge that this judgment is really about yourself; it is about a part of self that you don’t want to look at or admit to. You state your willingness to look at everything now. You have said that your mother is a liar; she is not honest with you. The question now becomes one of looking at how you lie and are not honest with yourself. What are you saying to yourself that is not true? Keep looking at that. You can look at specific things you have heard that she has said about you. If you didn’t hold some of those same judgments about yourself, they would not bother you. Look for the truth there. This is not about her; it is about you. What separates you from her and from your other friends in this moment of time is your willingness to look for the truth. Whatever you see in others is the truth of you as you believe or fear it to be. Now you can take that and go to work with it yourself. If you wish to, I can work with you here now to help you realize what has been spoken about using specific ideas or thoughts that you are holding. 

Participant: Yes, for sure.

Tell me a specific thing over which you are holding judgment about her. 

Participant: I judge that she had many relationships with men when I was a child. I judge that she was a heavy drinker and she was beating me. She did not give me the love that I needed. She did not spend enough time with me. 

Notice how the mind is working on two different sides here. On one hand she was drunk, beating you, and didn’t love you. On the other hand, she didn’t spend enough time with you. There is a confusion here. Why would you desire someone to spend more time with you who didn’t love you, and was drunk and was beating you? Perhaps separation from all of that might be welcomed. Maybe somewhere in your thoughts was the belief that you deserved the punishment, and that you weren’t worthy of her love. Here are two issues to look at deeply. These are beliefs that you hold that have nothing to do with her. If it had nothing to do with you, if you knew of your innocence and Divine lovability, you could look upon your mother with compassion, noticing that she seemed incapable of loving herself, as someone who drank to hide from her negative thoughts and feelings. You might have compassion for the projections that she aimed at those around her – not that it is your responsibility to heal or change her, but to feel love and support for her despite what she was doing to herself. The inability to spontaneously react in such a fashion happened because as a child you bought into and believed in the reflections your mirror was showing to you. You thought that you were guilty and deserved punishment. You believed you were not worthy of love. Now it is time to look at the truth of all of this. You have been holding those beliefs since childhood. What do you think you are guilty of?

Participant: I don’t know. 

What did your mother say you were guilty of when you were young? Why were you punished?

Participant: I caused all of her problems. 

Can you be more specific?

Participant: She told me that before me she had a son, but he died. Then I appeared. The death was my fault, she told me. Everything that happened was my fault. I, along with my sisters, destroyed her life. I don’t know what she meant specifically, but we were always judged. 

Let me ask a few simple questions. Did you choose for your brother to die? Do you remember doing that? Were you responsible for that? 

Participant: No.

So, you have believed this thought that came from outside of you, that you are responsible for your brother’s death. But it just happened, in fact it happened before this body that you are connected with had even formed. Notice how you have accepted this untruth, and allowed it to drive your life. You have accepted the judgment and guilt for something you had nothing to do with. Connected with this is the thought that you must be a really bad person to have done such a thing. Notice that those thoughts are there. Notice the feelings that surround them. But let go of the thought that they are true, that you have any responsibility there. 

Another question. Do you remember choosing to be born to this mother? Do you have that memory? 

Participant: I understand that I have chosen this, but I don’t know what I have to learn here.

But do you recall actually choosing this or is it just a belief that you have done so?

Participant: I don’t remember that I chose this.

Then could we just say that this birth happened? This was not a choice. It just happened. If this was not your choice you cannot be responsible for ruining anybody’s life. We would suggest that you aren’t that powerful. Not only do you have no power over your mother or your brother’s lives, but you have no control over your own. If you were choosing your mother, would she be an alcoholic who beat you? Your ego mind is giving you powers that you don’t have. They are simply not true. 

Participant: Why am I thinking I am responsible then?

You were taught this as a child. This is no different than having a parent tell you that you have to work hard and make sacrifices to get ahead in life. As an adult you still believe many things you were taught as a child. What matters is not that she said what she said, but that you believed it and your life is still run by that. As we have looked at this, the belief is craziness. You can’t possibly be responsible. However, perhaps behind all of this it could be that you brought that guilt in with you. Perhaps you had previously accepted that you were guilty, judged, and deserving of punishment, that you brought all that into this life with you. Can that be the truth of you? If everything is of God, how could you be less than Divine? How can God create anything that is not of love? These are questions to investigate deeply. Everything that comes into your life is from God; it is not your choice. It is there to help you realize the truth of yourself. It is a gift. Your job is to accept these gifts; accept what is rather than wishing it was some other way. You had exactly the perfect mother. She was what she was and she wasn’t what she wasn’t. She was the right mother to support you in your awakening process. You have no control over any of this, but that is good. If you could choose whatever you wanted, you wouldn’t know what to choose. It is being done for you. Relax and enjoy the ride. You are always supported in realizing what your heart truly desires.

There can be a process of forgiveness for yourself. You can forgive yourself for self judgment over your brother’s death and ruining your mother’s life. Forgive yourself for believing that you deserved punishment. 

Participant: I have to forgive myself. I have been destroying myself and creating suffering all of these years because of these beliefs. 

Allow yourself to feel what it would be like to know that you are absolutely innocent of everything. You can be free of all the pain and suffering right now because nobody is doing that to you but you. Nobody has the power to stop you from letting it all go. 
 
Good Now

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Why can I never reach my goals? | Sanhia on Why Success Never Satisfies

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(Taken from a Zoom group)

Good Now!

Participant: I’m having a really hard time. It feels like the longer I am alive, the more I feel aware of being profoundly damaged and misguided. I’m supremely confused because I feel like I’ve been blessed – or cursed – with tremendous gifts, and feel a responsibility to bring them out into the world. However, I feel that my path is consistently blocked and unsupported. It’s like life keeps wanting me to sit on my hands; every effort that I put out into the world fails to bear fruit. It’s really painful. I feel ashamed of feeling I have problems because I’m equally aware that I am blessed and have a lot of grace. I don’t know if there is something in my ego coming from a place of desperation instead of pure inspiration. Everything feels like an abortion or a stillborn. There is all of this enthusiasm and vision; I put a lot of effort out into the world and express my vision, but I don’t get any support. It seems that all of my projects are much bigger than me; they require a team to manifest. Then the energy dissipates and I’m left by myself, spinning my wheels. I am disheartened and feel thwarted at every turn and don’t feel proud of myself. I want to feel proud of myself because I think I’m a good person with a lot of beauty to contribute. People say they want to participate and then they disappear. I feel like Sisyphus with the boulder, and then I retreat back into nothingness. This can’t be right. I’m alone most of the time and not nearly as productive and creative as I want to be. How come Michael gets to put something out in the world and gets to manifest it and people show up and pay for it? Why can’t I have that? Why can’t I have the thing that I want to do be embraced by the world? It doesn’t make any sense to me. I work so hard on being positive and being grateful. I recognize that everything is divine grace and I am so fortunate to exist, but in my mind’s eye I see this prolific person, energy is flowing and I’m out in the world and doing things and sharing my gifts. But that’s not my experience. I wake up nearly every day with dark thoughts, hating my life. I have to spend a lot of time redirecting myself, feeling gratitude, and being patient and gentle with myself. But it’s boring and it hurts. It doesn’t make any sense to me. I feel like I’m being punished or cursed. I don’t know what I’m doing. Why? (tears)

You may be familiar with the expression “with strings attached.” Someone gives something, but not freely. There is an expectation of a return gift or that it be used in a certain way. God has no strings attached to any gift that you receive. There are no expectations that they be used or not used in any particular way. Not even an expression of gratitude is required. Any string that you feel is yours. You have placed it there. Notice that. You are the only one holding an expectation for yourself. 

Participant: Why shouldn’t I? I have been given gifts. Why can’t I share them?

You are free to share them, but it is not required. Feeling that you need to only brings you pain and suffering. Then you project this neediness onto others by holding strings for them. They should receive and enjoy your gifts. If they don’t appear to do this there is, again, pain and suffering. It is the ego mind that sets goals, wants to achieve things, and wishes to be loved and appreciated. The ego mind is never satisfied. It always wants more. The peace and love you seek is not in the world; it is within you. You are bigger than the world. It can never fill that void. The ego mind thinks it knows who you are and what you should be doing. That “knowledge” has not done much for you. Instead of “knowing”, you can look within to find out who you are. You can ask. You can search. You can step back and ask who wants to know. Who is watching your life unfold? If you allow the focus on this question to be of supreme importance, the goals and rantings of the ego mind will atrophy. The ego mind says that you are such a failure. Ask who is such a failure. Who is thinking that? Who is noticing? Notice that thoughts and feelings arise, but then try to notice who is noticing. Notice the thoughts, but don’t chase after them. Be aware of the feelings but don’t try to rationalize, understand, or escape from them. Thoughts and feelings come, but do you choose any of them? You don’t wake up choosing to feel depressed and not wanting to face the day. If you had the power to choose you would wake up radiant, excited for the possibilities the day would bring. You didn’t choose these thoughts. Where do they come from? Who knows? All that can be known is that you are not responsible. You could say that this is the gift the Divine has brought this morning. Give thanks and take a close look at it. This is not happening to you. It is simply happening. Who is noticing that? 
                                                                                                                                                 

Participant:  It just feels like so much work. Why is it this way? Why do I have to struggle every single day?

You are speaking for 99 per cent of the people in the world. 

Participant: Which makes this life a nightmare instead of the blessing it should be.

Here is the difference. Most of the ninety-nine per cent say that that is just the way it is. They have no awareness of nor desire to find another way. But that’s not where you are. It feels like hell, but that’s because you are in-between. You are straddling two worlds. You are aware of the spiritual awakening and that the world is a blessing. At the same time, you are drawn to the ego promises of heaven on earth. Sooner or later the choice will be made to let go of the ego. The Divine door has been opened to you. Good luck in ever getting that one shut again. Meanwhile there is hell, which is its own motivator. You are being pulled in opposite directions and feel torn apart. If becoming constantly aware of which voice you are listening to feels too hard, just pay attention to what is here. Use your senses. You love to sing, so sing. If you want an audience go to the park or the subway or the mall or anywhere you can give people an opportunity to stop and listen. The whole awakening process accelerates when you truly get that the ego goals will never bring you the love and peace you desire. 

Participant: It sounds like you are talking about being content being retired as opposed to feeling like there is something that I’m supposed to be or do. 

You asked why Michael gets to be successful with his business. This is his reaction to retirement: “Thank God I can get up each day and just do whatever I want.” 

Participant: But he plans these meetings in advance and sends out emails and is able to fund apps and other things. There is certainly action that takes place in 3D.

He does what he does because that is his joy and passion. He plans things because in the moment it feels that he would love doing them. Sometimes things are planned and nobody responds. No problem. Sometimes plans are offered to him out of the blue. If one person wants to talk, he says, “When?”. I have told him to ask for money. He doesn’t get rich; the business has yet to show a profit and he works for free. But money is there to publish books, have a website and a YouTube channel.  He doesn’t worry about money. He keeps track of it, but being a CPA was once an unrealized passion for him. He simply trusts that the Universe will take care of everything. He’s happy talking with a half a dozen people, but if the universe wants to put him in front of large audiences, he’ll try that out. What is important is his own daily dialogue with life. Interesting things always happen. This is not where Michael has always been. There was a time when he wanted worldly success, too. Keep your eye on the prize of awakening. Nothing else matters.
        
Participant: I once participated in a conference where one of the speakers, an author of “Chicken Soup for the Soul”, said that if God put this idea in your head, how dare you not honor it? I struggle because I have been given global vision but doubt my ability to do it. I get these large visions, deal with all my stuff about being able to do it and then taking the plan to the world. But I don’t get any level of traction under it and it feels like there is something fundamentally wounded in me that sabotages the manifestation. I’d rather not get the global vision if I can’t deliver it. Occasionally things happen but I mostly feel utterly underutilized. 

Let’s look more closely at what this guidance from God is. The thought is that God put this idea in your head so you should carry it out. You don’t seem to be able to bring the plan into fruition. Isn’t that also from God? 

Participant: Then I feel like he’s fucking with me. 

Again, God’s gifts don’t come with strings. There are no shoulds in Divinity. The question is, “What is really the truth of what you want?”

Participant: I want divine collaboration with others in a shared vision. 

Why do you want that?

Participant: Because it feels enlivening.

So, you don’t feel alive?

Participant: No, I feel flat. 

Aliveness is within you, not outside in the world.  

Participant: It’s also said that no man is an island, and these visions are much bigger than me. They aren’t anything that I can deliver by myself. 

We come back to the question of what is the truth of you. 

Participant: She seems to be a well-meaning struggling character in the divine play. That doesn’t feel right to me.

Let’s go deeper into this. Who is it that is seeing you and making judgments about your life? Where is this ego that is watching and evaluating?

Participant: In my mind? 

Where is your mind?

Participant: I think it is in my head, but I don’t know for sure. 

So, you are your body then. Without your body and your head there would be no awareness of anything?

Participant: It seems that way. It’s confusing to manifest in physical form and keep awareness in the oneness – as opposed to enjoying the deliciousness of the illusion of separation, the getting to be a distinct character with specific desires and preferences and idiosyncrasies as part of the game here. It feels alienating to be hanging out in the oneness when the rest of the world is running around being individuals. 

In the play each character gets to have all of that and yet knows that this is just a role and not the truth of who she is. Letting go of ownership of the body and control of the script does not mean that there is no longer a distinctive personality. It does not mean separation and aloneness and lack of participation in the game of life. In fact, there is a greater aliveness and fearlessness in throwing yourself into the game because there is nothing to lose. There is nowhere to get to, just the playing of the game. You are able to do all of that because you know that the truth of you is not this character. It is simply the role being played. Do you believe you actually are this character?

Participant: I think so. 

Sooner or later this physicalness that you think you are will die. Will you no longer exist then? 

Participant: Seems that way. It also seems like the story of death may or may not be true. If we arrive at an incarnation that we really love, we should be able to hang out in it indefinitely. 

And you have met lots of people who are doing that, right?

Participant: No, I haven’t. (laughs). I haven’t met a lot of people who think like I do. 

This question comes back to the question of whether you are this character or simply observing this character. 

Participant: I must be someone observing this character. I think that the observer is rooting for the character to achieve her dreams. 

Who is observing the observer rooting for the character? Let’s use the metaphor of film. The character is the film and the observer is the audience. No amount of rooting is going to make any difference on what happens on the screen. The character will act and react and events will happen as they do. The audience has zero control. 

Participant: I thought I was the writer/director. 

If that were the case, why are you not writing a script where the character exceeds her dreams?

Participant: I don’t know! That is the whole point!

Apparently you are not the author. If you don’t like that, who is noticing that? Stand back further. 

Participant: The executive producer? (laughing)

And behind that is who?

Participant: Oooooh! God! (much laughing). God is behind me. This is when they talk in the Bible about the vengeful god. This is who I’m grappling with. He’s fucking with me. 

We have another term for that. We call it projection. You see a vengeful god because you don’t want to see a guilty, vengeful self. This allows you to absolve yourself of some guilt, but leaves you a helpless victim. Who can possibly be victorious over that super hero. 

Participant: Why am I sabotaging myself?

That is the question. Let’s go inside and take a look. The ego mind wants to frame everything around the question, “Why is that happening?”. If the truth is that you are doing it, the question becomes: “Who am I?” and “Why am I doing this?” 

Participant: Earlier you said that I have no control.

That was referring to ego you, not the Divine you. If the truth of who you are is the beloved child of God, created in the image of the Creator, who is the you who is pretending not to be that? Who is saying, “Daddy doesn’t approve of me”? Who is saying, “Bad girl. I have given you all of these gifts and you have squandered them”? That is simply the ego mind judging herself and finding her to be unworthy. Daddy says, “We love you no matter what you do. You cannot disappoint Us. There are no strings attached. You are free to do whatever you wish each day. Nothing controls you. The past doesn’t matter. The future is taken care of. Just enjoy what is here.”  Who is this character who refuses this gift saying she’s not good enough, she’s not deserving, she has to prove her worth? The ego mind thinks it knows what life should look like and if it doesn’t then something is wrong. On the contrary, life is always bringing exactly the perfect thing. It could be no other way because it is all of God. Yet, ego mind refuses to accept it; won’t even look at it; certainly, doesn’t open it up and try it on. Ego you refuses to recognize Divine you that is sending these gifts. 

Participant: So how do I get out of my own way? 

Give up. Give up all of the goals and dreams and thoughts of what should be and how you should be. Instead look around to see what is actually here now. What does Divine you have for “little” you today? 

Participant: So, I am good enough for this perfect, divine moment, whatever it should be.

It’s exactly as it should be, bringing what you truly want. 

Participant: So, this is what I truly want, even though it doesn’t look like what I think it should. 

For example, you spent how many years trying to do and be and have something that didn’t work as you thought you wanted it to. But you are Divine, so apparently what you were telling yourself you wanted wasn’t what you truly desired. If it was, it would have come. If you want to feel loved, you won’t feel that by being successful. As they say, the same people who kissed your ass on the way up will kick your butt on the way down. They don’t love you. Love cannot be earned. If you want to feel love, then love. Love yourself. Look inside at all the ego beliefs you have about unlovability. Where did they come from. You have been programmed. Look for the truth of your innocence, your Divine nature. Love every moment, everything that is in your life. Be absolutely present. See the beauty all about you. Nothing has to happen for you to feel loved. How can you watch a bird or the clouds without feeling the love of God? 

Participant: So, I am misguided.

Yes, but you are not alone. You have plenty of company. It is not a failing. Everyone else is as miserable as you are. Many are good at hiding it. Thinking that they feel happy and successful is your projection. You don’t have to continue to follow the misguidance. Again, the mind thinks it knows what it wants, but reaching those goals will not bring feelings of peace and love and joy in each moment. Those feelings are available to you right here, right now regardless of what you are doing or what is happening. Go directly for your true desires, not for things you think will lead you there. Those are always mirages. Each day when you awaken, look around and see what is here right now. Forget plans or worrying about what you did or didn’t do yesterday. Take your time. Experience your world with all of your senses. Should you become aware of something you wish to do, do it. Check to see that the doing comes from passion, not from getting some result. If disconcerting thoughts or emotions are there, let them be present. Don’t choose to act on or feed the thoughts. Don’t try to stop, bury, rationalize, or change the feelings. Just watch them. See how they mutate. Constantly. Forever. None of this is your creation. Relax and enjoy the show. 

Participant: So, what do you take action on? What is inspired action?

When you have passion. When it is absolutely clear. When you just know. When it is connected only to the doing, not to a result. Doing this right now brings joy right now. 

Participant: So, you are saying to just do whatever there is an impulse to do in the moment and not judge it, not evaluate whether it is getting me closer.

If you have passion for it, thank God for this gift in this moment. There is nothing to get closer to. Imagine each moment of your life spent in living out your passion. 

Participant: So, there is just doing what is joyful. If I have to chase after it, it’s not for me.

Unless there is joy in the chase.

Participant: There is no joy in the chase. 
 
There will be enough things that come into your life that might be a challenge to accept. Why choose extra stuff? 
 
Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit                      

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 How do I deal with the losses in my life? | Sanhia on Losing Everything and Finding the Now

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(Taken live from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group.)

Good Now!

Participant One: (Laughing) Oh boy! It’s been kind of an interesting time. I’ve had a lot of endings this past five years. Every single time I think I’m going to get a break from another ending, I get another ending. I’ve been in a tsunami of endings. The big thing is I’m sitting here wondering what it’s going to be like just to be fully alone. I’ve gone through the alone thing with Sanhia before, but this alone is sort of different. I love being alone (laughing) with myself. I’ve found myself really struggling being alone without an anchor in the natural world, and without an anchor with my furry kids in my life. I’m down to one, having had enormous years, ten or twelve years, of doggy love and cat love. Just moving around and giving up everything that possibly meant anything to me over the past five years; just letting it go and moving forward. But I’m in a place where everything is standing still now. I don’t even know how to be in that space any more. That’s kind of my right now, very, very raw. I’m down to one cat that I’ve loved. I don’t know how well he is either; I’ve got a vet appointment in two months. I needed a break; I just lost one of my kids – one of my furry kids. I’ve gone through a lot this year – lost four furry babies, one dog and three cats. I can be alone with me. I’m just not sure how to be alone without that furry love. That’s my new thing, (laughing) sitting in the unknown without love for my kids. (laughing/crying) Anyway, that’s me.

Participant Two: I can bring you some cats.

Participant One: I know. I just felt that so much. I thank you. It’s just that having that love for so long, it’s like when you’ve had a furry kid in your life, whether it’s a dog or a cat, for so long, there’s something about that when you lose them you lose a part of you because they’ve literally been there with you for a decade plus. So, thank you for the new; I’m just trying to figure out how to be without the old. It’s a big loss, (laughing/crying) a loss, yeah. 

Sanhia: Perhaps you will enjoy or not enjoy the message that is going to come out February first. 

Participant One: I love all of your messages.

Sanhia: It speaks to the story because what has died is not your animal, but your story. 

Participant One: Yeah (crying) I know.

Sanhia: The story is always painful. Freedom is being without the story, just being in this present moment. This is the gift that your furry friends have left you. 

Participant One: Lonely

Sanhia: It’s lonely if you are comparing it to something else, which is called the story. If you are simply with what is here right now, loneliness is not possible. Loneliness is a comparison in the mind to something else. What is in the present is always absolutely fantastic. All that it requires is that you be with it instead of in the mind and the story somewhere else, wishing you had your story instead of what is. That’s always painful because you can’t; you can’t have that. 

Participant One: Over the past five years I’ve released the stories, at least I thought I did, of all the things I’ve loved. To be with the kids, my furry kids … and as I lost them one by one, sometimes two at a time, it’s been hard to stay out of the past. It’s just been such a lot of memories and ghosts all around me all of the time. It’s really been a hard struggle to stay happy in the present with that emptiness, which I know is not empty but it feels it. It’s a new me. I haven’t been without a kid, a furry kid, since I was a teenager. I know it is supposed to be this way and I get it, but I miss their love so much. It’s just the only thing that kept me grounded during this time that I’ve gone through losing so many things I loved so much. So anyway … 

Sanhia: Now you have graduated and you no longer need that. There is an enormous difference between allowing those feelings to be there – of grief and sadness – but letting go of the descriptions and just feeling the emotions that are there and letting them be there as long as they are there, and connecting those feelings with your mind thoughts.

Participant One: Lots of tears

Sanhia: You’re not trying to chase them away, not trying to change them, not trying to fill your life with something so you don’t feel that, but simply letting it be there and feeling it fully. 

Participant One: I managed the loss of my partner of thirty years. I didn’t lose him; we separated, divorced. But I lost the land that I loved so much where I felt home for the first time. And all the furry kids came from there. They were a part of the past that made that story that made me feel connected to something I love so deeply. I don’t have people in my life. I’m alone. I’m okay with that; it doesn’t bug me. I just don’t know how to be alone without that connection to the love that an animal gives, whether it’s out in nature and I’m observing or whether … whatever. So, it’s just letting go of that story and being with it. I have one furry kid left. I love him so much. There’s nothing that matters more than him right now. I don’t matter. Nothing matters and I don’t know where to be with that. It feels as though I’m ending my life. Truly it does. (crying) It feels like my life has just stopped and it’s done, and I know that’s not the case but it just feels that way. And it’s like you suggested, just being with it, what it is, feeling it. I appreciate that because I get up and I work and I come back and I feel completely zombied.

Sanhia. And you know what’s going to happen with your last surviving cat.

Participant One: Yeah. I’m going to sit alone at my house. I don’t know what that’s going to be like. It’s going to be really awful (crying).

Sanhia: Notice that your mind has a horrible picture for what is to come. Is that a future you desire? Of course not, so let these thoughts go and come back to now. You also mentioned losing a part of yourself. Where is this part? Who is seeing it being lost? Can you lose the part of yourself that is aware of what is happening now? Notice that when you are telling your story you are creating something you don’t desire, and, more importantly, you are avoiding fully feeling what is present.  Be brave enough to stay with the feelings while letting go of the story. What motivated you several years ago to come and meet here and to talk with us?

Participant One: My move. Leaving everything.

Sanhia: What were you hoping would happen from that?

Participant One: That I would find peace in the mayhem. 

Sanhia: How did that work out for you?

Participant One: It has worked out really well. If there is one place where I feel this crazy life all makes sense … it’s here.

Sanhia: There is only one thing that we talk about here, even though we may go off on different benders here and there about this and that. We talk about being aware of the truth of who you are, being aware of your divinity, being aware that you are an awakened individual not paying attention to your awakeness – but looking in other directions and at other things – and encouraging you to be aware of what is. There is nothing that is more powerful in the healing process than healing that separation between the truth of who you are and your story – than losing, than letting go. Whether you choose to let go or you create it so that it looks like the universe made you let go, it’s all the same. When it is time to let go it is the letting go that happens, and no amount of trying to hold on will give you anything but blisters on your fingers and your palms. There is no holding on. What’s gone is gone. When you think you have something, you don’t have it; you have your story about it. So, you have your twelve years of having this animal with you, but where is that?  Is it here now? Or is it the story in your mind that keeps you away from being here now? Well, it’s very hard to let go of the story when you still have the main character from the story in your life. 

Participant One: The ghosts (laughing) I call them.

Sanhia: You had that cat as a kitten. Do you still have the kitten?  Are you grieving for that kitten bouncing around, playing with things, and rolling around on the floor? No, you still have the cat so you hold on to that, but the truth is every part of your story dies in every moment. To whatever degree you try to hold on to it, it’s pain and suffering. So, these losses are enormous gifts from the universe to say, “You can actually let go right now if you want. You can be here present. You can be with what is.” Every ego mind has an absolute terror of looking and seeing what is. Everyone has a terror of that. Ego believes you are your story; without your story you are nothing. Truth is … with your story you are nothing. Without your story you’re eternity; you’re everything; you’re God; you’re divine. As they say: “selling yourself for a penny on the dollar.” Holding on to a story that’s worth a penny, instead of the infinite riches of now, of the truth of yourself, of your divine nature.

Participant One: Just on that note about how you’re explaining all of that which makes so much sense, it feels right the way that you’re discussing it and I see it. It’s the after-the-fact, and I kept thinking about it so much this time around … why does it hurt so much…. every time? I’ve gone through so many losses. It should be a lot easier. It’s the wrapping up of this period of time that no longer exists because it’s past. I’m sure many of us have been down this road where the heart is just wounded from letting go of things you love. We’re very aware that the present moment is absolute, only existing. Every moment is every moment and the ghosts are just stories and it’s so human of us to want to be connected to something that we love so much.

Sanhia: You are not connected to the story. If you want to be connected, you do it every time you step outside your door into the beauty of the winter, into the trees, into the birds, the deer, whatever animals you see about, even the people, even the cars. That you are absolutely connected to everything that surrounds you at every moment, unless you are in your mind saying, “I wish this weren’t here and instead I had this cat with me.” So, you would rather have the cat that you can’t have than this universe of riches that is right here, right now. Ever changing – not the same universe – constantly moving and changing. You would get bored if it were the same all of the time. Yes, there is grief, so feel it and let it move and then notice what is around you. When you ask yourself why it still hurts or why it hasn’t become easier, you are in your mind and separate from the real world in front of you. Your story always separates you from what is and causes pain and suffering. Notice that and come back to the now.

Participant One: I do settle back into that place where I get what the “what is in front of me” is, whether I am making a cup of tea or whether I’m walking out into a snow storm – that’s my present moment. I feel the joy, like shovelling snow gives me so much joy it is ridiculous. I love being out there in the middle of the night shovelling snow, watching it blow around, being out there, warm. I love all of these things. (laughing) That’s my journey; it’s to find the joy within this human experience. It’s always alone that I enjoy myself and my time. So, stepping out in the world and interacting with people, I’m happy and I share happiness. But that deep love, that deep something…. I’m just in a kind of nothingness, and I think that’s what I’m supposed to be. That nothingness is really what does exist. It just feels really empty of love. It’s more about a void of anything that really matters anymore. That’s the weirdest place to be. Feels dead — and yet you’re not dead – but you feel dead. All of that sensual love that I felt for the furry kids, there’s a bond whether you’re at nature, whether you’re having a great human experience of family – whatever it is. You feel full. It’s just been really strange having the fullness, but the emptiness, all at the same time.


Sanhia: You have hit the nail right on the head. Everything and nothing exist simultaneously. You are one with everything – with every object, every experience, every thought, every feeling, and every person. At the same time, none of it exists; it is all illusion. The place where everything and nothing intersect is in the now. The mind is absolutely incapable of understanding this. That is why you let the mind and the thoughts go; you give up trying to understand and just welcome whatever gifts God or the universe present to you. There is no story here. There is just life. Mind wants to find a story. This only leads to pain, confusion, and suffering. There is no story. There just is what is – and that isn’t even real! These are all just words and are not the truth. They are just pointers. Take your question about how can there be fullness and the void at the same time and keep looking within yourself for the answer.

Participant One: We also talked about – once upon a time – the service to others spectrum. That can also be a depletion of our own self love. Where we are always wanting to help others, as opposed to filling ourselves first so that we are full for everything out there. I think my energy, lack of energy, for the human experience comes from…. I just find it exhausting. I truly do. The other space I don’t feel depleted from. Even when I’m going through natural world or furry family trauma, it’s a different feeling of grief. The human experience is just a big journey; I know it’s the one we’re supposed to be on so it’s okay (laughing). It’s all part of everything. It’s just interesting going back to ourselves, always. Loving ourselves says a lot about what we can do in the world when we are that full. 

Sanhia: Usually when we talk about projection, we are talking about judging others for the things you don’t want to see in yourself, but loving another is also projection. All the love that you direct toward your cats is a projection of loving yourself, realizing that you couldn’t love them without loving yourself. Because you have the belief that you are not worthy of love, you project that love onto your animals. Notice that and look at the part of you that is self judging. Keep looking until you find the truth of your loveliness, of your divinity. The cats are there to remind you to do that. What a gift! In the same way that whatever causes you to not be around people, what judgments are there … that “Oh, thank you for showing that there is the place where I don’t love myself; there is the place where I judge myself.”  You may avoid people some, but we all know that you can’t do it all of the time, even if it’s just the clerk in the grocery store or the person who is throwing all of the fatty, sugary foods in their basket and you are thinking, “Oh, how can you eat all of that junk?” (laughing) So constantly you have this gift of the moment of seeing where you are not loving yourself. The mind wants to say, “No, this is about them. This is about my cat not being here.”  No, it’s never; it’s all projection. Whether it is love or judgment, it’s all projection. 

There is an enormous difference between service that just emerges spontaneously and passionately and service that comes out of guilt, of need for approval, of being worthy, of being good and so on. The latter comes from the mind; it just bounds out. The animals don’t ask for much. People ask for enormous amounts. Is the avoiding people out of, “I don’t want to feel all of that guilt and that pull on me because I would want to take care of them the way I would take care of my furries”, as opposed to allowing it simply to bubble up spontaneously where it does. Look at this projection where you feel compelled to help others. Take it home and look into it. Is it truly in your heart to serve, or is this an attempt to hide from feelings of guilt, unworthiness, or un-lovableness? Look at the truth of these self judgments. The people in your life are providing this wonderful gift to you. Offer silent thanks and receive what is being presented. It is always about you and never about them. You want to open these gifts. It is not your job to fill yourself anymore than it is your job to serve others. Life is filling you at every moment. Let it.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Can you talk more about the personal self not existing? Part 1 | Sanhia on Waking Up from the Story of You

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(recorded from a live session)

The ego mind has its own definition of perfection, and it only, occasionally, accidentally bumps up against the perfection that is. Part of that picture of perfection often is that the ego mind fully understands what is going on. But the ego mind never understands what is going on. It can’t because it is insane. It feels that it is real and it thinks that you are separate from the One. And it feels it has a mind of its own that should be listened to. Einstein once said, “The mind that created the problem is incapable of creating the solution”. You can rest easily with not understanding. Understanding is the function of the ego mind. Knowing is the function of Spirit. So, when you know, it is beyond understanding. There is no explaining why you know or what you know; you just know. There is certainty. That is why when you follow the will of God there is no choice. You just know. If you think there is choice, then you are in the ego mind trying to figure it out. And, as I like to say, good luck with that, because it doesn’t matter what you choose. We’ll talk more about these experiences of noticing, being what you think of as you, but noticing. What kind of experiences? And so you find that the world doesn’t disappear if you wait and don’t make a decision. What is important? If there is fear in the now, then that is what’s in the now. That is the gift. But it is not something to be overcome. 

Participant: Coming up distrust. Sometimes it is painful and I can feel it is so hard not to project it. I can see when I project. It is like abandoning myself. Even though I see all of this it’s really hard to let it go. There is some ego voice that is so angry, or very loud. So it’s really a roller coaster. And there is another thing that is very important, that’s about my karmic eight. What an enormous ego power it has. How my impulse is really driven by this controlling bitch. That is also an important insight. 

The place that we want to come back to is this place where there is no you. If there is no you, then there are no stories. Then there is no karmic eight. That’s a story. You can deal with all of the stories. You have found in another discipline that you could deal with your feelings and deal with your feelings, and the bucket is bottomless. You never reach the end of it. There is always another feeling. There is always something else. If there is fear it works better to accept it than to resist it. But, who is having this fear? As long as you believe there is a you who has fear, you will have fear. But there is no you having this fear. That is the illusion. Go. You look and notice that there is something noticing the story; whatever it might be, that is not the story. It’s simply noticing the story. No different than if you are watching a film on the television. You are noticing that story but you are not the story. So the question continually is, “Who is noticing this?”, and, “Where is this noticer?”  If you keep looking at that and looking at that, if you think you have found the noticer, “Who is noticing the noticer you have found?”  There is a step back and a step back, but there is no forwards and backwards so we are just saying that in a metaphorical sense that there is a step back until there is simply noticing. No noticer, simply noticing. 

Participant: What does that mean? The difference?

When you are watching a film, say on the television, you are noticing. First of all, you are noticing it is all projected on the screen. It’s not real; it’s not happening in your living room. You are simply noticing a projection on the screen. Where there is a character on the screen, you are noticing the character but you are not saying that’s me. But in the screen that you call your life, you are pretending that the character that you call “you” on the screen is real. But it’s not. It’s an actor that you are watching. You can practice when you’re watching the television screen and notice where you project yourself into any of the characters – either through thinking, “Oh, they are a good character”, or “Oh, they are a bad character”, or “Oh, they shouldn’t do that”, or “What are they thinking?”, and so on. Notice that there is projection going on. It’s not real. You turn it off and everything is gone. Nothing is there. Or you can turn it back on and watch the same episode over and over and over. Does it change? It’s just a projection on a screen. So you can practice with that and notice where you are giving reality to what is on the screen. 

Participant: Now when I have experienced so much physical pain it feels so real because you can’t get away from it, or you can take a painkiller but then everything is gone. 

Now you are projecting on your screen. Is there pain present in the now? 

Participant: That is a memory I am talking about. 

But that is what I am talking about. A memory is not the now. It’s not real. It’s not happening. 

Participant: I couldn’t handle that in that way when it was there. And that’s why I bring it up – to get some guidance around it. 

In the now there may be an experience and your mind might label that experience pain. When it labels pain and names it, then it moves out of the now and allows all of the stories of pain that the mind is holding on to, to be experienced in the now. Not simply what is in the now, but the whole idea of pain and everything around it. For example, a thought comes in, “Aw (breathes deeply), what if the pain keeps getting worse and worse?” “What if it gets to a point where I absolutely can’t stand it?” “What if it never stops?” “What is the meaning of this? Is this a punishment for me?” “What have I done?!” “What’s the lesson I’m supposed to learn? What’s the message? Spirit tell me what’s the message! Why am I having this pain?” The mind goes into all of this craziness that has nothing to do with the now. It’s going off in all of these directions instead of simply noticing the sensation, which is not pain. Pain is a word. You don’t experience a word. So you experience something in the body. So you go into it and you just experience nothing but that; let the mind go. Doesn’t matter what it’s about, where it came from, why it’s there, how long – it’s just what is here right now. And so you say, “Thank you Spirit; this is what is here right now”. And you experience it. And if the mind goes a little bit nuts and it’s more than you can tolerate, then take a painkiller. (laughter). There is no right or wrong about it. And then the next time the sensation comes, it’s a new experience. It’s a new now. But you are with the feeling, not with the thought of the feeling, not with the label of the feeling, but just the feeling. I want you to notice the resistance you have to simply letting it be there. 

Participant: Yeah. I see that. 

And so, for example, you project that.

Participant: Yeah, I have noticed that. And it’s one thing to notice it, but it’s not so easy to stop it. 

Yes, but noticing comes first. If you don’t notice it, it goes on forever. And the second thing you do – you can’t stop these thoughts from coming up but you say, “Ooh, but I’m not going to act on that now. Just going to notice that it’s there.”  

Participant: Then I get a little bit shamed about, “I’m so bad I can’t deal with this”, and so there is judgment on myself and…

It’s all the same thing. Judgment is not of the now. Judgment is comparison to what the mind thinks should be there. And the mind’s crazy. 

Participant: There is this fear of letting it go because then there is this abyss. That is so scary. (laughs) Scares the shit out of me. 

So where is this abyss? 

Participant: Yeah. (laughs) Where is the fear? From where does it come? If I accept it then it just takes over. So that is why there is some fighting against it. 

It already has taken over. (laughter) You’ve been letting it take over, empowering it all of your life. They say that the horse is already out of the barn. The thought of the mind always is dual. There is good and there is bad. Only the good is of God; the bad is not. And of course where you fit in, the you you think of as you, you’re on the bad side. 

Participant: I am? (laughs) 

Always. Trying to be good. “God look at how good I’m being. I’m so good.” But you believe that you’re bad. So what? Punishment? Sickness? “Guilt, fear, all these punishments that come to me because I’m bad.” “But I’m trying to be good. Tell me what I should learn here, God.”  (laughter) And all we’re saying is there’s no good or bad here. Whatever God brings is from God. There are no good gifts from God and bad gifts from God. It’s all Divine. The mind says, “Where is the love?” The truth says, “It’s all love. That’s all there is.” The mind says, “How can I feel loved?” The truth says, “You are love.” But the mind that sees a you as real, separate from God, then sees you as not love, because God is love and you are separate from god, therefore you are not love. 

Participant: Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. 

Loved if you do and loved if you don’t. 

Participant: (laughing) I think I’ll choose that. Is it possible to choose that? Who is choosing?

You’re choosing damned if you do and damned if you don’t, because as long as it’s you choosing, you are choosing separate from God. So no matter what you choose, you are choosing separation. But the truth is…not real. You’re not separate. And the pain is just on the screen. It’s not real. The part of you that believes there is a separate you also believes that pain is probably a good thing; because if you suffer enough, God will take you home. And if you stop suffering you are lost in hell forever. 

Participant: It’s a lot of confusion.

It’s only the mind that creates confusion. There is no confusion, It’s very, very simple. Whatever is here is from God and is Love. If you want to resist and fight it, that’s when it gets confusing. You simply silence what is. How crazy would it be to try to change what is; it already is.

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How do I deal with challenging people in my life? | Sanhia on The Power of Projection

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There is only one challenging person in your life. That, of course, is you. As long as you consider yourself to be a victim of the actions or behaviors of others, your life on planet Earth will be experienced as less than pleasant. Fortunately, victimhood is not the case. We have spoken before about the term projection. There are worse things that you could do than to print up a dozen cards with the word projection on them and post them throughout your home, car, and workplace…on every mirror, by the toilet…as a constant reminder that all you see in the world is your projection, no exceptions. The ego mind goes absolutely ballistic over this and will try incessantly to create exceptions. There are no exceptions. Cause and effect. You are the cause and the world is the effect. Never the reverse.

So, as they like to say in new age circles, there are no challenges or problems, there are only opportunities. These challenges with other people, which are your own creation, are opportunities for you to free yourself from judgment and separation. Or…you can go on pretending that it’s all about other people…and suffer. It’s your call. We don’t have a horse in this race. As a review, this is how projection works. Your ego mind, which thinks it knows everything or at least can figure everything out, knows nothing and can’t figure out anything. It believes you are this body, but you’re not. It thinks you are separate from God and Divinity, but you’re not. If we present this in the form of a story, keeping in mind that no story is true, it might go something like this. The ego believes that it chose to separate from God. This is the tiny confusion from which all of your “problems” stem. The ego is in error because it is not possible to separate from God. Anyway, on with the story. Ego mind creates this body and this universe as a way and a place to hide from God. Realizing it has made a bad choice, wanting to go back home, desiring God’s forgiveness, but feeling that this attempt to kill God is both unforgivable and deserving of severe punishment – ego is in a tough spot. Let’s list some other things that ego mind doesn’t understand. First, you never left home. There is no separation. The body and the Universe are what is not real. God does not and cannot judge. God is pure Love. God does not and cannot punish. Meanwhile in its imagined sinfulness, ego comes up with a plan. Put the blame on somebody else. Maybe God will notice that it is the other and not you who is guilty and deserving of judgment and punishment. “Burn them God! It’s their fault and not mine. I’m Innocent!”, you think. This is projection. Every time you judge another for anything, small or large, it is your guilt that you are projecting. It is all about you and not about them. In addition, you try to be a “good” person so that God will see that you are worthy to be brought back home. The only problem is that you cannot earn something that you already have and the only one accusing you of sin is you. No number of good acts or projections will cleanse you of your self-imposed guilt. You cannot buy your way into heaven. You never left. It is only this guilt that holds you in your earthly hell. So, forgive yourself. End of story.

Well, not quite. You go on through life projecting. Other people are wrong. Other countries are wrong. Other religions are wrong. You are right and you are good, but there is something inside you that doesn’t buy the whole story, that suspects that it is you who are truly guilty. Deep down is this fear, this dread of the inevitability of the coming retribution. Unconsciously you draw loss, pain, failure, illness, and emotional turmoil into your life, always trying to pay this unpayable debt. This is where the healing can begin. Let go of the projection upon God. Let go at the same time of the projection that you have toward yourself. You are innocent. Nothing happened. You did not leave God. God is not upset. It is all much ado about nothing. You cannot hurt God and God cannot hurt you. There is only Love here.

Now let’s return to the opportunity that you called a challenge. You have heard these words from me, perhaps read similar words in A Course in Miracles or heard them from some other teacher, but the bottom line is that you don’t feel them. You feel yourself to be victim to another’s energy. You’re sick and tired of everything but don’t know what to do with it all. This projection works in a very specific way. You don’t project everything on everyone. You project wonderful things onto some people, seeing them as loving and good. When you find yourself with a specific judgment toward another, that is what you believe about yourself but don’t want to face. You fear being punished, so you go into denial and project. Ego mind jumps in and yells, “I’m not like that!”. In truth you are not, but you believe that you are. Until you own this. Until you accept that the judgment is about self and has nothing to do with the other, nothing will change. You will live in projection and victimhood.

Your job, then, is to take ownership of the projections, to accept that the judgment is aimed toward the self. For example, if your projection is that another is not honest with you, ask how you are not honest with yourself. What untruths about self are you believing to be true? Anything short of recognizing your absolute innocence, your Divinity, is part of the lie. You are absolutely loved by God, but are you telling yourself that you are unlovable? You are always provided for, but are you telling yourself that you are undeserving and needy? Forgiveness is not a matter of recognizing where you have been bad and then asking to be forgiven. It is the realization that you have not and could not err, so there is nothing to forgive. There is only the Love of God.

Let’s look at a specific example so you might gain a clearer picture of how this whole process has worked and could work for you. A popular one for those of you who have children is being a victim to them. “They never clean. They don’t do their homework. They are not responsible. They don’t listen to me. They don’t follow my rules. They don’t respect me as the adult.” We could go on and on and you could each add to the list from your own experiences. Let’s just focus on one part of the litany, “My daughter never cleans up after herself. I am left with the choice of being in a constant fight or surrendering to grudgingly being my daughter’s maid.” The choice you make doesn’t matter. What effects you feel come from what you carry around inside yourself. There is a judgment of her irresponsibility causing you to make one of two equally undesirable choices. There is a good possibility that if you listen inside there is a parent saying a similar thing about you. You were taught to be a good person, to clean up after yourself. Did that result in you feeling like a good person? Probably not. Did you learn to feel guilt when you didn’t clean up? Probably. Did you resent being told what to do? Most likely. Now as an adult you act out of guilt and resentment when you must clean up. Instead of facing this inner anger and judgment, along comes this young whippersnapper on whom you can project all of this. The child may not be carrying the guilt or having a thought about what they should do unless you have been successful in drumming it into her. Maybe she is stronger than you and your parents’ games don’t work with her. Instead of passing your guilt on to her you could realize that each moment of each day you are carrying thoughts about what you should be doing to be a good person. What should you do? What does God want you to do? When you were small your parents represented God for you. They taught you right and wrong, good and bad – providing punishments and rewards. That was your first church.

You have the opportunity to notice that you have been forcing yourself to do what you don’t want to do. Ego mind screams out, “Yeah! But if I don’t do it the house will be a total mess!” Maybe. So what? Ego mind says there is probably a special circle in hell for bad housekeepers. Is that really true? Does God only take back home those with clean houses? What is actually going on here? What is really true? Recalling that God is unconditional love and acceptance, there are no rewards or punishments, no heaven or hell. You never left; it is only the ego mind that believes that what goes on here is of any consequence. So back to now. Do you clean or not clean? Perhaps you wait until you feel like doing it. Perhaps your standards of cleanliness go through a transition. Perhaps you start listening more to what the inner guidance and the body tell you instead of marching to the orders of the guilt driven ego mind. Without a sense of compulsion there may be a joy in the act of cleaning. Perhaps in the now there is exhaustion, so go relax. Above all, thank your daughter for putting you in touch with your guilt and denial. Always thank your mirrors…at least silently.

The root of all the fear, guilt, and blame is in the belief in separation. The truth is that there is Oneness. You are One with the Divine and with each other. What another is doing is what you are doing. It is all connected. In the perfection of what is happening right now in each moment, everything is unfolding exactly as it should. The script, as we said in the last message, has already been written. If you accept what is without resistance, it opens you up to the truth of your Divinity, to your Oneness with the Creator and the creation. Can you begin to see the enormous value of seeing the actions of another as your projection? You are being handed the keys to the kingdom. All is within you, never outside of you. What a perfect gift your child, or whomever appears to be a challenge, is offering you with their every action. All of this requires no volition on anybody’s part. Nobody needs to have any understanding of the part they are playing. They cannot help but to serve you. You only have choice on whether you wish to be served or bothered.

It doesn’t matter if the challenge in your life appears to be somebody who is irresponsible with money, has an addiction, is trying to control you, is abusive, ignores you, doesn’t accept you for who you are, or – we could go on and on and on. It doesn’t matter if this person plays a central part in your life or you only meet them once. You have the choice to be a victim (seemingly forever) or to grasp the opportunity to let go of your imagined separation and see the gift that is being offered. As long as you hold this as being about the other there is no way out. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But you are blessed and loved. This is your creation and you are doing a perfect job. Accept it and live in this now. You deserve to experience the Love and Peace that is the truth of You.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Is everything preplanned? | Sanhia on the Illusion of Choice and Free Will

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This conversation comes from a recent session.

Participant: Is everything preplanned?

I knew you were going to ask that. (laughs) Just kidding…a little. Both the short answer and the long answer is…yes. One of the favorite games of the ego mind is convincing you that you have choice. Not only does it convince you that you have the power of choice, but also that your choices will affect what will happen in the illusion. Therefore, you have a great responsibility to choose well, because what you choose is what you are going to get. We will start out by asking Our favorite question, “How has that worked for you so far?” Certainly, if you have received whatever you have chosen, we would not be having this conversation. What need would you have for a disembodied voice if you had all the money, fame, success, relationships, sex, adventures, and good health you could ever want? Obviously, you have received many things you never in your worst nightmares would have asked for. I assume for all of you to varying degrees getting what you think you want has not been the normal result for you. What that leaves is the possibility that you didn’t do a good enough job, allowing in too many doubts or thoughts that you could not have what you wanted. In this scenario if you had been pure in your thoughts everything would have worked out perfectly. A corollary to this is that you don’t deserve what you want.

Participant: Is the only choice to follow the Will of God?

Wow! You are way ahead of me. Perhaps we should switch places. We will come around to that point, but let’s fill in a few blanks first. The bottom line here is that if you have the ability to choose and your choice will make a positive difference, then why don’t your choices always work out? Of course, most of you will think of examples where you did choose something and it more or less happened as you desired it to. The question then is, “Having received what you asked for, did that leave you feeling full and complete?” The honest answer to that probably is that though it might have felt good for a period of time, eventually there was something else that you wanted. Perhaps there was not even a short-term satisfaction before realizing that you did not find the feeling you were hoping to have. So, the choosing continues on and on without ever delivering the heaven that has been sought. More likely there is a failure even to gain what is desired.

Let’s jump over to the other side and assume that it makes absolutely no difference what you choose or don’t choose. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Sometimes your wishes are aligned with that result and sometimes they aren’t. When what happens is aligned, you believe that you did it. You don’t want it to rain because you have a picnic planned and the skies remain clear. Do you now believe that you have power over the weather? If it had rained, who would you have pointed the finger at in blame? Yourself? God? Global warming? Alignment does not prove cause and effect. What if the whole script is already written out and there is nothing you can do to change that story?

Participant: But sometimes I find myself at a fork in the road and my whole life will change based on whether I bend to the left or to the right. Doesn’t that show that choice does make a difference?

Good question. It certainly shows that there is an illusion of the power of choice. It could be said that the choice you make was already written.

Participant: But Sanhia it feels like I could have chosen in the opposite way.

Then why didn’t you? You chose the only way you could choose. Let’s look at how the ego mind actually operates. It is no different than a computer. It is programmed and acts and reacts from that programming. In your programming you have been taught to believe and to act in accordance with all that you have experienced in what appears to be your life story. All of that conditioning leads to the choice you make in this moment. In another moment you might choose quite differently because included in your program now are the results from your previous choice. Your choice in the moment might also be affected by the emotions you are experiencing right at that time. Did you choose to be angry, impatient, pessimistic, or optimistic when it was time to make your choice?  Things constantly change; things that you have little or no control over. Perhaps the choice you are making is totally influenced by your parents’ teachings. Do you remember choosing those parents? Did you choose the teachers you had growing up? Did you choose your religion or lack of one? Did you choose a friend who suddenly appears in your story?  Did you pick your race, gender, or the area where you lived in your formative years? The answers are obvious. Of course not. Yet, all of these experiences formed who you feel yourself to be and out of them you are programmed to make choices. All these events were planned. Nothing was random. Nothing was chosen by you. Yet you act as if you have a power to control the world, to determine your future. That, too, has been programmed into you. As long as you attempt to guide things you will be frustrated. The “best” outcome is that you have moments of feeling successful, periods of peace and happiness. Those moments will end. More likely you will experience a sense of failure and look at your future with foreboding.

Imagine for a moment that you have no choice, that everything is unfolding as it is meant to. You are off the hook. You have no responsibility. You can neither puff up your chest and take credit for what has happened nor blame yourself and feel guilt. You did neither of those things. The place that we call the awakened state is simply one where there is absolute acceptance for what is. Nothing can be changed. It is simply happening. It would be futile to resist what already is because it cannot be changed. It already is! Close your eyes and pretend it isn’t there, but it is still there. You can want to change it, but the genie is already out of the bottle. Here is what the ego mind does when it hears this news. It goes into absolute terror and denial. It asks how can you ever be happy in life if you can’t create what you want? Are you expected to bite the bullet and accept whatever shit comes your way? This, according to the ego mind, is the worst of all hells.

Here’s what happens when you give up fighting what is and simply experience it and live with it. You begin to experience the fullness of life. Ego mind is screaming that what is here isn’t right, it isn’t good, it isn’t what you should have. I am telling you that what is happening is perfect, is exactly what should be happening, is just what you need. Spirit, the Divine, is presenting your perfect now. It is eons beyond what you could have chosen for yourself (and remember your track record). Everything is given in Love.

Participant: So again, the only choice I really have is to choose the Will of God. Maybe this will make me more content with life?

As you said, “the only choice I really have is to choose the Will of God”, but that is still a choice. That may be your intention, but who is expressing that intention? Like all choice, it can only come from the ego mind. Like all your other plans, it may or may not happen. Armed with that intention you drive off down the road only to find you have a flat tire. Is your mind just fine with all of that or do you find yourself in resistance to what is? These reactions are immediate and programmed. The habit that has been nurtured for so long is to resist the Will of God and then to choose what you think would be better. Maybe at some point the awareness that you are resisting what is occurs to you and you stop fighting. Each experience rewires your data base.  Another day you might find yourself just fine with a flat tire as it happens. Perhaps the gap between noticing the resistance and accepting what is will continually narrow.

In the meantime I will simply remind you that not accepting God’s gifts always leaves you feeling separate from your own Divinity. My voice is now a part of your programming as are your attempts and failures to heed it. Be certain that your opportunities to let go of your personal will shall be unlimited. In the meantime, are you in guilt and blame when your choice for God’s Will fails to materialize? Are you then choosing to give up guilt and blame? Who is choosing that? And so it goes. (laughter) This doesn’t mean that things are hopeless and you are helpless. The perfect thing is always happening right now. What you think of as you just isn’t in control. If choosing is present, if guilt and blame are there, you notice that. If you have thought of changing how you respond…you notice that. You are not going to be able to change either of those things. They have already happened, but the noticing, the experience, and the awareness are now part of your programming. Perhaps then over time you find it easier and easier to accept God’s Will. More quickly you are able to let go of “Why is this happening” and “Poor me”. You might find yourself letting go of guilt and blame more speedily. You do this not because of setting such goals, but through the experience that none of that stuff works. It can feel hard to surrender and trust the Will of God instead of pursuing what you want to happen.

Participant: How can it be easier?

Your personal will chooses only out of a sense of separation from God, not from alignment. Personal will accepts almost nothing as it is, instead it thinks about would feel better and visualizes a future with all its desires met, a fantasy of peace, love, and joy. Again, we return to our favorite question, “So, how has that worked out for you so far?” There are three primary reasons why it hasn’t worked out. The first is that you don’t have a clue. What you think will bring you happiness will never do so, will never bring you that sense of peace and Oneness. The second reason is that you are looking in the wrong place. The world cannot give you what you want, because it is simply the projection of your lack. What you seek is within you. It lies with your thoughts and beliefs. If you want love, then be love. Finally, as is the whole point of this message, it is already decided. There is nothing you can do to change anything.

For a moment let’s leap back over to the other side, to the part of you that is able to accept what is without any need or attempt to change it. We could call this the awakened self, although the sense of self has disappeared. There is an observation of that self taking place, but there is no ownership of it. The idea of choice is not present here. This jump cannot be chosen, though you may make efforts toward it by letting go of personal will and asking to hear and follow God’s Will. To believe that you have choice and are separate from Divinity is the sleeping self, living in a dream while believing it is real. This sleeping self believes it must use its personal will, its choice, to protect itself from the universe or from God. The awakened you is One with everything, experiencing rather than choosing and resisting.

Participant: You have been talking about being in the now and accepting what is, that what is here now is exactly what is needed for me. 

Yes. In this perfection of the now, if you are truly there, there is no question of choice. Choice only exists in the horizontal when the mind is referring to the ideas of past and present. In the present there is no choice to make; there is just what is here. Rather than choice there is simply action or reaction, and that also just happens. Any thought of needing to make a choice indicates you are no longer in the now and have drifted off back into sleep. Notice that. That becomes part of your experience. The now is relentless and you have infinite opportunities to be present or not. Again, you cannot choose to be present, but you can notice when you are not. Hmmm. Interesting. Notice where there is judgment, blame, or guilt. Hmmm. Interesting.

Yes, this preplanned world is absolutely perfect. Everything that is present exists to stimulate that leap of faith, that awakening. If your ego mind is running the show right now, that is what is perfect. Notice that and accept it. Or don’t notice or don’t accept. It doesn’t matter. It is still perfect. When it is time to notice or to accept, you will do that. Nothing you do in following the lies of the ego mind makes any real difference. What is true is true, and what is true is of Love and of God. The rest is a dream, or if you prefer, a nightmare. There is no such thing as failure or success, but there is a perfection in holding on to the belief in them until you don’t. Spirit’s GPS is guiding you and loving you in every moment, even when you feel the most alone and abandoned.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

All Rights Reserved © 2025 Channels Without Borders
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How can I learn to love myself?

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We have a question that came in response to the previous message on co-dependency. It is paraphrased here.

Many of our problems seem to come from not being loved as a child, and then we feel we have a black hole inside that needs to be filled. All spiritual answers I have heard are saying the same thing, that you must love yourself. But how to love yourself if we don’t know how to do it or even know what love is? How do we get to know if no one shows us? I’m sure the answer is true, but I feel a big blaming towards the one who doesn’t have love. My feeling is that the ones who have love in their life should show the others love. I have read “You shall love others as yourself” from Jesus. He didn’t say, “You have to love yourself first,” as I often hear from spiritual books and teachers. That has always made me wonder, feel, or sense that this interpretation can make people more egocentric.

Thank you for that wonderful question. Hopefully we will deal with all aspects of it. I wish to begin by saying that not many, but all your problems come from wanting your personal will to have precedence over the Will of God. They germinate from your wish for what is to be different than it is. What is is the will of God. It is God’s gift to you in this moment, the perfect thing for you. It is given with love because God is Love and could give nothing else. It can feel painful to you because your personal will wants something else, contrary to what God is providing. If you maintain that separation, you will suffer and feel unloved. This has nothing to do with how you were raised. Your perceptions about your upbringing have everything to do with your beliefs and projections, in your separation from the Divine Love of God. I will tell you the absolute truth about your parents. They, Divine Children of God, were doing the best that they could. Mostly they were choosing personal will over Divine Will as all humans do most of the time. If you want to know how to love, begin by thanking your parents for not only doing their best, but for playing the role that needed to be enacted in your life to best support your awakening process. Your work now is to go inside and see where you hold your parents in judgment; that place where you do not love them is where you also do not love yourself. Ask Spirit or God to assist you in receiving the gift that your parents were and are for you. Wherever you feel less than full acceptance, that is the work for you to do. To be a victim is to say to God that “You are wrong”. It is to choose your personal will over that of God. It is to state that you think you know better. It is to condemn yourself to misery and separation from feeling the Love of God. While believing that God didn’t give you what you wanted, it was you who resisted and didn’t want what God gave you. Give up your separation. Give up your personal will. Stop fighting what is, while wanting things to be different. This is what being in the now is. Have the intention to accept God’s Will for you. Trust what is here now, knowing that it is the highest and the best thing.

The question about loving yourself, the spiritual teaching…I can understand your confusion. How does one go about loving oneself? How do we define love? What is it? Other good questions. It is said that the truth that can be written or stated is not the whole truth. Words cannot explain what love is. We encourage you to approach these questions using the process of elimination. What is not love? We have already provided one enormous hint. Choosing personal will over Divine Will is not love. If God is Love, then not choosing God’s Will is not choosing love. This likely means that everything you have ever learned about love is probably untrue. If it is about getting your personal desires met, it is not about love. Look at all the goals you have for your personal self. Wanting to feel loved is a goal for your personal self. Stop striving for those things. Instead focus on receiving the love that God is giving you each moment of every day. See what that is. Reread the last message and see all the aspects of co-dependency that are mistaken for love. Anything you wish to receive from anybody else is not an expression of love. Those are expressions of lack, of neediness. God provides everything you need in the now. Looking elsewhere is a refusal to accept the Will of God.

You are not a hole that needs to be filled. You are a Divine Child of God, perfect as you are. The human condition is belief in separation from God. That is the biblical fall. It encompasses not feeling loved or loveable, of feeling guilty. This has nothing to do with your parents. It has to do with you. This is not blame. This is the human condition. You share it with everyone on the planet. Everyone’s job is to let go of their personal will and to follow the Will of God, to accept the perfection that God is presenting in the ever changing and morphing present. Whatever you are experiencing now that is not acceptable to you is your creation. That is not blame; it is how it is. If you pretend this is not your creation, you give away all your power. When you choose to want your will to rule, you create these painful experiences to appear to be real. Use your power by surrendering it to God instead of pretending to be a victim. To say that others who have love should share it with you is an expression of victimhood, of co-dependency. You are saying that you need somebody else to do this work for you, but they cannot do that. You are in charge of your experience, not them. If they could control your life by determining whether to give you love, you certainly would be a helpless victim. Fortunately, this is not the case.

Nobody can show you love because others act as your mirror. If you are not loving yourself, if you are not accepting yourself as you are right now, then you will not find that love reflected at you from others. Oh, you might bask in it for a while, but the feeling of being loved won’t stick. To ask for others to show you love is not a realistic request. If another is living in love, they can only spread that love to everyone else on the planet. This is not even a choice. If others are not in such a space, they have nothing to give. In either case, the effect on the one who feels unloved will be nil. So, to ask for others to share love with you is a futile gesture. That can only start with you. Then you can begin to receive what has always been there for you. The irony, of course, is that when you are capable of receiving love you have no need to do so. Again, give up your personal will’s need to be shown love, and surrender to the Will of God who will always rain love down upon you. Again, in the final analysis, only you can do this work. Nobody can do it for you. That may sound frightening; it may leave you feeling helpless, but ultimately it is the most empowering thing that you could hear. To feel love, you do not need anybody else to do anything or to act in any certain way toward the world. You have the absolute power here. You are not and cannot be a victim because it is all in your hands.

Let’s go back to the statement about spiritual teachers saying that the first thing is to love yourself and your fear that this might lead people to becoming more egocentric, just thinking about themselves. If one’s interpretation of loving yourself amounts to looking at what you want to have in your life and feeling that you deserve to have these desires met, then that is an endorsement for following personal will. That is not surrendering to the Will and Love of God. It could be said that it is an act of thinking you know better than God what is best for you. It is an act of resistance to God’s Love. It does not demonstrate trust; it is not an acceptance of the now. If that is how “loving oneself first” is interpreted, you have a good point. Now, looking at the biblical statement from Jesus which is often interpreted as, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” there arises a curious question. If you are not loving yourself, does that mean not to love others either? Perhaps this is not a statement of putting yourself or others in the supreme position, but one of expressing the Oneness between you. You are encouraged to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, not so that you have a technique for getting what you want, but as a statement of fact. As you do to others, you at the same time do to yourself. It can be no other way. There is no separation.

Your job, as was mentioned in the last message, is to take care of yourself. As you do that, there is no problem with having the intention to give loving service to all others around you, not because it is the right thing to do, but because it requires you to be in the now and to pay attention to loving energy. As you do this you become aware of every place where you hold a judgment about another. You own that judgment, realizing it is one you hold toward yourself. You work with that in yourself until you look out and see nothing but loving acceptance of the other. Truly loving others is quite an accomplishment that should keep you busy for a while. If you hold the thought that your feelings of love are other people’s responsibility, that you don’t know how to love yourself so they have to do it for you, to teach you how, then I am sorry to inform you that you will remain unhappy and feel unloved and separate from God for as long as you hold onto that belief. This is not blame. This is how it is. Fortunately, you have absolute choice here. You can choose to follow the Will of God instead of your personal will. You can choose to accept and face the now to see what that is. Ultimately, we are not talking about a question of love, particularly in terms of what most human’s understanding for that term is.  We are talking about will. Is it your will or is it God’s Will?

Let me bring this to a conclusion by reminding you about how you might go about surrendering to the Will of God while releasing your personal will. This is not a formula. This is not telling you the way to do this. This is not written in stone. These are simply pointers. Ultimately, your inner Divine Knowing will guide you. To begin with, you can notice two things. First observe your thoughts. Be aware of when the thoughts indicate that you don’t want things to be as they are or where you want the future to be different from the present. Notice when the thoughts are about being a victim of your past. As you are aware of these thoughts, do your best not to act on them. Just be conscious they are there in your present. Don’t allow your mind to follow long trains of thought along those tracks. These are thoughts from your personal will. Notice they are there and give them to God, to Spirit, to Me, to Someone Else. Holding on to the now as being unsatisfactory creates the illusion of separation from God, and therefore, from the Will of God. How it is right now is God’s gift to you; whether you understand it or not doesn’t matter. Your only task is to look at it as you release your judgmental thoughts. Try to really see what is here. Focus on that rather than on what is not here. As you become practiced in this you will notice that what is here is in constant motion, changing, morphing, reforming. Replace your thoughts about how it should be or about what is missing with your awareness of what it is.

I said there would be two things and that was the first. Secondly, notice that you might be having emotional reactions to what is in your now, both connected to the noticing of what is happening and to your thoughts. These feelings are your reactions to your beliefs in separation. You are reacting to what isn’t rather than to what is. Notice those feelings and stay as present as you can with them. If your mind wants to rationalize the feelings as being caused by this or that or feeling victim to whatever this or that is, notice and let the thoughts go. Whatever your mind is focusing on as a cause is not here now. If a cause should be here in your now, then action might be appropriate, but usually it isn’t present. A car headed directly at you is in your now. Your parents are not likely here now, nor are world events you have read or heard about. What is here right now? Your feelings are here, so accept them. There is no need to act on them, just let them be present and release any need to change them or to judge yourself for having them. Simply experience them until they are no longer in your now. Wherever your feelings or your thoughts try to lead you, do your best not to follow. Stay with what is happening. It is that simple, though not necessarily easy. Your habit is to follow the ego driven personal will, but God is in the now.

God’s Love is in the now. God is within you. You are Divine. You will never experience that just because I am telling you who you are or should other people share that with you. If you are feeling separate from God and lack trust in the perfection of what is being brought to you, you will not likely experience your Divine Nature. When you don’t accept the now, you are expressing distrust in God and choosing your personal will over God’s. If you want to follow God’s will, stop! Stop following your own will. You do this through practice, by welcoming and saying thank you to whatever is there, and by fully accepting your feelings without trying to change them. You can do this. You are Love. You are Divine. As your Creator is, so are you. One and the same. Could not be different. The awareness of this arrives as you stop resisting God’s gifts, as you let go of efforts to try to change things or to make yourself better. That’s part of the reason that We say:

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

All Rights Reserved © 2025 Channels Without Borders

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Is a long life something to be valued?

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We had a question from a reader in Taiwan who wrote (and I am paraphrasing):

Life in its natural state is pure energy, so why do we call “life” a gift? Why is there an obsession with the longevity of life? Does Sanhia wish to return to the “solid body” and low vibratory life conditions again with all the uncertainty and challenges? I am aware that the Asian cultures – the Chinese, Japanese, and Korean, at least – have a need to jump on the bandwagon of living long and being healthy, as Spock and the Vulcans said, “Live long and prosper”. Of course, one should take care of health, but as to how long one can live, who knows? Long life can be like longer sentences on “Death Row”. Sooner or later, it is all over; the body deteriorates; and we become a burden for others and ourselves.

It seems that the reader has a fairly good handle on the question, but we will go a little deeper. Since time does not exist, how can it have a value?  Living long has no meaning if time is not real. What those of you who are reading this are doing now is living. Otherwise, you would have difficulty opening this message. You are in the now, and that’s all there is. There is no future. If you believe it exists, I will ask the questions, “Where is that future? Can you get there from here? How do you do that?” If somebody has an answer to these questions, please write back and we’ll have a conversation. The same questions arise with the past. All that is here is the present and in these few moments that you have been reading, how many presents have there been? As soon as you try to describe what is happening, you are referring to the past. The present is constantly moving and morphing. Any attempt to explain or understand it pulls you out of the now and into the past. You are no longer fully experiencing the present. If you accept that time is real and has a value, it might make sense to think that more time is a good thing. However, as the reader pointed out, if your experience of life in your body is hellish, then perhaps a longer life is not to be desired, and time instead holds a negative value; a shorter life might feel more desirable, less time in hell. Those who choose suicide might hold this negative view on time and earthly experience.

The reader asks if I would wish to return to a “solid body”? This is another crazy question, one that implies that choice exists. I simply AM. I do not act out of choice but flow with the Oneness. If you believe in choice, you are constantly pulled out of the now into your mind to search the archives for information to guide that choice. This is in lieu of letting yourself be present and going with the flow. It is a recipe for hell on earth. Less time or more time doesn’t matter. All that matters is now. Your reasons for leaving or staying all come from thoughts from your past, which, as you may recall, doesn’t exist.

Some cultures, in fact most modern cultures, place a value on a long life. They believe it is a tragedy when someone dies at a young age, the younger the person the greater the catastrophe. Even with somebody older, perhaps quite along in years, the death is still often held as a tragic event. All kinds of medicines, surgeries, and treatments are invested in, sometimes at great cost, to sustain the physical life. It is as if more days of life has a positive quality in and of itself. Rather than accepting that all will die, there is an attempt to fight what is, which eventually will be the person’s physical death. Why would one want to live longer? That idea can only come from a mind that is not in the present. In the now you are alive. You cannot live in the past or the future. If you are thinking about living longer, you are no longer in the now; you have stopped living. That is to say that the only place you can experience life is in the now. You can’t experience it in the future or the past. You are then pretending to be someplace else. You are in a dream within the dream. Whatever reasons there are for being in this dream exist only in the now. Having a focus to live long, means not living now. This connects with the words expressed in the last message about goals. I know that none of you are like this. but you might know of someone who denies themselves certain pleasures in the present out of the belief that this will help them live longer and have greater health in the future. Sacrifice today for tomorrow. Well, that’s a good plan. Perhaps if you deny yourself everything that might make the present more enjoyable you could live forever. Just kidding, well just a little bit. Seriously, if joy can only be in the future and you only can live in the now, your self-denial will be forever, and your joy will be for-never. .

There is only one reason why you are here and that is to awaken to the truth of yourself. The only place that you can do that is in the present. It doesn’t matter how much time you give yourself in order to wake up, that awakening will always remain in the future. But guess where you are. You are stuck in the now. How do you get to this future where you will be awake? Again, please write to Us if you can explain that one so that we can discuss it. If you know how to do that you are sitting on a gold mine.

We have another little matter here. Let’s just say that you could convince Us that having a long life would be a good thing, how would you go about creating that? We are assuming that you find life to be bearable enough that the thought of longevity doesn’t scare the hell out of you, or at least it scares you less than the thought of death. You must now have the belief that you can affect the timing of your earthly departure. Perhaps you are jogging every day, working out at the gym three times a week, eating a vegan macrobiotic diet, abstaining from alcohol, tobacco and drugs, fasting and purifying your body, doing yoga, meditating, and more. Are you certain that will lead you to living a longer healthier life? Are you sure that an object won’t fall out of the sky and land on your head? Are you sure that your electric car battery won’t explode?  Do you know for certain that a terrorist won’t step into the store where you are shopping and blow himself and you up with his strapped-on bomb? Obviously, we’re just having some fun here, but wouldn’t it be ironic to come to such an end after giving your present over to guaranteeing a long and healthy life. The question again is, are you certain that no such present could happen for you?

The larger question is are you certain that you can control the future, that future that doesn’t exist? Are you sure you have that kind of control? How’s your track record? Has everything in your life come exactly as you have had it planned so far? Be honest here. This is your present you are thinking of sacrificing. If things always happen according to your hopes, go for it. When you celebrate your two-hundredth birthday, send me a postcard. I know, all communication will at least be electronic by then, but you catch my drift. The rest of you recognize that things don’t happen just the way you want them to. I will point out though, that if you are in the now, absolutely, and notice what is happening, you will know that all is occurring perfectly, and you would choose to change nothing. Your thinking, planning mind doesn’t have a clue what is in your best interest. What is in your now is absolutely in your best interest. It is necessary to see it, to not resist it but rather to welcome it in, opening to the wonder of it. You might as well. It is here and isn’t going anywhere. The last place to be is in the illusory future or wondering how long this now is going to last.

Let’s get on to the real biggie. Wanting to live longer is about the fear of death. If you are living in the now, totally present, there is no time. You are fully living. In truth, you are always fully living, but when you are not present you can become oblivious to that. Can you remember a time when you weren’t conscious, when you didn’t feel alive? If you can, please add that to your list of messages you can send to me. Tell me what that experience was like. Oh wait, how could you do that unless you had some consciousness in that moment. Not wanting to die is the fear of no consciousness. This is the terror that many do not want to face. The belief is that you are your body and when your body goes, so do you – down a black hole, into oblivion, never to exist again. The only way to deal with fear is to be totally in the present with it. Go right into that fear, that chasm, that void. See what is there. Feel where you carry it in your body. Use the five-step process with your fear of death.  A famous songwriter once penned the lines, “He who is not busy living is busy dying”. Living is done in the present. If you are somewhere else, you are busy dying. Not only that, but you likely think that death is real. Believing in reincarnation is no different than affirming the existence of heaven and hell. It is avoiding the now, trying to mask the fear of death with a happy, or terrifying, picture of what will happen after your body dies. Everything you could possibly wish or hope for – all your dreams are right here in this moment. It has nothing to do with your body. The body is merely the form in which you are experiencing the now. The future and past have nothing to inform you of. In the now is the absolute knowing of the truth of you, of your isness that cannot be destroyed.

The script has already been written. Where, how, and when the death of your body will occur has been determined. You are only fooling yourself if you think you can have any control over that. When I say that you all share the purpose of awakening, that is not to say it will be experienced in the present incarnation. Those of you who are reading these messages or are actively focused on living in the present have a higher likelihood of such realization, but nothing is guaranteed by your efforts. You are all aware of people who think a spiritual focus such as we write about here is insane. They accept the world as real and want to either make it better, get their share of the pie, or are hopelessly despondent. Perhaps they believe there is no God or Oneness or whatever It might be called, or that it is just a random universe, and we are all victims of whatever might be coming down. Without any thought or intention toward waking up, it is less likely for them to experience that in this now. That is fine. It is written when that stirring will begin. It is none of your business. If their thoughts and actions disturb you, it is just mirroring the part of you that shares the same fears and beliefs. Thanks for the reflection. What is certain is your awakening. The timing is known, just not to you. It makes no difference in the illusion of time if it happens now, in ten years, or in ten lifetimes. It makes no difference. When you wake up, time stops. Past and future dissolve; there is just now. When that is your truth, it will not matter how long it took to get there, because there is no awareness of a past. Meanwhile, the more you can succeed in remaining in the now and not letting your thoughts lead you, the more possibility there is for peace and joy now.

I want to return to the very beginning of this month’s question. There seems to be a concern in the reader’s mind as to whether life is really a gift. Everything is a gift! Everything happening in each instant is a gift. It is only the mind rejecting what is given and thinking something else to be better that keeps this gift from being received and enjoyed. Only an unquestioning mind unled by past thoughts can achieve this. The questioner goes on to suggest that a long life isn’t something to wish for or wish onto another because it will just make your prison term longer. Yes, if you are not in the now, longevity may mean more time in hell. However, an early death is no reprieve; it simply postpones the awakening to another bodily experience. Nothing wrong with that, but equating being in a body with suffering comes from not living in the now. Seeing life as a struggle, as a negative thing, comes from not living in the now. Being in the present has nothing to do with how long you will live. It has nothing to do with time. The gifts are simply here now waiting for you to embrace them. Those things that are real do not deteriorate and break down. Death is a gift for the one who can go no farther towards awakening in this body. Your life is forever. The death of this body, like its birth, is just a story, just a movie, just an illusion. The truth is here in the now.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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How should I deal with my strong feelings?

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There is a significant difference between noticing a feeling that comes up in your now and defining yourself by that feeling and accepting it as the truth about you. In the moment you may feel grief. To describe yourself by saying that you are grieving expresses a thought from the past which will carry on indefinitely. This becomes your belief of who you are. The former simply means that you are aware that a feeling is present. You can then pay attention to the next thing that comes to you. Rather than holding on to the feeling, which then becomes an idea and identification, you simply allow yourself to notice and release each feeling or thought as it emerges into your awareness. You can tell when someone has defined themself by an emotion, because they hold on to that same feeling/thought for many years. Holding on to old feelings and judgments keeps you out of the present. You become a prisoner of those emotions, caught in a web of suffering. We would be the last to say to ignore the feelings. Acknowledge them! Then let them go and let the next feeling or thought enter. Be aware of where there might be roles you think you should play to accompany the feelings that come. Are you supposed to act sad, angry, or as a victim? Recognize when you are playing a role and then move on. It is also not for you to analyze, justify, or rationalize what appears. What stories have you been telling yourself? Are you certain they are true?

I want to suggest that whoever in your life, past or present, you feel you really know…you are fooling yourself about that. You have no idea who they are. You see your projection upon them, not them themselves. In a similar manner you are aware that nobody around you fully and completely sees you. Part of that comes from your hiding in the belief that invisibility provides you with safety; that if people really knew who you were it would be all over. They would reject you, wouldn’t love you, would see you for the idiot you are afraid you are, and would ostracize you – throw you into the wilderness to the wolves. If people knew you “warts and all” they would not want to be around you. Instead you want to present the image that you believe is loveable. This is not honest. It is not the truth of who you are in the now, and you become hostage to upholding that disguise. These false fronts might include that you are a good mother, considerate, spiritual, honest, intelligent, successful, and on and on. These are ideas, images. What is a spiritual person like? They never lose their temper, judge others, feel guilt, or suffer pain? If inappropriate feelings or thoughts arise, you then want to deny them. If they are too strong, you may succumb to them, go into despair and self-blame, and define yourself as an unspiritual failure. Meanwhile, you are free to be who you are in this moment, which might be angry, grieving, sad, happy, jealous, or guilty. Feel that fully without defense or thinking you should be different. Experience the full spectrum of emotions, and then let them go to feel the next item on your palette.

If it is not okay to feel those things, you either cover them up or succumb to them and they will run your life. None of these feelings or ideas about yourself has anything to do with the truth of who you are. They are experiences to be had and then released. If you try to understand or explain the truth, you will fail. These beliefs become a place to hide, but provide no real peace. As we said before, you can never truly know another or yourself or be known because there are no such separate identities. All those defining thoughts about self and others are just that, thoughts. They come from the past and have nothing to do with the now, the only place you will ever be. In the now you will have many experiences, but none of them have anything to say about who you are, only about what is happening. So buckle up and enjoy the ride. The only thing you can be sure of is that the now always changes. If you hold on to it you leave little room for the new that is constantly appearing. Pain can dissipate quite quickly, but suffering happens when you hold on to your pain. Notice your emotion; take a breath; let it go; see what comes next. Receive each moment fully, without resistance. Let the perfection of the now wash over you. Hold on to none of it, whether it feels good or bad.

Why are we saying these things to you? We are not telling what the truth is or what your spiritual practice should be like. Such things cannot be done. Whatever is suggested here can be considered as “pointers”, pointing toward the truth but never defining it. That work is yours. Reading these words is of little value if they are just taken as ideas, and is of no value if they are taken as the truth. If you are at peace with all that is present in your life, continue as you are. If you are not at peace but fear rocking the boat, look at that and let it go. The longtime habit is to be run by the past and fearful of the future. The only “truth” I would attempt to offer is that anything you think is true is not and that holding on to any belief will only bring you more pain and suffering. Truth is being brought to you each moment for that moment. Receive it and let it go. See where that leads you.  It is one thing to experience a feeling of guilt. It is a whole different matter to hold on to the thought that you are guilty. I suspect that if all you focus on is the now you will eventually experience unconditional love. However, if you deny any present feeling that doesn’t look like it is unconditional loving, you will hold on to pain and suffering. The universe presents you with a feeling of guilt. Do you hold on to that guilt as the truth of you? Do you deny that you are guilty? Admit you have the feeling and let it go without analysis. If it sticks around you could ask yourself if you are absolutely certain of its truth. Do you have a thought or a belief that seems to justify the emotion? Do you feel guilty because you think you have done something wrong? There is an enormous gulf between emotion and thought. The thought likely triggers the emotion. Is that thought actually true? Do your words and actions determine what happens to everyone else on the planet? Are you that powerful? Are others helpless in the face of your will? Perhaps you believe that your thoughts, words, and actions affect only a few and not all. In that case, who is running the switchboard? Who determines which people are affected by you and how? Are these other people helpless in the face of your power? So, you are feeling guilty but can you say for sure that you actually are guilty? Do you see the difference between a feeling in the now and truth?

Question every thought that enters your mind. You don’t ignore the feelings, but you don’t give them a special value either. Notice them. Be aware of the thoughts. It is all just what is there right now in this moment. It is not right or wrong, justifiable or unjustifiable. What is the gift behind it? If your feeling of guilt actually stimulates you to investigate the truth behind your emotion, what a service it has provided for you. If you were to deny your feelings, those investigations would not take place. They also would not happen if you wallow in the guilt, holding on to it in your certainty that you are at fault. The negative emotion is a signal to you that you believe something that isn’t true but is running your life. With physical pain it is much easier to see what is to be done. If you touch a hot stove, you quickly pull your hand away. With psychological pain the lines aren’t as clear. You may actually believe that the thought that is triggering the pain is a good thought; one you should hold onto. Old thoughts are useless in dealing with psychological pain. When you listen to them, your mind is too busy to let true wisdom come in. If the past truly helped you to decide what to do now, we should have ended war long ago. Culturally, we would take nothing personally. We would not be in competition with others, fighting over the scraps that we believe are never enough. The old ways have never worked. Your spiritual practice and beliefs have also failed you. They don’t help you when you most feel the need of being saved. Thoughts can only come from the past, but you live in the now. When the point comes where you are only accepting what comes to you in the quiet space of the now, not listening to old thoughts from the past, then you will act with the same certainty and decisiveness that you employ instantly when confronted with physical danger or pain. Awareness of what appears to you in the now is similar to what happens when you do the five-step process. It might support you to check that process out.

We call it the perfection of the now and a gift because you have asked Spirit to support you in awakening. Therefore, everything that comes into your now is there to support waking up. If you are listening to your old thoughts, you cannot open the gift. There needs to be a quiet that comes from letting go of the old thoughts and the accompanying feelings. In that calm space you can hear the guidance for the moment. Nothing is your responsibility. You are carrying a weight you don’t need to bear. Let go of past thoughts. Give up worries about the future. Everything is happening in perfection. All you need to do is to let it happen. Your feelings are there to let you know when you aren’t doing that. Pay attention and then let go and notice the next thing that comes. It is recommended that you reread this message several times. Your ego mind wants to accept the validity of your feelings and to hold on to them. It wants to convert them into ideas of yourself that you can believe in and use to justify your pain and suffering.

Enjoy it all…or don’t. It doesn’t matter.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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How am I to deal with disease?

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The message this month is perhaps going to be a little different. We are going to speak about sickness with a special focus upon Michael and Ulla. As we speak, Michael has experienced being sick for the past two weeks. We imagine that most of you have some kind of idea of what that might be like. For Michael it has been a long time since he has had such extended sickness, perhaps not since childhood. Ulla has known him for ten years and has never seen him sick for more than a few days. Part of Michael’s good health was fear based. As a young man he wanted to live as long as possible, a hundred – even two hundred years. He wanted to always stay in the best possible health. It was not just diet and physical practices, but most importantly mind over matter. Perhaps he believed he might need that much time to figure out how to ascend. Perhaps it was ego trying to show that it was stronger than the outer world. When others became sick he had judgment. It was their minds that created the sickness. They believed in seasonal health problems. They believed they could catch things from others. Several years ago I let Michael come down with a short sickness to help humble him. He was able to begin to release the health judgments he had been holding toward himself and others.

Now we find something quite different. For two weeks he has found himself to be of very low energy, though that is slowly increasing. There is some physical discomfort, though that is slowly decreasing. There is almost no appetite, though that is also slowly increasing. But still after two weeks, there is not a lot of energy or appetite. Ulla expresses that she believes there must be some purpose or reason for this sickness, and wonders what it is. She also expressed how it touches her fear of losing Michael. She is a little pushy with Michael, asking him what Sanhia has to say about it. Before giving Michael’s response, I want to talk a little about how our relationship has changed since his days of desired physical immortality, culminating in ascension. Michael has come to accept the illusion of the physical. He realized the insanity of wanting an illusion to stay alive. Michael surrendered his physical death totally to Me. He let go of any need to control the timing of any of it, trusting me to take care of everything in the perfect manner. Truth is, I had been doing that all along. So, Michael’s response to Ulla was that Sanhia says to just be here now, to accept the perfection of this moment without wanting it to be any different. I would be less than honest if I were to say that Ulla was pleased with this answer. There were two reasons for this, first it did not leave her any opening for suggestions, “You could take this supplement or follow this action.” My directions specifically said to accept what was. Secondly, this left her deepest fear exposed, death. What if Michael is in the process of dying? This was quite a trigger! I joked to Michael how honorable it was for him to sacrifice his body so that Ulla could face her fear of death. Just kidding, of course.

I will say that Michael did a fairly good job of doing just what I asked him to do, to be present with this. His attitude about death is very clear; this body will die. It’s not up to him when it happens. It is only for him to accept and live whatever is gifted in each moment. So he has passed these days fearlessly, if not always comfortably. His challenges have been to look at where he is feeling discomfort, accepting what is felt rather than wishing to change it.

Now, as they say, life goes on. During the two weeks there were two, two-hour online spiritual alchemy groups scheduled. There was also a four-and-a-half hour in person spiritual alchemy group. Michael had no energy for any of these events. For the longer group, he was pretty much strapped to a chair with a blanket hung over him. None of this had any effect upon the channeling. I communicated clearly to Michael that it is part of his purpose and agreement that he let me come through. Even though he was without energy, all he had to do was to stand back out of the way. Fortunately, that required no energy. I was able to come through powerfully, saying what people needed to hear. I was filled with energy; I was my normal witty self. People did not even need to know what their questions were, because I was already there. Now that has been the nature of my relationship with Michael. However this further clarified things for him, as to the difference in our parts. If he had fantasized that his part had anything to do with the wit, the humor, and the precise comments, he was quickly disabused of that. Had it been up to his energy, there would have been no groups. It was so clear what the channeled energy was.

Michael is aware that there are only two things for him to do, the first being to follow whatever My wishes might be – mostly as channel and as scribe, but also playing and performing music on the side. Otherwise, his only job is to take nothing seriously and accept the perfection of whatever is presenting itself now. It is in that light that we have encouraged him to hold this sickness. It is a bit of a wild card he has drawn here. As it is now, what is there energy for? Mostly that would be sitting on the veranda in the sun reading, listening to birds, and enjoying the greenness and life. It doesn’t get much harder than that. Are things backing up on his computer, things that he has taken some responsibility for? Little by little I reel out a little energy here and there so that different tasks can be accomplished. The focus is that it is under my direction, that I, not he, am responsible. The first week I did not allow him to do anything outside of “our” work. This second week I allowed time and energy for several things. Everything took him at least twice as long as the “healthy” him would have taken. I reminded him that time did not exist and that if I chose to kill his body, none of this would be accomplished. Is he moving into a world where he takes on much less? Again, I am not going to tip my hat.

There is always a reason and perfection for everything that happens. Sometimes it is valuable for the individual to have an awareness of that reason. In this case with Michael we have nothing to say. Perhaps at some point We will say more, but we are not promising anything. What is there for him is to simply accept and trust the perfection of the now. The thought enters his mind, “What if this is still going on two years from now?” He looks at that and responds, “That is an interesting thought: Now, what’s here now?” Tomorrow does not exist.

Up until this moment we have been commenting only on Michael’s two-week sickness, not about anybody else. I would not tell anyone who is experiencing a physical disorder of some kind not to seek out relief or support. Follow your guidance. There is nothing wrong with amelioration of pain. Also it may be quite obvious why you are experiencing a certain ailment. Perhaps your guidance is telling you that you have been ignoring yourself to take care of others, and the sickness is a wakeup call to notice what your body wants. Sometimes sickness comes to tell you that you are too stressed and busy, that it is time to relax. There can be many wonderful messages that can come to you through a sickness. Please don’t let anything I have said discourage you from looking at what that might be. Again, I encourage each of you to do what you are guided to do. It is important that if it is someone else’s pain or discomfort you are concerned with, the guidance is still for you. You don’t receive another’s guidance. Even if this is your child, the fears are yours. The death confusion is yours. One of the misunderstandings around sickness is that the only satisfactory end is in a healing. Someone is diagnosed with cancer and they choose whatever treatment modalities they are guided to, whether from fear or from Spirit. For some it is considered a failure if the cancer does not go into remission. This is not acceptance of the perfection of the now. Part of the process of every sickness is full acceptance of what happens. Death fears may need to rise to the surface. Sooner or later you will all experience a physical death. If you surrender your fear around that now, you can live peacefully in the now with whatever presents itself. Without fear you are fully aware that there is no physical death; it is just illusion. If you are invested in a personal history, a past, a body, a future, and a continuing story, you will not want to lose that identity. You will fear that death and live in pain and suffering. Who you are simply is, with no attachment to any stories. When you realize that the game is not to be taken seriously, though it is to be played fully, you play whatever hand is dealt you.

Michael is aware that it is not his job to feel a certain way all of the time. However he feels, that is the gift for today – not wishing it were different, nor that he had more energy. Not even wishing that he felt up to cooking. Ultimately it all comes down to trusting your inner guidance. If you give your power away, whether to the medical establishment or to alternative healers, that is not following your guidance. They all have their agendas. It is unlikely that their thoughts encompass encouraging you to listen to your own inner voice. The doctor’s goal is to fight the disease and win. There is no place in that for accepting the perfection of the now. Again, there are no right or wrong answers. Your guidance may say to follow the medical model. Listen carefully to see if your choice is fear based, the hope that the expert will save you. You cannot be saved. You already are saved.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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