How do I deal with the losses in my life? | Sanhia on Losing Everything and Finding the Now

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(Taken live from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group.)

Good Now!

Participant One: (Laughing) Oh boy! It’s been kind of an interesting time. I’ve had a lot of endings this past five years. Every single time I think I’m going to get a break from another ending, I get another ending. I’ve been in a tsunami of endings. The big thing is I’m sitting here wondering what it’s going to be like just to be fully alone. I’ve gone through the alone thing with Sanhia before, but this alone is sort of different. I love being alone (laughing) with myself. I’ve found myself really struggling being alone without an anchor in the natural world, and without an anchor with my furry kids in my life. I’m down to one, having had enormous years, ten or twelve years, of doggy love and cat love. Just moving around and giving up everything that possibly meant anything to me over the past five years; just letting it go and moving forward. But I’m in a place where everything is standing still now. I don’t even know how to be in that space any more. That’s kind of my right now, very, very raw. I’m down to one cat that I’ve loved. I don’t know how well he is either; I’ve got a vet appointment in two months. I needed a break; I just lost one of my kids – one of my furry kids. I’ve gone through a lot this year – lost four furry babies, one dog and three cats. I can be alone with me. I’m just not sure how to be alone without that furry love. That’s my new thing, (laughing) sitting in the unknown without love for my kids. (laughing/crying) Anyway, that’s me.

Participant Two: I can bring you some cats.

Participant One: I know. I just felt that so much. I thank you. It’s just that having that love for so long, it’s like when you’ve had a furry kid in your life, whether it’s a dog or a cat, for so long, there’s something about that when you lose them you lose a part of you because they’ve literally been there with you for a decade plus. So, thank you for the new; I’m just trying to figure out how to be without the old. It’s a big loss, (laughing/crying) a loss, yeah. 

Sanhia: Perhaps you will enjoy or not enjoy the message that is going to come out February first. 

Participant One: I love all of your messages.

Sanhia: It speaks to the story because what has died is not your animal, but your story. 

Participant One: Yeah (crying) I know.

Sanhia: The story is always painful. Freedom is being without the story, just being in this present moment. This is the gift that your furry friends have left you. 

Participant One: Lonely

Sanhia: It’s lonely if you are comparing it to something else, which is called the story. If you are simply with what is here right now, loneliness is not possible. Loneliness is a comparison in the mind to something else. What is in the present is always absolutely fantastic. All that it requires is that you be with it instead of in the mind and the story somewhere else, wishing you had your story instead of what is. That’s always painful because you can’t; you can’t have that. 

Participant One: Over the past five years I’ve released the stories, at least I thought I did, of all the things I’ve loved. To be with the kids, my furry kids … and as I lost them one by one, sometimes two at a time, it’s been hard to stay out of the past. It’s just been such a lot of memories and ghosts all around me all of the time. It’s really been a hard struggle to stay happy in the present with that emptiness, which I know is not empty but it feels it. It’s a new me. I haven’t been without a kid, a furry kid, since I was a teenager. I know it is supposed to be this way and I get it, but I miss their love so much. It’s just the only thing that kept me grounded during this time that I’ve gone through losing so many things I loved so much. So anyway … 

Sanhia: Now you have graduated and you no longer need that. There is an enormous difference between allowing those feelings to be there – of grief and sadness – but letting go of the descriptions and just feeling the emotions that are there and letting them be there as long as they are there, and connecting those feelings with your mind thoughts.

Participant One: Lots of tears

Sanhia: You’re not trying to chase them away, not trying to change them, not trying to fill your life with something so you don’t feel that, but simply letting it be there and feeling it fully. 

Participant One: I managed the loss of my partner of thirty years. I didn’t lose him; we separated, divorced. But I lost the land that I loved so much where I felt home for the first time. And all the furry kids came from there. They were a part of the past that made that story that made me feel connected to something I love so deeply. I don’t have people in my life. I’m alone. I’m okay with that; it doesn’t bug me. I just don’t know how to be alone without that connection to the love that an animal gives, whether it’s out in nature and I’m observing or whether … whatever. So, it’s just letting go of that story and being with it. I have one furry kid left. I love him so much. There’s nothing that matters more than him right now. I don’t matter. Nothing matters and I don’t know where to be with that. It feels as though I’m ending my life. Truly it does. (crying) It feels like my life has just stopped and it’s done, and I know that’s not the case but it just feels that way. And it’s like you suggested, just being with it, what it is, feeling it. I appreciate that because I get up and I work and I come back and I feel completely zombied.

Sanhia. And you know what’s going to happen with your last surviving cat.

Participant One: Yeah. I’m going to sit alone at my house. I don’t know what that’s going to be like. It’s going to be really awful (crying).

Sanhia: Notice that your mind has a horrible picture for what is to come. Is that a future you desire? Of course not, so let these thoughts go and come back to now. You also mentioned losing a part of yourself. Where is this part? Who is seeing it being lost? Can you lose the part of yourself that is aware of what is happening now? Notice that when you are telling your story you are creating something you don’t desire, and, more importantly, you are avoiding fully feeling what is present.  Be brave enough to stay with the feelings while letting go of the story. What motivated you several years ago to come and meet here and to talk with us?

Participant One: My move. Leaving everything.

Sanhia: What were you hoping would happen from that?

Participant One: That I would find peace in the mayhem. 

Sanhia: How did that work out for you?

Participant One: It has worked out really well. If there is one place where I feel this crazy life all makes sense … it’s here.

Sanhia: There is only one thing that we talk about here, even though we may go off on different benders here and there about this and that. We talk about being aware of the truth of who you are, being aware of your divinity, being aware that you are an awakened individual not paying attention to your awakeness – but looking in other directions and at other things – and encouraging you to be aware of what is. There is nothing that is more powerful in the healing process than healing that separation between the truth of who you are and your story – than losing, than letting go. Whether you choose to let go or you create it so that it looks like the universe made you let go, it’s all the same. When it is time to let go it is the letting go that happens, and no amount of trying to hold on will give you anything but blisters on your fingers and your palms. There is no holding on. What’s gone is gone. When you think you have something, you don’t have it; you have your story about it. So, you have your twelve years of having this animal with you, but where is that?  Is it here now? Or is it the story in your mind that keeps you away from being here now? Well, it’s very hard to let go of the story when you still have the main character from the story in your life. 

Participant One: The ghosts (laughing) I call them.

Sanhia: You had that cat as a kitten. Do you still have the kitten?  Are you grieving for that kitten bouncing around, playing with things, and rolling around on the floor? No, you still have the cat so you hold on to that, but the truth is every part of your story dies in every moment. To whatever degree you try to hold on to it, it’s pain and suffering. So, these losses are enormous gifts from the universe to say, “You can actually let go right now if you want. You can be here present. You can be with what is.” Every ego mind has an absolute terror of looking and seeing what is. Everyone has a terror of that. Ego believes you are your story; without your story you are nothing. Truth is … with your story you are nothing. Without your story you’re eternity; you’re everything; you’re God; you’re divine. As they say: “selling yourself for a penny on the dollar.” Holding on to a story that’s worth a penny, instead of the infinite riches of now, of the truth of yourself, of your divine nature.

Participant One: Just on that note about how you’re explaining all of that which makes so much sense, it feels right the way that you’re discussing it and I see it. It’s the after-the-fact, and I kept thinking about it so much this time around … why does it hurt so much…. every time? I’ve gone through so many losses. It should be a lot easier. It’s the wrapping up of this period of time that no longer exists because it’s past. I’m sure many of us have been down this road where the heart is just wounded from letting go of things you love. We’re very aware that the present moment is absolute, only existing. Every moment is every moment and the ghosts are just stories and it’s so human of us to want to be connected to something that we love so much.

Sanhia: You are not connected to the story. If you want to be connected, you do it every time you step outside your door into the beauty of the winter, into the trees, into the birds, the deer, whatever animals you see about, even the people, even the cars. That you are absolutely connected to everything that surrounds you at every moment, unless you are in your mind saying, “I wish this weren’t here and instead I had this cat with me.” So, you would rather have the cat that you can’t have than this universe of riches that is right here, right now. Ever changing – not the same universe – constantly moving and changing. You would get bored if it were the same all of the time. Yes, there is grief, so feel it and let it move and then notice what is around you. When you ask yourself why it still hurts or why it hasn’t become easier, you are in your mind and separate from the real world in front of you. Your story always separates you from what is and causes pain and suffering. Notice that and come back to the now.

Participant One: I do settle back into that place where I get what the “what is in front of me” is, whether I am making a cup of tea or whether I’m walking out into a snow storm – that’s my present moment. I feel the joy, like shovelling snow gives me so much joy it is ridiculous. I love being out there in the middle of the night shovelling snow, watching it blow around, being out there, warm. I love all of these things. (laughing) That’s my journey; it’s to find the joy within this human experience. It’s always alone that I enjoy myself and my time. So, stepping out in the world and interacting with people, I’m happy and I share happiness. But that deep love, that deep something…. I’m just in a kind of nothingness, and I think that’s what I’m supposed to be. That nothingness is really what does exist. It just feels really empty of love. It’s more about a void of anything that really matters anymore. That’s the weirdest place to be. Feels dead — and yet you’re not dead – but you feel dead. All of that sensual love that I felt for the furry kids, there’s a bond whether you’re at nature, whether you’re having a great human experience of family – whatever it is. You feel full. It’s just been really strange having the fullness, but the emptiness, all at the same time.


Sanhia: You have hit the nail right on the head. Everything and nothing exist simultaneously. You are one with everything – with every object, every experience, every thought, every feeling, and every person. At the same time, none of it exists; it is all illusion. The place where everything and nothing intersect is in the now. The mind is absolutely incapable of understanding this. That is why you let the mind and the thoughts go; you give up trying to understand and just welcome whatever gifts God or the universe present to you. There is no story here. There is just life. Mind wants to find a story. This only leads to pain, confusion, and suffering. There is no story. There just is what is – and that isn’t even real! These are all just words and are not the truth. They are just pointers. Take your question about how can there be fullness and the void at the same time and keep looking within yourself for the answer.

Participant One: We also talked about – once upon a time – the service to others spectrum. That can also be a depletion of our own self love. Where we are always wanting to help others, as opposed to filling ourselves first so that we are full for everything out there. I think my energy, lack of energy, for the human experience comes from…. I just find it exhausting. I truly do. The other space I don’t feel depleted from. Even when I’m going through natural world or furry family trauma, it’s a different feeling of grief. The human experience is just a big journey; I know it’s the one we’re supposed to be on so it’s okay (laughing). It’s all part of everything. It’s just interesting going back to ourselves, always. Loving ourselves says a lot about what we can do in the world when we are that full. 

Sanhia: Usually when we talk about projection, we are talking about judging others for the things you don’t want to see in yourself, but loving another is also projection. All the love that you direct toward your cats is a projection of loving yourself, realizing that you couldn’t love them without loving yourself. Because you have the belief that you are not worthy of love, you project that love onto your animals. Notice that and look at the part of you that is self judging. Keep looking until you find the truth of your loveliness, of your divinity. The cats are there to remind you to do that. What a gift! In the same way that whatever causes you to not be around people, what judgments are there … that “Oh, thank you for showing that there is the place where I don’t love myself; there is the place where I judge myself.”  You may avoid people some, but we all know that you can’t do it all of the time, even if it’s just the clerk in the grocery store or the person who is throwing all of the fatty, sugary foods in their basket and you are thinking, “Oh, how can you eat all of that junk?” (laughing) So constantly you have this gift of the moment of seeing where you are not loving yourself. The mind wants to say, “No, this is about them. This is about my cat not being here.”  No, it’s never; it’s all projection. Whether it is love or judgment, it’s all projection. 

There is an enormous difference between service that just emerges spontaneously and passionately and service that comes out of guilt, of need for approval, of being worthy, of being good and so on. The latter comes from the mind; it just bounds out. The animals don’t ask for much. People ask for enormous amounts. Is the avoiding people out of, “I don’t want to feel all of that guilt and that pull on me because I would want to take care of them the way I would take care of my furries”, as opposed to allowing it simply to bubble up spontaneously where it does. Look at this projection where you feel compelled to help others. Take it home and look into it. Is it truly in your heart to serve, or is this an attempt to hide from feelings of guilt, unworthiness, or un-lovableness? Look at the truth of these self judgments. The people in your life are providing this wonderful gift to you. Offer silent thanks and receive what is being presented. It is always about you and never about them. You want to open these gifts. It is not your job to fill yourself anymore than it is your job to serve others. Life is filling you at every moment. Let it.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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A conversation over “What Is the meaning of life?” Part 2 | Sanhia on Projection

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(Taken from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group. It is recommended that you also read the messages from January and February if you haven’t already done so)


Good Now!

Participant 3: Is a relationship possible if both partners forget all the past?

We call that a divine relationship.

Participant 3: Hey who are you? (laughing) Hi, all of the time. It’s like a new person. 

But they are. You are not the same as you were yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that. Every day, every moment you are a new person. So is your partner. The more tightly that you hold on to your story and the one you have assigned to your partner, the less able you are to notice the present you or the present him. You have already decided what you like and don’t like about that person. Instead of living with the person who is present with you, you are now having a relationship with a projection from your mind. The partner is just being there. You don’t know who they are. Look and see what presents itself in this moment. He doesn’t do anything to you. Doing just happens. Your mind wants to give meaning to everything. You can notice when you are doing that.

Participant 3: But it’s good sometimes. If the person throws cold water on me and I want warm water, then I need to remove myself from them. It’s good to know that it is cold water again and not to expect something else from this person. 

Who is giving them the label of cold-water thrower?

Participant 3: Yes, it’s cold for me. 

That means that wherever you go you will likely get cold water. It may look warm at first, but sooner or later it will feel like cold water. It is you, not the partner, who is giving meaning here. Let’s say that you are absolutely in the now, no past and no future. How can water be cold? (laughter) Something is experienced as unpleasant because the thought is there that this is not what you want to be here. Just for fun, let’s say that you are undifferentiated God and you have the inspiration to find out what water feels like. You have never experienced the physical so you manifest a body and water and jump into it. Would you say that the water is warm or cold? You would have nothing to compare it to. It is just the sensation of water in this now. You can only evaluate temperature if you have a story from another time. Since everyone has their own story no two people will absolutely agree about the comfort of the same water.

Participant 3: I’m confused. If I’m choosing someone to be with, and he’s treating me with cold water, and I keep letting it be, then I’m not being good to myself. 

Are you absolutely certain that you have been doing this choosing? Did you choose to meet this person whom you had never met before? 

Participant 3: It just happened. If he asks me out again after the cold water I can say yes or no. If I’m good with cold water, I can say yes.

But your saying of yes or no is based on your story. Did you choose your story? How far back does this cold water run in your story? Has it happened more than once?

Participant 3: I see how I feel when someone is caring and when they are not caring. It’s a mix of many stories.

It’s just your story. It has nothing to do with him. If you let yourself believe that it is about them, you will meet the same story over and over because it is your story. Your relationship is just the intersection of your stories. 

Participant 3: So, what do I do?

Notice when you are in a story. Saying that he is throwing cold water on you is a story. 

Participant 3: That’s his story.

No, it’s your story. He is just doing what he’s doing. Your story is about projection. You see him doing what you are doing to yourself. The question is why you are throwing cold water on yourself. 

Participant 3: But I’m still not going out with him again.

So, you will let the next one throw cold water and the next. This will go on until you recognize who is throwing the water.

Participant 3: Okay, I see your point. (laughter)

All that you can do is to notice your projection and let go of believing your story about it. The story is that you are a victim of jerks who throw cold water. Now you are the heroine, virtuous but long suffering. You can stand up for yourself, but the scenario merely repeats. The mind takes these things so seriously. But they are not true. None of the story is true. 

Participant 3: Is it about loving yourself? About wanting to be loved?

That’s a story too. Loving or not loving yourself is a story. It might be closer to truth to simply say you are love, or love is. There is nothing but love. It is all one. The mind thinks that perfection is somewhere else, that it’s not here. It’s always looking for someone or some place else and can’t see what is here. Love is here now. You do not fit my mind’s picture of who I want you to be, so there is not love here. Instead of seeing what is not here you can look and see what is actually here. Yes, the thoughts and the judgments and the guilt are here in your mind, but what can actually be pointed at? Do these thoughts actually appear anywhere? Can they be noticed by any of your senses? 

Participant 2: I think that the reason we sometimes feel we aren’t loved and that everything around is not love is because we are judging?

Yes, but mainly judging self. It may look like it is somebody else, but that is just projection. That feels safer. It’s not you, it’s that idiot over there. “Fry him God. I’m a good girl. Let him burn in hell. I’m trying to be as you want me to be.”

Participant 2: If we are saying that the only way is to see and accept what is, what if it doesn’t feel right? What if you don’t like what is?

You notice that there is not-liking-it present. That is not an emotion; that’s a belief or a thought. The emotion is felt in the body. When you push someone away because you notice you feel bad in their presence, you are saying that it is not okay to feel that way. Self judgment takes place for having that feeling. If you totally accepted all your feelings, you would welcome anybody to come in and push any button they could, so that you could feel every one of your feelings. 

Participant 3: I get so confused sometimes. Choosing someone who is a criminal so that he can push my buttons?

We’re just joking a little bit here. You don’t choose who you will be with. Relationships just happen, sometimes, perhaps, with a criminal (laughter). 

Participant 2: But you can choose to stay with them, or leave.

Maybe. (more laughter) Are you sure about that. It’s absolutely an illusion that you are choosing anything. It is just what is.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t walk away from something. When you walk away because it isn’t good, you bring mind and judgment in. The only thing you can be certain about with your mind is that it lies almost all of the time. It evaluates and separates itself from what is. It constantly judges. How do you know that something isn’t good for you? The body may just move away from something instinctively, but that does not come with a mind judgment. It just does that. The mind “chooses” as it does because it is programmed to do that, programmed by the past, not seeing what is present. The mind’s desire is to hide the truth from you; the truth is that you have a story, and that story causes you to have pain and suffering. It also justifies the existence of the ego mind. Better to be a victim than not to exist at all is it’s reasoning. Your story dictates your “choosing”. There is no freedom of choice in that. There is just an endless loop of suffering until you stop believing in your story. As long as you hold on to your story you find yourself back in the same situations. 

Participant 2: What is the way to let go of the story?

Notice that you are telling yourself a story. Notice that you believe your mind is right. Notice that projection is taking place. Notice that you feel a victim. Notice, notice, notice. But don’t take seriously what is noticed. Don’t listen to the voice that says that you must make the right choice to get away from your story. The only way to get away from the story is to realize it isn’t true. It doesn’t matter if you stay or walk away, if you still believe in your story. You’ll meet it somewhere down the road. 

Participant 3: But how to notice the difference. It’s also a judgment to say that this time you did it right. 

Exactly, but perhaps you notice that judgment is present. All that is here is that there is walking away taking place. It is not right or wrong; it simply is what is. If you physically walk away but mentally keep thinking of that person and analysing what he did, you haven’t walked away. You brought him with you while keeping the body at a safe distance. True walking away would not be walking “away” but would be walking into the next experience. Walking away because you have a feeling to do so may not be the same thing as walking away for a reason – for the judgment that there is something you don’t like about the other person. One is reacting to the now; the other is reacting to a story. If you walk away and are still thinking about him, you probably have a story. Notice that there is a story and then be willing to look deeply into it. That means that it is not about him; it’s about you and your story. 

Participant 3: What is my projection when I am perceiving cold water from him? 

How are you throwing cold water upon yourself? It may take a while to see it. It helps to be literal with what you see the other doing, in this case the “throwing of cold water”. 

Participant 3: Do you mean in this very moment?

There is only this very moment. In every moment, whether you are alone, with a male, or with anybody else – you are throwing cold water on yourself. You are the one doing that. Get rid of the middleman, whom you have no control over anyway. It is necessary to let go of the projection before you can really see how you are doing this to yourself. Don’t shoot the messenger. You are the one who has sent the message. If you were willing to look directly at this you would have no need for him to do it. It is scary for you to look at this, but absolutely necessary in order to end the cycle.

Participant 3: That’s why I don’t see it. So, how do I find the key?

The key is to really get that it is you and not him. When you are certain it is in you, I guarantee that you will dig until you find it. The wonderful news is that it is not him. How can you do anything about him?  At least with yourself you have the possibility of going past your resistance to finding why you believe you deserve to be treated the way you are treating yourself. From there you can see if there is any true justification for your self-judgment. Hopefully, you will find that it is based on untruths. If not, keep digging. Self punishment comes about because of self guilt. The truth behind it all is that you are innocent and Divine. Keep digging until you realize that. Without a story there can be no separation, no guilt, no victimhood, and no suffering. If that isn’t worth letting go of projection, I don’t know what could be. It’s not likely to be a quick fix, though stranger things have happened. Likely it will demand persistence. Ego mind will not usually retire gracefully. It will continue to whisper in your ear that it is him and you need to do something about that. 

Participant 2: So, in this case where she says that he did not take care of her and wouldn’t feed her, should that be taken literally?

Excellent point. How do you not feed yourself or otherwise take care of yourself? How do you not give yourself what your heart desires in the moment?

Participant 3: Being polite for example, and not leaving sooner.

When mind and judgment aren’t involved, then leaving is easy. It is better called going to rather than leaving from. You just do it. You have no idea if you are coming back. How could you? You are just going now. Life is just an endless chain of relating to what is here in the present. Some people will occur back in your life often; some never again. Most will fall somewhere in the middle. Even in the closest relationships you come and go; you don’t spend twenty-four hours together each day. 

If in your mind the strongest thought is that the purpose in life is for you to awaken to the truth of yourself, then everything else – relationships, work, money, success, achievement – will be filtered through how it relates to your state of awakening. Nothing else will have a value of its own; none of it can become your purpose in life. If awakening does become your purpose in life, a roadblock remains. You want to wake up because you believe you aren’t. However, you are awake but just not aware of it. So, your purpose is to get someplace that doesn’t exist and that is not possible. It’s here right now. So even awakening cannot be the purpose in life. Knowing your Divinity cannot be the purpose. You already are that. It is not the sun’s purpose to be the sun. It is the sun. You already are that. Look until the you that is looking is one with the observed. No separation. A fish doesn’t notice it is swimming in water. It is one with the water. If there is any purpose, there is separation. All you can do is notice that is present, thinking you should be something different than you are right now. 

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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A conversation over “What Is the meaning of life?” Part 1 | Sanhia on the Death of Your Story

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(Taken from a recent Spiritual Awareness Zoom group. It is recommended that you read the previous message if you haven’t already done so)


Good Now!

Participant 1: If there is no meaning to life, why are we here?

That’s what we’re trying to figure out.


Participant 2: For me I was also thinking that if there is no point to life it doesn’t feel like there is anything to want or to do. There are no interests, no nothing. It feels so empty and pointless. 

Is the meaning to have a point and to be full?

Participant 2: Maybe then it feels more joyful or…

What would bring joy or make you feel full?

Participant 2: I don’t even know. At the moment it feels like nothing and it pisses me off because I don’t like that feeling. 

So, you wish you weren’t feeling pissed off?

Participant 2. Yeah! Of course! 

So, the meaning of life is to not feel pissed off? Is that it?

Participant 2: It’s not the meaning, but it would be nice.

Then what do you do to not feel pissed off? Or do you just wait for that to come?

Participant 2: I really don’t know but I have to find something because I really don’t like it as it is. 

Let’s say that you came up with an idea and you said, “Okay, here’s my plan”. You carry out the plan and find that you are no longer pissed off. Will that feeling last forever?

Participant 2: No, of course not.

So the meaning of life is that you are forever trying to get somewhere else, but even if you succeed, it doesn’t last so again you are trying to get somewhere. 

Participant 2: Gosh, that sounds bad. Sounds like Sisyphus. Is there any meaning then?

Think of anything that all people would always want to have out of life…. (silence) Let’s say that you get that thing that gives life meaning and then you die. Do you still have that thing?

Participant 3: No

You don’t have the perfect partner. You don’t have the millions in the bank. Maybe we should say that the meaning of life is death, because that is the only thing that everyone shares.

Participant 1: Isn’t it to find out who you really are?

Oh! Who are you?

Participant 1: I have heard that I am divine 

He was probably just trying to get in your pants.

Participant 1: (laughing) Are you my mother? (laughing) And that I am not separated. that I am a part of the whole, oneness.

Let me interrupt you for a second. Let’s assume that all of that is true. Then, why do you have this life?

Participant 2: To remember and find that you are all of those things that were mentioned. Because sometimes it doesn’t feel like this at all. 

So, you have to have a life to find out that you are one with God? So, is that the meaning of life?

Participant 2: It sounds like it.

But you already are one with God. What changes by finding out?

Participant 2: Another feeling inside because just knowing it mentally isn’t enough. Sometimes my mind just goes “Bullshit”. Maybe truly believing it in my bones would be different. 

So, if you are one with God, you are thinking of self as “you” and are then by definition separate from God. How can you have a separate identity in Oneness? 

Participant 1: That is the dream we are dreaming. Most of us think that is the truth. 

So, let’s come back to this thought that maybe the meaning in life is to come to a place of knowing that you are One with everything and connected to it. Then, of course, there would be no separate you left to be looking for meaning. That might suggest that your life itself has no meaning; it’s just letting go of your separate identity, of your story, of the search.  As long as you are looking for meaning, you are looking outside of yourself. You are not looking within nor at what is in front of you now, but into the future. You are looking for what might be rather than what is. Everything you want is not here now, but now is all that there is. The rest is only taking place in the mind, in your thoughts, and has no reality. If you find yourself in the place where all that is real is what is present in the moment, you are now in what could be called cat mind. Animals do not fear death. They have instinctive self-preservation reactions. You could have let go of all fear of death, but would still leap out of the path of a speeding car. That’s simply what the body does. It’s no different than bodies eating or breathing. They just do that. It’s life living life. 

If you think, “My purpose in life is to wake up” – as soon as you have that thought you are saying that there is no awakeness now because if there is awakeness now how can awakening be the purpose? The assumption then is “I am not awake to the truth of myself”. Then you bring in a story that goes back to your childhood. “Because of what my parents did, I am still healing. I am a helpless, and perhaps hopeless, victim. My story includes what I was subjected to in school and at church, as well as what my friends, my superiors, and the whole damn mass consciousness has told me.” Some of your story includes successes and spiritual insights, but they are all still a part of your story. The story may include a future where your spiritual growth is enough for you to finally awaken. All of that is part of your story. It is what you focus on and hold on to instead of seeing what is here right now. There can be no awakening alongside an active story. There is just now; there is just life happening…not to you, but all around you. Your story is just a diversion, a game going on in the mind that leaves you asleep and suffering. You think the story is going somewhere. If there is no purpose, there is nowhere to go, there is no destination. There is no Hollywood ending. There is just this. There is no meaning. There is just this fantastic beingness that you are always immersed in, but you usually avert your attention from it by creating a purpose, a goal. Notice that in the story you have created up until now there has been no “ending” that has been fully satisfactory. There is always another goal. The job is never over. It is never enough so, you are back to Sisyphus. If there is no purpose you have permission to stop trying. But that empty feeling, that hopelessness, is just the death throes of the ego, the me that wants to be something special instead of just being. 

There was a fun movie some years ago called “50 First Dates” about a woman who awakes each morning with no memory. She has no story. She doesn’t remember the man she had loved the day before, so he has to convince her each day anew of his love. However, the movie wants to pull on your feelings of “poor her” rather than “lucky her”. She starts each day fresh with no story, responding simply to what appears in the moment. Again, I toss out to you the question, “What is the meaning of life?” 

Participant 3: It’s experiencing and feeling; being authentic with it. 

What does being authentic mean? 

Participant 3: Doing my best. Not running away from uncomfortable feelings because they are there now. Instead, I observe if this experience is a part of all.

Who determines what is your best? What is it being compared to?

Participant 3: To running away or not running away.

How do you know if you are running away or not?

Participant 3: If I am feeling my body consciously, I am doing my best. If I forget myself, I am away, so the experience is that I am in my head creating stories. 

What is the mind doing when it says you are being authentic or you are running away?

Participant 3: Evaluating? I don’t know.

When you evaluate, are you just looking at what is?

Participant 3: Just was (laughs).

You say you are running away. 

Participant 3: If I notice that I was in my head and I catch myself, then I am aware of it.

A bear is running toward you and you turn and run the other way. Are you running away?

Participant 3: No. no, that’s another story (laughs). I mean running away from my feeling which is uncomfortable. 

You could not label it “running away” unless you were in your mind rather than your feelings. “Running away” is a judgment. It is an evaluation which means that rather than being in the present you are bringing in your mind which is influenced by forty years of programming to determine whether your action is good or bad. That evaluation is not the same as it might have been twenty years ago as there has been much reprogramming during that space. But the action is still mind directed.

 Participant 3: Twenty years ago, I didn’t know that feeling my fears was a thing.

Yes, but forty years ago you did and you just expressed them. Then you learned that it wasn’t a good thing to express them. but now saying that it is a good thing to express them is just the flip side of the same coin. It is still a judgment, an evaluation by the mind. In terms of authentic, it is not authentic. Feelings are just there. 

Participant 3: But if I don’t notice them being there half of the day, I have missed all those feelings, for example.

You can’t evaluate missing feelings from this morning because you are not there. You are just in now. Now the mind is thinking about this morning and comparing and judging, saying could have, should have, would have. There is judgment of self, but what is is. In the now, there is a feeling that doesn’t want to be faced. Nothing good or bad, simply what is. As soon as you bring a morality into it, then you are saying something like, “The purpose in life is to express all of your feelings.”

Participant 3: Not express, just notice them. Feel them. 

How could you know if you are feeling all of your feelings?

Participant 3: Because of some bodily signs. Getting intense, for example, when I give it attention. Then the body reacts with energetic flow or something.

So that might be around one feeling. Perhaps while noticing that one, you are not aware of five others. 

Participant 3: Oh ya.

Oh boy! It’s a never-ending job to notice all of the feelings, especially if you don’t get to use your mind to evaluate how you are doing. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Participant 3: It’s another Sisyphus. I’m just registering the feelings; how many I have (laughing). 

There is an enormous difference between noticing what is, which includes noticing you are having a thought and acting on it. You can be aware the thoughts are there, without following them. Come back to now. The thoughts are always related to the past, never to the present. You may be having the thought that you are responsible for handling this, that you have to be sure that you are in touch with your feelings. What a thankless task you give yourself if you pay attention to those thoughts and let them guide you. Again, is the meaning of life to feel all your feelings? How much simpler to just notice that a feeling or thought is here and let it be. There seems to be anger here. There seems to be depression here. There seems to be excitement here. There is a tightness in the heart area here. There are thoughts of hopelessness here. There is nothing that has to be done about any of it. There is just noticing. You are not in control. The you that wants to be in control is the ego mind. The ego mind wants to find the purpose in life and then work to get there. It wants to set goals and strive toward them until they are achieved. In reality there is no purpose and there are no goals. There is just now. If you are not here all you can do is fail. The older you get, the more hopeless you become with your accumulated failures. 

Participant 1: So, stay young forever

Participant 3: Stay young, that is a purpose for life! (laughter)

Then we are aiming for not over two years old. (laughter) 

Participant 2: My twelve-year-old keeps bugging me with this question, “What is the purpose in life?” 

Asking questions that can’t be answered. 

Participant 2: That is exhausting. 

There is a very simple answer for your questioning mind. Life is. Being is. You see a butterfly flitting around your yard. Is there any purpose there? 

Participant 2: Beauty is the purpose.

The butterfly wants to be beautiful? 

Participant 3: It just is.

It just is. The mind will go overtime thinking about the butterfly’s purpose being to get nectar and help fertilize the flowers and to be a cog in this whole system. If that is the purpose, why does it need to dance around in the air? That is just what the butterfly does. It has no goals, no successes or failures. That’s why you do things. Because you do them. Perhaps you notice a desire and act upon it. Why? Where did the desire come from? Why did you respond to it? Life just happens. Another time you notice the desire and don’t act. There is no reason here. You act as you act. Life simply is. Life happens. If there is no meaning, it doesn’t matter what you do. That cop that sits in your mind watching everything you do, being ready to write you a ticket for acting wrongly, no longer has a purpose. You can’t do anything wrong. You are free. 

Participant 1: That’s kind of scary, to be absolutely free.

Scary to the cop. 

Participant 1: As I think of there being no purpose, I feel how empty it would be. It seems there are a lot of things I want to try to get or to get to. Those thoughts seem to give meaning to life. In dropping that there are a lot of different shades of terror. I guess I just have to look at all of that and let the feelings do what they want. In doing that I have been surprised that the terror is so deep. Do we need to accept that there is no meaning? If it is so, then I want to try to face it, not try to create something else.

You don’t need to do that, but it is very easy to face. Wherever you are, whenever you are, you simply look around you. You open your eyes. Look at everything in your immediate environment; use all of your senses. Be aware of what is going on in the body. None of it has any meaning. The mind may come in and make up stories, but they are just thoughts; they don’t exist in the world. There may be a chair sitting in the room. The mind may go into a story about how you got it, but that isn’t happening now. Now, there is just the chair in the room. If you are absolutely with what is here now, there is no meaning anywhere. There is just isness. Meaning comes only from the analytical mind. It is not inherent in anything. The mind’s job is to keep you separate from what is by naming, classifying, or reasoning. 

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

(This conversation will be concluded in the next message)

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What Is the meaning of life? | Sanhia on Letting Go of the Search and Resting in Being

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(click for audio on YouTube)

Good Now!

This question brings to mind a cartoon of a sage with long flowing white hair and beard and wearing a simple robe sitting cross-legged on the top of a mountain. In the next panel a seeker has scaled the mountain and prostrates himself before the sage. The caption reads, “Oh Master! What is the meaning of life?” Perhaps in the final panel the sage kicks the seeker and he goes tumbling down. But this is a question that consumes the thoughts of many people, particularly those who consider themselves to be on a spiritual path who want to understand, “What is the meaning of life?”, “Why am I here?”, “Why is the world here?”, “Why are these events happening?”.

There is none.

There is no meaning to life. You are searching for something that does not exist. When the searcher is looking for anything, the belief is that whatever is being sought is separate from “me”. This belief in separation creates an addiction, a constant searching for something outside of the self. The attempt to understand is comparable to figuring out what gives life to an animal by killing and dissecting it. What is the meaning of life? Life is. It simply is. Life is in the animal or it is not.

This searching for meaning is all about having a story. There must be some story that lets everything make sense. That’s what made this happen and that happen, and it all eventually leads to this. We are greatly amused by writer Kurt Vonnegut’s story about how and why humanity evolved on earth. According to this tale there was a space vehicle weaving its way through the universe from the planet Tralfamadore. It broke down with the closest inhabitable planet being the earth. Some Tralfamadorians took a shuttle out from the mother ship in search of a repair part. Not only was there no part available, but the most intelligent form of life was an advanced ape. Those apes were bred and trained, eventually evolving to become homo sapiens. The Tralfamadorians continued to evolve these primitive people until after many thousands of years the race was able to industrialize and finally create the repair part for the visitors, who immediately took the part back to the mother ship, fixed it, and returned home. What is the purpose of life on earth? To allow the Tralfamadorians to return home. This makes as much sense as any of the stories that you have heard or otherwise come up with.

In the last message we talked about awakeness. Awakeness looks for no meaning. It simply lives. It is part of being. When you search for a meaning to your life, you come up with a story. For many of you it’s a sad story, though it may have its bright moments. You didn’t ask to be born. Then you were stuck with those parents who affected you in ways you are still healing from. You got sent to school for years, also with multiple side effects. And let us not forget the church indoctrination. The story goes on and on and on.  Likely some event came along that caused you to wonder if there was another way to look at life, so you began following a spiritual path, seemingly growing from one experience or teacher after another. Eventually enough things may happen down the road that you become enlightened, awakened, ascended. That’s a story. Maybe the story includes an evolution covering many lifetimes pointed towards this wonderful future happening.

But there is no story. It’s just in the mind. First of all, out of the millions of events that have happened around you in this lifetime, the mind has filtered out a relatively small number of them out of which to sculpt your story. Anything that doesn’t fit with the saga is discarded; it’s out the window. Only those happenings that reinforce your tale are held on to. As you encounter the present moment you look for how it supports your story. Events are made to fit a pattern, kind of like the “Procrustean bed” (from Greek mythology, where the bandit Procrustes would tie travelers to a bed, stretching the short and cutting the tall to make them fit). Sometimes so many things fly in the face of your story that you realize you need to modify it. But you still have a story, even if it is a new one. 

When you must have a meaning to life, even if it is a frustrated, hopeless lack of meaning that you feel stuck with, the times can prove to be quite challenging. Perhaps you can’t figure out what the purpose of something is or you wonder why God would let an event happen. As long as there is a looking at life with any kind of expectation of what should be there, there is not a full experience of life. Instead, there is a resistance, a desire to change, to mould, to form what is being experienced to match the story your mind has created.

As there is no meaning to life, there is no personal story. You do not have a story. The tale your mind has woven is not true; it is not real. It is a fabrication of your mind. You think you are controlled by what you think of as your past, by your story. But there is no past. It is just a figment of the imagination. Where is it? Can you go there? Can you find it? No, you just make up stories about it, like the politician who promises to return the country to the greatness it once experienced. Where are those wonderful years? There is no such time. There is just now. As long as you are looking somewhere else, you don’t see the present, you don’t truly experience life.

So, the beingness of life, rather than the meaningness of life, is here, but it is unobserved because the mind is focused elsewhere – either into the illusory past or an imagined future, or projecting on to the present what it believes should be there, rather than what is. A story requires a continuum of past and future. If they don’t exist, how can there be a story? This brings terror to the ego mind: no story means no ego, no me. I die without a story, without a sense of uniqueness and separation from the One. Understandably, that is terrifying. But to dedicate your life to the creation of your story, to finding meaning, to understanding can only lead to a sense of failure and frustration because it is a search for something that does not exist. You are looking for the holy grail out there somewhere. The only place to look is within. If, in looking within, you find a story, dig deeper. Keep looking. Are you absolutely beyond the shadow of a doubt certain in the truth of your story? Is any aspect of it suspect, perhaps not fully true? Keep looking. Are you certain? Are there events that don’t fit the pattern? Is projection involved? Are there non-conforming experiences that you are overlooking. Did things just happen rather than happen to you? Then return to the now and see what is here. Where is there a story in the rustling of leaves or the chirping of birds?  Where is there a story in seeing the clouds in the sky or in feeling and smelling the drops of rain falling from them? If the mind says that there is a sequence of seasons and there are reasons for movements in the weather, ask yourself how many seasons you see right now and where you should look to see the cause of the rain falling on your head. There is no story in the weather; there just is what is.

Stories bring comparisons such as, “This is the hottest summer ever”, leading to ideas like, “Maybe global warming is going to kill us all”. In the now there is no hottest or coldest, there is only the current temperature. Again, there is no story. The mind wants to make stories rather than to see what is actually present. One of the more popular forms of that is conspiracy stories. Somebody or somebodies are out to get you and other innocent victims. “There was no moon landing.” Look around you. Is there a moon landing either happening or not happening in your presence. Even in your memory has such a thing either occurred or not occurred in your sight? In fact, one of the craziest notions of the mind is the existence of something that is not present. The possibilities for what isn’t are infinite and the feelings and the body go through enormous gyrations in response to these fantasies. All for naught, all for something that does not exist, something that is not in your present. Can you do anything about the ten thousand things that are not here now? It’s questionable whether you have the power to do much of anything about what you do see here now, but the idea of affecting the imagined is pure idiocy. And you wonder why you are not at peace, why you don’t feel safe, why you wish things to be different than they are? 

I encourage you to take a deep breath and let your eyes close. Imagine that you realize there is no meaning to life. There is nothing to understand, nothing to figure out. You are now off the hook. You have no responsibility to figure out or manage anything. Sense the freedom in that. Feel the relaxation that accompanies the dropping of those burdens. If there is no meaning there is nothing you should be doing. Life just is. There is no reason for it. Nothing is asked of or demanded from you. Nothing happens to you. Things are just happening. They just are; life just is. You have spent your life trying to make meaning where there is none. Are you laughing yet? Pretty funny, isn’t it?

Are your eyes still closed? On top of this imagine that your story doesn’t exist; there is no meaning there either. There is no pattern to trace, no steps of growth. You are not coming from one place trying to get somewhere else. There is no story here. There is just here, just what is. There is not even really a now because all is in constant movement. If you try to nail down or hold on to any moment you are now trying to be somewhere else instead of with what is. It is more like floating down a stream. There is just what is, what you can sense. There is no place to try to get to and no ability to get there if there were such a place. Keep breathing. Are the shoulders feeling lighter and lighter? Nothing needs doing. Nothing to prove or justify. There is just beingness, the sounds you hear about you, the things you can see if you open your eyes, the smells. You may be asking if you can do anything then?  Is everything simply as it is and you can have no effect upon it? Does nothing matter? Well, I encourage you to try to do nothing. Of course you will do something. You have always done so. The animals and plants all do what they do. But this doing is not with a goal in mind; it is not to achieve anything. So, you will do what you do, not out of right and wrong or shouldness, not out of a story, not out of earning love or respect, not out of achieving something or reaching a goal. You will do it because in being, doing simply happens.  As a young child you were doing, doing, doing – but you had no purpose, no goals. It might be described as playing, playing, playing. This doing is not to try to get somewhere or to change things, it is simply your dialogue with life, your interaction. 

I would suggest to you that if you want to cease your search for meaning, stop building, expanding, and living in your story – and simply encounter your beingness in each moment, allowing whatever it might be to exist without trying to change it, interacting with and experiencing it – you will find that this whole question of the meaning of life will gradually dissolve or disintegrate and will cease re-entering the mind. So will it be with your personal story. In the meantime, notice that you wonder why and have these questions. Notice…and then return your focus to what is now, to your senses and feelings. Notice that in what is you no meaning and no story can be found.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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Is This My Will or God’s Will? | How to Differentiate Personal and Divine Will

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(click for audio on YouTube)

(transcript from a recent session)

Good Now!

Participant: I have two questions that are essential for me. One is about my knee and the difficulties of walking, as well as some other annoying health problems. There is a lot of fear and guilt around this.  How can I deal with this discomfort? Is there a lesson for me to learn? The second question concerns the noticing that I easily feel unloved, abandoned, or betrayed. It’s like I’m not sure I’m worthy of love and want to get affirmation from others. This feels out of balance and it is painful. I am trying to accept the will of God and let go of my personal will, but how do I know for sure which is which or understand the reason for God’s will being as it is?

So, there is some confusion in the mind about personal will and the Will of God. 

Participant: Yes. there certainly is.

We could put it in this way. We could say that the personal will is focusing the energy on things that are not truly desired.

Participant: It’s like I don’t know my own best.

For example, do you wish to have difficulty with your knee?

Participant: No

So, the situation with the knee is a focus on something you don’t want. That is an expression of personal will. The same with the other physical characteristics you have mentioned.

Participant: When you say it like that, I can get it at once.

The focus on the Divine would go something like this, “My body is perfect; everything is happening as it should.” Then, you let it happen. The personal will comes in and expresses concern with what is. It thinks it should feel differently in your knee. It worries that you should do something: training more or in different ways, applying salves, or taking supplements. None of these possible actions are motivated by love. They are not based in passion, but rather in fear. This is always the case with the personal will. For some, training is a passion. Be honest with yourself. Is that true for you here?

 Participant: There is a confusion in me. I don’t feel a passion to train in that way, though some of it I do enjoy.

Then let there be a clarity that you are doing things out of the joy of doing them, not to heal yourself. Do you passionately want to not be whole, to require healing? No, those thoughts come from the personal will. 

Participant: I can feel that. At the same time there is an enormous abyss there. 

Come back to the question of what you truly want without any reservations, without any guilt or shoulds. Do you desire to need healing or do you wish to know you are whole? What is it that you truly want? That is the Divine Will.

Participant: I spend a lot of time investigating the pain of my stories. If that is the will of God, I just want to accept it. I can stop trying to understand; I just need to know this is the will of God. I want to come to that point. But how to do this daily? Sometimes the physical sensations are so strong, and then my ego kicks in. It feels like a healing war.

Let’s go back to ground zero. Your expression suggests that you hold the Will of God to sometimes include “lessons” that will be good for you to learn. Let’s look at things from a different perspective. There is only one will. It is yours, the Divine You. You create everything in your experience through this mental activity. You have always done that. Many of these thoughts are based on beliefs that are not self-serving, such as not being deserving of love or being a victim to things from the outside that bring injury or sickness to the body. When you believe these things, because you are all powerful, such happenings are drawn to you. So, the first order of business is to stop holding thoughts that you are not passionate about manifesting. However, thoughts you have previously held are still doing their work. In reaction to their realization you are likely to experience what are called negative emotions. You cannot go backward and un-think those thoughts, but you can accept the feelings and sensations that they trigger and let them be there. This is not the “Will of God” acting on you, it is your “personal will” reaping what it has sown. It is not real; it is not forever. Let it be present – you have no choice as it is here. Eventually as you stop holding self-destructive thoughts, your experience will change. In order to have the power to choose your passion, you must also have the power to choose your poison. When you have had enough of that, you will let go of your addiction to pain. Again, there is only the Will of God. It is a question of what you are choosing. Any place you hold victimhood, you will continue to feel its effects. What is present is fully your creation, coming from the beliefs you hold. Don’t fight that, just decide to choose differently from this day forward. You will likely backslide, but stay with it. That’s what you do every day. Thoughts of being unlovable or needing to control the world to be safe do not come from love and passion. Love yourself with every thought. Worry does not come from passion. The Divine Will does not want to be healed, it wants to be certain of its wholeness. Would you rather see yourself as whole or broken? What does Divinity choose?

Participant: I need help. There is a part of me that doesn’t have that trust. I feel what you are saying, but how am I to fully step out there?

The power here is in how you choose to use the mind. You can use the mind to support the ego or you can use the mind to support Divinity. 

Participant: I want to support the Will of God but at the same time there is an area where I am not aware of what my mind is doing. 

Then, be aware. What is stopping you from being aware? 

Participant: It’s an enormous habit; it’s like being hypnotized. 

It is really very simple. If you are not feeling the Oneness, the Love of God, the Peace – you know the mind is holding on to something that is not true, creating a separation from the truth of your Divinity. It cannot be any other way. 

Participant: When you say that I can see that there is a belief in the body. When the knee does not feel as I think it should, then I think there is something wrong. That is where I am stuck. I really need help with this.

You can always begin by taking a deep breath and letting everything flow through you. Whatever is going on with the body that is not desired, that feels painful or fearful, is the creation of the ego mind. Know that behind all of this is a belief the ego mind is holding on to. Notice what your belief is and ask yourself in your heart of hearts if this is what you want your reality to be. 

Participant: So are you saying I just need to let it go? 

Let it go and know there is nothing to understand, nothing to figure out. The only question is what in your Divine Will do you truly want here. Let me give an example of how this might work. Let’s say that a person says that their will is to be taken care of financially. So, they decide to train to be a teacher, get a job, and work hard to maintain the position, and create the financial security they desire. This person is not being honest to their true will. It might not be in their heart to do that training, certainly not every day nor all aspects of it. They probably don’t truly wish to work as many hours nor as hard as they are asked to. There are likely some requirements of the job they dread facing. With all of those sacrifices, the job probably doesn’t pay enough – there are unmet desires. The security lasts only as long as they are able to keep the job. Changes in the market, or in personal health could put the job in jeopardy. If they are fully honest with themselves, they will go directly for what the Will of God is rather than thinking that the ego has to create and sacrifice in order to get there. Going directly there is focusing on the thought that they are always taken care of. That, rather than the teaching job, is what they truly want. Any thought that they are not always taken care of, that a certain action on their part may be necessary to ensure their security is holding a belief that they do not wish to be true. This creates a world of pain and suffering. There is no way to experience total support without sacrifice as long as limiting ego beliefs are harkened to. This is following personal will instead of Divine Will.

Let’s say that the training was to become a psychotherapist. Let’s say that the desire to investigate this field is the Divine moving in you. You want to explore the depths of psychology both for yourself as well as for sharing with and providing service to others. You are not doing this to provide financial security, but because the Love within you wants to create in this way. This is following the Will of God. In this quest you may find the training to demand things you are not willing to give. Stay with your Divine Will. You may have to create a whole new system of psychotherapy; you may not fit into the existing job structures. No problem. Stay with your inner guidance. Follow your passion. You have asked to be taken care of and you will be. That is of secondary concern. What is primary is the direction you are guided to take. Stay true to that. That is the Will of God. God does not settle for less. 

Participant: I feel taken care of economically; it is with love that I feel unworthy. 

We took this off in another direction so that we could play with it, so that it went away from the personal, but let’s bring it back there. As long as you allow your mind to play limiting games – not focusing on what you truly want, which is to feel and know that you are always loved – but asking yourself what you have to do to be loved. Maybe if your hair is just right, or if you looked younger, or if you are of service to others you will feel loved. 

Participant: I can see the craziness in it with your help.

Maybe the thought comes that if you can control the thoughts, actions, and energy of those around you so they will do as you wish them to, you will feel loved. You can always tell when it is the ego mind going; there is something in the middle. Instead of going directly for what you want, you create intermediary steps of things you believe you have to do to create what you want. None of these things are what you truly want. You have no true passion for doing them. Not only are these actions not what you truly wish for, they stand in the way of your realization of that Divine Will.

Participant: This morning I was paying attention to the energy in my knee and the pain didn’t scare me away, I didn’t experience it as pain. Then I began to question how I could know that I am right. Can I just feel the energy without taking corrective measures? The authorities tell me it is all about training. I am totally confused.

Don’t give your power, which is your Divine Right, away to anyone – including to Sanhia. You have a physical therapist whom you like and, you believe, is doing the best that she can, but does she listen to her Divine voice? Does she know that God always takes care of her, that everything is taken care of, that she has no need for a job in order to be supported, that she could wake each morning and ask herself what her Divine Will wishes to do with this day – what wants to express in this moment, what wants to happen? Would she be driving around from home to home as she does? Perhaps, but five days a week? This is not about her not trying to do the best that she can. It is about you giving your power away, and at that to one who has likely not claimed her own power. The advice comes from a belief that you are responsible for taking care of yourself. 

Participant: And that you have to fight the body.

So you can think, “Thank you for sharing”, and then follow your own Divine Guidance about what you are inspired to do. Maybe some of her suggestions sound like fun. Do it out of the joy of doing it, not because you are broken and need to be fixed. 

Participant: I see that I have fear around following the Will of God. I make God a part of the feeling that I have to do the training. It is like a war.

Have you made God your projection? You have a choice to make. You can listen to this ego voice that fears God and fears the Will of God, and tells you that you have to take responsibility, that you are broken and need healing, and spend eternity, like Sisyphus, pushing that rock up the hill, only to have it roll back down and having to start over and over again until you get so tired of it all that you decide to just kill off this body…

Participant: Let it kill itself?

No, you do the deed. You say you don’t want to do this anymore, that you are tired of it all. It’s too much; it’s too overwhelming. You don’t want to play this game anymore. Even at this point there are two choices. You can give it to God. What have you got to lose? You are going to die anyway. Or, your body dies because it is still too fearful to surrender to the Will of God. “Stop the world, I want to get off”.

Participant: No, I am not there. I don’t make the decision that I want to die now.

Most people make that decision unconsciously. Nor did you consciously make the decision to have a chronic problem with your knee. This makes it no less your creation. If there is a belief in victimhood, crazy things will happen.

Participant: Is God’s Will also my creation?

This, of course, is the second choice. There is no separation here. God’s Will and your will are one. The former comes from your love and passion while the latter comes from your fear and belief in separation. It is all your creation. The personal will does not represent what you want, however. We could say that your Divine Will back in your twenties was to know that you are loved unconditionally. Your ego mind did not believe that you deserved love. It whispered in your ear that you would be loved if you were a great mime/acrobat. Thus your passion for expressing through this art form became confused with a limiting belief. You could have manifested a successful career that left you still feeling unloved. Perhaps the passion to feel loved was stronger and losing the career made it more likely that you would come to love yourself. It is not important to understand just how things are working, only to realize that your thoughts are all powerful, so having an awareness of them can only support you in realizing your Divine Nature. Again, if you want to know you are loved unconditionally, go straight for that. Forget the diversions. If you have to do anything to earn the love, it is not unconditional; if you are judging yourself (or your mirrors), the love is conditional. Be aware. Go for the love. Totally. Conditional love is always saying, “Prove it to me”. Am I lovable even with this knee? The Divine desire is knowing that you are whole, not that you need and desire healing. The right use of the mind is to only focus on God’s Will, noticing when you are holding on to the separate will, and asking self what the hell you are doing? Why choose to create what isn’t truly desired? Everything is coming into your experience to lead you to what you truly want. That is a reason for not resisting what comes. You have asked for it, so take a good look at what you have asked for and notice how it doesn’t match your true desire. Let go of that type of thinking, that kind of request. Go only for the gold. 

Participant: Thank you.

Good Now!

Sanhia/Spirit

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Can you talk more about the personal self not existing? Part 1 | Sanhia on Waking Up from the Story of You

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(recorded from a live session)

The ego mind has its own definition of perfection, and it only, occasionally, accidentally bumps up against the perfection that is. Part of that picture of perfection often is that the ego mind fully understands what is going on. But the ego mind never understands what is going on. It can’t because it is insane. It feels that it is real and it thinks that you are separate from the One. And it feels it has a mind of its own that should be listened to. Einstein once said, “The mind that created the problem is incapable of creating the solution”. You can rest easily with not understanding. Understanding is the function of the ego mind. Knowing is the function of Spirit. So, when you know, it is beyond understanding. There is no explaining why you know or what you know; you just know. There is certainty. That is why when you follow the will of God there is no choice. You just know. If you think there is choice, then you are in the ego mind trying to figure it out. And, as I like to say, good luck with that, because it doesn’t matter what you choose. We’ll talk more about these experiences of noticing, being what you think of as you, but noticing. What kind of experiences? And so you find that the world doesn’t disappear if you wait and don’t make a decision. What is important? If there is fear in the now, then that is what’s in the now. That is the gift. But it is not something to be overcome. 

Participant: Coming up distrust. Sometimes it is painful and I can feel it is so hard not to project it. I can see when I project. It is like abandoning myself. Even though I see all of this it’s really hard to let it go. There is some ego voice that is so angry, or very loud. So it’s really a roller coaster. And there is another thing that is very important, that’s about my karmic eight. What an enormous ego power it has. How my impulse is really driven by this controlling bitch. That is also an important insight. 

The place that we want to come back to is this place where there is no you. If there is no you, then there are no stories. Then there is no karmic eight. That’s a story. You can deal with all of the stories. You have found in another discipline that you could deal with your feelings and deal with your feelings, and the bucket is bottomless. You never reach the end of it. There is always another feeling. There is always something else. If there is fear it works better to accept it than to resist it. But, who is having this fear? As long as you believe there is a you who has fear, you will have fear. But there is no you having this fear. That is the illusion. Go. You look and notice that there is something noticing the story; whatever it might be, that is not the story. It’s simply noticing the story. No different than if you are watching a film on the television. You are noticing that story but you are not the story. So the question continually is, “Who is noticing this?”, and, “Where is this noticer?”  If you keep looking at that and looking at that, if you think you have found the noticer, “Who is noticing the noticer you have found?”  There is a step back and a step back, but there is no forwards and backwards so we are just saying that in a metaphorical sense that there is a step back until there is simply noticing. No noticer, simply noticing. 

Participant: What does that mean? The difference?

When you are watching a film, say on the television, you are noticing. First of all, you are noticing it is all projected on the screen. It’s not real; it’s not happening in your living room. You are simply noticing a projection on the screen. Where there is a character on the screen, you are noticing the character but you are not saying that’s me. But in the screen that you call your life, you are pretending that the character that you call “you” on the screen is real. But it’s not. It’s an actor that you are watching. You can practice when you’re watching the television screen and notice where you project yourself into any of the characters – either through thinking, “Oh, they are a good character”, or “Oh, they are a bad character”, or “Oh, they shouldn’t do that”, or “What are they thinking?”, and so on. Notice that there is projection going on. It’s not real. You turn it off and everything is gone. Nothing is there. Or you can turn it back on and watch the same episode over and over and over. Does it change? It’s just a projection on a screen. So you can practice with that and notice where you are giving reality to what is on the screen. 

Participant: Now when I have experienced so much physical pain it feels so real because you can’t get away from it, or you can take a painkiller but then everything is gone. 

Now you are projecting on your screen. Is there pain present in the now? 

Participant: That is a memory I am talking about. 

But that is what I am talking about. A memory is not the now. It’s not real. It’s not happening. 

Participant: I couldn’t handle that in that way when it was there. And that’s why I bring it up – to get some guidance around it. 

In the now there may be an experience and your mind might label that experience pain. When it labels pain and names it, then it moves out of the now and allows all of the stories of pain that the mind is holding on to, to be experienced in the now. Not simply what is in the now, but the whole idea of pain and everything around it. For example, a thought comes in, “Aw (breathes deeply), what if the pain keeps getting worse and worse?” “What if it gets to a point where I absolutely can’t stand it?” “What if it never stops?” “What is the meaning of this? Is this a punishment for me?” “What have I done?!” “What’s the lesson I’m supposed to learn? What’s the message? Spirit tell me what’s the message! Why am I having this pain?” The mind goes into all of this craziness that has nothing to do with the now. It’s going off in all of these directions instead of simply noticing the sensation, which is not pain. Pain is a word. You don’t experience a word. So you experience something in the body. So you go into it and you just experience nothing but that; let the mind go. Doesn’t matter what it’s about, where it came from, why it’s there, how long – it’s just what is here right now. And so you say, “Thank you Spirit; this is what is here right now”. And you experience it. And if the mind goes a little bit nuts and it’s more than you can tolerate, then take a painkiller. (laughter). There is no right or wrong about it. And then the next time the sensation comes, it’s a new experience. It’s a new now. But you are with the feeling, not with the thought of the feeling, not with the label of the feeling, but just the feeling. I want you to notice the resistance you have to simply letting it be there. 

Participant: Yeah. I see that. 

And so, for example, you project that.

Participant: Yeah, I have noticed that. And it’s one thing to notice it, but it’s not so easy to stop it. 

Yes, but noticing comes first. If you don’t notice it, it goes on forever. And the second thing you do – you can’t stop these thoughts from coming up but you say, “Ooh, but I’m not going to act on that now. Just going to notice that it’s there.”  

Participant: Then I get a little bit shamed about, “I’m so bad I can’t deal with this”, and so there is judgment on myself and…

It’s all the same thing. Judgment is not of the now. Judgment is comparison to what the mind thinks should be there. And the mind’s crazy. 

Participant: There is this fear of letting it go because then there is this abyss. That is so scary. (laughs) Scares the shit out of me. 

So where is this abyss? 

Participant: Yeah. (laughs) Where is the fear? From where does it come? If I accept it then it just takes over. So that is why there is some fighting against it. 

It already has taken over. (laughter) You’ve been letting it take over, empowering it all of your life. They say that the horse is already out of the barn. The thought of the mind always is dual. There is good and there is bad. Only the good is of God; the bad is not. And of course where you fit in, the you you think of as you, you’re on the bad side. 

Participant: I am? (laughs) 

Always. Trying to be good. “God look at how good I’m being. I’m so good.” But you believe that you’re bad. So what? Punishment? Sickness? “Guilt, fear, all these punishments that come to me because I’m bad.” “But I’m trying to be good. Tell me what I should learn here, God.”  (laughter) And all we’re saying is there’s no good or bad here. Whatever God brings is from God. There are no good gifts from God and bad gifts from God. It’s all Divine. The mind says, “Where is the love?” The truth says, “It’s all love. That’s all there is.” The mind says, “How can I feel loved?” The truth says, “You are love.” But the mind that sees a you as real, separate from God, then sees you as not love, because God is love and you are separate from god, therefore you are not love. 

Participant: Damned if I do and damned if I don’t. 

Loved if you do and loved if you don’t. 

Participant: (laughing) I think I’ll choose that. Is it possible to choose that? Who is choosing?

You’re choosing damned if you do and damned if you don’t, because as long as it’s you choosing, you are choosing separate from God. So no matter what you choose, you are choosing separation. But the truth is…not real. You’re not separate. And the pain is just on the screen. It’s not real. The part of you that believes there is a separate you also believes that pain is probably a good thing; because if you suffer enough, God will take you home. And if you stop suffering you are lost in hell forever. 

Participant: It’s a lot of confusion.

It’s only the mind that creates confusion. There is no confusion, It’s very, very simple. Whatever is here is from God and is Love. If you want to resist and fight it, that’s when it gets confusing. You simply silence what is. How crazy would it be to try to change what is; it already is.

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What do you mean by ownership? | Sanhia on the Freedom of Having Nothing to Lose

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This conversation comes from a recent session.

Participant: You have used the term ownership a few times. Can you explain what you mean by that?

There is a quote attributed to Jesus in the New Testament in which he states that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. In another situation Jesus is asked by a rich young man what he would have to do to become a follower. He was told to give all of his money to the poor. The young man chose to remain at home. Another significant Jesus quote relative to ownership is where he said that the kingdom of God is within you. Ownership, though, is not limited to money. This should not be interpreted to mean that you must give up all money and live in poverty in order to realize your Divine awakened nature. Ownership is a state of mind. When you say that something is yours you are expressing ownership. This would include your ideas, story, partner, children, friends, health, and career…. We could go on and on. When a possessive pronoun is placed before a noun, ownership is implied. Ownership keeps you stuck in the illusion for a couple of reasons. First of all, none of the things you possess are real. There is no story or career. There is no past or future, no partner, and no money. I guess some of you would readily agree with the last two. (Laughter) These things are all a part of the illusion, of the movie. They have no true existence. Of even greater importance is that the being you call you also has no existence. That is what you consider your greatest possession. To be awakened is to have no sense of self. There is no identification with the body/mind construct, that is – no sense of self, but simply the noticing of the body as you might observe the sky or a building or anything in the manifested world.

Participant: Is ownership the same as control? Is letting go of ownership like letting go of control?

Of course. There is nothing. There is nothing to control. If there is nothing there, how can anything be controlled? So, …. We could stop right here. This is really the message……but let’s talk about it some more. I encourage you to be aware of where you hold ownership. We have used terms like the Divine or Holy Relationship, the Divine Presence, or the Divine Now. None of these involve any ownership whatsoever. You cannot possess anybody or anything. You can neither control them nor change them. What is there is simply noticed, accepted, and loved. Without ownership there are no loves and hates.

Participant: (laughter) Wow!

This isn’t to say that there might not be the noticing of preferring to or not preferring to be with, say, a certain person. That won’t change; there simply will be nobody there to have those likes and dislikes. There is no ownership of the reaction. This is an impossible concept for the ego mind to wrap itself around. But then, all of being awakened is like that. Without ownership there is no ego mind. It is the ego mind that believes it has things and needs them in order to get where it believes it needs to go, but there is nowhere you need to go. You are where you want to be, though there is no you there. When you hold on to things, your focus is on them and therefore on you, the holder, the human entity who feels separate from the Divine. This does not mean that you do without all these things. There are still going to be homes, vehicles, money, jobs, friends, enemies, partners, children, and relatives, but they will not be owned. They will simply be in your movie.

Participant: So, there are no likes or dislikes for the awakened me?

We have talked about this with emotions. Rather than saying, for example, that you are depressed, you notice that depression seems to be present. The former expresses ownership of a feeling. There is no definition of self as depressed. Again, ownership is not restricted to objects or people. It includes thoughts, feelings, and health. Anything tacked on to the end of the thought or statement “I am” shows ownership. I am happy. I am poor. I am sick. Awareness simply notices the apparent presence of happiness, poverty, or sickness. The ego mind might argue that it can’t see any difference, but you will find that noticing without ownership allows a totally different life experience. There is nobody there in the awakened state to own anything. Therefore, it is as impossible to lose anything as it is to hold on to it.

Participant: Doesn’t saying “I am” still imply that you exist?

That’s a sharp question. Who is? Is there ownership of being? We would suggest that you first practice dropping the words that follow “I am”. When that becomes your default thought in all situations, we’ll have further discussion about your question. There is beingness and it cannot be possessed. It simply is. It is what is aware of the created, the phenomenal world.

Participant: Is surrender to the Divine what you are talking about here. I have been trying to surrender control of my health to Spirit. Are you saying that this is a giving up of the ownership of my body? 

Yes. We can look at it in this way. You have been letting go of control of your personal will and asking to be able to surrender to God’s Will. What is being suggested here is not just letting go of the personal will but letting go of the person. There is nobody there to have a personal will. You can have that awareness. It’s not simply noticing that you have a personal desire which is separate from God’s Will, but that you are believing in a person existing that could have such a will. There is no you who could want something; there is no you who could lack anything. There is no you. There is only Divinity observing the situation. The ultimate step in giving up ownership – beyond letting go of people, things, thoughts, and feelings – is this letting go of ownership of self. There is no person here.

Participant: I think that is very hard to understand that there is no person here. What is it then? 

A movie. A hologram. A creation of the Divine Mind.

Participant: Yeah? That is difficult to understand, to grasp in some way what this Divine Mind is.

The Divine Mind has not only created this body you are pretending is a real person with a separate identity, but has created the whole movie, the whole thing …… the whole universe, everyone who seems to be in it, and every aspect of it including the “laws” by which it seems to function. That’s what Divine Mind has created; what you think of as you is not separate from any other part of the physical manifestation, whether animate or inanimate. The perfection of the Divine You has created this and is watching it, but it is not the personal you which pictures self as the creation and not the Creator. This brings on the feelings of separation and all the pain and suffering that goes with it. When the ego self believes it can own anything it is giving both self and the objects a reality they don’t have.

Participant: I can feel how a partner and projections upon him is so connected with ownership. It is another word for the same thing. Just saying “my partner” is expressing ownership. 

You’ve got it! The thought “my partner” implies ownership. Who is owning? The owner is the one you think of as your self, who feels separate from the rest of the universe and certainly from “her” partner. Ownership requires a separation of the owner and the thing owned. With Oneness there is no separation. The saying, “I am you and you are me” expresses no separation. No separate self exists. There is just the One, created by your Divine Self which is watching the movie it created.

Participant: This is scary.

What is scary about it?

Participant: It is like letting go of the only branch connecting to this world of confusion and going into freefall. 

So, who is holding on to this branch?

Participant: It’s this little me, a creature who is so terrified of God.

The Observer is simply observing. It doesn’t have the terror possessed by the little one being observed. The observer is not the person. It is simply watching. When you see only from this Watcher, there is no terror.

Participant: I can feel that this is what you mean when you suggest to fully let go and let God.

Now, as we never grow tired of saying, but you can’t get there from here. (much laughing)

Participant: Now it is a real riddle here. (continued laughing)

The ones who think they exist and possess things and need to possess things in order to survive and protect themselves are not able to choose to let go of that because there is nobody there to choose to let go. The ego mind cannot choose. The best that you can do is to be aware that there are beliefs in ownership and not act from that and to allow the emotions that are triggered to be there until they aren’t. You may find yourself attached to less and less.

Participant: Nothing left to lose.

Yes, without attachment or ownership, when something goes out of the picture there is no sense of loss. The picture is still there. It keeps on running.

Participant: But it really helps when I feel like I have nothing left to lose.

When you say, “I have nothing left to lose”, you still have “I” to lose. And it may come down to that for some. They lose everything until they finally lose themselves.

Participant: It’s a little bit tempting.

You can also do it a piece at a time. you notice that there seems to be ownership present. Whatever it is. Whenever the possessive pronoun enters the mind, you notice that there seems to be ownership here.

Participant: There is a fear here that if I go against the mass consciousness in this way I might be seen as crazy. For me, to be perceived as crazy is the worst thing that could happen. 

At the same time, you recognize that the mass consciousness is crazy. The mass consciousness believes the world is the cause and you are at effect. The mass consciousness believes that it needs to choose and choose well. It believes that you are responsible.

Participant: But what happens if I am ostracized?

The awakened individual is by definition ostracized. It no longer belongs, even though it appears to be fully participating. It is not connected to a body and to the world as others are.

Participant: Can you still use the language of the ego when talking with others, though you have fully let it go inside of you? Otherwise, you run naked in the world.

When you are out and involved with the world, you can play any role. You have no identity as a person, but you certainly have a personality. There is nothing you need to do or be; you simply react in the moment. In fact, there is no you. There are no goals such as presenting an enlightened face to the world, – whatever that might be – healing or awakening others. There is no purpose. There is just life. There is awareness. There is the movie, but there is no “you” in it. The form will still be out there carrying on, having all the experiences you have now, but with no sense of ownership of any part of it. There is no you to own it.

Participant: Sanhia, it is amazing to see that when You are speaking with people You meet them exactly where they are. The language is exactly what that moment calls for, exactly what that person needs to hear. Is that what you are talking about here? Is this “being in the world but not of it”?

All that language does is to point. One looks at what is being pointed to and may find it interesting and wonder what to do with it. There is nothing magical about the words that come through Michael. They are just what is there and are simply shared. Everything that happens can only be perfect. The language is not there to teach what the truth is. The awakened you does not need to walk around telling everybody what the reality is. Then they might lock you up. (laughter) Jesus warns not to cast your pearls before swine – and of course we are not calling the unawakened pigs – but there is no reason to cast them unless that is the guidance in the Now. You might take it as a sign that another is ready to hear something if they come and ask for help. It’s not just a question of intuiting what should be said, but it is responding to questions with what comes to the consciousness in the moment. I am not approaching random people on the street and saying, “give your money to the poor and follow me”, or “divorce the bitch or bastard, quit your job, and follow me.” (much laughter). We are not saying that. All that I do when somebody comes up and asks for directions is to scratch my chin and say (points) “I think you go this way”. Maybe they are more lost after talking to Me than before, but that’s not My problem. (laughter) My job is simply to point.

Participant: I like this pointer I have received from you now, but I am aware there is a fear to be noticing, but there is also a big yes.

When there is ownership there is something to take care of, something to protect and defend and to be afraid of losing. Without ownership, as you pointed out before, there is nothing to lose. There is nothing you have to do, no responsibility. This is a great and tremendous freedom. It points to awakening. You cannot choose to awaken, but you can notice when ownership is present, recalling that possessions just lead to pain and suffering.  So, you don’t follow that train, don’t act on those thoughts. If a thought comes to mind about “your” partner, you recognize that you think you own your partner. What a responsibility that is. Now you have to make that person be who you want them to be. If you notice that there is no control possible, then there is nothing for you to do. Perhaps ultimately it will be noticed that there is no you to even try to be the controller. If there is no you to be hurt or abandoned or upset, there is nothing but freedom. It doesn’t matter what you or others do. Whatever is done is simply done.

Participant: It’s like if the relationship is with the Divine, then it’s just “Let go and let God”.

Yes. Unless your relationship with God or Spirit or the Divine is, “Bring me my perfect relationship. Bring me money. (laughter) If you are trying to control God, then it is your God, it’s your Jesus, and then what happens? ….. You end up pissed. You asked for specific help and adequate delivery was not forthcoming. (laughter). This possession becomes total: your religion, your beliefs, your reality – as if it could possibly make a difference to the truth of the universe what crazy beliefs your ego mind might have. Reality is what it is, not what you think it should be. You cannot see reality before you if you are blinded by your reality.

Participant: I can feel this enormous relief and at the same time I can notice how much fear I have.

Yes. Good! Fear seems to present, but it is not owned. Take a step back and notice the fear. Notice who is noticing the fear.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Can you speak more about the observer who is not from the ego mind? | Sanhia on Awareness Beyond the Ego

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We have talked before about the observer. The observer is the one who is watching this movie that you call your life. What are perceived by your eyes are objects. These objects could be trees, birds, clouds, baskets, cars, or people. These are all a part of your movie. The body is also an object you see. If you have the goal to be one with your body, you want to make the subject and the object to be the same. This is not possible. You cannot simultaneously be the observer and the observed. You cannot watch yourself. You cannot do that any more than you can look at the window and say you are now one with the window. Something other than your “self”, or your body, is doing the watching. The Observer of the movie simply sees; It does not have the possibility of jumping up on the screen and acting at the same time. This is why We say that you are not your body. The You that is watching, the real You, cannot at the same time be what it is watching. When you identify yourself with the character in your movie, you have ceased to notice that you are the watcher and now pretend yourself to actually be the object on the screen. But You are not an object. The body, the object, does not experience the movie; it is a part of the movie. The true You is the Observer Who watches the body and notices what it is doing, thinking, and feeling.

If the thought arises that you want to experience Oneness, you are saying that you lack Oneness. This is not true. Your ego mind believes that it is separate, but the Observer is One with what it sees, though it is not what it sees. The subject is not the object, though there is no separation. There is only Oneness. There is no identification with the body, there is only the seeing of it. The Observer is One with everything that is. It is the creator of all that is. The thought of wanting in the ego mind affirms its pretense of separation. You can notice that such a thought seems to exist in the ego mind. You cannot make yourself feel oneness. All you can do is notice the thoughts of separation the ego mind holds and bring the awareness back to the now and the next thought. You keep peeling away what is being held onto that stands in the way of experiencing the Oneness. Thus, Oneness is not a goal; It is what is always present. To try to experience that is to maintain the illusion of being separate from it. The only process is to let go of everything that isn’t Oneness. You don’t try to change what is, that only feeds it. You simply do not dwell on the thoughts. The job is to be the noticer, not the thinker, the analyser, or the understander.

Let me give another picture of the perspective of the Viewer. The ego mind sees time as a horizontal line. It sees the now as the point where the past and the future intersect. In truth there is no point of now that exists because the movie is in constant motion. There is no way that you can try to be here now, because now is a moving target. There may be an attempt to hold on to something that can never be grasped. The result is likely a sense of failure to stay present without finding you are easily slipping into the past. Even the intention to experience nowness comes from the mind which is rooted in the past. Let’s replace the horizontal timeline with a vertical axis. The viewpoint of the Divine Observer comes straight down and contacts only the moment, not the whole horizontal timeline. Nothing is seen except what is directly in front of the Viewer. There is just what is. As long as the mind seems to wish to alter what is observed in any way, the appearance of separation is created; the viewpoint has returned to the horizontal timeline. The vertical perceives no past or future. Thoughts of wanting to be elsewhere are seen just as clouds in this moment’s sky. They are noticed and the eyes move on to the next thing that is presented. From the vertical perspective there is no such thing as past or future. There is just what is. You cannot look from this perspective and see a “younger” you. You might observe a thought of a “younger” you, but it will be quickly replaced by another thought or feeling. No “younger” you exists; no “older” you exists. Nothing exists but what is present now.

The object that is the “you” You are perceiving may be having thoughts about an imagined past or future, but all that is there is that “you” now. Not only is there no reality in the past and the future, but what is being viewed is not real either; it is all a movie. If the actor on the screen is perceived as an object by the Observer, rather than as self, that is an awakened viewpoint. All there is to do is to notice the passing of a thought. If upon noticing the thought you jump in and try to fix, heal, or otherwise change the situation, perhaps believing that you are as you are because of your “past”, you are back in the ego mind game and can only be certain of continued pain and suffering. You have again tried to make the object out as the subject, which it isn’t. Instead of looking down vertically at what is, you jump into the illusory timeline trying to heal the past and change the future. You are Divine as you are. There is nothing to heal, fix, or change. The you that is the Observer sees with Divine eyes. There is nothing to do to become enlightened. It is as simple as opening your eyes. Stop pretending to not be awake. See what is present without holding judgements. There is nothing that needs to be earned. It is your true birthright. Nothing has ever been done that needs to be atoned for. Nothing has ever actually been done. There is just now. See it from the vertical perspective. Seen for itself there is nothing to be changed. Everything is perfect. And You are One with it.

You are each watching your own movie. No two see the same film, even if they appear to be walking side by side. If you are thinking you are the character on the screen, you don’t see what is happening. You see from your ego mind perspective. If you rewind your movie back ten minutes, are you now in the past? Does that make the past real? You can jump all around in a movie. Does that make anything real? The movie has a beginning which for you might look like birth. Did the Viewer not exist before the movie began? The movie has an end which is called death. The Viewer is still there watching. If you are the actor, who is watching the actor? Through whose eyes do you see? Where are those eyes looking from? Can you be watching the movie and be in it at the same time? If you throw yourself against the screen, can you merge with the film? It’s just a movie. It’s not real, it’s just up on the screen and you’re watching it. Things become very simple. You are not the character on the screen. The movie is not real. You are just watching it. You can have no effect upon it. The movie has already been made. It is just playing. The script has been written. The actors have been cast. It has been directed and filmed. The special effects have been added.

One way to help the letting go of seeing yourself as the body and the seeing of things as they are is to change your language, certainly in your thoughts and out loud when you can get away with it. Stop referring to the physical body as I or me. Refer to that self in the third person. The words “I am” should stand alone, not to be followed by any descriptors. For example, rather than saying “I am sad” try “There appears to be sadness here”. Go a step further and replace “sadness” with words that describe the bodily sensations that seem to be present. Wherever words carry a heavy emotional weight for you, look for more neutral descriptors to use. Otherwise, you will likely go back to acting as if you are the object instead of the subject.

The question then arises as to how one becomes the Observer instead of the observed. It is important to be aware that all questions are generated by the ego mind, which is unable to ever find satisfactory answers. You can be aware that as long as there are questions and any beliefs that the body and the world are real, there cannot be a looking from the Observer taking place. All you can do is notice that you are still pretending to be the object and ask yourself who is watching this. Where is the observer located? If it is within your body, then find it. If the self seems to be interacting with the movie, who is watching this interaction? Wherever interaction is perceived, that is the observed and not the Observer. Take a step back and see who is observing the interaction. Each time you notice an identification with the actor, take another step back and see who is observing this. The part that wants to interact and believes that the movie can be changed is not the true You, the Observer, Who is simply noticing all of this. The movie, however, cannot be changed and so the actor is constantly frustrated. It is even scripted as to how long you will resist, argue, question, and continue to try to change the unchangeable before you give up trying and fall back to your true place as the Observer. You appear to have the choice to continue flailing away or to sit back, enjoy the show, and say “Pass the popcorn please”. You can’t make yourself let go and watch from the Observer’s eye, nor can you stop yourself from doing it. You cannot will yourself into being the Observer because you already are that. All you can do is notice where you wish to act and stop doing it.

One of the games of the ego mind is to say that if you are just the Observer you will no longer have any involvement with your movie, with other people, or with the world. The object “you” in the movie will still interact, but not in any attempt to change the movie nor with any goal or outcome in mind. The responses and actions will just be whatever is moving in the now. It is like improv theater. There is no conscious script nor outcome in mind. One simply responds spontaneously to the scene. The next response is absolutely dependent only on the new cues presented. There is no forethought nor afterthought. That is the game. It is comparable to a tennis match. All that matters is this shot. If your mind is anywhere else, you are not fully present for the next volley. This is just a movie. You know that you are not going to change anything; You are aware of no purpose. Yet, there You are, and you fully engage in the moment. But what possible reason could there be for an apparent birth and death, activities and relationships, failures and successes, ups and downs – all just to disappear? The ego wants you to believe that there is a purpose, a meaning in all of this. Where is it found? The Observer just witnesses apparent activity; it sees no plan. Ego mind creates a story with a beginning and ideally a happy ending. Spirit mind sees just life appearing to happen. Even for you on a spiritual path there is a thought that you will wake up and then understand the purpose and meaning of your life. You are already awake, and you can stop chasing your tail. You can begin that task by asking yourself who is chasing your tail. As you step back and observe from the true You, however, instead of understanding the answer, you will find that there are no questions. Some would say that the experience then is one of absolute Love, not as an opposite of hate or fear, but a steady state no matter what seems to be happening on the screen.

In conclusion, neither I nor anyone else can tell you how to accomplish the feat of releasing the ego self and viewing everything from the Divine Perspective. Nor can anyone explain to you what it will be like to realize the Divine View. Nobody will be there to have such an experience. There will be no sense of being awakened or enlightened because those are ideas of the separated mind. It is easier to try to tell what won’t be there. There will be nothing to fix. There will be no responsibilities. There will be nothing to understand. There will be no questions. Any questions?

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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Why do you tell stories?

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Now it is my turn to ask the question. Why do you tell stories? As you cannot hear the tone in my voice, please understand that this is not asked in a judgmental tone. The question isn’t one of should or shouldn’t you tell stories or are stories good or bad. This is an investigation that we can conduct together into what the story is behind your stories. There are some tales that you might just tell one time. Say for example that an interesting thing happens to you while you are out shopping. You come home and share it with your partner. You laugh or cry or scratch your heads about it together and it never comes up again. You have lots of stories like that. Something makes an impact upon you and you choose to share it with someone else. These are not the types of narrations that we are going to zero in on, though the same thought processes could be used with any tale. What we are concerned with today are the stories that you carry around with you like gems in a sack; you take one out and polish it and share it over and over with different people or perhaps just mull it over for your own entertainment. Some of them you have shared dozens of times and maybe more than once with a given individual. It may be difficult to remember who you have shared it with or how times the tale has been told. Some of these stories are about successes you have had, something you achieved, or somebody you helped. Sharing such tales may make you feel better for a while. Some of your sagas might be about victimhood, what someone did to you or some unfortunate occurrence. Perhaps they relate what a tough year you have had or even about something that you have never been able to recover from.

The first thing I would like to investigate with you is to look at the reasons why you share these stories. The purpose in this line of inquiry is to support you in being in the now, to encourage the awareness of your awakened self. So we come back to your sagas and view them from that standpoint. What is your motivation, your reason for telling your tale? I wish to begin by suggesting that you become aware of the thoughts you have around any story, as I have encouraged you to do with each thought that enters your mind – a story being just a drawn out thought. It’s a picture you have from the past that you are sharing in the now. First of all, the narration has nothing to do with the now other than the fact that you are presently thinking about it or relating it. I think we can agree that the tale is about the past, not about what is now happening. As we know, there is no such thing as the past. You cannot find a place called the past. There is only the present moment. So the story is something your mind brings forth in the present that relates to an imagined past. I say imagined, because it isn’t really there. What you are describing is not going on. When you are telling the saga about this imagined happening, you can’t even have certainty that your story matches what supposedly happened if, indeed, anything did really occur. You have your perception of this past occurrence, peppered with your projections. If another who was involved in this story was to be the teller, the “facts” would likely be quite different. This would certainly be true if the other was the so-called victimizer in your story. So, we are not talking about “truth” when we refer to these narrations. If you say to your children that you are going to tell them a story, they won’t be expecting the evening news. They expect the tale to be made up. Are any of your stories really any different from that?

Let’s say that you want to tell a story about something you think happened to you that you wish had not occurred. We’ll say that it was painful, whether physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially, or some combination. You still feel that you suffer some from what happened. What now is the motivation for sharing this tale? This is what I want to encourage you to look at. I can’t tell you what your motivation might be for sharing any particular story, but if you are unconscious of your purpose, you are unaware of what you are actually doing and what effects it may have on your present moment. As we mentioned in the last message, your actions are very important. Through the action of retelling this story you are expressing your belief in its verity. Do you want your listener to think “Oh, poor you” and give you at least a spiritual hug to ease your pain? If that is the case, you are asking for validation of your painful saga, for support for your victimhood. You are asking them for agreement that this event should not have happened. Not only are you carrying around an old story that keeps you from noticing what is in the now, but your old story is based on not accepting what happened. Instead of experiencing what is present in the now, are you choosing to fill your life with sadness and anger from a thought memory in your head?

You may not choose to have a memory come to mind, but you do choose to hold onto it and to feed it through retelling. Is there a benefit from this choice? Does the sharing of your narrative allow you to release it forever? Likely there is a tradeoff where you receive a short term relief from the listener in exchange for a longer term continuance of the pain and suffering. If you continue to tell the story it is like another drink for the alcoholic. The attention helps for a while, but the benefit wears off and you feel compelled to tell the tale again. Of course you are not limited to one story; you likely have a collection of them in your arsenal. Look at the different elements in your narration and ask yourself if you are sure that each one is true. Be honest with yourself. You have nothing to gain from trying to pull your own leg. What happens if you accept the absolute perfection of that event having occurred? If this presents a big challenge you can ask Spirit to help you accept the perfection of the now. This story is coming into your now, but why? Is this tale to be told, or is it to be released so that it no longer blocks you from being present? It is not being suggested that you pretend as if this event never happened to you, to go into denial, but what happens when you choose not to be weighed down by something that is nowhere in sight in the present moment?

Perhaps an old story that you tell repeatedly is one that was highly traumatic for you, such as experiencing violence, molestation or rape, or the death of a loved one. Part of the belief that your mind carries and society reinforces is that you not only are saddled with this event for the rest of your life, but that it is your duty to never forget. A judgment, a condemnation of the act must be expressed. Such actions are not acceptable. It is your job to ensure that the deed is never forgotten, to make sure it doesn’t happen again. The perpetrator deserves condemnation and punishment. This is what mass consciousness teaches. Now, accepting the perfection of the now isn’t a justification for an action. It is not saying that it is okay to intentionally harm another. But the truth is that it happened. Right or wrong it happened.  The truth is that whatever is in the now is happening. There is nothing you can do to change any of that. Asking Spirit to help you accept the perfection of what is happening or has happened does not mean you want to be shown that it was okay for somebody to do what they did. This is about you. It is about realizing that anything that is in your now has already been accepted into existence. Not accepting it is a denial that it has already happened. It is not changeable. Any attempt to accomplish that is a fool’s task, one at which you cannot succeed. Notice your pain; notice your emotions; return to the present and see what is there now. Pain and suffering are not constants. Everything moves and changes. Let it; watch it. The past is unchangeable. The future does not exist. There is just now. Do your best to focus here. This requires enormous will, but no understanding. It asks only that you persist in staying present, while noticing when you aren’t able to. Your job is not to understand. That is a gift that may or may not be brought into your now, but it is never the goal. There is no goal, only focus. Free will is not a matter of being able to choose what will happen; it is the ability to choose your reaction. Fighting what is or what has happened will lead to a life of pain and suffering, to war within you and with the world.

I want to remind you that every person out there, no matter how hurtful their actions might appear to be, is a Child of God, trying the best they can to find love, to find their way home, to find God. Like you they may not always be making the best choices in order to accomplish that, but they will always have the option to learn from the choices they make. Nobody will ever find the love that is the truth within them if their mind is consumed with victimhood.

The idea may be formulating now in your mind that telling stories might not be a wise course to choose to follow. However, it is always a good idea to look at why a story wants to be told. Perhaps you are listening to another tell their sad or angry story. That brings to your memory a similar type of story that you might have once told, but now you accept the perfection of what occurred and may feel a deep sense of gratitude for what happened. You are aware of how that event helped you to let go of a whole layer of victimhood and you feel freed by that acceptance. You might feel guided to share your story and what you have done with it. Rather than suggesting to them what they could do with their story or lecturing them on how it hurts them – usually not the best choice in any situation – you just talk about you. Maybe you tell your story in such a humorous manner that people laugh at it and that brings you enjoyment, because you have not elicited pity but have brought lightness to the whole situation. You may need to be able to laugh at yourself. Laughter helps to center people in the now. Stories can provide an absolutely  beautiful, divine service. Jesus conducted much of his teaching through stories or parables. They can bypass the ego defense structures people have in place to fend off challenging ideas. Sometimes I “out” Michael by sharing some of his personal stories when I am talking with groups. He is hesitant to do this himself, not wishing to appear arrogant or superior. He gets to observe – whether it is a story about a time he fell flat on his face but learned much, or a situation when he acted in the way I was suggesting he go, despite great fear – that others can benefit and gain courage and inspiration from hearing them. Stories can help move people off the pedestal where you may have placed them. Such tales remind you of what you hold in common with them. They can show possibility.

Again, ask yourself why you want to tell a story. It might prove helpful to go on a story diet, severely limiting the number you share. Instead, spend that energy investigating the stories, checking to see if holding on to them is keeping you out of experiencing the now, looking to see what untruths may be promulgated through them. Always look at the motive behind your wish to share a tale. As a story comes to mind, remember to notice if you have told it before. Be brutally honest with yourself about why the story bears repeat telling. The ego can be very convincing in encouraging you to share a story because it would be “good” for someone else to hear it, when the actual purpose is to get stroked for how evolved you are. There is nothing wrong with wanting a little attention, but it is helpful if you are upfront with yourself about your motives. When in doubt, you might wait until the story seems to be dragged out of you. Do you find yourself being in a competitive situation with others, wanting to get your story in? Try being a good listener, perhaps asking them questions. Is there something there for you in another’s story? Do you find yourself in judgment of what you are hearing? What are you projecting onto the other person? Realizing that will likely benefit you more than having your fifteen seconds of glory from telling your own tale. If you truly listen and find common ground with another, there may open up a space for you to offer true support. Be compassionate with others with their stories as you are hopefully gentle with yourself and your old sagas. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

All Rights Reserved © 2024 Channels Without Borders

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How am I to deal with disease?

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The message this month is perhaps going to be a little different. We are going to speak about sickness with a special focus upon Michael and Ulla. As we speak, Michael has experienced being sick for the past two weeks. We imagine that most of you have some kind of idea of what that might be like. For Michael it has been a long time since he has had such extended sickness, perhaps not since childhood. Ulla has known him for ten years and has never seen him sick for more than a few days. Part of Michael’s good health was fear based. As a young man he wanted to live as long as possible, a hundred – even two hundred years. He wanted to always stay in the best possible health. It was not just diet and physical practices, but most importantly mind over matter. Perhaps he believed he might need that much time to figure out how to ascend. Perhaps it was ego trying to show that it was stronger than the outer world. When others became sick he had judgment. It was their minds that created the sickness. They believed in seasonal health problems. They believed they could catch things from others. Several years ago I let Michael come down with a short sickness to help humble him. He was able to begin to release the health judgments he had been holding toward himself and others.

Now we find something quite different. For two weeks he has found himself to be of very low energy, though that is slowly increasing. There is some physical discomfort, though that is slowly decreasing. There is almost no appetite, though that is also slowly increasing. But still after two weeks, there is not a lot of energy or appetite. Ulla expresses that she believes there must be some purpose or reason for this sickness, and wonders what it is. She also expressed how it touches her fear of losing Michael. She is a little pushy with Michael, asking him what Sanhia has to say about it. Before giving Michael’s response, I want to talk a little about how our relationship has changed since his days of desired physical immortality, culminating in ascension. Michael has come to accept the illusion of the physical. He realized the insanity of wanting an illusion to stay alive. Michael surrendered his physical death totally to Me. He let go of any need to control the timing of any of it, trusting me to take care of everything in the perfect manner. Truth is, I had been doing that all along. So, Michael’s response to Ulla was that Sanhia says to just be here now, to accept the perfection of this moment without wanting it to be any different. I would be less than honest if I were to say that Ulla was pleased with this answer. There were two reasons for this, first it did not leave her any opening for suggestions, “You could take this supplement or follow this action.” My directions specifically said to accept what was. Secondly, this left her deepest fear exposed, death. What if Michael is in the process of dying? This was quite a trigger! I joked to Michael how honorable it was for him to sacrifice his body so that Ulla could face her fear of death. Just kidding, of course.

I will say that Michael did a fairly good job of doing just what I asked him to do, to be present with this. His attitude about death is very clear; this body will die. It’s not up to him when it happens. It is only for him to accept and live whatever is gifted in each moment. So he has passed these days fearlessly, if not always comfortably. His challenges have been to look at where he is feeling discomfort, accepting what is felt rather than wishing to change it.

Now, as they say, life goes on. During the two weeks there were two, two-hour online spiritual alchemy groups scheduled. There was also a four-and-a-half hour in person spiritual alchemy group. Michael had no energy for any of these events. For the longer group, he was pretty much strapped to a chair with a blanket hung over him. None of this had any effect upon the channeling. I communicated clearly to Michael that it is part of his purpose and agreement that he let me come through. Even though he was without energy, all he had to do was to stand back out of the way. Fortunately, that required no energy. I was able to come through powerfully, saying what people needed to hear. I was filled with energy; I was my normal witty self. People did not even need to know what their questions were, because I was already there. Now that has been the nature of my relationship with Michael. However this further clarified things for him, as to the difference in our parts. If he had fantasized that his part had anything to do with the wit, the humor, and the precise comments, he was quickly disabused of that. Had it been up to his energy, there would have been no groups. It was so clear what the channeled energy was.

Michael is aware that there are only two things for him to do, the first being to follow whatever My wishes might be – mostly as channel and as scribe, but also playing and performing music on the side. Otherwise, his only job is to take nothing seriously and accept the perfection of whatever is presenting itself now. It is in that light that we have encouraged him to hold this sickness. It is a bit of a wild card he has drawn here. As it is now, what is there energy for? Mostly that would be sitting on the veranda in the sun reading, listening to birds, and enjoying the greenness and life. It doesn’t get much harder than that. Are things backing up on his computer, things that he has taken some responsibility for? Little by little I reel out a little energy here and there so that different tasks can be accomplished. The focus is that it is under my direction, that I, not he, am responsible. The first week I did not allow him to do anything outside of “our” work. This second week I allowed time and energy for several things. Everything took him at least twice as long as the “healthy” him would have taken. I reminded him that time did not exist and that if I chose to kill his body, none of this would be accomplished. Is he moving into a world where he takes on much less? Again, I am not going to tip my hat.

There is always a reason and perfection for everything that happens. Sometimes it is valuable for the individual to have an awareness of that reason. In this case with Michael we have nothing to say. Perhaps at some point We will say more, but we are not promising anything. What is there for him is to simply accept and trust the perfection of the now. The thought enters his mind, “What if this is still going on two years from now?” He looks at that and responds, “That is an interesting thought: Now, what’s here now?” Tomorrow does not exist.

Up until this moment we have been commenting only on Michael’s two-week sickness, not about anybody else. I would not tell anyone who is experiencing a physical disorder of some kind not to seek out relief or support. Follow your guidance. There is nothing wrong with amelioration of pain. Also it may be quite obvious why you are experiencing a certain ailment. Perhaps your guidance is telling you that you have been ignoring yourself to take care of others, and the sickness is a wakeup call to notice what your body wants. Sometimes sickness comes to tell you that you are too stressed and busy, that it is time to relax. There can be many wonderful messages that can come to you through a sickness. Please don’t let anything I have said discourage you from looking at what that might be. Again, I encourage each of you to do what you are guided to do. It is important that if it is someone else’s pain or discomfort you are concerned with, the guidance is still for you. You don’t receive another’s guidance. Even if this is your child, the fears are yours. The death confusion is yours. One of the misunderstandings around sickness is that the only satisfactory end is in a healing. Someone is diagnosed with cancer and they choose whatever treatment modalities they are guided to, whether from fear or from Spirit. For some it is considered a failure if the cancer does not go into remission. This is not acceptance of the perfection of the now. Part of the process of every sickness is full acceptance of what happens. Death fears may need to rise to the surface. Sooner or later you will all experience a physical death. If you surrender your fear around that now, you can live peacefully in the now with whatever presents itself. Without fear you are fully aware that there is no physical death; it is just illusion. If you are invested in a personal history, a past, a body, a future, and a continuing story, you will not want to lose that identity. You will fear that death and live in pain and suffering. Who you are simply is, with no attachment to any stories. When you realize that the game is not to be taken seriously, though it is to be played fully, you play whatever hand is dealt you.

Michael is aware that it is not his job to feel a certain way all of the time. However he feels, that is the gift for today – not wishing it were different, nor that he had more energy. Not even wishing that he felt up to cooking. Ultimately it all comes down to trusting your inner guidance. If you give your power away, whether to the medical establishment or to alternative healers, that is not following your guidance. They all have their agendas. It is unlikely that their thoughts encompass encouraging you to listen to your own inner voice. The doctor’s goal is to fight the disease and win. There is no place in that for accepting the perfection of the now. Again, there are no right or wrong answers. Your guidance may say to follow the medical model. Listen carefully to see if your choice is fear based, the hope that the expert will save you. You cannot be saved. You already are saved.

Good Now

Sanhia/Spirit

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